by Diana Currie
He grinned in embarrassment at my accolades and wrapped his hands around my wrists tugging me forward until I lifted out of my seat. He pulled me down to the bed so that I was lying on my side facing him.
“I don’t know if I believe you, but thanks,” he replied.
“It’s the truth. Maybe you should avoid dating sorority girls for a while,” I suggested, trying to formulate some coherent thoughts. Close proximity to Shane always made it hard to think clearly.
“You know what I mean? Maybe try meeting a girl in class or at the library instead of Sigma Phi’s Wet T-shirt Night,” I said sarcastically.
He chuckled. “That’s good advice. Maybe I’ll give that a try.”
“Just a suggestion,” I said smiling.
“Thanks, Hanny. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he sighed.
“You say that a lot,” I reminded him.
“I know. Still true though.”
He looked down at my hand which he was currently doodling with, tracing my lifelines and rubbing his thumb up and down my fingers one at a time. I closed my eyes and tried to slow my heart rate.
“You really should come downstairs,” I encouraged. I smiled at him and pulled my hand away before I exploded. “Elise says you need to eat.”
“My mother thinks if I don’t eat every six hours I’ll keel over and die,” he grumbled.
“She loves you,” I reminded him. “Besides, I want you to introduce me to this new sister of yours.”
“She’s probably with Ally. Go down and ask her to introduce you. I’ll be down before the fireworks start. I promise.”
I sighed in frustration. “Fine, Shane. I will leave you alone to brood. But if you don’t come downstairs before your dad breaks out those glow stick things you’re in big trouble, okay?”
“Before the glow stick things,” he promised.
I closed his bedroom door behind me as I exited and walked slowly back to the party. My mind was racing with everything that had happened in the past week. First, I go to third base with Aiden. Then, I reveal my eternal flame for Shane during a humiliating outburst in front of Ethan. And now Wendy is suddenly out of Shane’s life. And here I am giving him tips on how to meet a nice girl who’d appreciate what he has to offer instead of telling him how I feel.
I knew Ethan was right that if I had any hope of either being with Shane or getting over him I had to come clean and just tell him how I felt. Andrea had given me the same advice and I chickened out. Even if I had the courage to follow through this time, he had just broken up with a girl he cared about. He needed time to recover before I dropped a bomb like that on him.
As Shane predicted, Ally was still downstairs with Jessa and Mark and was now joined by a cute little brunette who had to be their new foster sister, Casey. I recognized her from the pictures on Ally’s Facebook page. I noticed Rachel and Jack were missing from the room and hoped Ethan wasn’t being ganged up on somewhere by Rachel and her protective twin brother. I made my way over to the sofas and sat in one of the cozy chairs by the fireplace. Ally introduced us and we spent the next hour or so talking about old times in high school and a variety of other things. Casey was nervous about starting her sophomore year in September, especially with Ally leaving town before her first day. Those two were obviously already joined at the hip. We all gave Casey some pointers for specific teachers and told her funny stories about our time at Pittsgrove High. It was fun reliving old memories.
Everyone gathered in the Decker’s back yard a little before dusk for burgers and hot dogs and lots of other summer barbeque staples. My parents chatted with Shane’s parents around the picnic table and we “kids” laid out blankets in the soft grass to watch the fireworks through the clearing of trees that led down to the stream behind the house. Ethan and Rachel put as much distance between each other as possible, occasionally shooting each other dirty looks. Ally bombarded me with questions about UD and our house, since she was planning her move into the third bedroom that Ethan was currently occupying.
Just as the mosquitoes started biting and the noise of the fireworks began, Shane emerged through the glass doors of the living room carrying a handful of glow sticks and the ones shaped like a big ring. Colin’s eyes lit up as he thanked him and starting dealing out the sticks to everyone. Shane smirked when he saw I was staring at him and came to sit beside me, placing a glowing ring around my neck.
“Thanks,” I said grinning.
“I’m only out here because it’s the polite thing to do,” he whispered in my ear.
So this was how it was going to be for a while then. Rachel and Ethan were still incapable of being in the same room together. Shane was broken hearted and mopey. Ally was definitely moving into our house, ridding me of my private second floor sanctuary. And Aiden and I were on our way to becoming a couple. Sophomore year sure seemed like it was shaping up to be a doozy.
CHAPTER 11: SEPERATION ANXIETY
The remainder of the summer seemed to pass by quickly. I was busy working at the daycare almost every day. We had a few more kids than we expected and by the end of July there were seven. I really enjoyed taking care of the toddlers. We had a two year old and a one year old who played together well and were so fun to watch. I enjoyed playing with them the most. The university kept Carrie and me on to do the babysitting. Derek was a temporary hire to help with the renovations and setup of the center. He wasn’t interested in being a nanny so he was more than happy to bow out when the number of employees needed to be cut down. Carrie and I counted Derek as a friend by the time he left and I hoped we’d get to see each other throughout the semester. I was excited at the prospect of having a small group of college friends outside of my hometown circle. I felt like it was a positive step for me to branch out.
And then there was Aiden. I spent a lot of time with him the month of July, watching movies, eating out at local restaurants, and swimming at the Rec center. Almost every time I called Aiden to hang out he was either on his way to the gym or already there. I should have known God didn’t grace Aiden with those abs at birth. He worked hard for them. I attempted to keep him company by using an elliptical machine while he ran on the treadmill or lifted weights. It was fun being with him, doing something together that he enjoyed, but the gym and I did not get along. I just didn’t have the coordination for indoor simulated skiing. After a few near fatal falls off the machines Aiden agreed that we should have more sessions in the pool. Swimming I could handle, plus I actually got to see him shirtless there.
With Shane heartbroken over Wendy and showing no signs of asking me to fill the void in his love life I decided to take advantage of the nearly two months I had to spend away from him. I wanted to clear my head and focus on Aiden, who was quickly becoming very important to me. Just when I was starting to get used to having an attractive man around who cared for me and could satisfy my needs, he threw cold water on me. Well, more like luke warm, but it was still confusing. I just expected that Aiden, being a guy, would take off like a bullet once I gave him the green light. And that’s what I did, right after my return from Pittsgrove. Only Aiden hadn’t tried to push our boundaries any further than the day we watched that Phillies game in his room.
I shouldn’t be complaining about the lack of physical intimacy between us considering how long I made him wait to get to where we were. The most exciting time we shared together was actually in the rec center the day after Aiden’s internship with the Park Service ended in late July. He was leaving the next day to go home for the remainder of the summer and we had plans to swim for a while and then get dinner. As we exited the pool Aiden grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me. He rubbed me up and down, warming me with his touch. There was no one else in the pool room that day, what with it being the middle of summer and late in the day. Aiden pulled me close to him and kissed me passionately, right there by the diving board.
I was shocked when we started walking towards the locker rooms and Aiden took my hand and pulled me through the
men’s door. I gasped from surprise but Aiden wouldn’t let go of me. He peeked around the corner of the wall that led to the lockers and when he was sure no one was in there he dragged me into the center of the room.
“What are you doing, Aiden?” I whispered.
“Acting out every male’s fantasy,” he answered before pulling me into a long kiss.
When we separated for air I said, “You fantasize about men’s locker rooms?”
He rolled his eyes and took a step towards one of the lockers, opening it and pulling out a bottle of shampoo and bar of soap. “No, Hannah, bringing a girl into the showers.”
He kissed me before I could reply and we slowly made our way around another corner to an open room with shower heads attached to the ceiling. There were curtain rods all around but no curtains. To say I felt a little exposed in that room would be an understatement. Aiden turned on one of the streams of water and the heat from the water started to soothe my tension. Steam rose up all around us as Aiden massaged shampoo into my hair and gently rinsed it out. We kissed feverishly, our tongues moving together, catching the water running down our faces.
As I soaped up his bare chest and arms, Aiden groped my bikini clad body. He licked my skin and bit my earlobe, his arms wrapped around me. I’d never enjoyed a shower so much in my life. Once we were clean Aiden’s hands settled on my hips. His lips trailed along my neck and I could feel his erection press against my body. I remember that was the first time I absolutely wanted to have sex with him; the first time I felt ready for sex. For once I didn’t have any doubts or contradicting feelings, just a burning need bubbling deep inside my body.
I was expecting him to attempt to peel off my bathing suit but he never did. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the lack of privacy in the room or if something else was stopping him. Instead, Aiden bent forward to kiss my mouth. The water from the shower head was hitting our faces but there was nothing that could keep our lips from one another. Except maybe oxygen. When he pulled back to breathe his lips moved to my neck.
Then he pushed the spandex of my swimsuit aside and touched me in ways that made me see stars. It was so intense that I had to keep one hand on Aiden’s shoulder to steady myself. I slipped my other hand into his swim trunks and tightened my grip around him. We stared at each other through lust filled eyes with such passion that eventually I had to look away. Aiden moaned as we continued to touch each other and I finally lifted my head up so I could watch his face. The feelings were growing more intense and I held the back of his neck for support as our foreheads pressed together.
There was more touching, faster and faster, until finally our bodies succumbed to the pleasure. We continued to hold one another until our breathing returned to normal. Then Aiden shut off the water, his forehead still leaning against mine. “I swear I didn’t plan all that,” he chuckled.
“Sure, you didn’t,” I teased.
As we were adjusting our bathing suits with matching grins on our faces an older man passed by the shower room and stopped in front of a locker in direct view of Aiden and me. I gasped when I saw him and Aiden stepped in front of me to shield me from sight. The man turned at the sound I made and I heard him say, “oh, sorry. Um, excuse me.”
My eyes were wide as saucers when Aiden turned to look at my face. His equally stunned expression made me burst into laughter, covering my mouth with my hands to muffle the sound.
He smiled wide and said, “Shhhhh, we better get out of here, quick.”
I nodded and grabbed the towel from the bench before scampering out the door on the other end of the room to avoid seeing our unexpected guest again. I was afraid the man might tell someone I’d been in the locker room so I threw my clothes on over my wet suit and met Aiden out in the hall a minute later.
We hurried out one of the side exits of the building and giggled all the way to the parking lot to make our getaway.
*~*
That was the last evening I spent with Aiden before he had to go home. It was a thrilling end to our summer together, one I thought about often on the nights I spent alone throughout August. After Aiden left I spent every night at home with Ethan. I was once again incredibly grateful to have Ethan living with me, especially now that he knew about my feelings for Shane. To my surprise he finally opened up to me about his breakup with Rachel. It might have been my confession about Shane that made him feel he could trust me with his own secrets.
I told him how much I’ve cared for Shane ever since we were fifteen. No matter how close I got to Aiden or how much distance I put between myself and Shane, the second I was with him again all my efforts were washed away with just one look. I tried to describe my relationship with Aiden, and how I felt like a different person around him, stronger and independent.
“I like the way Aiden makes me feel,” I told him one night over ice cream and a Die Hard marathon on TBS. “I really want to be able to focus on Aiden, but it’s like I gave such a huge piece of my heart to Shane so long ago that I can’t get it back. And honestly, I don’t know if I want to.”
Ethan smirked and looked at the TV as he replied, “I get how you feel, Hanny. You know I’ve always had a thing for Rachel. Finally being with her was just so amazing that I can’t stand the thought of having to go back to the way things were. I can’t get past my feelings any better than you.”
“At least you got to be with her. My situation with Shane hasn’t changed in four years. I’m stuck in the friend zone and I don’t see how it’s ever going to change.”
“I seriously don’t know how you stand watching Shane with other women. Just the thought of Rachel and another guy makes my skin crawl.”
“I’m used to seeing him with other women,” I said bitterly. “I know I could make him happy but I’ve never even had my chance to try.”
“I used to make Rachel happy. I want to try again; she just refuses to talk to me about it. I’m going to end up following her around like a lap dog forever,” he scowled.
“I know how you feel about pining for someone who doesn’t want you, which is why I’m trying like hell to focus my efforts on Aiden. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on when I never got to have a relationship to move on from! At least you know Rachel cares about you, and you have that history together. Couples get back together all the time.”
“Hannah, Rachel basically told me she didn’t want to waste the summer waiting around for me. And that if we just broke up she could enjoy the summer meeting other guys. I hardly think that means she cares about me,” he said.
I turned my head to him and said, “She does, E. I know she does.”
He smiled and sighed. “For what it’s worth, Shane would be lost without you. You have no idea how much he values your friendship.”
It was my turn to sigh. “I know. Which is why I can’t ruin it by confessing my love.”
*~*
Before I knew it the last week of August was coming to a close and students were beginning to arrive on campus. I helped Ethan move into his room at Sigma Phi. He was so excited to be finally living in the frat house with his brothers. Shane had decided to stick with the fraternity but would continue living in the dorm he’d shared with Ethan. Once we had Ethan’s stuff all unpacked I headed back to the house to clean. I wanted to dust and vacuum the third bedroom before Ally arrived. That was my next big goal; getting little Ally moved into the house and make her feel at home. She was already missing Jack so much that he had to change his flight out to California to a later departure so he could drive down here and help her settle in. Rachel and Shane were driving back the same day, which was tomorrow.
After spending so much time with Ethan I felt like a traitor to be living with Rachel again in 24 short hours. She was one of my best friends too and I loved her no matter what, but I finally understood that rock and a hard place metaphor. I was being squashed between Ethan and Rachel.
Then there was Shane, who had been much more attentive with his calls and texts throughout July and Aug
ust. Since little miss redhead was gone I was back on his speed dial. He laughed when I made that comment to him, but then apologized profusely for his behavior. I told him to let it go, I knew he hadn’t meant to hurt my feelings. I understood all too well how a person can occupy your every thought and turn your brain to Jell-O.
So, yeah, I was on emotional overload as I dusted, swept, and washed the linens. I reorganized the kitchen, making room in the cabinets for Ally. Rachel and I split the bill for groceries like milk and eggs but each kept a shelf to ourselves for things like cereal or snacks. The system worked rather well, but now I had to split the shelves three ways and it took a little effort to rearrange things. I found one of Aiden’s Phillies caps under the couch as I was cleaning the living room. I sat on the sofa a long time staring at it. I thought about that first game we watched together, and every other date we’d shared since. I’d talked to Aiden mostly through text messages while he was home. I was a little surprised he hadn’t asked me to define our relationship yet, considering the way we were headed before he left Newark at the end of July. At the time I was relieved he didn’t, and I worried about what this semester would hold for us. Regardless of whether we used the words boyfriend and girlfriend or not, we were certainly in that territory. It had been so much easier to be with Aiden when Shane wasn’t around. I really didn’t know how I was going to handle his return.
Aiden sent me a text message the day before to let me know he’d be back September 5th. He was cutting it close, considering classes started on the 6th. Sitting there holding his hat I realized I was nervous about seeing him again. I was used to being alone while Shane dated girl after girl. There had never been a situation before when I had a steady relationship and Shane was single, which I expected him to be for some time considering his last comment regarding his love life was about how he was swearing off women for a while.
I finished in the living room and made my way into the downstairs bathroom. When I was satisfied with the cleanliness of the bathroom I went back to the kitchen to scrub my hands. It was only about seven o’clock and I didn’t know what to do with myself on my last night of peace before the gang returned. I decided to make a batch of cupcakes to keep me busy; maybe something new I’d never tried before. Getting excited about a new challenge I checked the cupboards and realized I didn’t have any cupcake foils. This was a disaster. I was reduced to baking cookies instead.