by Diana Currie
“No, let me get this out. I still want you, Hannah. I know nothing’s changed for you, but things haven’t changed for me either. I still care about you and I want a chance to make you happy. Even if it doesn’t work out between us I’ll know I gave it my best shot.”
“I care about you a lot too, Aiden. That’s why I can’t do anything that would hurt you.”
“I’m already hurting, Hannah. Running into you at the football game was so fucking painful. I hated that we stopped talking to each other. I’ve been hurting since the semester began. Sitting next to you in class, but not being able to reach over and take your hand.” Aiden’s arm crossed the center console and his fingers intertwined with mine. “And now this… we’re here together, but so far apart. The worst part is I know you feel something for me. I can sense it.”
“What are your senses telling you right now?” I challenged him in a whisper.
“I’m making you nervous, but you like it,” he grinned, his dark eyes smoldering at me.
I grumbled, trying to hide my blush. The man had a point. I did get nervous when he looked at me that way. And my heart was pounding ever so slightly.
“Aiden, you’re right that I still have feelings for you. But how could you want to be with me knowing that I’m in love with someone else?” I asked.
Aiden leaned his body closer to me and his forehead touched my temple. “Because this time you won’t be hiding yourself from me. No more secrets. Decker’s off the market right now and I’m going to prove to you I’m better for you than he is. I know what I’m up against. And you… you’ve got nothing to lose in accepting my offer. You deserve happiness too, Hannah. Let me have a real shot at making you happy.”
I took a deep breath as my mind tried to process everything Aiden had said. It was a lot of information in a short period of time, and his hot breath on my neck was not helping me think clearly. I wanted very badly to touch him. He was crazy for wanting to try a relationship with me knowing how I felt about Shane. He had to be! Slowly, my brain began to recognize the irony of this situation. Aiden’s plea was not that much unlike the one I’d conjured up in my mind to use on Shane. How many times had I had this same conversation with Shane in my head? Aiden’s asking me to give him a chance even though I’d warned him my feelings for him were something less than love. Wasn’t I still wishing Shane would give me the same chance in hopes of us becoming something more than close friends?
If I turned Aiden down it would be like destroying the hope I’d been clinging to for years. How could I ever expect Shane to take that chance with me if in the same position I wasn’t willing to do the same? I really wanted to be happy and I thought if anyone had the ability to help me with that it would be Aiden. So I promised myself I’d try. I’d give Aiden the answer I had hoped to hear myself.
I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of Aiden breathing. I was desperately afraid of hurting him again. But at the same time was getting excited at the thought of telling him yes. I had nothing to lose, and like Aiden said, he knew what he was getting himself into. If, sadly, I found I could never love Aiden the way he loved me at least I would know I tried my best to open my heart to him.
“I do want to be happy, Aiden. I want to try to be happy,” I finally whispered.
I felt his smile against the side of my face. “Is that a yes?”
I nodded. “I’ve missed you. It feels good to be here with you again.”
“I’m going to make you happy, Hannah. I promise,” he replied, trailing a line of kisses along my neck.
I smiled at his confidence and slowly turned my head towards him until our lips connected.
CHAPTER 19: AIDEN
I stayed in Aiden’s car that night for over an hour; kissing and touching and talking. Somewhere, in the middle of all that he asked me if I would finally consider him my boyfriend. I chuckled at the doubt in his voice and agreed that we were officially a couple. It felt wrong after everything we’d been through that night to simply exit his car and go into my house alone. So I invited him in.
That night I shared my bed with Aiden DeLuca, my boyfriend. It felt strange to think of myself as someone’s girlfriend. We didn’t have sex that night, much to Aiden’s disappointment, but we came close. I had honestly missed the way Aiden’s hands felt caressing my skin, the sweet terms of endearment he whispered to me as we lay wrapped in each other’s arms. I was reminded again about how terribly lonely I had been all this time when I woke up the next morning to find Aiden still cuddled up against my side. I smiled and hugged his arm closer around my waist.
It was Sunday morning and I had nowhere in particular to be that day. I lay in bed for a long time, thinking about everything that happened the day before, and listening to Aiden’s soft steady breathing. I wondered if I was crazy for doing this; letting Aiden back into my life this way. Was I capable of loving another man the way I loved Shane? As this new love grew could it become even stronger? The thought that feelings for Aiden might slowly replace the space in my heart marked for Shane scared me and thrilled me at the same time.
“You haven’t changed your mind yet?” I asked him once I felt him starting to wake.
He kissed my neck and replied, “Hannah, waking up with you in my arms this morning has already made this whole thing worthwhile to me.”
I turned myself around and pressed my face against his bare chest.
“So what do we do now?” I asked hesitantly. Aiden and I had been through so much since we’d met but this was the first time I felt like I didn’t have control. I was putting myself in Aiden’s hands, quite literally, and hoping for the best. He gently brushed the hair off my forehead and kissed it.
“I’d like to spend the day with you if that’s alright. Do you have any plans for today?” he said, his lips still touching my forehead. I sighed in contentment. It felt amazing to be close to someone in this way.
“Mmm, I need to do some food shopping. What about you?”
“I want to lay here and hold you all day,” he whispered, scrunching down in the bed to be eye level with me and taking my face in his hand. He kissed me deeply and his other hand wandered over my backside.
For a moment I thought about the one and only time I’d ever woken up next to a man. That morning with Shane was confusing, embarrassing, and left me feeling more empty than I’d ever felt before. This morning I knew without a doubt that the man next to me wanted to be here. Not only that, he didn’t want to get up. I realized that I didn’t either.
“God, I missed kissing you,” he said into my neck. He rolled on top of me and began assaulting my exposed skin with kisses and playful nips with his teeth. I giggled when he tickled the spot behind my ear with his tongue. I felt him press against my thigh and momentarily wished I hadn’t made him sleep in his jeans. The boy was seriously horny last night and if I’d let him strip down to boxers I probably would have found myself being mauled in the middle of the night.
I moaned as his mouth descended over my right breast. I was wearing a long sleeved tee but had lost my bra at some point while we were messing around the night before. I raked my fingernails over his back and tugged on his hair. He groaned into my chest, his lips kissing me though the cotton tee that covered my chest. I pushed his shoulders back and tried to sit up. He allowed this but as soon as I was sitting he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down on top of him, straddling his hips.
"You are so bad," I said in a playful tone.
"I want to be bad with you, Hannah," he replied gripping my hips and thrusting his hips against me.
I wanted to respond to Aiden’s less than subtle advances. My body was practically screaming for him, but I wanted to give myself at least a few days before I caved in to my feminine desires. I was hesitant to allow myself to feel something for him again. A part of me was still expecting to regret my decision to accept Aiden's offer. Or worse, he could still change his mind and retract it.
"Let's get cleaned up and have breakfast, Aiden
," I suggested leaning down to kiss his lips. "I'm not going to make you wait forever, but we've only been back together for twelve hours."
He rolled his eyes and smiled at me. "And we've been unconscious for about seven of them," he added reluctantly.
"Exactly. Let's go downstairs and watch my roommates’ eyes pop out of their heads when they see you."
"That sounds like fun," he said grinning.
I showered quickly and dressed while Aiden took his turn in the bathroom. I thought about the shower we shared at the rec center and had to recite the state capitols in my head in order to keep myself from going back into the bathroom to join his shower. I lent him a clean oversized t-shirt that just fit his broad shoulders. After a little more kissing I pulled myself away from him and hurried down the stairs. I wasn't sure if Rachel and Ally had heard us talking earlier, but they must have noticed the water turning on twice.
The girls were in the living room watching television when I emerged from the hall. There was no hiding Aiden behind my back as he stood a full head taller than me. Rachel looked shocked to see him and Ally's expression was downright giddy.
"Rachel, you remember Aiden," I said.
"It's so nice to see you again," she replied, unable to hide her smirk.
"And Aiden, this is my other friend, Ally."
Ally hopped up from the sofa and crossed the room to shake Aiden's hand. "Hi, Aiden. It's so great to finally meet you!" I assumed Ally's thrill in seeing Aiden was actually relief in learning my overnight guest wasn't her brother again. I felt a sharp pain in my side but ignored it.
"Well, now that everyone's been introduced we're just going to grab some breakfast in the kitchen," I stated. I silently begged for my roommates to remain in the living room but they both ignored my eye bulges and subtle head nods. Rachel flat out laughed as I tried to silently persuade them to go back to their television program.
I pulled the cereal box out of my designated cabinet and Rachel, Ally, and Aiden all took seats around the kitchen table. Aiden looked a little uneasy with all the sudden attention. Thank God I gave him that shirt. Rachel appeared particularly interested in this new development in my love life. As sympathetic and comforting as she has been since I confessed my feelings for Shane, I knew deep down she was loving the drama. I couldn't blame her for her interest this morning; I was still in shock myself.
"So, Aiden," she began. "What are your intensions with our dearest Hannah?"
"Yes, we're very protective of our friend. We don't want to see her get hurt," Ally chimed in.
"Well, ladies. My intentions today are to take Hannah grocery shopping. And then possibly studying at my place."
"Studying, huh. Is that what you call those noises we heard coming from Hannah's room?" Rachel asked.
Aiden actually blushed. It was really cute.
"Alright you two. Cut it out," I snapped. "If you must know, I ran into Aiden yesterday and we went out on a really nice date..." I looked over at Aiden and smiled. Then I said, "And then we came back here and decided to give our relationship another try."
"I think you guys look really cute together," Ally said enthusiastically.
"Thank you, Ally," Aiden replied, his eyes transfixed on mine. "So do I."
The girls continued asking us questions throughout breakfast. Aiden and I didn't get any peace until we left for the supermarket. As we were browsing the aisles I couldn't help but wonder what happened between Shane and Julie after I left the car wash. I was dying to talk to Rachel and find out what I missed since I didn't have an opportunity that morning at the house. My first inclination was to hide these thoughts from Aiden. Then I realized I needed to be more forthcoming with my feelings, if for nothing more than to remind Aiden what he'd gotten himself into by dating me. I was still waiting for him to call the whole thing off.
"Do you mind if I tell you what had me upset yesterday afternoon?" I asked softly.
He seemed surprised that I wanted to discuss it. "Of course not, baby. You can tell me anything," he said gently rubbing my back with his palm.
"Thanks, I'm going to try to.” I chose a loaf of bread from the shelf and placed it in the cart.
“So, Julie and I had a few moments to chat at the carwash yesterday. Julie is Shane's girlfriend." Aiden nodded. "Um, so she was asking me for information about him and backing me into a corner with personal questions she really didn't want to hear the answers to."
"I probably don't want to know the answers either then?" he asked. He caught on quick.
"Don’t worry. You already know the answers because I’ve told you everything that happened. For some reason Shane didn't tell Julie about me and him and that really made me angry. Not because he hid our little encounter but because I got stuck in the middle of their relationship. That's when I asked Ally to get me out of there," I explained.
“So, you are angry at Shane for not telling his new girlfriend that he slept with one of his close friends?” Aiden asked.
“Well, not really angry I guess. He gave me his word that no one would find out we hooked up, and he’s kept it.”
“Then why would you want him to tell Julie?” he interrupted.
This was the part I was expecting Aiden not to like. “Because she could see it in my face. She knew something happened between him and me without anyone having to tell her. She guessed it and started questioning me right there in the damn parking lot with Shane, and Rachel, and all the Sigma Phi guys barely out of earshot.”
Aiden looked down at the cart. “So you’re mad that it’s so noticeable?”
“I was mad that she confronted me and not Shane,” I corrected him. “I didn’t know what to tell her.”
I placed my hand over his as it gripped the cart tightly. For a moment I worried this was going to be too complicated for Aiden to handle after all; that he was having second thoughts. After a few seconds Aiden seemed to relax a little, letting out a deep breath. He turned to me and smiled. “Come on; let’s go check out the frozen foods.”
*~*
I was alone in my room Tuesday afternoon working on a short paper due for one of my classes when my phone buzzed. I’d spent the entire day Sunday with Aiden and it had been wonderful. Monday I had classes and work at the daycare, then spent dinner and the rest of my evening with Aiden. I was seriously behind on my school work. I took a brief break to check my phone since it was the third buzz in the past two hours I’d been studying.
Please talk to me Hanny. –S
I sighed and closed the message to check the previous one.
I’m sorry about what Julie said. Can we talk? –S
I rolled my eyes at the phone. Talking to Shane was the last thing I wanted to do. I wasn’t ready for him to know about Aiden and I really didn’t want to hear about how he patched things up with Julie after the incident. I closed it to read the first message that had come through. This one was from Aiden.
Hey beautiful, I know you're studying… just wanted u to know I’m thinking about you. <3
I smiled and read his message a few times. When I closed it I realized I had a voicemail too. I opened the voice message and saw it was from Shane. It must have been earlier that day that he called.
Hannah, it’s Shane. I was wondering why you weren’t in class today. I feel like maybe you’re avoiding me because of what Julie said to you Saturday. It isn’t any of her business what happened between you and me and I’m sorry that she upset you. Please call me so I know you’re okay. You know how I worry...
I changed the ringer volume to mute and turned my attention back to my paper.
*~*
A week later, Ethan was over our house watching TV in the living room. Aiden was also there as he had been almost every night since we got back together. Rachel was helping me with the dishes from dinner as our men discussed the beginning of baseball season. That was when Ethan suggested the four of us go to the opening game for the Phillies. Aiden was bouncing up and down in his seat he was so excited.
; “My father has season tickets and he asked me if I wanted them for Thursday’s game,” Ethan told Aiden. Rachel and I giggled over the sink as we listened to Aiden shriek and express his appreciation.
“Ethan, what are you doing to my boyfriend in there?” I called.
“Sounds like he’s having an orgasm,” Rachel added chuckling.
“Chicks,” Aiden replied, dismissing our teasing. “They don’t understand the thrill of the ball park, the enthusiasm of the crowd, the experience of the ultimate American pastime.”
“We’ll teach them,” Ethan said reassuringly. I looked over my shoulder and saw Ethan pat Aiden on the back.
“It’s really cute how they’re getting along,” I said quietly to Rachel.
“You seem really happy with him this time around,” she whispered.
I smiled. “It’s been great so far. I’m not as stressed out as last time, you know, trying to pretend I’m not hurting. He’s patient and attentive. We don’t have any secrets.”
“Wait, you told him about Shane?”
“Yes. Well, he already knew. He said he doesn’t care. He wants to prove he’s better for me.”
“Wow,” she mouthed.
“The craziest part is I’m beginning to think he’s right,” I admitted.
“Have you two had sex yet?”
“I’m ready to, I just need to find the right time,” I replied.
“Need any pointers?” she said winking.
I never fully explained to Rachel my sexual encounter with Shane so she thought I was still a virgin. I decided not to correct her assumption that it would be my first time. Answering no to her question would have been a bigger cause for discussion than answering yes.
“What do you recommend?”
“I’d start missionary for sure. Once you’ve gotten past the discomfort roll him over and ride him like a pony.”
“Oh my God, Rach!” I shrieked. Then we both laughed.
“What are you two talking about in here?” Aiden asked, placing his hands on my hips and kissing my cheek.