Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  Forty seven minutes later I got a text from Shane saying that he’d arrived. Andrea and Steve were still sucking face, and the movie sucked too, so I snuck out into the lobby to greet my savior. I found him out there staring at the new release posters. I’d half hoped that maybe he brought Casey or Ally with him but he was alone; looking amazingly sexy in blue jeans and a red button down shirt with a tailored fit black leather jacket. He looked like a juicy apple. I could practically hear the snake in the tree telling me it would be fine to take just one little bite of his earlobe…

  “Hey, Hanny,” he turned and greeted me. I shook my sinful fantasy away.

  “Thank you so much, Shane.”

  “Are they still at it?” he asked flashing that beautiful crooked grin.

  I rolled my eyes. “Yes. They didn’t even notice me leave.”

  “Did you want me to take you home, or…” he asked hesitantly.

  “I don’t want them to know they made me feel awkward. Andrea would be so embarrassed. Have you eaten yet?”

  “Do you want me to join you for dinner?”

  “If you don’t mind. Then we can head back. If that’s okay with you, I mean.”

  “Sure. I wouldn’t mind catching up with Steve. It’s been a long time. Andrea too,” he replied.

  I nodded and smiled, not sure what to do at that point. There was probably another twenty minutes left to the movie. I kept imagining flashing neon lights appear over Shane’s head that read Julie, Julie, over and over.

  He must have noticed my unease. “Do you want to walk outside for a few minutes?” he offered.

  I gratefully accepted and we made our way to the street. I felt gentle pressure from Shane’s fingertips on the small of my back as he guided me out the glass doors of the theater. I shivered and he must have thought it was from the cold because the next moment he was shrugging out of his jacket. I slipped it on without complaint and immediately wished I hadn’t. I was suddenly smothered by the delicious scent that was distinctly Shane. It was an intoxicating mixture of soap and cologne and new leather. It was divine.

  We walked a few blocks in silence and then turned around. I was desperate to get him talking. The quiet was maddening. “Are you enjoying spring break?” Lame, Hannah, so lame.

  He chuckled. “It’s a bit tense at home right now, but I’m not the one in hot water so it’s been good.”

  “Right,” I replied. “Al tells me your folks took the news surprisingly well.”

  “That’s because my sister was convinced they’d be so angry she’d end up sleeping on the porch or something. The first day was the worst. My mother especially is starting to come around though.”

  “So the news didn’t affect Elise as you feared?” I said hopeful.

  “Thankfully, no. When Ally told my mother she and Jack planned on getting an apartment in Newark she started crying. She wants them to stay in Pittsgrove for the birth and spend the baby’s first few months living with them. She’s already taken Ally shopping for baby supplies.”

  “That’s so great. I’m happy everything is working out for them. Your dad didn’t demand they have a shotgun wedding or anything?” I asked jokingly.

  “Ha, not yet at least. I’m sure sooner or later he’ll say something to poor Jack about stepping up and being a responsible man.”

  We had arrived back in front of the movie theater as people started exiting. Shane took my hand and pulled me against the brick wall by the ticket booth so we wouldn’t be in their way. His eyes flickered to mine before releasing my hand with obvious reluctance. There were a few minutes of deafening silence between us while we waited for Andrea and Steve to come outside. My skin was still tingling from his touch when I saw them exit through the double doors.

  “Hannah! There you are. Hi… Shane! What a surprise!” Andrea said enthusiastically.

  “Hey, man!” Steve greeted Shane with a fist bump. “What happened to you in there, Hannah?”

  Sensing my hesitation, Shane cut in saying, “I called Hannah to see what she was doing tonight and she was kind enough to invite me dinner. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Of course! This is so fun. Are you hungry? We were thinking Mexican for dinner,” Andrea said.

  Ugh. I hate this place, I thought to myself as we entered the restaurant. Every high school couple had their first date there except for me. You had to have a boy ask you out, and then you could have a date at La Bamba’s. Shane pulled out my chair like the gentleman he was and Steve quickly followed suit. Andrea and I giggled. How did I end up on a double date without my boyfriend?

  Dinner conversation consisted mostly of college talk. Steve was transferring to St. John’s University in the fall so he could be in New York with Andrea. I couldn’t believe we were almost done our second year already.

  “I just hope I can make it until then,” Andrea said, leaning forward to kiss Steve.

  Shane wanted to hear all about living in New York. Andrea told him where all the best places to eat were and some of the experiences she’s had living in the city. By the expression on Shane’s face I could tell he really regretted missing the opportunity to attend NYU. For a brief moment I contemplated how much simpler my life might have been right now if he’d gone to New York as planned. Then I shook those thoughts away knowing I’d rather have him in Delaware complicating my life than not being in it at all.

  “I walked around for the first month with a map in front of my face. It was so embarrassing. But after a while you start to know your way around and now I can get everywhere on my own,” Andrea explained.

  “I was so worried about her in the big bad city,” Steve cooed.

  Andrea patted his cheek affectionately and replied, “I admit I was afraid to ride the subway alone for a long time!”

  “It sounds so overwhelming,” I said. “I’d love to come visit you sometime if I could convince Lenny or Janet to help me with travel expenses.”

  “Anytime you want, Hannah. We would have so much fun there together!”

  We finished dinner and ordered coffee before parting outside the restaurant. Just as I expected, Shane offered me a ride home and I had no choice but to accept. The evening had gone fairly well and I was thrilled to be spending time with my best friend again. Maybe the tiff we had in Sharky’s was enough to set things right between us.

  We talked about Ally some more on the ride back to Pittsgrove. I asked how Casey was adjusting to being a Decker and Shane launched into a story about her first date to the spring dance.

  “Elise found her a beautiful dress to wear. The dance was Saturday night so we made it home just in time for Ally to do Casey’s hair and makeup and see her off. She was so nervous when the kid came to pick her up. She made Colin and me promise not to give him a hard time. It would have been too easy, anyway. His hands were shaking when he put on her corsage.” Shane laughed, harder than I’d seen him do in a long time.

  As we crossed into the Pittsgrove city limits I decided to do something really dumb, to top off my evening of bad choices, and I asked about Julie. He hadn’t mentioned her at all and I was too curious to let it go. Shane’s hands tightened on the steering wheel and he didn’t so much as look over at me until we reached my dad’s house. I sat there silently wondering what it was that made him go rigid at the mention of her name. Shane still hadn’t responded after parking the car outside the house.

  “Come inside. Lenny’s not here; let’s talk,” I pleaded, tugging at his arm. I was still wearing his jacket and his skin felt cold.

  He shook his head no, but moved to get out of the car when I tugged on his arm a second time. I unlocked the front door and we took a seat on the living room sofa. There was only a small reading lamp on in the room and my eyes were still adjusting to the darkness. I reached for the nearest lamp but Shane pulled me back.

  “Don’t,” he said in a gloomy voice.

  I hadn’t seen him like this since… well, since that witch Wendy broke up with him. I didn’t know why Shane wanted to s
it in the dark but his proximity to me was too close for comfort. I turned to face him on the couch and clapped my hands twice. Clap. Clap. The floor lamp by the television turned on in response to the noise and Shane let out a surprised laugh.

  “Christmas of ’92,” I said with a bright smile. I watched as his matching grin faded back into the tense frown.

  “I think Julie’s going to break up with me soon,” he said quietly.

  “What? Shane, why do you say that?” Without thinking I reached out to hold his hand. I felt him squeeze back lightly. His eyes were focused on my face.

  “You remember when I told you that I didn’t want to think about what I’ve been feeling for you lately?” he whispered.

  I could only nod my head. I remembered that very well. He thought he could put up mental walls around the two occasions we’d crossed the friendship line and just pretend they didn’t happen. There was no air in my lungs with which to speak. All I could think about was Shane’s warm jacket surrounding my body and his cold hand in mine.

  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s like when someone tells you not to think about the color red…” he said staring into my eyes with the most intense expression I’d ever seen him have. “And then that color is all you can think about.”

  I swallowed and bit my lower lip. “So now you’re thinking about red?” I asked, though it came out as more of a whisper.

  He placed his hand over my chest so the backs of his fingers lay against the exposed skin just above my breasts. “Your heart is red… your lips…” I blushed as his thumb grazed over my lower lip, pulling it free of my teeth.

  “Your cheeks are red too,” he continued; the corners of his mouth pulling up into a slight smile. His hand gently cupped my face and I was sure he was feeling the warmth there. The heart he spoke of was pounding out of my chest.

  I don’t know what made me do it but I raised my right hand to my left shoulder, pushing his hand away from my cheek in the process. I carefully peeled off his jacket and pushed the collar of my t-shirt aside just enough to reveal the thin strap of the lacy bra I was wearing.

  “More red,” I breathed.

  Shane’s eyes shifted down to my bare skin and red bra; then slowly back to my eyes. “Hannah, you’re killing me,” he moaned in a voice so quiet I hardly heard him.

  I swiftly adjusted my clothing back into place and leaned away. I hadn’t realized how close I had come to his perfect face.

  “Shane, I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “I’m not asking you for anything, Hannah. All I can tell you is I’m confused.” He sighed. “Lately I’ve been realizing that my best friend in the world is this amazing, intelligent, attractive woman. With breasts I can’t stop staring at now.”

  I snorted. Good job, Hannah. “You’re saying you’ve just realized I have breasts?” I asked slightly offended. Surely he would have noticed that when we were having sex…

  “No. Damn it. I meant that I’m like a fucking adolescent boy when you’re around. Nothing I’m feeling makes sense.”

  “And Julie’s noticing?” I guessed.

  He nodded. “I’ve tried to hide it from her. I tried explaining how I feel. She just gets more and more upset with me.”

  I wanted desperately to ask him what he felt. What had changed for him? And when? But my conscience reminded me of Aiden. I was falling for Aiden, I knew I was. And this, what I was doing here with Shane, was wrong. So, so wrong. My boyfriend trusted me and I couldn’t betray him. I willed myself to stand up and back away from the person I loved most in the world.

  “Julie’s right to want out,” he continued. “I’m a complete mess. I care about her but my feelings for her are… stagnant. They’re nothing compared to my feelings for you, which are increasing and intensifying every time I see you.”

  “Shane, I don’t know how much you’ve figured out about how I feel about you. I’ve wanted you to see me that way for so long. But you’re not the only one worried about ruining what we have. I am too. So I don’t know what you want me to say. I mean, Aiden actually makes me happy. I don’t want to hurt him. I owe him more than that.”

  Shane nodded before standing up to leave and I followed him to the door. I handed him his jacket and he folded it over his arm. “I see that you’re happy now, Hannah.”

  “I am,” I agreed sadly.

  “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered with his index finger under my chin, holding my eyes locked on his. “But I’m going to get my act together and then I’ll be waiting, hoping someday the timing will be right for us.”

  And he walked out the door, closing it gently behind him.

  *~*

  I don't think I slept at all that night. Not. At. All. I hate that feeling when your mind is busy sifting through information and you have absolutely no control over it. What Shane told me earlier felt like a dream come true and a nightmare at the same time. How was I supposed to sleep after what he said to me? I tried counting to one hundred, closing my eyes and focusing on the blackness, even listening to classical music. Nothing helped. It always happens at the most inopportune times when you know you have to wake up early for something important, like a graduation, or meeting your new boyfriend's entire family.

  Aiden and I hadn't planned on seeing one another that week but after Shane dropped that bomb on me I panicked and texted Aiden immediately. I asked how he was doing and said I missed him. When he replied it was with an invitation to come to Pemberton to have dinner the following night. He even invited my dad. When my phone buzzed with Aiden’s text I was so relieved to find that it gave me butterflies. I was nervous and excited to be going to his home. Plus, it gave me something else to think about rather than... that other thing I wasn't letting myself think about.

  The next day Lenny and I were on our way to see Aiden. We arrived in just over an hour to a cute little community called Pemberton Heights, fifty six miles from Pittsgrove. The DeLuca’s lived in a modest ranch style home with flower boxes hanging from every window sill. It occurred to me to be afraid of how Dad might react to Aiden. I'd never brought a boy home before. I hoped that being on Aiden’s turf might make Lenny drop the intimidating sheriff routine just for a little while.

  Lenny is not what you'd call the most sociable person so I was surprised to see how easily he fell into conversation with Aiden's dad. Both men eyed Aiden and me as they asked us basic question like where we met and how long we'd been dating. The grilling continued with Aiden's older brother and sister who had more personal questions to ask as I helped them prepare dinner. Usually, I loved to cook but Jonathan and Amber were a little intimidating. I wished I could go back to the living room and sit next to Aiden as his dad and my dad talked baseball and fishing.

  "So, Hannah... how did our little brother ask you out?" Amber asked. If I remembered correctly, she went to Penn State; I only met her once at Ethan’s football game. Hmm, how did Aiden ask me out? Should I tell her about our first quasi-relationship, or this new real one? I chose the real.

  Aiden and I had been friends for a while and we ran into each other on campus one day. I was having a bad day and he offered to take me out to cheer me up. We had a great time together and it just grew from there."

  Both siblings awwwed. Amber was genuine and Jonathan was mocking.

  "Is he really romantic with you?" Amber asked. I blushed and she giggled. This was torture.

  "Hannah, you should know just how smitten Aiden is with you. The last time he was like this with a girl was what… middle school?" Amber turned to her brother for confirmation.

  Jonathan nodded. "Probably fifth grade. And he showed that girl how he felt by chasing her around the playground with worms!"

  Wait, what. Aiden hadn't liked a girl since he was 10? "Hasn't Aiden had any other girlfriends besides me?" I asked, horrified. He sure didn't act like I was his first. The boy knew what he was doing, if you know what I mean.

  Amber shook her head, "Oh, no sweetie. He dated a coupl
e girls in high school. We've just never seen him like this before." She started up the awwing and giggling again. I felt like I was with an Italian, olive skinned version of Ally.

  Aiden rescued me a few moments later by walking into the kitchen and draping his arm around my shoulder.

  "My big brother and sister aren't telling you any embarrassing stories are they?"

  "We were saving them for after dinner," Jonathan joked.

  We all ate the food they had prepared and everything was fantastic. Aiden had three platefuls while going on and on about missing their cooking. It was cute to see him interacting with family. He was so much more open and Aiden-like with them than he was when I dragged him to hang out with Rachel, Ally, and Shane.

  After I'd helped Amber and Jonathan clear the table I noticed Aiden kick them out of the kitchen and start washing the dishes by himself. I smiled at the thought that Aiden's mother must have taught him to help out in the kitchen after someone makes you a meal. I realized I'd never cooked for him in my house before. It was something I really looked forward to doing.

  I was pulled from my daydream of cooking for Aiden when I heard his father mention a bonfire. Lenny might have just been trying to be polite, or maybe he was really enjoying himself, I wasn't sure, but he accepted the invitation before I had a chance to interject. All the local families were gathering down the road for a celebration and Mr. DeLuca had asked if we'd like to join. I looked over at Aiden, elbow deep in soapy water, as he smiled at me over his shoulder. I approached him and wrapped my arms around his middle.

  "I'm having a good time here. You're family is great," I whispered.

  He dried his hands on a towel and turned around to face me. "I'm really glad you came," he replied, kissing my nose.

  I offered to dry the dishes and together we finished cleaning up the kitchen. Half an hour later we were in lawn chairs, roasting marshmallows under the stars, chatting with what seemed like every person Aiden's ever met. Keith and Ron were there. I finally got to meet another one of their friends who seemed like a bad apple to me. His name was Noah and his arms were covered in tattoos. He leaned against his motorcycle talking to Amber and it seemed to me that they knew each other well. Aiden groaned and rolled his eyes when I asked him about them. It was cute to see him protective of his older sister.