Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  “Forget it,” he protested.

  “Shane, it’s for Ally.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “If you don’t shave your face I will.”

  He stopped in the middle of applying deodorant and stared at me.

  “I mean it,” I said sternly.

  “Well, I’m not doing it,” he said casually, calling my bluff. He pulled a collared shirt of a hanger on the back of the door and was about to put it on when I stopped him.

  “Then you leave me no choice. Come on,” I waved for him to follow me into the bathroom.

  He gave me a nervous smile and there was a slight twinkle in his eye that I hadn’t seen in weeks. I realized to shave Shane’s face I would have to touch his face. Oh, how I loved to touch his face. I knew I was getting myself into trouble, but if he wanted to play games, I’d play games. I told myself I was only doing it for Ally.

  I looked around the small bathroom for his razor but didn’t see it anywhere. “Where’s your razor?” I asked.

  He picked up a small Bic off the sink and held it up in front of my face.

  “You don’t have an electric one?”

  “It’s busted,” he answered grinning.

  “Fine,” I huffed. He stood in front of the sink and waited for me to take charge. The vanity had two sinks since Shane’s room shared the bathroom with the dorm next door. He was at least five or six inches taller than me so I opted to hop onto the counter between the sinks to be closer to his face. Shane filled the sink in front of him with water and brought a can of shaving cream down from the medicine cabinet.

  “Do you even know what you’re doing?” he asked hesitating before handing me the razor.

  “Hell, no. You better not squirm much or I might nick an artery,” I warned.

  He furrowed his brow but stepped closer to the counter, standing just to the right of my legs that hung over the side. He squirted a good amount of shaving cream into the palm of my hand and said, “I trust you.”

  I spread the thick cream over Shane’s cheeks and chin evenly. Using just one finger I applied some over his upper lip and used a second, clean finger to brush the excess from his lips. My heart was racing as I took his chiseled jaw in my hand and turned his face away from me. The water in the sink swooshed around as I wet the tip of the razor and brought it closer to his left cheek.

  “Up or down?” I asked.

  He looked worried and it made me smile. “Down,” he stated. “And watch the sideburns, please.”

  I gently pressed the razor to his cheek and slid it down to the jawbone. I swooshed it in the sink again and took another pass along his cheek. He watched me intently as I worked, never taking his eyes from my face. I started to feel moisture on my forehead and my palms were getting sweaty. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. I felt a need start to build inside me; one I knew only Shane could satisfy. I needed a distraction.

  “This isn’t so hard,” I whispered. “You should try ankles. Now there’s a real challenge.”

  “I bet,” he replied, smiling.

  I was very careful on his lip and chin. He only winced once. A tiny drop of blood appeared along his jaw and I dabbed it with toilet paper. When the razor pressed against the skin of his neck Shane surprised me and stilled my hand with his.

  “Be careful. And here you stroke up,” he said guiding the razor in my hand up his neck and under his jaw. I nodded and he let his hand fall away. He took in a slow deep breath and closed his eyes as I continued.

  “This side is done, come around here so I can do the other,” I instructed.

  Instead of moving to the left side of my legs Shane gently parted my knees and settled himself between them. I breathed in sharply but didn’t push him away. Shane’s hands had settled on my thighs and I was paralyzed by desire. I swallowed the enormous lump in my throat and washed the razor in the now cloudy water. I didn’t look him in the eye; I couldn’t, but I felt his intense gaze on me.

  The right side of his face went quicker than the left now that I had a little confidence in my ability. That is, until Shane’s grip tightened slightly and his thumbs began to graze up and down my inner thighs. My body was screaming at me to pull him closer and wrap my legs around his waist. I pressed my lips into a thin line to prevent a moan from escaping. His touch was slowly driving me insane. And it didn’t help that I was sitting eye level to his bare chest.

  “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” I asked trying to sound displeased.

  “Mmmm, I’m experimenting,” he mumbled.

  “Experimenting?” I asked as I dragged the razor softly down his chin. Almost done, Hannah. Almost done…

  “Testing your different reactions to me,” he clarified. “This for instance…” he pressed his fingers deeper into the muscle of my thighs, “you seem to enjoy.”

  I cleared my throat and leaned my torso back against the medicine cabinet. Unintelligible babble spilled from my lips and Shane chuckled softly.

  “I wish I knew what you were thinking,” he whispered so quietly it might not have been meant for me to hear.

  I wiped the excess cream from his face and inspected my work, turning his head from side to side. I allowed myself the pleasure of running my fingertips down his soft cheeks. Shane quietly groaned.

  “All done,” I said, finally allowing my eyes to align with his. He stared at me and for a moment I feared he would try to kiss me. I desperately wanted him to but prepared to turn my head if he tried. Instead, he let out a long sigh, his warm minty breath hitting my face. I was too close to him to think straight so I pulled back. Shane splashed water on his face and dried it with a nearby towel. I took the opportunity to jump down from the vanity and put some much needed space between us.

  “Hannah,” he started to say, but I cut him off.

  “We can go now. Everyone is expecting us,” I replied walking back into his room. I took a few deep breathes to settle my nerves.

  Shane put his shirt on and buttoned it up leaving the top two buttons open. He grabbed a light jacket and held his dorm room door open for me as we exited.

  *~*

  Rachel, Ethan, and Ally were arguing over movie selections when we arrived. Ally jumped up and hugged her brother when she saw us come in.

  “Ethan, please tell me you brought some beer or something?” I called from the kitchen. I looked around but didn’t see anything.

  “In the fridge, little Hannah,” he replied.

  I grabbed a can and joined the others in the living room.

  “So have we decided yet, guys?” Rachel whined.

  “I vote for Breakfast Club,” Ally said.

  “You always vote for Breakfast Club, Ally,” Ethan complained.

  “Gone in Sixty Seconds,” Rachel said.

  “Ew, yuck. Angelina’s hair is so gross in that movie. I can’t watch that,” Ally replied shaking her head.

  “How about Die Hard?” I suggested.

  “Yippy ki-yay, mother fucker!” Ethan quoted, giving his seal of approval.

  It was settled so I popped in the DVD. Rachel was seated on the love seat with Ethan and Ally was in the middle of the long sofa. I sat on one side of her and Shane took the other. Per Ally’s explicit instructions no one mentioned Julie or asked Shane how he was holding up. We watched the movie, making jokes about the eighties hair styles, and of course the fact that Bruce Willis still had hair. I refilled the platters as everyone ate the food I had prepared. The beer was helping calm my nerves and I slowly relaxed enough to fully enjoy the company of my friends. We needed to get together like this more often.

  At ten o’clock Ally excused herself to have her nightly phone call with Jack. She went up to her room and never came back down.

  “This is really a great Christmas movie,” Ethan commented.

  “What?” Rachel asked.

  “Yeah. We should really be watching this every year instead of that dumb It’s a Wonderful Life. I’m so tired of that crap.”

  I lau
ghed. “How is this better representation of the holiday spirit, Ethan?”

  “Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho,” he replied. “What more could you ask for?”

  Rachel playfully punched him and he grabbed her wrist in his hand. She giggled and tried to fight back but Ethan is made of muscle so she had no chance. He pulled her against him and kissed her hard. After a minute or so of watching them making out, Shane cleared his throat. Rachel pulled away embarrassed and Ethan grinned from ear to ear.

  “Um, Hanny, I think we’re going to call it a night,” she said.

  “Rachel, the movie isn’t even over,” I complained.

  “I’m sorry. Are you guys gonna be okay?”

  “Yes. Fine, just go,” I replied waving my hand in dismissal.

  “Thanks, Hanny boo,” Ethan whispered as they stood up. Ethan whacked her behind as they scurried down the hall.

  “Animals,” I commented to Shane who was no longer watching the movie. He was staring at me again and I didn’t know what to do.

  “Cold?” I squeaked. Jumping up from the sofa I made my way to the recliner and grabbed my favorite afghan. I settled back into my place on the sofa and Shane scooted over until he was dangerously close to my side.

  “I’ll keep you warm,” he joked, wagging his eyebrows at me.

  I laughed and slapped his bicep. “You better behave or I’m turning off Bruce,” I warned.

  “What color are you wearing, today?” he asked in a husky voice, ignoring my threat.

  “What?”

  He repeated himself slowly, his voice dripping with implication. “What color are you wearing today?” He pulled at the collar of my sweater gently until I understood. He wanted to know what color my bra was. I smiled and pulled the collar out of his fingers, not allowing him to see.

  “Dark blue,” I answered.

  He smiled. “You seem to be favoring colors lately.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “You were wearing white the night we spent together,” he explained, looking me in the eye. My brain flashed a memory of Shane naked in my bed. It made me dizzy.

  “Oh. Well, I didn’t have anyone to show them to back then.”

  “So let me see,” he teased playfully.

  “I meant that I wear prettier bras now for my boyfriend,” I simplified. Right, Hannah, remember Aiden?

  He frowned; a little crease forming on his forehead. “Aiden has seen this one?” he asked quietly.

  “Shane. He’s seen them all…”

  “Are you sleeping with him, Hannah?”

  It shouldn’t have pained me to tell him the truth but it did. It hurt really badly. I felt a tear escape my eye as I nodded. He let out the breath he was holding and looked down at his hands.

  “I can see myself falling in love with Aiden. I’m not there yet, mostly because of you, but I want to be. I care about him. I’m attracted to him. We get along so well,” I whispered.

  He was playing with the edge of the blanket, turning it over in his hands.

  “I want you, Shane. I want you so much, but I have something really good going with Aiden. I don’t want to throw it away,” I explained.

  I already knew I loved Shane, but I realized what I felt most for him in that moment was pure uncontainable lust. And what I had with Aiden was so much more. It was a real, tangible relationship. As much as I wanted to ask Shane to take me there on the sofa, or the floor, or the kitchen table for that matter, it wasn’t as substantive as my desire for Aiden. I couldn’t explain it to him in words. It was a feeling deep inside me.

  Shane finally looked up as he cupped my cheek in his hand and brushed his thumb over my lower lip. I tucked it behind my front teeth.

  “Am I too late, Hanny?” he whispered, the pain in his eyes overwhelming me. My tears overflowed in that moment because I knew the answer to his question.

  “Yes,” I breathed. I never thought he could possibly be too late but somehow he was.

  *~*

  The next morning I woke up with a headache. That always happened to me after I cried too much. Shane had held me for a long time as I let out all the emotions I’d been ignoring and trying to hide for so long. We hugged each other tightly and eventually fell asleep in one another’s arms on the sofa. He was so warm and smelled so good that I lingered in my sleepy morning haze just to feel close to him a little longer. I felt his chest rise and fall against my face and listened to the soft sounds of his breathing.

  Ally pulled me from my new happy place much too soon. “What are you guys doing?” she giggled.

  When I realized Shane’s sister had caught us tangled up together on the couch I fully expected her to be upset. I suppose the fact that we weren’t touching each other inappropriately and were fully clothed cushioned the blow. Shane still had his shoes on for goodness sake.

  “Uh, hey Al,” I croaked, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. My movements roused my sleeping buddy and he peeked at Ally through heavy lids. Shane reached for my waist and tried to pull me back down to him.

  “Easy, tiger. Let the poor girl get up,” Ally chided. He released me and I stood up to adjust my clothes.

  “So what did I miss last night?” Ally asked grinning.

  “Not much,” I answered. “We finished the movie and fell asleep talking.”

  “You two have the strangest friendship I’ve ever seen,” she commented, and then turned to walk into the kitchen.

  I smiled at Shane as he sat up and wiped the sleep from his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yes. I’m so sorry.” I was supposed to be comforting him last night and instead I was the one who fell apart and cried myself to sleep in his arms. We said more to one another in that long embrace than any words could express. We both knew how important we were to each other, and I knew he didn’t doubt how much I loved him.

  “What are you sorry for, Hannah?”

  “You know what,” I whispered. “You promise we’re going to survive this, right?”

  “Yes, Hanny. I will always be here for you,” he assured me.

  I hugged him again and went upstairs to my room to shower and change. When I came back down Shane was gone. Ethan told me Ally had driven him home while I was upstairs. I made myself breakfast and watched the news on television. It was a quiet morning and for that I was thankful. There was a lot to think about so I decided to go for a walk to clear my head. I knew Aiden would be calling me soon. He would want to hang out later and would probably ask how the movie night went.

  Needless to say, I walked around campus for over two hours that morning thinking about everything that had been said and wondering if I was making the right decision.

  CHAPTER 24: SUMMER SURPRISES

  The next few weeks that passed were uneventful. My days started blending together as April came to an end. The first week of May had me excited for many reasons. The weather was turning warmer which put everyone in a good mood. Sophomore year was two weeks from ending and then I had the whole summer to spend with my family, friends, and Aiden. I was looking forward to spending more time in Pemberton with him.

  I planned on staying a week in Pittsgrove to visit my dad, and then I’d drive down to Baltimore to see my mother for two weeks, and then back to Pittsgrove for the remainder of the summer. Ally’s baby was due in late August and I wanted to make sure I was in town when she went into labor. I fully expected to spend my time in Pittsgrove reconnecting with Jessa, Andrea, and even Mark. Shane had respected my wishes and started acting like my friend again. He still flirted with me a little when we were alone but I tried to keep that alone time to a minimum for my own sanity. I felt confident that we’d be able to hang out together over the summer without the weirdness. Maybe it was the spring air but I was feeling giddy about the prospects of an amazing summer ahead.

  My good mood only lasted through that first week of May. Then Aiden dropped a bomb on me that shattered all my plans. To be fair, we hadn’t actually discussed spending the summer
together, but after months of being inseparable I sort of assumed it was a given. So when Aiden told me he had to spend the entire summer in California for an internship I was really upset. How could he not tell me something so important? He’d just received word that he was going to Big Sandy Wildlife Area in southern California. I didn’t want to be upset about something that was important for Aiden’s career, but what bothered me was he’d applied to a number of summer programs and every one took him out of state. Regardless of where he was assigned he knew he’d be gone all summer and didn’t think to mention it to me. As a result, we had our first fight as a couple.

  Aiden and I reconciled after a few days of fighting and not speaking to one another. There was really nothing I could do. I understood why Aiden had to go, and it wasn’t because he didn’t want to spend his summer with me. He even asked me to fly out and visit him but I explained I couldn’t afford a trip to California because I had a tuition payment due in September. The only good thing that came out of our lover’s quarrel was the makeup sex. It was phenomenal.

  Aiden left for his internship the day before I went home to Pittsgrove. It was difficult to say goodbye to him and I actually cried a little. Aiden looked pleased that I was going to miss him so much and I tried to blame my emotions on too much time around Ally. Aiden chuckled at my lame excuse and kissed my forehead. He apologized again for leaving me for the entire summer and we shared a very passionate goodbye kiss.

  When everyone arrived in Pittsgrove the girls were all summoned to the Decker’s house to plan Ally’s surprise baby shower. Elise looked happier than I’d seen her in a long time. She was so excited to be a grandmother. She had lots of great ideas for the shower and needed each of us to handle some part of the planning. Andrea, Rachel, Jessa, and I were more than happy to help. I told everyone at the secret meeting that I was extending my visit to Baltimore into July. Without Aiden around I figured I should spend more time with my mother. I missed her and now that I had a boyfriend I felt like I had a lot more to talk to her about. Truthfully, I desperately needed her advice on a wide array of topics.