Healing Hearts

by Donna K. Ford

  After crossing the ridge of the old swinging bridge, she cut down the hill to the water’s edge. It was a path she traveled most days, and she traversed the rocks and tree roots with ease. As she came to the clearing, she stopped and dropped her hands to her knees to catch her breath. When her breathing became steadier, she drew in a deep breath and began to sing. Today she sang of promise and allowed the feeling to fill her to her soul. She made her way through the clearing to stare out over the water and watched as the sun rose above the tallest tips of the trees. She felt the air warm as the sun kissed her skin and made the rain-drenched evergreens sparkle with tiny points of light.

  “Good morning, love,” she whispered. Alex always felt close to Sophia as the sun rose. Sunrise reminded her of waking in the morning with Sophia in her arms. Sophia always woke smiling and eager to start a new day. “What will today bring us, Sophia?”

  The sun had fully risen now, and the day was beginning to press down upon her. Alex took her bow and turned to finish her run when a thought stopped her and she lifted her head, looking all around her. You are the woman by the lake.She searched the edges of the clearing, her gaze finally resting on the small wooden bench just along the row of trees at the trailhead leading to Willow Springs.

  She saw the figure of the woman sitting quietly, gazing back at her. Alex smiled and stepped forward to cross the clearing, raising her hand slightly in greeting.

  “Good morning,” Alex said as she approached Christian, smiling broadly.

  “Good morning, Alex.”

  “It’s good to see you. How have you been feeling?” Alex asked, noticing that her palms were beginning to sweat, and her heart beat so loudly she feared Christian would be able to hear.

  Christian scanned the long, lean body of the woman in front of her. Not able to hide her assessment from Alex, she said, “I’m very well, thank you, and I must say, you look very refreshed this morning.”

  “Thanks.” Alex grinned. “Mind if I sit down?” she asked. “I don’t want to intrude or anything.”

  “Please,” Christian said, patting her hand on the bench next to her. “I’d love the company.”

  “You’re up early,” Alex noted.

  “I woke early with the sound of the rain, and I thought it might be a good sunrise. I wasn’t sure you would be here after the rain,” Christian said, admitting she had been looking for Alex. She shifted uneasily with the realization that she had come to the lake hoping to see Alex again. She had worked hard over the past few days to put Alex out of her mind, focusing her energy on experimental hobbies, long walks, and spending time with Elaine. But each morning she had wandered to the lake with the faint hope that Alex would be there.

  “Actually, it’s been a great morning to run. Everything seems so fresh and new. The woods seem more alive. It’s very energizing.”

  Christian took in the calm, smooth face and the glint in Alex’s eyes as she talked. Christian warmed as she realized she was happy to see Alex. “I know what you mean. I’ve been sitting here, trying to take it all in, and feeling a bit surreal. It’s almost as if nothing can touch me when I’m here.”

  Smiling, Alex turned her body sideways on the bench so she was fully facing Christian, the gesture closing the space between them so her knee rested against Christian’s thigh. “I haven’t seen you on the lake lately. I thought perhaps you had left Willow Springs. Has everything been going well?”

  Christian warmed at the slight touch and consciously willed herself not to pull away. There couldn’t be any harm in just talking. “Oh yes. I’ve been exploring more and more of the lake, actually. Well…to be honest…I’ve been avoiding your place. I didn’t want to intrude on your privacy. You must have thought me crazy after everything that happened. I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have pushed my problems on you like that.”

  Alex touched Christian’s shoulder. “You are always welcome. As a matter of fact, I was hoping to convince you to come to dinner with me. If you’re up for it, I have something I want to show you.”

  This time Christian did pull away from Alex’s touch. “I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Christian said, dropping her eyes.

  “Why not?” Alex sounded hurt.

  Christian struggled with an explanation. “I just think it’s best…I don’t want to give you the wrong impression—”

  “Impression of what?” Alex interrupted. “I know how confusing it feels to allow yourself to be vulnerable with someone and not know how to deal with the guilt that comes afterward. I don’t have any expectations. The time I spent with you was the first time I allowed myself to be close to anyone since Sophia. I have the same feelings you do. But I don’t want to live the rest of my life closed up in my cabin and never feel connected to anyone again.” Alex took Christian’s hand, tightening her grip when she felt Christian try to pull away. “Please, Christian. Don’t run away.”

  Christian’s insides turned to jelly. Every time she was with Alex, she found herself craving the closeness of her company, and that was the problem. The intensity of her feelings when she was with Alex was overwhelming. Self-consciously, she bit her lower lip and tried to gather her resolve. The warmth of Alex’s hand held her firmly, the pleading in Alex’s eyes making her bones melt. She couldn’t say no. “When did you have in mind?” Christian asked hesitantly.

  “How about tonight?” Alex said, her voice suddenly cheerful.

  Christian laughed, surprised by the sudden enthusiasm. “You’re relentless,” Christian said, conflicted between the urge to run away and the desire to press herself closer to the warmth of Alex’s body. “Not tonight. I’ve promised to have dinner with Elaine tonight.”

  “Elaine?”

  “Yes, she’s a good friend. We met my first day at Willow Springs.”

  “Tomorrow, then,” Alex pressed.

  “I’ll have to think about it.” She needed a little time to prepare herself for being alone with Alex again and time to think about what to do about her feelings. Alex’s persistence was making her feel anxious, and she was having second thoughts about agreeing to dinner.

  “You’re avoiding me again. It’s only dinner. If you want, I can meet you at the lodge.”

  “No,” Christian said forcefully. “Perhaps next week. I really need to go now.” Christian stood, but as she tried to pull her hand free, Alex again tightened her grip, forcing Christian to meet her eyes.

  “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I won’t bother you again.” Alex sounded hurt. “Let me know if you change your mind.” Alex’s fingers slipped from Christian’s, and she stepped aside and began to walk away.

  Christian felt her heart clench at the loss of Alex’s touch and the obvious hurt she had seen in her eyes. Damn. Christian cursed herself as she frantically tried to figure out what to do.

  “Alex.” Christian’s voice held pleading. Stretching out her hand, she took Alex’s arm before she could step out of reach. “I’m sorry. I’m being a coward. I don’t mean to hurt you.”

  Alex stopped, her head bowed.

  “I want to see you. But the way I feel when I’m with you…”

  Alex stepped closer to Christian. “You don’t have to be afraid of me. We can help each other,” Alex whispered, her lips so close, Christian could feel the heat of her breath brush her skin. “But you have to stop running. I’m just as scared as you are.”

  It hadn’t occurred to her that Alex might be feeling as scared as she was, and she softened with the understanding of how difficult the admission must have been for Alex. When Christian didn’t pull away, Alex lifted her hand and ran a finger along Christian’s jawline. Christian felt Alex’s arm slide around her waist. “Don’t,” Christian said without conviction.

  “You don’t mean that,” Alex said, leaning in so their foreheads touched.

  Christian moved her hands to Alex’s chest and pressed as if to push her away, but there was no force in her gesture. Despite her protests, she wanted Alex to touch her. She knew she was
crossing a line, but she couldn’t find the strength to pull away. Alex felt too good against her, and she didn’t want that feeling to stop. If she let this continue, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop wanting her. “Alex—”

  Before Christian could say another word, Alex pressed her lips gently to hers. It was a tentative kiss, a kiss that asked permission, a kiss that shook of fear and longing.

  Christian’s eyes closed, and she melted under the gentle touch. Heat flooded her body as she pushed into the kiss, and her hands brushed the skin of Alex’s neck. She felt Alex’s hand on her face guiding her further into her as tender lips explored her mouth. With one final brush of lips, Alex pulled away. “I will call you, if that is okay.”

  Christian’s breath shook. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to bring herself back to earth. “Okay,” she said breathlessly. She felt like she was losing her mind. One minute, she wanted to run as far away from Alex as she could, and the next, she felt as if she wouldn’t be able to breathe if Alex didn’t touch her. Her stomach churned. She had no idea what to do.

  Alex smiled warmly at Christian as she took her hand and kissed the tips of her fingers. And without another word, Alex turned and walked away, leaving Christian staring after her.

  *

  Elaine sat on the balcony of her room, watching the sun rise over the lake and feeling the last lingering dread left over from her dreams slowly fade with the dawn. The water shimmered like diamonds as she watched the world wake up from the long dark night. She was lonely this morning and found herself wishing for things she knew she could no longer have.

  Her thoughts drifted to Hannah and her young lover. She envied that innocence and the ability to abandon reason and follow love. She had turned her back on such childish fantasies long ago. She still loved with all her being but knew that being close to people only meant pain. She had spent her career chasing after those who used getting close to someone as a means of getting what they wanted, which too often meant the death of those willing to trust.

  Eric Flask had been one of those people. She had studied his past, his family life, his relationships, and the twisted ways he earned the trust of others so he could inflict his sick torture on the innocent. He had killed six girls across three states that she knew of, and each murder had been the same. Although she was aware of the abuse Flask had endured as a child and could rationalize how he’d developed into this specific monster, she would never be able to understand his behavior.

  Shuddering from the memory, Elaine tried to clear her mind of the troubling thoughts of death. She reached for the forgotten cup of coffee waiting on the table beside her. Touching it to her lips, she found it still warm and took in a long swallow, the bitter liquid warming her as it flowed across her tongue. Taking a deep breath and letting it go, Elaine stood to go shower and get ready for her day. She paused as she looked over the lawn below and saw a slow-moving figure step from the wooded path and make her way back to the lodge.

  Elaine’s thoughts were interrupted as she recognized Christian by the dark curl of her short hair and the way she moved. Elaine studied Christian, taking in her lean body and the power in her gait, as she slowly meandered along the grounds.

  Elaine had known women like Christian before. Women who drew attention just by entering a room, but not wanting the attention their strength drew from people. Thinking about the conflict, Elaine thought there was more to Christian. She carried an obvious pain that never left her eyes, even when Elaine made her laugh. Behind the veil of pain, there was gentleness in Christian that Elaine recognized as something innately good. Christian was the kind of woman who saw the good in people, and her compassion was like the embrace of a mother comforting a child. Watching her now, Elaine wondered what would bring Christian out at such an early hour. The loneliness she had tempered with the sunrise pressed again on her heart, and Elaine suddenly wanted to be close to Christian. She didn’t know why, but she wanted to be there walking with Christian, holding her hand and sharing her silence. Perhaps it was the gentle way Christian had offered her friendship that made it easy for her to accept the comfort she had so long denied herself. Christian offered caring and tenderness without judgment or expectation, and at that moment, Elaine needed that comfort.

  *

  Christian ran her fingers along the prickly spines of a blue spruce. Although stiff, the spines tickled her and she smiled. She had walked back along the path lost in her thoughts and confused by the emotions raging within her since being with Alex. She had kissed Alex. She knew she had to learn to stop living in the past. Was it possible she could have a second chance? Or were she and Alex just enthralled with the deep understanding they offered each other? She wondered if it was wrong of her to want to find out. She was undeniably drawn to Alex in a way she had only experienced one other time in her life, and losing that had almost killed her. Could she risk another pain so deep?

  The scuffling sound of someone walking on the loose pebbles drew her attention, and she turned to see Elaine moving gracefully toward her. Something in Elaine’s posture made Christian feel sad.

  “Hi,” Elaine said as she came up to Christian.

  “Hi.” Christian smiled weakly at Elaine and held out her hand.

  Elaine stepped up to her and took the offered hand, closing her eyes for a moment. She looked tired, and her posture was unusually slumped as if she were carrying a heavy weight. Christian turned so she was facing Elaine and gently stepped into her, wrapping her arms tenderly around Elaine’s shoulders and pulling her close. She felt Elaine shudder as she gave herself to the embrace and laid her head against Christian’s shoulder. Christian wondered what could be causing Elaine such visible pain. She wanted to try to get Elaine to talk to her, but something told her that the more she pried, the more Elaine would close off. So she did the only thing she knew to do: she held her and comforted her, waiting for Elaine to tell her what she needed.

  Time seemed to stand still as Christian stood there holding Elaine. All the conflicted emotions that had ravaged her mind only moments before vanished, and all that mattered now was the comfort she offered a friend.

  Feeling Elaine pull away, Christian loosened her hold, allowing her hands to slide down the length of Elaine’s arms to grasp her hands. She felt the smooth cotton of the pullover brush between her fingers and realized this was the first time she had seen Elaine so casually dressed. This morning, she wore loose cotton pants and athletic shoes paired with the slim-fitting cotton top. Her hair was pulled back and she wore no hint of makeup. Her red hair seemed darker, pulled back on her head in disarray, and Christian noticed for the first time Elaine’s natural beauty and athleticism.

  Christian marveled that she had never noticed this strength in Elaine before. She had always been drawn to her feminine poise, and seeing this side of Elaine now left Christian intrigued by the layers of complexity she was beginning to unravel as she allowed the intimacy between them to grow. There was no fear with Elaine, only simple comfort. There was none of the physical tension she had felt earlier with Alex. Christian accepted what she was feeling for Alex was attraction and desire and she couldn’t kid herself into thinking her feelings were anything less. But with Elaine she didn’t have the same struggle with her emotions. With Elaine, she was safe.

  Elaine squeezed Christian’s hand gently and as their eyes met she asked, “Can I walk with you for a while?”

  “Of course,” Christian said, leaning in and slipping an arm through Elaine’s and resting her head against her shoulder. “I’d be very glad for the company. Your timing is perfect. I’m a little out of sorts this morning, and I could use a friend.”

  Walking the loose stone path, Christian and Elaine found themselves in a beautiful rose garden that had been hidden from view by a row of boxwood trees. In the center of the garden was a fountain, surrounded by stone planters and benches. In the far corner of the garden, they found cushioned lounge chairs with small tables.

  Elaine looked around, her gaze
gliding over the wall of roses. “I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” she said. “I thought I knew all the gardens at Willow Springs. I don’t even recall this being on the visitors’ map.”

  Christian smiled at the brief moment of joy she saw in Elaine’s eyes. “Maybe it’s supposed to be one of those secret gardens you read about. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many roses. I suppose if everyone knew about it, it would lose some of the quiet charm.”

  “I suppose,” Elaine said thoughtfully as she held a rose bloom delicately in her hands and fingered the velvet petals.

  Christian slid her fingers into Elaine’s hand, “Come sit with me for a while. I’m feeling a little tired.”

  Elaine studied Christian’s face, suddenly concerned. “Are you feeling all right?”

  “Just tired. I didn’t sleep much last night, and I think the walk has taken more out of me than I expected.”

  Elaine spotted a hammock tucked away in a bend surrounded by large yellow climbing roses. “How about over there?” she said, pointing.

  “Hmm…Yes, that would be wonderful.”

  Christian climbed into the large hammock. “Come on,” she said as Elaine stood watching. “Lie down with me for a while. I just want to rest, and I don’t want to be alone,” Christian pleaded gently when Elaine hesitated. “Besides, you look exhausted.”

  Elaine looked into Christian’s eyes and saw her anguish and felt her own loneliness well from within. She was so tired and she felt safe here with Christian. Steadying the hammock, she climbed in. She felt Christian’s arms slide around her as her back came to rest against Christian’s chest. They fit together with a familiar comfort, and Elaine felt thankful for the warmth of Christian’s body pressed against her. It was strange to allow herself to be close to someone like this. Normally, she wouldn’t have dreamed of allowing herself to be so vulnerable, but she was so tired and there had never been any sexual tension between her and Christian. It was nice to feel simply comforted.