Alex grew more uneasy the closer she got to home. She had only known Christian a short time, and already her emotions were all over the place. She had resigned herself to spending the rest of her life alone, with her work. How had her feelings changed so quickly? All she knew was the longer she was away from Christian, the more unsettled she became. And Hannah had been wrong about one thing. She was the one in danger of getting hurt, and she wasn’t sure there was anything she could do about it.
*
It had been a long drive. Even though Chacey had stopped in Asheville for a night, she hadn’t been able to rest. She’d thought the extra time would help her think about what to say and how she would react to seeing Elaine again, but the day and a half since talking to Elaine had seemed like an eternity. She just wanted to see Elaine. Then she could think.
She was relieved when she finally arrived in Knoxville and located her hotel. After checking in at the front desk, she unceremoniously dumped her bags in her room. She checked the time. She still had a couple of hours before she was supposed to meet Elaine in the hotel bar. She gathered her toiletries and headed for the shower. The water was hot and she let the pressure beat against her back as she thought of the last time she saw Elaine. She could still see her lying there in the hospital bed with tubes and monitors everywhere. She’d been so afraid. Then Elaine had said words she’d never imagined she would hear. I don’t want to see you anymore. Don’t come back here. I’ll tell the nurses not to let you in my room.She had cried and begged Elaine not to send her away. She had tried to understand what was happening with Elaine. She’d known Elaine was afraid of something, even if she would never admit her fear.
Chacey had sat outside the hospital room every day for a week, hoping Elaine would change her mind. And when Elaine didn’t, she’d canceled her transfer with the FBI and worked with the team trying to find the shooter. She had hoped if she could show Elaine she was safe, she would stop pushing her away. But they had not found the UNSUB. It was as if the person was a ghost. The video surveillance in the office building had been turned off, no one unusual had been seen going in or out of the building, and there were no leads. Elaine hadn’t been able to remember anything.
Chacey shook the memories from her mind. What would she say when she saw Elaine? It had been three years. Now she was here, and it would only be an hour or so until Elaine would be there with her. Chacey smiled as she remembered the smell of Elaine’s skin, the feel of her hair brushing against her face, her body pressed against hers as they held each other. The memories soothed her. She had never felt as complete as when she held Elaine.
Her friends had tried to get her to move on with her life, but she hadn’t been able to let Elaine go. She had spent months investigating her ex-husband. He’d claimed he had been on his boat getting drunk on the day Elaine was shot, but he had no alibi, and he was the one person she knew had motive to hurt Elaine. But they couldn’t place him at the scene of the shooting. No one had seen him in or around the building. Hell, no one had seen him at all.
She had become obsessed, certain she had been the reason Elaine had been hurt. She couldn’t be free until she knew what had happened.
There were so many unknowns. She didn’t know what had happened to Elaine once she left the hospital. She had tried to keep track of her through her connections, but Elaine would simply vanish for months, and there was a limit to how far Chacey would go to trace Elaine. She realized now that Elaine must have gone to the retreat. They had planned on spending the summer there once they had their life together settled. It had seemed the perfect place to start over. Chacey had never imagined that was where Elaine would go alone.
Chacey heard her phone ringing as she stepped out of the shower. Immediately she thought of Elaine and hoped she had not changed her mind. Disappointment and relief hit her as she recognized the number. Karen. She ignored the call and pushed all thoughts of Karen out of her mind. She had more important things to think about. Elaine.
*
“Are you ready?” Christian asked as she brought the car to a stop outside the hotel.
Elaine had been quiet on the drive and now looked as if she was about to be sick. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Of course you can. Come on. Let’s get inside before you’re late.” Christian walked around the car, placed her hand in Elaine’s, and steered her into the hotel lobby. The bar was small but quaint, and they quickly found a fairly private table in a corner where Elaine could watch the door without being seen.
Christian moved to the bar to order a glass of wine for the two of them and tried to prepare to meet Elaine’s lover. She watched Elaine while she waited. She could see Elaine’s trepidation. She felt slightly out of place but had agreed to come, knowing that Elaine was too afraid to face her past alone. She tried to imagine what it must be like for Elaine to sit there, waiting to see the woman she loved after such a long time, with so much pain between them.
Elaine’s eyes grew wide and she pressed a shaking hand to her lips as a woman, about forty, Christian guessed, entered the bar. She wore pressed chinos and a simple white shirt, unbuttoned and loose at the waist. Beneath the shirt, she wore a gray camisole that showed her slim, muscled chest and waist. Her hair was brown, cut just above her collar with the top shaped in long layers to one side and tucked behind her ear.
Christian had no doubt, by her movements and her body language, that she was a cop. She scanned the room methodically, noting each patron—including Christian—and the layout of the room. Christian watched, mesmerized, as Chacey’s eyes finally met Elaine’s. Chacey stood frozen for a moment as if she had suddenly lost the ability to move of her own accord. Slowly, her right hand moved to her chest, where she appeared to hold her beating heart. Elaine stood, her hand grasping the back of her chair for balance, as Chacey began to make her way across the room.
Christian could see why Elaine was so taken with Chacey. She was beautiful, strong, completely absorbed in Elaine and still obviously very much in love with her. She knew they’d have many things to discuss before their wounds could mend, but at least they could heal together now. The energy between the two women was palpable, and Christian’s skin rippled in anticipation.
*
Elaine felt the air rush out of her lungs when Chacey entered the room. Her legs felt like wood as she tried to stand, and she had to steady herself with her chair. Everything else in the room slid out of focus as all of her attention centered on the woman in front of her.
“Hi, baby,” Chacey said when she was close enough to reach out and touch Elaine.
Elaine could feel the sting of tears brimming her eyes, and her hand trembled against her lips. “You came,” she whispered.
Chacey’s smile was warm. “I will come for you always and forever. I never left you.” Chacey held out her hand to Elaine as if asking permission to touch her.
Elaine drew Chacey’s hand to her chest. “Oh, Chacey, I’m so sorry. I’ve hardly been alive without you.”
Chacey didn’t hesitate now. She took Elaine into her arms and held her. Elaine instantly wrapped her arms around Chacey’s shoulders, clinging to her back, and pressed her face against the soft skin of Chacey’s neck.
Elaine felt her heart swell as she drew in the faintly masculine smell of Chacey’s cologne. The sensation was beyond her imagining. She was flooded with happiness, grief, hope, and fear, all mingled together. When she pulled away, Chacey gently brushed her tears away with the stroke of her thumb and a gentle kiss.
“Shall we sit?” Chacey asked, her gaze never leaving Elaine’s. Elaine nodded, and Chacey guided her back to her seat and took the chair next to her.
Elaine didn’t think she could look at Chacey enough. And she wanted to do more than look. She wanted to touch her face, her hair, her lips, just to make herself believe she wasn’t a dream. She looked across the room to where Christian stood at the bar and gestured for her to join them.
Christian walked over and placed a glas
s of red wine on the table in front of Elaine. Elaine touched Christian’s arm. “Christian, this is Chacey Bristol. Chacey, I’d like you to meet my dear friend, Christian Sutter.”
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Chacey,” Christian said, extending her hand.
“Thank you. I assure you the pleasure is mine,” Chacey said with a smile as they shook hands across the table.
Christian turned to Elaine. “I don’t want to seem rude, but I think I’ll be getting back to the lodge. I think you two have some catching up to do.”
Elaine grasped Christian’s hand and peered up at her. She wasn’t sure she was ready for her to leave. As if sensing her roiling emotions, Christian leaned down and kissed Elaine’s cheek. “You’ll be fine. I’m sure you’re in good hands. And you know where to find me if you need me.”
Elaine took a deep breath and nodded. “Thank you.”
Christian smiled. “It was nice meeting you, Chacey. I hope to see you again.”
With Christian gone, Elaine turned back to Chacey. Her heart fluttered and her head felt light. She had no idea what to do next.
Chapter Seventeen
Christian caught the smell of the river and heard the whistle of a riverboat as she left the hotel. She was only a street away from the river and felt drawn to the gentle sounds emanating from the water. She drove to the river walk, her mind clouded and her heart heavy. She stood gazing over the railing, watching the yachts and riverboats swaying in the current, tethered to the pier for the night. The wind blew her hair back from her face. The warm summer air was refreshing, and she imagined that the brush of her loose shirt across her arms was the touch of her lover gently comforting her.
Seeing Elaine and Chacey reunite after their long ordeal had left her reminiscent, and she found herself missing Cara. She tried to imagine what Elaine and Chacey would say to each other, or if there was really any need for explanations. She recalled the look of desperate hope on Chacey’s face when she first saw Elaine. She had no doubt that Chacey had fought a silent battle of her own, trying to find her way back to Elaine.
Christian drew in a deep breath and wiped her hand roughly across her cheek, brushing the loose curls away from her face. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to scream at the universe that it wasn’t fair. She had loved Cara, and she had been taken from her and robbed of her own life. She ran her hand through her hair and felt the scars, hollow under her touch. They were constant reminders of the violence of the crash and the void left by Cara’s death. She would never have that second chance to hold Cara and tell her how much she loved her. She would never hear her voice or watch the emotions play across her face when she saw something beautiful. She would never again feel Cara’s body pressed against her as she slept.
Laughter caught Christian’s attention and she turned, searching the pier for the source of the unwelcome intrusive joy. A couple sat out on the deck of a boat, sipping wine as they took in the warm night.
She thought of Alex on the lake, her skin red and angry from too much sun. She shuddered slightly at the memory of Alex’s eyes peering into her as she leaned in to kiss her, at the memory of their bodies pressed against each other and Alex’s lips on her skin. She gasped as she remembered waking in Alex’s arms.
Christian stared at the boat, her thoughts of Cara and Alex warring in her mind. She was so confused. It was times like this that she felt her heart would never mend, the pain of losing Cara so raw, she felt she could scream. Then there were moments like those with Alex when she wanted to lose herself in passion and hope.
Alex had awakened feelings in her she thought she would never know again. She craved that closeness, but what did she really have to offer anyone now? She felt broken. It was best not to encourage this connection with Alex. She would put distance there and hope Alex would forgive her. She couldn’t risk losing again.
*
Elaine stared at Chacey, not believing she was there. She could feel the brush of Chacey’s fingers along the top of her hand, but she struggled to register that Chacey was real. She was afraid it was another dream, that any minute a door would open and her nightmare would begin again.
“Talk to me,” Chacey said gently.
Elaine’s chest tightened and she shook her head. “I’m afraid.”
“I know, but I’m here now. You don’t ever have to be afraid again. We can do this.”
Elaine looked around the room, feeling like a wild animal trapped in a cage. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she fought the urge to run. She felt hot. Where had all these people come from? She gripped the edge of the table, trying to quiet her fear.
Perceptively, Chacey suggested, “Would you like to go somewhere a little less crowded? We could go to my room if you would be more comfortable there.”
Elaine’s shoulders eased. “I think that would help. I can’t do this here.” Chacey’s hand slid into hers, gently tugging as she led her through the hotel lobby. Chacey’s touch was tender, and Elaine was thankful for the contact, feeling more grounded now that she was away from the crowd. Then it occurred to her that she was about to be alone with Chacey. There would be no more barriers between them, and she would have to explain what she had done. Where would she start? How would Chacey feel about what she would tell her? Could she bear losing her all over again? Elaine shut her eyes briefly, trying to quell the memories of that day in the hospital when she had sent Chacey away. She wouldn’t do that ever again. If she’d learned anything from her ordeal, it was that there are some things worse than dying. She squeezed Chacey’s hand. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Chacey looked at her. “Me too. I can’t believe it’s real.”
The elevator door dinged and they stepped out. Chacey led the way down the hall, holding tightly to Elaine’s hand.
Once in the room, Chacey poured a drink and set it on the small coffee table in front of Elaine. She’d booked this junior suite so they’d have somewhere private to talk without having to sit on the bed. Slowly, she moved to sit next to Elaine on the sofa. She sat with one knee drawn up and her left arm draped casually along the sofa’s back. The pain in Elaine’s eyes was tearing her apart. She knew Elaine was struggling. So was she. She had feared she would never see Elaine again, and being here with her now was…all the happiness in the world all at once. She followed the faint lines around Elaine’s eyes that hadn’t been there before. Elaine was thinner and her skin paler than she remembered, but just as beautiful as ever. She wanted to touch her. She wanted to wrap her body around her so she would have no doubt she was real.
Chacey was afraid she would frighten Elaine and knew she had to temper her need to touch her. She clasped Elaine’s hand in both of hers, turning it over to trace the lines of her palm. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted to see you. I’ve thought of you and waited for your call every day since that last day in the hospital. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’m so sorry, Chace. I know I’ve hurt you. I’m so sorry I sent you away. I’m sorry I didn’t give us the chance to get through this.”
“Can you tell me why?”
Elaine sighed. “I was so afraid. Every time I saw you, the fear grew until it was more than I could handle. I didn’t feel like I had a choice.”
Chacey let out a long breath. “I know you were scared. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel safe.”
“What?” Elaine gasped. “Oh no, Chacey, I never thought you couldn’t protect me. I thought I was protecting you. I was afraid the person who shot me would come back, and I was afraid something would happen to you. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I’d let that happen.”
Relief flooded Chacey’s heart as she realized Elaine hadn’t felt she’d failed her. But she had known what her ex-husband was capable of, and she had been naïve enough to think he would only hurt her. “If I hadn’t left for Boston without you, if I had stayed or if I had insisted that you not wait until the case was over, that you leave wh
en I did, maybe none of this would have happened.”
“How could you blame yourself? You couldn’t have known anything like this would happen. I was at work, Chacey, in my private office, not at the FBI working the case. You know you couldn’t have been with me even if you hadn’t gone to Boston.”
Chacey chuckled. “Yeah, well, it seems about as rational as you trying to protect me from some unknown crazy person by cutting me out of your life.” She hadn’t expected her tone to be so cutting. Elaine immediately broke eye contact. Chacey’s gut clenched. “I’m sorry. I know you were trying to do the right thing. I don’t know what I’d have done if our roles had been reversed.” She lifted Elaine’s chin with a finger. “I just want us to start again. I still love you, Elaine.”
“I love you too. I never stopped. I just didn’t know how to stop running.”
Chacey’s mind raced. She couldn’t think about who was to blame or what had gone wrong anymore. The most important thing was the woman sitting next to her. The shooting had already taken too much from them, and she wasn’t about to waste another moment.
“I have an idea. Let’s not talk about the shooting. Let’s talk about what you’ve been doing, about the retreat, and your new friends. I want to know everything I’ve missed. Then maybe we’ll work our way backward through the tough stuff. We can order dinner and make a night of it.” Her words were playful and encouraging and she hoped she had managed to ease Elaine’s worry.
Elaine glanced around the room. Chacey was afraid she would leave, but after a few moments Elaine’s shoulders relaxed. “Okay. I think I’d like that.”
*
Elaine picked at her room-service pasta, her attention focused on the sound of Chacey’s voice, the way she moved her hands when she talked, the curve of her lips when she smiled. She wanted to memorize every move, every line of her face, everything about her.
Healing Hearts Page 13