All Falls Down

by Morgen, Ayden K.

  ALL FALLS DOWN

  By: Ayden K. Morgen

  Kindle Edition

  Copyright © 2014 by Ayden K. Morgen

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Edited by: Jayme Stephens

  Cover by: Jada D'Lee Designs

  Dedication

  To all my lovelies who have been or currently are there – No matter what they told you, it wasn't your fault.

  To my siblings – Jessica, Jesse, Khourtniey, Cody, Brandon, and Addison

  I love you guys.

  And to my sister from another mister – Jayme

  I love you, too.

  A portion of the proceeds of this novel will be donated to the National Domestic Violence Hotline in loving memory of Cassie Mae Combs: 11/28/1980 - 11/27/1999.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue: It Doesn't Hurt

  Chapter One: Home

  Chapter Two: Scars

  Chapter Three: Hurt Me

  Chapter Four: The Gift

  Chapter Five: Ordinary Day

  Chapter Six: Can't Forget You

  Chapter Seven: Goodnight

  Chapter Eight: Bring Me Flowers

  Chapter Nine: Feels Like Home

  Chapter Ten: Together Again

  Chapter Eleven: Say When

  Chapter Twelve: Half-Mast

  Chapter Thirteen: Carry On

  Chapter Fourteen: Cocoon

  Chapter Fifteen: Into Pieces

  Chapter Sixteen: Just Once

  Chapter Seventeen: Rinse

  Chapter Eighteen: Crack the Shutters

  Chapter Nineteen: Take It from Here

  Chapter Twenty: You and I

  Chapter Twenty-One: Rain on Me

  Chapter Twenty-Two: All Falls Down

  Chapter Twenty-Three: Stay with Me

  Chapter Twenty-Four: Fix You

  Chapter Twenty-Five: Can't Do Better

  Chapter Twenty-Six: Fade into You

  Chapter Twenty-Seven: Sky Full of Stars

  Chapter Twenty-Eight: Skyscraper

  Chapter Twenty-Nine: Sing

  Epilogue: Hold You in My Arms Forever

  Promises: Jared POV Outtake

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Prologue: It Doesn't Hurt

  Soft music drifts through the room – quiet, ambient. Expensive crystal clinks, one glass against another. Strains of conversation and laughter mingle in the perfumed air. It's warm… too warm.

  I swallow convulsively. Take a deep breath.

  You can do this, I chant to myself. It's become my mantra in the last few days, playing like a single verse of song stuck on repeat. Sometimes, I actually believe it.

  I don't right now.

  My stomach feels sour, my throat too tight. The expensive heels I've donned are stuck to the floor as if made of lead. I feel like a fraud. An imposter.

  I want to run.

  I coach myself to smile instead. Smile… just smile. My cheeks ache, my lips pulled back from my teeth in a show of faux-happiness. Inside, I'm crying. Screaming. Dying.

  Movement across the room catches my attention and freezes my blood.

  A shock of dark blond hair. Broad shoulders encased in expensive black silk.

  Jared.

  My stomach somersaults, drops, and then somersaults again.

  Heads turn in his direction. I'm so focused on him, I barely notice the way conversation stalls all around me. His eyes – the coolest green jade – don't even shift in my direction.

  I want to scream at him like the Whos in Whoville screaming for their lives while their little world is forced closer to destruction: I'm here! I'm here!

  I don't make a sound.

  My eyes travel down his form. I ache. Burn. Remember….

  "I want you to remember something for me," he whispers, staring into my eyes. He reaches out to stroke my cheekbones, his fingers gentle against my face. "Can you do that for me, love?"

  Words fail so I nod.

  "I want you to remember that it's you. It's only ever been you. Forever." He kisses me softly. "Can you remember that for me, Savannah?"

  "Jared–" His name is a pitiful sob as I throw myself into his arms. Tears pour down my face.

  "Beautiful girl," he chastises, gathering me up against his strong chest. "I love you. No matter what, I love you."

  I bite my lip against the cry of protest rising in my throat when he tilts his head to the side, forcing her into my line of sight.

  Her….

  With her perfect blonde hair and brilliant smile.

  Her with her sultry laugh and womanly curves.

  Her. And him. Together.

  I bite my lip harder. A new ache begins in my chest, where my heart used to be.

  Her eyes flit around the room, widen slightly when they fall on me, and then drift away again. Her head tilts toward his. His dips lower. Perfect red lips form words against the shell of his ear… words I can't hear. They stab like a knife in my chest anyway.

  He lifts his head to look.

  My mantra shifts. Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.

  The champagne flute shakes in my hands when searing green tangles for a brief moment with my own dull brown. His gaze strips me bare, sets me adrift, and unmakes me. For just a minute while he stares at me, everything is right. I'm whole, safe, and loved. And then his gaze moves away again and I'm none of those things. I'm afraid, confused, and lost. So lost.

  His next move doesn't help.

  No, I want to cry out to him when he straightens and they start in my direction, each step matched perfection. I say nothing instead. I'm frozen solid… thought, preservation, and instinct completely wiped away.

  They walk toward me, moving so slowly I feel like I'm watching an impending train wreck, unable to do a single thing to prevent it from happening. I want to lift my skirt into my hands and flee into the night. Just run until my lungs explode, my heart stops, and this sight – Her. Him. Together. – is burned from my memory. But I can't.

  I stand completely still instead.

  I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this.

  The champagne in my flute sloshes around. A droplet runs down my hand, sticky, messy, like the last time we were together.

  "I need to feel you, Savannah," he breathes in my ear. His body presses against mine, hot, hard, and eager. "I need to be in you, love."

  His lips moves like butterfly wings across my skin – giving, taking, and worshipping. I lift my arms and wrap them around him, cradling him to me. His hand dips between my legs, slipping against slick skin aching for him. Always for him.

  "Mmm," he moans against my nipple when I arch into his touch.

  That satisfied sound is my undoing.

  Orgasm washes over me in a warm rush.

  "More," I beg, writhing through it, "please, Jared."

  "Yes, beautiful girl," he croons and pulls away to undress.

  I watch from beneath heavy lids, my attention riveted to the way the candlelight illuminates his skin, setting it afire in rippling, glistening shadow. A beautiful smile spreads across his face, softening his expression when he notices me staring.

  He stalks toward me again, his cock in his hand. "You're gorgeous," he whispers fiercely… the last words spoken before he's sliding inside of me, stretching me, filling me.

  "Oh baby," he hisses when I wrap my legs around his waist.

  He begins to move inside of me – in and out, fas
ter, deeper. His lips seek mine. I kiss him hungrily, gasping and mewling into his mouth as he takes me higher, higher… always higher.

  "I love you," he cries out, his head thrown back as he slams himself inside of me. "I love you."

  Her smile brightens the closer they come to me. Perfect rows of white teeth flash. Her eyes – baby blue and full of some emotion I'd rather not name – meet mine. I barely stop myself from bowing my head as the way she looks at me combines with my memories of him, weighing me down.

  She has everything that's mine. She has him, and I can't even hate her for it.

  Nothing has ever hurt so deeply.

  My heart splinters when they draw to a stop in front of me. I can't bring myself to look at him again. Desperation to touch him, to kiss and love him, comes in crushing waves. I'm too far gone to trust myself not to give in.

  "Lexi, Jared," I whisper, choking on their names. "Congratulations."

  "Savannah," Lexi greets me, her voice as perfect as the rest of her. "How are you?" She sounds genuinely concerned.

  A thousand answers flit through my mind – dying, burning, terrified – but I can't say any of them. My false smile feels like it's going to crack my cheeks at any moment. Crack me. Wide open.

  "Fine." My mouth moves. My voice sounds. But I don't know where the word comes from. I certainly haven't thought it.

  "Savannah." Jared's voice is warm honey – instant sensory overload.

  His gaze is on me, searing me, but I can't make my head move in his direction. I can't.

  "Look at me," he whispers so softly I know the words haven't carried beyond our little grouping.

  My eyes find his, and, oh God– I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

  "Jared," I choke, my hands trembling. The champagne flute clinks against the ring on my finger. His eyes… oh God, his eyes. So much pain, sorrow, and regret mingle there. Everything in my chest tightens, fracturing along already ravaged lines. Tears well, threatening to break free and spill over at any moment.

  I have to get out of here. I have to–

  "Breathe," Lexi reminds me, her perfect lips barely moving.

  I suck in air, wanting to hate her all over again. My breath won't fit in my chest, in my lungs, it's so tight, so close. It hurts. Everything about this hurts and I can do nothing but stand here and pretend it doesn't. I want to beg them to make it stop, but I can't get those words out either. I can't say or do anything. I'm just here. Frozen. Dying.

  "Do you believe in heaven?" I ask, kicking my feet to send ripples waving through the cool water.

  "You ask the strangest questions," he murmurs even as he smiles over at me. The sun catches in his hair and my fingers ache to weave their way through the mess.

  I do exactly that.

  He hums his pleasure before lifting me up into his arms and settling me in front of him. His head finds its way into the crook of my shoulder. He sighs softly, content.

  "This is heaven," he finally says. "Right here with you… not even God himself could compete with that."

  "I love you," I breathe, turning my face up toward his.

  "And I love you." His lips meet mine, softly, reverently.

  He's right. This is heaven.

  He reaches for the glass in my hand. His fingers brush mine, squeeze gently, and then pry the crystal from my trembling grasp. That soft touch is enough to undo me completely.

  I'm no longer frozen.

  I'm drowning again. In want, need, and forbidden desire. It's too much and not enough. Every part of me begs to look up at him, to see him and make him see me. I force them closed instead, fighting for control.

  My body begins to shake from my useless efforts.

  "Jared would love it if you saved a dance for him tonight," Lexi says then.

  My eyes spring open instantly and meet his.

  Blazing green jade.

  "I love you," he mouths when Lexi glances away, "forever."

  The sob that's been building in my throat all night chokes me.

  I just want to die.

  Oh God… I said that out loud.

  "I'm sorry," I whimper when his eyes widen in alarm and hers dart back to me. "I shouldn't have come here."

  "Savan–" he starts to say and the look on his face… dear Lord, that look. It's love, pain, regret, and need.

  It's him. It's me.

  No, it's them. Her and him, together.

  Oh, God.

  I turn and stumble away, tears pouring down my face.

  "Let her go," I hear her hiss behind me.

  Jared's voice breaks on my name, chasing me from the room.

  Let me go….

  "You have to choose, Jared." Her blue eyes flash with hurt and anger. She points a finger at him, practically poking him in the chest. "You can't have both."

  "Lex, please –" he tries to break in when a sob escapes my throat.

  She's right. I know she is. He can't have both anymore. But hearing it from her hurts like hell. I cover my mouth with my hand as he stares at me, torment in his gaze, as if he knows this too. Every part of me screams for him to put his arms around me again, to lend me some of his strength and ease us both. I want to beg him to choose me… but I can't and I know that.

  I have no place here. I never did.

  "Don't 'Lex, please' me!" she snaps at him, actually poking him in the chest with one long, manicured finger this time. "You made a promise to me, Jared. To my sisters. Does that mean nothing to you?"

  "Of course it means something to me, dammit!" he snaps right back at her, though his eyes never leave me. He's begging me silently to understand.

  I want to tell him I do, but I say nothing. I'm not sure what will come out of my mouth if I open it.

  "Then this has to stop now! You have to let her go, Jared."

  Another sob rips from my chest when his shoulders slump, defeat and misery washing through cool green jade.

  "I'm sorry," he whispers and my heart breaks. "I'm so sorry."

  Memory chases me and I run until I can't run anymore.

  I love you.

  My legs collapse just beyond the back terrace, dragging me down to the cool, wet grass.

  It's only ever been you.

  I gasp for breath that won't come, sobbing and trembling.

  You have to let her go, Jared.

  Freezing rain pelts me.

  I curl into a ball, tears and mascara running down my face, but I'm too far gone to care.

  I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

  I love you. Forever.

  My heart shatters in my chest a final time, and I know that this is what dying really feels like.

  It hurts.

  Everywhere.

  Chapter One: Home

  Home.

  I glance around, sighing at the crush of people jogging down the concourse. Airports are always the same, and yet, I find this one more stressful than most. San Francisco. It's loud and crowded, and I'm not sure I want to be here.

  I have no choice.

  Securing the strap of my bag over my shoulder, I start pushing through the throng rushing off to make connecting flights. An elbow jabs me in the ribs, catching the edge of fading bruises and barely healed surgical wounds. I hiss, intense shards of pain ricocheting through me.

  "Sorry," a lady says, trying to squeeze past me. Her elbow jabs me again.

  "It's fine," I mumble, fighting not to fall to my knees and cry.

  The woman and her rolling suitcase trod on my foot before finally breaking clear. She rushes off without another backward glance.

  "Welcome home, Savannah," I mutter when the pain subsides, making my way toward the entrance of the airport, praying Katrina Talbot hasn't forgotten me in the chaos and tragedy currently consuming her life. Guilt worms through me at the thought, but I can't help being selfish.

  I desperately want a bath, a bed, and a few hours of silence. None of which are available on international flights. I feel dirty in a way only breathing recycled air for hours o
n end can accomplish.

  You are dirty, inside and out, a little voice whispers in the back of my mind, taunting me.

  Fighting down the tears threatening to spill over at the reminder, I focus on Katrina instead.

  Poor Kit.

  She's my age – only twenty-one – and her father is dead.

  I don't even know how it happened, but my heart aches. Matthew Talbot was always so good to me. It's hard to imagine that he's really gone, dead at the age of forty-nine. I want to cry for Kit and her sisters, Lexi and Madeline.

  Lexi is only three years older than me and Kit. How's she supposed to run a global nonprofit like Talbot International? Or raise an eleven-year-old child?

  I'm horrible enough to envy her a little.

  Lexi has a place in the world. A purpose. I'm just… here.

  I shake my head, refusing to dwell on that fact, and weave my way through the airport. When I make it to baggage claim, I'm once again jabbed in the ribs by a wayward elbow. The weight of my carry-on unbalances me this time, and I pitch forward with a muttered expletive, grabbing for the first thing I can to keep myself upright.

  "Oof!"

  "I'm sorry," I mutter, slamming into a hard chest. The attached body stumbles backward a step. "So sorry," I say again when he reaches out to steady me.

  His fingers brush roughly across my bruises. A painful cry bursts from my lips, intense pain shooting through me again. I jerk away from the fiery burn as much as from his hands.

  The stranger snatches his hands back like I've scalded him.

  "Are you okay?" he asks.

  I glance up and blink through the fog of pain, my answer dying on my lips when I catch sight of him.

  The man is absolutely beautiful, dressed in a suit and tie that are doing things for him that should be illegal. He towers over me, lean and muscular. Dark blond hair falls across his forehead, ending right before the most beautiful jade colored eyes I've ever seen. His lips are full, kissable. And his jaw is chiseled perfection beneath a day's worth of stubble… My fingers actually twitch to reach out and stroke it.

  My stomach flips when his eyes meet mine. They're cool. Not unfriendly, but surprised, and I can't look away.