All Falls Down

by Morgen, Ayden K.

  Despite how angry I am, I can't doubt that when he says it. I've seen the way he is with the girls, how much he cares for them, and how much Matthew's death has upset him. Whatever is going on, he isn't trying to hurt them. But that doesn't really tell me anything either.

  I don't know what the hell is going on.

  "You have to explain," I say. I'd like to be able to say that it's a demand, but it's not. The words are closer to a plea. I'm begging him to put my world back in order and make sense of the mess that's just exploded around me.

  He closes his eyes for a moment. "Because of my family and the opportunities that afforded me, the FBI recruited me to help investigate crimes involving major corporations," he says. "I have the training and the connections, so it doesn't raise any red flags if I'm suddenly placed inside a private sector company. My job with the FBI isn't common knowledge, but Lex and Chris went to college together and were good friends, so she knew. About a year ago, Matthew grew concerned about T.I. shipments into Central Africa. Lexi called me for help. I couldn't promise her anything, but I agreed to meet with Matthew and see what he had."

  For the first time since he said he's an FBI agent, I can breathe again.

  Matthew isn't a criminal. Jared isn't investigating the family.

  My hands actually shake in his, my relief is so profound.

  "He couldn't prove anything," he continues, his gaze unfocused, far away, "but shipments they were sending in for civilians caught in the war were being snatched up by the rebels too frequently for it to be coincidence. It looked as if the militias knew when the shipments were going through and where they were going to be. Matthew changed routes several times, and every time, the militias would strike and take everything. They've lost millions of dollars, which is bad enough. But Matthew was more concerned with the fact that T.I. employees were being killed in the process."

  Oh no. Matthew would have been devastated.

  "It got to the point where only those directly associated with the deliveries were being given route information, but they kept losing shipments. He cycled people out, but nothing helped. To protect his people, Matthew was faced with halting all shipments into the area and leaving thousands of people without food, water, and basic medical supplies." Jared cocks a brow at me as he says this and I nod, understanding.

  Matthew would not have willingly cut off shipments to a war torn country. So many others refused to risk it, and that's exactly why Matthew and T.I. always did. He cared what happened to the people caught in the middle.

  "When Matthew approached me with his concerns, it was fairly obvious to everyone that it was in our best interest to investigate for a number of reasons. Without companies like T.I., hundreds of thousands would be completely at the mercy of these militias." Jared pauses for a minute, anger and sadness twisting through his expression.

  "Matthew hated how much control the militias have," I say quietly.

  "I do too." Jared shakes his head, frowning. "They're brutal, and no one is safe. Children are swallowed up into their armies. Women and little girls are raped and murdered. Innocent civilians go without food and medical care; their homes are destroyed. Since the anti-balaka militias have started running wild, the crisis has gotten worse. It would be a complete catastrophe if T.I. was forced to pull out. My superiors agreed. Thad had just announced his retirement, so they set me up in his place."

  "Within weeks of taking the position, Lex was nearly run over after a giving a speech at a convention. We assumed it was an accident, but the driver confessed that someone paid him to do it, but he didn't know who. He swore he wasn't trying to kill her, but had she not moved so quickly, she probably wouldn't have survived."

  "Oh my God," I mouth, horrified.

  Jared squeezes my hands in his. "A month later, Matthew was on-site at the new warehouse when a light display fell. It was another close call. One of the construction workers fled the scene, and we ended up with the same story. Someone paid him to do it and he didn't know who."

  "Who would do that?" I ask. Who could possibly do something like that to Lexi and Matthew? Who could possibly want to? Matthew was such a good person, and so is Lexi. What they do at T.I. is honorable. How could anyone want to destroy that?

  "It got to the point where only board members were provided information on the routes into Central Africa. We kept Lexi and Matthew's itineraries under wraps, too, but there were several other close calls. And then someone severed his brake line." Jared sighs heavily. "It looks like he was murdered by one of his own board members."

  The breath I've just recently found rushes out of me again. For a minute, I think I'm going to pass out. Spots actually swim through my field of vision and everything seems distorted.

  "You've gotta breathe, beautiful girl," Jared says, chaffing my hands between his.

  I take a gasping breath and then another. The spots disappear and everything begins to come into focus again. I keep breathing. One deep breath after another.

  Jared rises to his feet and settles onto the couch beside me. He pulls me up against him, wrapping his arms around me. I sink into his embrace, needing it more in this moment than any that has come before. I never expected this. I never expected what he was keeping from me to be this real, this scary.

  Lexi's life is truly in danger.

  I knew that, but before, it was abstract, something I suspected but didn't really understand. Now though, it's blindingly real. One of Matthew's closest friends, the people he trusted more than anyone else, murdered him. And now they're trying to kill his daughter and destroy his company, too.

  Who could do that to him?

  Why would they do that to him?

  "Better?"

  I nod, not at all sure I'm okay.

  Jared's quiet for a minute and then he continues. "We don't know who's responsible, and the board checks out." His shoulders move against me in a shrug. "But there's no other explanation."

  "Are you…. You're pretending to be her boyfriend?" I ask, needing a minute to process what he's just told me.

  "Yes. We couldn't risk raising suspicion by bringing anyone else in to keep them safe, so we came up with this plan." He sighs again. "It gave me an excuse to move into the mansion and allowed Chris to take on security."

  Relief rushes through me.

  All I can think is thank God. I know that shouldn't be my primary concern in this moment, but it is. Lexi and Jared aren't dating. He doesn't belong to her.

  I clear my throat and try to focus on the matter at hand.

  "Is Chris FBI, too?"

  "No," Jared answers. "He and Demetri do private security." He strokes my cheek. "There have been a few letters threatening Mad and Katie. Since Chris is my brother and everyone thinks Lex and I are dating, bringing him in to help keep an eye on the girls was the best solution we could come up with."

  "Kit doesn't know?" I'm suddenly horrified that I convinced her to go back to school. She doesn't need to be there at all! She needs to be here, where Jared can keep her safe.

  "No one knows, love. Because of the situation in Africa, Matthew was adamant that we keep this quiet. If it becomes common knowledge that T.I. convoys are being targeted, it'll create a panic. Aid groups will start pulling their people out, and that's the last thing anyone wants. Matthew didn't want Katrina or Madeline to worry so he never told them either. Now that he's gone, Lexi's adamant that they not know. Until we know who's behind all of this…." he trails off.

  I know what he isn't saying. Until they know, nothing can change. He has to see this through to protect the girls and T.I. employees. Leaving Lexi for me would destroy his cover, and cause too many people to start asking questions they shouldn't. Until it's over, he can't just be with me.

  "I shouldn't have taken you out today," he whispers while I try to absorb the ramifications of this. "But I can't stay away from you, and I made sure we weren't followed." He strokes my cheek again. "I can't just break things off with her though."

  I don't know what to
say to that because he's right, so I focus on the other stuff.

  "What do they want from Lexi?"

  "We don't know if they're trying to make a play for T.I., if they're trying to accomplish something in Africa, or if there's something more personal behind all of this. Because the problems came up so soon after Matthew announced that Lexi would take over as CEO when he retired, we're assuming it's a personal vendetta. Someone doesn't want her in charge. But until we find out who's responsible, we're blind." He sighs again. "And now you're in danger too."

  "I…." I am? I don't see how. I'm inconsequential. Just the wayward maid's abandoned daughter. I have nothing to do with T.I. "How?"

  "You're here and you know the truth," he explains. "That puts you at risk. I don't think anyone will target you to get to Lexi, but I can't promise that. And if whoever is behind this finds out that you know the truth, or that you and I are together, I don't know what they'll do. They've already killed Matthew. That's why I didn't want to tell you. I needed time to figure out what to do, to figure out how to keep you out of it."

  "Oh." I should be terrified, but I'm not. Guilt swims through me again, stinging.

  "It's not your fault," he says again as if he's read my mind. "You had a right to want to know what's going on. I just wish–" He stops talking. "I can't change the situation. I promised Lex that I'd keep her and the girls safe, and I'm on this case until it's finished. I can't walk away."

  Of course he can't.

  "Does she know about us?"

  "No. She's a wreck right now so I haven't told her."

  I nod, understanding. The last thing she needs to hear right now is that Jared and I are risking everything.

  "I tried to convince her to find a different way to go about this." Again, his shoulders move against my back.

  "That's what she was so upset about last night," I guess, turning to face him.

  He nods, frowning, and reaches for my hand to play with my fingers. "She's terrified the girls will be hurt now that Matthew's gone." Guilt flashes through his expression as he says this. He blames himself. "She's too frightened to change course now, and I don't blame her. We've already gone too far to back out now. Too much could go wrong."

  I sit quietly for a long time, just trying to put it all together in my mind. I didn't expect this conversation to turn out this way. I don't honestly know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I may not be a horrible person, stealing Lexi's boyfriend away from her, but I'm still a risk. If anyone guesses that they're putting on an act, that Jared isn't who everyone thinks he is… she could be in more danger. Madeline or Kit could be hurt. Killed. So could dozens of other innocent people.

  How can I let Jared take that risk? How can I take that risk?

  "I don't know what to do," I whisper. My heart physically hurts. Everything has changed, yet we're in the same place we were an hour ago. If Jared and I continue seeing each other and anyone finds out, there will be hell to pay. If we stop now, we get hurt.

  How is that right? How is that fair? It isn't… but my happiness is nothing compared to what the girls are going through. If giving Jared up means they stay safe, there is no other option.

  "I know it's a mess, but I want you, Savannah." He reaches out to cup my cheek again. "I didn't intend to fall for you, but I am. I don't want to stop." He sounds so torn and looks so fiercely beautiful.

  I have to force myself to breathe again. In and out. Slowly.

  "Tell me what you want from me," he pleads. "I'll give it to you, whatever it is. Just tell me what you want me to do."

  "You can't leave her," I whisper.

  He shakes his head no. "I don't want to be without you either," he says.

  In that moment, I realize how incredibly screwed we both are, because I don't think I can stay away from him. Even knowing the truth… I don't think I can call this off.

  God help us all, but I don't want to give him up.

  Taking a deep breath, I whisper, "Stay with me." They may be the most significant three words I've ever spoken. "We'll find a way to keep this – us – a secret until the girls are safe."

  I'm scared he's going to say no. Terrified he's going to refuse me even after everything he's said. I'm not worth the risk and I know that. But I want to be. For once, I want to be worth something to someone. To him. I want to matter. I want someone to be willing to fight for me, even if it's impossible.

  Jared holds my gaze for a moment longer. I don't know if he's searching for something in my expression or what, but he groans softly and then he jerks me onto his lap, into his arms. His lips descend on mine. He kisses me hard, telling me with his body what he can't put into words.

  I kiss him back exactly the same way, begging him not to hurt me. Not to break me. My hands rove all over him, across his chest and back, through his hair. His are all over me, too. They're gripping my hair lightly, cupping my breasts, running across every inch of me that he can reach.

  "I need to make love to you," he says against my lips.

  My heart stops beating for a moment, fear shooting through me. A thousand doubts come rushing in, a flurry of what ifs ricocheting through me.

  "Let me show you how it should be for you." Jared pulls back to gaze at me. His eyes are wide, dilated, and so beautiful. "I will never hurt you like he did, beautiful girl."

  "What if…" I can't force the words out.

  He stares at me for a long moment, waiting for me to finish that question, but I can't.

  "Tell me what you're thinking," he whispers.

  I avert my gaze, take a deep breath. "He said I'm… frigid. I don't– I might not be… What if I can't–?" I'm not even sure how to explain my fears to him. How do you confess to someone who looks at you like you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen that you're terrified you won't be able to please him? That you'll disappoint him?

  "Oh, love," he says, pressing his lips to my forehead, and I realize that he's figured out what I can't say. That he knows my greatest fear. "Look at me, please."

  I want to deny him, but I can't. I never can.

  My eyes flutter open to find him staring at me, his expression full of certainty.

  "You didn't enjoy sex with him because he hurt you, Savannah. He took something that should have been beautiful for you and made it ugly. That's not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with you for not enjoying what he did to you. But I feel the way you tremble when I kiss you, and the way your heart races when I touch you. You aren't frigid, beautiful girl. And there is no one that will ever please me more than you." Jade green bores into me, searing me with promise and sincerity. His lips find mine again. "Let me show you how it should be," he whispers. "How you deserve to be loved."

  I nod hesitantly.

  I want this. I want him.

  His arms lash around me and he lifts me from the couch. His mouth never leaves mine as he locks my legs around his waist and starts stumbling through the house. The instant he slips his tongue back into my mouth, all of my doubts and insecurities fall away, leaving nothing but him and the way every little part of me craves him.

  I think it's the same for him.

  We crash into the walls, the door. Pictures and knick-knacks are bumped off shelves, but they don't register. We're completely lost in one another, tearing through buttons and panting as he carries me into the bedroom. The door slams hard behind him before he lays me on the bed, his body covering mine. His mouth is everywhere now… his tongue at my ear, his teeth scraping across my throat.

  "Jared," I gasp, dizzy from the sensations swirling through me.

  He presses down on top of me. I'm completely engulfed by him, and it still isn't enough. I push my hands into his shirt, trying to rip it away from his body. He struggles out of it and flings it away before lifting me and tearing mine away too. My bra goes with it.

  He leans back and his gaze trails down my body. His jade eyes are blazing hot when they meet mine again. "You shatter me," he says, and then leans forward again, pulling my nipple
into his mouth and sucking hard.

  I cry out, the sensation sparking everywhere. It's bright white light coursing through me with the force of a hurricane. I arch beneath him and cry out again and again. He doesn't stop his beautiful assault. He just moves from one breast to the other, sending sensation tearing through me over and over.

  His mouth trails down my stomach, pressing little kisses everywhere while he lifts my hips and pulls my pants and panties off. I can't even breathe through the fire of what having his bare hands on my skin does to me. My body sizzles, steams…. I want more. I need more.

  I've never felt anything like him before.

  Jared groans, crawling back over my body and kissing me again before pulling away and standing. I watch through heavy lids as he kicks his shoes off and jerks his pants down.

  "I wish you could see how beautiful you look spread across your bed for me," he says. He holds my gaze, dropping his boxers, his gaze scorching me with the conviction of what he's just said.

  I swallow hard when his erection springs free. He's big and so hard….

  I press my legs together, trying to ease the ache between them.

  Everything inside me trembles with desire, with fear… I don't know which is more predominant, but I want him. And that doesn't seem wrong. With desire blazing from jade green as he stares at me, I don't feel wrong or frigid. All I feel is fire. Fire everywhere.

  He pulls my legs apart and kneels between them, running his mouth up the inside of my thigh and then down the other. His breath is hot across my center. My fingers twist in the sheets, my heart galloping.

  How can something this right, this amazing, be wrong?

  He meets my gaze again and it's like I'm staring at an angel. His cheeks are flushed with desire, his green eyes nearly black beneath heavy lids. He is captivating, entirely too beautiful.

  "Do you want me to stop?" he whispers.

  I shake my head no. I don't want him to stop. I never want him to stop making me feel like this.

  He nods once, his expression fierce, and lowers his head again.

  His tongue swipes through my folds.

  "Oh!" I cry out, my fingers clutched in the sheets as pleasure rolls through me.