Fear pumps the hardest.
"Savannah," he sighs. His voice is so… I don't know. It's soft, like it always was after he'd throw things or yell at me. Like he's relieved to hear me on the other end of the line. Like he's about to give me some excuse for his behavior. It's so familiar, it's sickening.
"What do you want?" I was naïve to hope he would just forget about me. Of course, he isn't finished tormenting me. Laney would never let him push her around or hurt her. She'd never put up with it how I did.
God, how could I be so stupid?
I should have known that talking about, thinking about him, wouldn't end well.
"I miss you," he says, using that same sickening tone.
I used to be so relieved when he'd walk back through the door after storming out and tell me that he missed me. He always seemed so earnest, and I would convince myself that, this time, it would be different. This time, he really meant that.
Now though? Now I know better. I hear that tone in my nightmares. Those words haunt me, tormenting me.
"Where's Laney?"
"I don't want to talk about her," he says, sounding petulant. Like a little boy who lost his favorite toy.
God, how did I ever think I loved him?
"How are you?" he asks.
That question makes me angry. He has no right to ask me that. None at all.
My heart pounds so hard, it startles me.
"Why do you care now?" I snap. "You didn't care when I spent weeks in the hospital alone."
"Savannah, I messed up, baby. I'm so sorry about Laney."
"Do not call me that," I hiss at him. "You don't get to call me that anymore."
"Bab–Savannah, please," he whispers. "I miss you. Let me see you."
See me?
Oh, God, no. Please no.
"Where are you?"
Fear courses through me again, a tidal wave of terror crashing over me. I ease down onto the floor and pull my knees up to my chest, trying to make myself as small as possible. As if curling in on myself will make all of this go away. Will make him go away.
"I just got in."
I know what he means, but I have to ask anyway. I'm a masochist, I guess. "Where?"
"San Francisco."
Even though I knew he was going to say that, my heart literally stops beating for a second. I'm so scared, so surprised, that my heart just fails to push blood through my veins. That second seems to go on forever, blood frozen somewhere deep inside while sheer terror rages through me in its place.
And then, all of the sudden, my heart lurches into motion again.
The first beat is so hard, my whole body shakes. Anxiety slams into me, squeezing the breath from my lungs. My vision blurs. My fingers – my arms and legs – are numb, like they're no longer attached.
I'm certain it can't get any worse… and then it does.
"I came to get you," Toby says.
I shake my head back and forth as if he can actually hear the motion.
Bile burns in the back of my throat and I just want to breathe. I just want to wake up.
Why am I not waking up?
"Savannah, please come home," he says. He sounds so miserable.
I suddenly realize that I was wrong earlier. I do hate him. I hate him so much, I can't think straight.
"I love you. You know I do. I made a mistake, baby."
I think maybe he's taken my silence for defeat, that he thinks if he just keeps talking long enough, he'll wear me down. That I'll say yes. I'll forgive him, let him come see me, and then let him take me back to Italy where he can keep me locked up inside and scream at me when he needs a little pick-me up.
"Savannah?" Another voice says as he keeps whispering in my ear about how he's sorry. How he doesn't love Laney. How he was so wrong and so stupid. How he'll never forgive himself for letting me go. Not once does he say he's sorry for hurting me. Not once does he apologize for the two years of hell, or for leaving me in that hospital alone.
I glance up to find Jared and Lexi standing in the doorway to the living room. They're both watching me with matching concerned expressions. I wonder what they see on my face that causes them both to rush toward me. Or maybe the fact that I'm rocking back and forth causes them race toward me. I don't know, but they do.
"What's wrong?" Lexi demands, her voice full of fear. She drops to her knees beside me.
Toby continues to go on and on in my ear.
I open my mouth to tell her what's wrong, but before I can get the words out, Jared is there.
He takes one glance at my face, and then gently pries the phone from my hand.
I can't seem to straighten my fingers.
"Toby," I finally whisper. His name shakes on my lips. I can't breathe. I can't think. I'm numb. "He's here. He's… he's here."
Lexi cries out. She puts her arm around me, trying to physically shield me from him.
A savage growl tears from Jared's throat. He holds the phone to his ear. I'm not sure what Toby says on the other end, but Jared's expression twists. He doesn't look angry. He looks lethal. An avenging angel ready to murder in the name of God.
Lexi hugs me, shushing me while I gasp and shake.
"Toby?" Jared says. His voice is calm. Not that nice calm, but that scary calm-before-the-storm kind of calm.
For a second, all I hear are my gasps, the hammering of my heart, and the tick of the clock on the wall.
It doesn't last.
I bury my head in Lexi's shoulder when Toby asks who the fuck he's talking to and why the fuck he's with me. He's loud, and it reminds me of every other time he lost his temper in the blink of an eye and started yelling. He hasn't changed at all since he dropped me off at the hospital and walked away.
I hadn't really expected that he had.
"My name is Jared Corbit," Jared says in that scary-calm voice again. "And if you come anywhere near Savannah, I'll kill you."
I can't hear Toby's response – I'm not sure I want to know what he has to say – but whatever it is causes Jared to laugh. The sound is cold, devoid of humor.
"No, she does not," he says. "Do not call her again. Do not come here. If I find you within half a mile of her, I will kill you." The phone beeps once as he depresses the End button.
Silence rings through the room again.
"Breathe, Savannah," Lexi says then, rubbing her hand up and down my back.
I can't stop shaking, and I still can't breathe. I'm not crying though. Everything feels so far away, but part of me wants to cheer over the fact that I'm not crying. I take a deep breath and then another and another. My head is stuffed with wool and my chest hurts. It's tight and every hard thump of my heart makes my lungs ache like I have bronchitis. I want to curl up in Jared's arms.
The fact that I can't burns.
"Where is he, Savannah?" Jared asks. His voice is soft again. Not how it was when he threatened Toby, but how it always is when he talks to me now. Like I'm a frightened kitten he wants to soothe and he's physically incapable of raising his voice to me.
Fear begins to loosen its hold little by little.
"His parents' house, I think," I say. The words shake uncontrollably. My teeth chatter.
Jared curses.
For a long time, we just sit there. Jared's on his knees beside me, and Lexi has her arms around me. I feel completely eviscerated, struggling to get my anxiety under control again. I tell myself over and over that Toby won't come here. That Jared's warning will keep him away. But I know better. Eventually, he will come. He'll arrive at the gate and demand to be let in to see me. He won't go away until they let him… and I'll have to face him.
My past has caught up with me, demanding I face it, and I don't want to do it.
Maybe that makes me a coward, but it's true.
I don't want to see Toby. I don't want to listen to him. I don't want to be anywhere near him. I hate him for doing this to me. Just when things were starting to hurt less – just when I started to think that maybe I would be okay
– he shows up to prove me wrong.
"We should get her in bed," Jared says softly. "She needs to warm up and rest before she goes into shock."
"I don't want her out there alone." Pure steel rings in Lexi's tone. "If he's here, I don't want her going anywhere alone."
A hysterical half-laugh, half-sob catches in my throat. I want to tell Lexi that there is no if about it. He is here. The world is crashing at my feet. Even knowing what's going on with Lexi, I've felt safe here. Like everything Toby put me through was really over and I could relax a little. No one would smash glasses against the wall and scream at me. No one would slam doors and call me names or curse at me.
That sense of safety feels so far away right now.
Another half-laugh, half-sob bubbles up.
My jaw is clenched so tightly it comes out in a keening whimper.
"You can't leave Madeline here by herself," Jared says to Lexi. "You know she'll need you in the middle of the night."
"I'm not letting Savannah stay alone," Lexi says. Her hold on me tightens, as if she's afraid Jared will try to pull me from her arms.
"I'll stay with her." Jared's soft words slice through the turmoil in my mind.
For just a moment, everything inside of me falls silent again. He's forced the demons out with nothing but those four little words. Hope courses through me. And then I remember exactly why he can't stay with me all night and those demons dig their claws in again, clinging tightly.
Exhaustion hits me hard. I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically spent.
There's nothing left to give.
Nothing.
Lexi hasn't said anything and I'm too tired to lift my head to see why, so I try to tell her I'll stay by myself. "I–I'll b–be f–f–fine," I say. The words don't even sound convincing to me. My teeth still chatter, and I'm rocking back and forth, trying desperately to hold myself together.
"Nonsense," she says. There's… something… in her voice. Something important, but I can't seem to catch hold of what it means. "Jared will stay with you," she decides before I can figure it out.
She hugs me hard before scooting away.
Jared's strong arms encircle me and he lifts me gently from the floor. His scent wraps around me as he tucks me against his chest like I'm a little kid, and for the first time since answering the phone, my breath comes a little easier.
I curl into his embrace with a soft sigh.
"Take care of her," Lexi says, and she sounds… sad.
I bury my face in Jared's chest and pass out.
I come to with a jolt when he lays me on my bed in the guesthouse.
It's completely dark in the room.
"Let go, beautiful girl," he says when I immediately tighten my hold on him.
I don't want to let go. He's so warm and he smells so good. Like home and safety and happiness. I think if he moves away from me, I may crumble into pieces too small to put back together.
"Let go for a minute, love," he says again, brushing my hair back from my forehead with one hand. "I need to get your clothes off."
I realize then that my shirt is damp.
"It's raining."
I didn't even know.
"Yeah," he murmurs, pressing his lips to my forehead.
I reluctantly let go of him. He kisses the inside of each of my wrists before easing my arms down to the bed beside me and sitting me up. He removes my shirt quickly. I want to help him, but my entire body feels like Jell-O.
He unhooks my bra, his lips brushing little kisses across my shoulder. Heat starts blooming inside, washing away the chill and lethargy that's settled over me. He removes my bra carefully, his lips never leaving my skin.
"Jared," I breathe when he leans away to toss the bra to the floor. My hands lift of their own volition and find his shirt. I curl my fingers into it, shifting my legs against one another.
He leans back in, pulling me up against his chest and holding me tightly. "I missed you tonight."
His breath is warm against my cheek, and heat pushes out a little more of the chill clinging inside of me. I still feel so small and scared though, as if hearing Toby's voice again has buried all the good parts of me deep inside. The other stuff – the bad stuff – is heavy atop those parts, suffocating them. Suffocating me.
"Please," I say to Jared. I'm not really sure what I'm asking him for. I just need him to help me find myself again. Need him to remind me who I am.
He doesn't even hesitate. His arms tighten around me and his lips skim across my cheek in search of my mouth. I turn toward him and our lips meet. Our kiss is soft and slow, completely different than it was in the conservatory hours ago.
I sigh into his mouth. He shifts us around on the bed, fumbling with the button and zipper of my shorts. Our tongues keep coming together and dancing apart as he helps me stand and pulls my shorts and panties down my legs. Cool air brushes across my bare skin, but it's not the same as the chill slowly beginning to unravel inside.
Jared stands with me and begins to slip from his own clothes, pulling his suit off the best he can. Our mouths don't stop moving against one another. The only sounds in the room are soft pants, sighs, and the rustle of fabric.
"Come here," he murmurs against my lips when he's completely naked. His erection presses insistently against my stomach, and I am so wet. Every time he touches me, heat kisses my skin.
He settles down on the bed, and draws me toward him with his hand on my wrist. I straddle him, and gasp when his length presses against my center. Everything but him bleeds away.
I'm a ball of sensation. Of scent, touch… of him.
I hover over him on my knees. His mouth breaks from mine and dips to my breast. His tongue is hot against my nipple, his teeth heavenly. My fingers clutch at his shoulders as he pulls first one nipple and then the other into his mouth, sucking hard.
"Jared," I moan, arching into him.
His arms are firmly around me, holding me close, his erection rubbing against my clit. My arousal drips down my thighs. I've never been in this position before, but it's so intimate. So intense. Like he's truly worshipping me, his mouth and hands caressing every inch of me.
"Beautiful girl," he whispers.
His fingers brush across the scars on my back and then down my sides. I try not to cry out when he slips his fingers between my legs and rubs my clit. The moment is so soft, so beautiful, that it seems almost sacrilegious to ruin it with anything more than a whisper.
He lines himself up at my entrance, his mouth working along my collarbones and throat.
"Savannah," he breathes into my neck.
I lower myself slowly down onto him, moaning. He slips inside, inch by inch.
All those little pieces of me that Toby's call managed to bury begin to swim toward the surface again. I'm Savannah and I belong here with Jared, and with the girls. They want me here. They need me. They're good for me.
"Oh, baby," Jared groans when my ass settles against his thighs, pushing him fully inside of me.
I don't move at all for a long moment. Instead I close my eyes, reveling in the decadent sensations whispering through me. At the delicious way he stretches and fills me, like he was made to be inside me. And at the way he holds me, his hands gentle as he pulls me closer, closer, until I'm no longer sure where I end and he begins.
His hands span my ribcage, his lips trailing reverently everywhere he can reach – my throat, my shoulders, my collarbone, over my heart, and across my breasts. I begin to move slowly atop him, barely breathing as I lift myself from him and ease back down.
Our movements are unhurried, and little by little, I begin to find myself. Every time he whispers my name into my skin, telling me again and again who I am, I feel a little more solid, a little more real. His groans reverberate all over, those soft sounds washing away every bad thing Toby's voice brought to the surface.
All that's left is me and Jared. It's so sweet, so beautiful, tears slip down my cheeks.
I begin to moan louder, my mov
ements speeding a little. He helps lift me up and settle me back down, groaning every time my ass meets his thighs, pushing him fully inside me.
"Beautiful girl," he moans when his name breaks from my lips in response to the sensations buffeting my body. His hands tighten on my sides for a moment and his hips buck toward mine before circling.
He's so deep, I cry out, a shockwave of pleasure rolling through me.
He does the same thing again and I cry out again. And then again.
Within moments, everything but him and this moment completely dissolves. The only thing left is his cock inside of me, his hands on my body, and his sweaty skin beneath mine.
I ride him slowly.
His mouth settles on my nipple again, pulling and laving in turns.
"Jared, Jared," I chant, my body beginning to tremble.
"Come for me, baby," he whispers, his mouth over my heart. One of his hands dips between my legs and begins to rub circles against my clit.
I moan and my fingernails dig into his shoulders.
"I love you, Savannah," he whispers.
The world explodes around me the moment those words leave his lips, waves of ecstasy rushing through me.
"I love you," he says again as his body begins to jerk beneath mine.
He calls my name loudly, and we collapse against one another.
"You don't belong here, Savannah," Toby whispers, wrapping his arms around my waist as I stand in the driveway, holding my bags. "You belong with me. I'll take care of you."
"Toby…."
I don't want to go.
I want to go.
I'm so confused.
"You're an inconvenience here, Sav. Your mom left you, and they," he lifts one big arm and points at the mansion before us, "feel sorry for you. You know this is true. You aren't like them. You don't fit here. If you stay, you'll ruin their lives."
"Kit's my friend," I whisper, a lump forming in my throat.
"Is she?" he asks. "Is she really?"
"I…"
"You belong with me, Savannah. Come to Italy. You can go to school there. It'll be good for you."
I nod as tears begin to slip down my cheeks.
"Savannah! Savannah, wait!" Jared yells as Toby helps me onto his motorcycle after my bags are lashed into place.
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