Marriage: Impossible (Voretti Family Book 1)

by Blackstone, Ava

  Sean heard every word, but they fell into a disorganized jumble inside his head. “So, what? You decided to let me think we were married? Because, honey, I love a joke as much as the next guy, but that’s…”

  “I didn’t…I only….” She cleared her throat. “You were talking about cliff diving and….”

  The hairs on the back of his neck stood at attention, like a sniper was using him for target practice. “And what?”

  “I didn’t want anything to happen to you. You’d been so different since you came back from Iraq, with all your cave diving and big-wave surfing and heli-skiing. I guess, when Ty told me you were going cliff diving, I was afraid…”

  “Hold up. When Ty told you?” A rushing in his ears overwhelmed him, like he was free-falling from thirty thousand feet. “You came to Reno because of me?”

  It took her forever to meet his gaze, but once she did there was no mistaking the answer. It was right there in her eyes.

  He jumped off the couch. “You came to Reno as my goddamned babysitter?”

  “Sean.” She reached toward him.

  Every muscle in his body ached for her. She was his lifeline. He could survive anything if she was by his side.

  But she wasn’t his. Not for real. The sooner he got that through his head the better.

  He forced his hand back down to his side.

  “Come on,” she said. “It wasn’t like that.”

  “Then what was it like?”

  Silence

  Let it go, said the voice of reason inside his head, but his ego drowned it out. “Tell me. What was it like?”

  “It… I was only trying to…”

  “Okay. I’ll give it a shot. You thought I was so fucked up that you pretended we were married to save me from myself.”

  “I’m so sorry. I made a mistake.”

  “Damn straight. You should’ve picked a babysitting strategy where you wouldn’t have had to give it up.”

  He was such an idiot. Because last night, under the forgiving darkness, he’d actually thought they had a chance. That, with her at his side, he could become a better man.

  The harsh morning light revealed that for the bullshit it was. He was broken. Beyond repair. Of course Keri didn’t think he was worthy of her. He’d been her charity case from the beginning.

  “Wait! At least give me a chance to apologize.”

  “Don’t bother. I’m not gonna jump off any cliffs or try surfing Mavericks. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

  “I’m not pretending, you big idiot! I love you.”

  He was so pathetic. Because, even now, knowing everything, he wanted to grab onto that word. Use it to bind them together irrevocably.

  “Did you hear me? I said I love you.”

  “I heard.”

  “What? You don’t have anything to say?”

  He had too much to say. Too many words—a jumble of anger and pleading and need that kept growing. “No.”

  The words pushed at his throat, battling to get out. He swallowed them down, down, down. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters. Please, Sean. Tell me how you feel. I need to know, or we’re never going to be able to work through this.”

  “This isn’t something we’re working through.”

  “What do you mean?”

  His heart pounded in his ears. “I mean, it’s over. You’re free.”

  “I’ve always been free. I was with you because I wanted to be with you.”

  He let the words wash over him—only noise, no real meaning.

  “You’re the man I’ve always wanted.”

  She kept talking, but he didn’t let himself listen. He just breathed. In and out and in and out.

  She would have to stop soon. She’d run out of energy or words or the desire to fight for a man who didn’t deserve her.

  But he’d underestimated her. She kept right on going, and even though he wasn’t listening to the words themselves, he couldn’t escape her tone. The desperate pleading in her gaze.

  Even breathing was a struggle because with every dose of oxygen, he pulled in her scent. He had to get out of here.

  “Sean, please. Where are you going?”

  “Out.” He pulled the door, but it stuck.

  He hated the door. He hated the apartment. He hated the universe for giving him Keri and then taking her away.

  He jerked on the knob, and it finally came open, slamming into the wall. Bits of paint and drywall rained onto the floor.

  His hand was bleeding. He didn’t know how he’d gotten the deep red gash, and he didn’t care. He couldn’t feel it. He couldn’t feel anything over the throbbing wound in his heart. Maybe he never would again.

  “Come back! You can’t—”

  “Go home, Keri. You’re not my wife, and this isn’t your apartment.”

  CHAPTER 8

  THE DOOR WAS perfectly ordinary—wood paneling surrounding a frosted glass window. No reinforced steel or heavy-duty lock to keep Sean out. Only the black lettering on the window—Compassionate Counseling.

  Man up, Patterson. If you can’t open that door, you’re never going to be worthy of Keri.

  Just like that, walking inside was the easiest thing in the world. He’d promised Keri he would see a therapist, and he was going to do it.

  He’d been a complete ass this morning, but he’d been right about one thing—he wasn’t worthy of her. Not because of what had happened to Ty, but because she deserved more than a man who bottled up his emotions, lashing out at the people who loved him the most.

  He wasn’t worthy of her now. But he was damn well going to be.

  A woman looked up from her computer behind the reception desk. “Can I help you?”

  The question echoed inside his head. For so long, he’d been afraid to ask for help. Afraid talking about his problems would make them worse. Afraid he’d be a disappointment to his friends and family. Less of a man.

  But all those fears were nothing compared to the one that gripped him now. If he didn’t get help he was going to lose Keri. Assuming he hadn’t already.

  He took a deep breath. “I need to make an appointment.”

  *

  Sean wasn’t there.

  Keri forced her anxious frown into a smile and walked into the small conference room at the county administration center. The walls were blank white, the lighting was fluorescent, and the chairs looked like they’d been scavenged from a going-out-of-business sale, but the atmosphere in the room was unmistakably joyful. Annabelle cooed at a baby dressed in a tuxedo onesie, looking stunning in an embroidered sheath dress. Her family surrounded her and Ty, a boisterous group that had already taken her brother in like he was one of their own.

  Keri closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let herself relax. Here, in the midst of all this happiness, it seemed at least possible that she and Sean might be able to start over.

  Ty broke away from Annabelle’s family and ambled toward her. “Where’s Sean?”

  “He’ll be here soon.” He had to be. No way would he miss his best friend’s wedding. At least, that’s what she’d told herself for each of the past six hours since Sean had walked out on her.

  “He’d better be. Because we’re supposed to start at 4:45, so—” Ty focused in on her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I didn’t get much sleep, that’s all.”

  She hadn’t gotten any sleep, too busy searching her mind for the magic words that would explain why she’d messed up so badly. Why Sean should give her one more chance. For all the good that had done her.

  “Why not?” Ty’s look made it clear he’d already decided Sean was responsible, and the only remaining question was how soon he could kick Sean’s ass.

  “Too many margaritas.” She forced up the ends of her lips, which had forgotten she was supposed to be smiling. “Anyway, this is your day, not mine. How are you? Nervous?”

  “No.” He looked across the room at Annabelle. “I’ve never been more
sure of anything in my life.”

  Annabelle was facing the opposite direction, but the second Ty’s gaze found her, she turned. Her smile was filled with so many things—love, passion, loyalty, trust—but, most of all, absolute certainty.

  Keri swallowed the stupid, irrational, selfish lump in her throat. “I’m so glad the two of you found each other. I know you’re going to be happy.”

  “Thanks, kid.” He slung one arm around her neck. “You’re gonna find someone who makes you this happy, too.”

  “Yeah. About that…”

  The door swung open. Sean walked in, and Keri forgot to breathe.

  He wore his tailored wool suit with more confidence than a Fortune 500 CEO, but he looked tired and sad. She wanted to pull him close. To watch him sleep and know he was at ease.

  Even more than she wanted another chance with him, she wanted to know that he was happy. That he was okay.

  “About time you show up,” Ty shouted. Then, so low Keri could barely hear him, “Don’t be too hard on him.”

  “I—” Too late. Her brother had already started toward Sean. Who was carefully avoiding eye contact with her.

  The judge entered, and the ceremony began. She and Sean had been positioned on opposite sides of Ty and Annabelle, but she couldn’t stop looking at him.

  He was wearing his wedding ring. Her gaze snagged on the wide, silver band and refused to move away. What did it mean?

  Ty’s voice, loud and sure as he recited his vows, pulled her out of her trance. “I, Ty, take you, Annabelle, as my wife. I promise to share my life with you—the good and the bad. I promise to tell you how much I love you every day.” He smiled at her, all the love he was feeling shining through as he finished. “And I promise that I’ll never forget how lucky I am that we found each other.”

  Sean finally looked at Keri. His face showed no hint of expression—not a smile or a frown or an eyebrow furrow—except in his eyes. They were hot and intent and completely focused on her.

  And she burned.

  *

  The ceremony seemed to last forever. Or maybe that was because Sean’s heart was beating too fast, like his entire body was set on fast forward while the rest of the world played at regular speed.

  Talking to the therapist had been anticlimactic—like seeing the bully who’d starred in all his kindergarten nightmares years later and realizing that he was a regular kid. Therapy wasn’t the terrifying obstacle he’d built it up to be. It also wasn’t magic. It was going to take a lot of time before he worked through his issues. But talking had helped—and he was about to do a lot more of it.

  He needed to apologize to Keri. To tell her that he loved her and that was the only thing that really mattered. But first he had to talk to Ty. His best friend deserved to know his intentions. Not to mention that he deserved an apology for the way Sean had tried to sabotage his wedding.

  Finally, Ty kissed Annabelle. The judge declared them husband and wife, and Ty grinned. “That’s it, sweetheart. Now you’re stuck with me.”

  All the Vorettis in the audience seemed to find that hilarious. Sean couldn’t tell Annabelle’s opinion because Ty was kissing her again.

  Damn it. At this rate, he was never going to get a chance to talk to his friend.

  Finally, the two lovebirds came up for air. Sean stalked forward—

  Only to be intercepted by a younger, Goth version of Annabelle.

  She gave him a thorough once-over, like she was trying to figure out exactly what was under his suit. The same look Keri gave him right before she kissed him. Except, where Keri’s version made him unbelievably hot, Goth Annabelle’s made him want to duck and cover.

  She shoved her way deep into his personal space. “I know the whole best-man-hooking-up-with-the-maid-of-honor thing is a total cliché. But you’re seriously hot. And since you spent the entire ceremony eye-fucking me, I figure it’s past time we take this somewhere more private.”

  What the hell? He’d never seen this girl in his entire life. Just because he was the best man and she was the—

  Her words finally penetrated. She was the maid of honor. Which meant she’d been standing next to Keri through the entire ceremony. Close enough that she’d thought he was staring at her. “Uh, actually—”

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to be waiting by the phone for you to call me tomorrow. This is strictly a one-time offer. So what do you say?” She hooked a finger in his shirt collar.

  He jerked free. Keri was the only woman he wanted touching him like that.

  “Hmm.” Goth Annabelle studied his face this time instead of his body. “A man who turns down no-strings-attached sex. I’m intrigued.”

  Looking over her shoulder, he saw Keri throw her arms around Ty. “No offense, but I’m not exactly in the mood to chat.”

  She followed his gaze over to Keri, and her dark purple lips lifted into a surprisingly sweet smile. “So that’s how it is.”

  “Liv!” Annabelle threw herself between Sean and her sister. “She’s not bothering you, is she? I swear to God, Olivia, if you’re hitting on him—”

  “Chill, Clam Jam. I was only helping Sean out with his little problem.” She snuck past Annabelle’s guard and gave him a buck-up-soldier pat on the shoulder. “What are you waiting for, stud? Go for it.”

  Too late. Before Sean could get to Keri or Ty, an entire squad of Voretti men charged in. They whisked Ty, Annabelle, and Keri into the limo waiting to take them to the reception like a Secret Service detail moving the President through a room full of reporters.

  By the time Sean arrived at the Italian restaurant, Ty was at the bar, drinking with a bunch of Vorettis. Maybe that was good. Maybe the residual endorphins from the wedding and the buzz from the alcohol would make Ty more receptive to Sean’s news.

  He caught a glimpse of Keri at a table with Liv and said a silent prayer that the girl wasn’t adding any smutty details to their brief encounter. But either Liv was making up quite a story or he’d done enough damage himself this morning, because Keri refused to meet his gaze.

  Shit. This was not going to be easy.

  But Sean had spent his career carrying out missions that would scare most people to death. The trick was to decide you didn’t have a choice. Then you simply performed the necessary tasks, one by one.

  Task one: Talk to Ty.

  Sean strode toward the far corner of the bar, where there was a temporary opening in Ty’s security detail.

  Half way across the room, he caught a flash of long legs and rhinestones.

  Shit. How had Bri found out about the reception?

  He changed directions, double-timing it back to the door. “What are you doing here?”

  He wouldn’t let her ruin Ty’s wedding. He’d throw her over his shoulder and carry her out of the restaurant if he had to.

  “Chill out, man. We were invited.”

  Hardy.

  Bri had come with Hardy, but Sean had been so deep in damage-control mode that he hadn’t even noticed his friend.

  “Hey! You made it!” Sean turned at the sound of Ty’s voice, just in time to see his buddy approaching from behind. Ty embraced Hardy and Bri like they were all the best of friends.

  Well, wasn’t that cozy.

  “Sorry we missed the ceremony,” Bri said. “We ran into traffic. Though, maybe if we’d had a little more notice…”

  “Hey, I can’t control the timing of true love.”

  “So you’re happy?” Bri smiled. “I’m glad.”

  Ty looked from her to Hardy and grinned. “Looks like you’re happy too.”

  “So far so good. Not that we’re planning on getting married anytime soon. We want to give people more than eight-hours notice.”

  Ty chuckled. “Grab some drinks and food. I’ll come catch up with you guys in a few.”

  His hand clamped onto Sean’s shoulder. “Soon as I deal with this guy.” He marched Sean toward the bar—not exactly gently.

  Yeah. Sean had really fucked th
ings up last night.

  “Look.” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about the other night. I was pushing my own issues onto you. I had no right to try to give you advice about your marriage, and I hope you and Annabelle will be very happy.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  “You, uh…” He forced himself to continue, though this part was even harder. “You were right about something else, too. Keri and me…it’s not over between the two of us. At least, I hope it’s not, because I love her. I know I don’t deserve her, but if she’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make her happy. So I hope I have your blessing.”

  “What if you didn’t? Would that make any difference?”

  Sean broke into a cold sweat. It was like he was standing in front of an army of insurgents with no weapon, no armor, not even a ditch to take cover in. He couldn’t cut and run. All he could do was answer the question honestly. “No. I tried to stay away, but I can’t. I need her.”

  For a second, Ty stared at him. Then his scowl relaxed into a wide, familiar smile. “It’s about time. I thought I was gonna have to kick your ass again to knock some sense into that thick skull.”

  “I’d like to see you try.” Sean couldn’t stop the grin from kicking up the corners of his lips. Miracle of miracles, the insurgents had laid down their weapons without firing a single shot.

  “This calls for a toast.” Ty signaled the bartender. A minute later, two shot glasses filled with clear liquid appeared in front of him. He handed one off to Sean. “To happily ever after.”

  Something about Ty was different. The restlessness that had seethed under his relaxed, jokester front was gone. Ty was exactly where he was supposed to be—with Annabelle. Why had it taken Sean so long to see that?

  “To happily ever after.” Sean drank the liquor. As the warmth hit his stomach, he realized it was actually possible. Not only for one of those picture-perfect couples who’d stepped off the screen of a Disney movie, but for him. Him and Keri.