Only Mine o-2
Page 31
«Good morning, Mrs.Lonetree.»
Wolfe had not called her that before. The words pierced Jessica as deeply as the sorrow beneath her husband’s smile. Trembling, she smiled up at him in return; and then her heart caught and her smile threatened to turn upside down.
She had never seen anything as poignant as Wolfe’s haunted eyes and tender smile.
«Did I remember to tell you last night how beautiful you are?» Wolfe asked.
«You made me feel beautiful.»
«You are.» His eyes closed for an instant as though in pain. «And so fragile.»
«What’s wrong?» she whispered.
«Nothing. Save this…and this…and this.»
As Wolfe touched each small mark he had left on Jessica’s skin, he pulled down the bedcovers. The silence became thick with emotions and unspoken words.
«I’ll be more careful of you next time, elf.» He looked into her clear, pale blue eyes. «If you want a next time.»
Jessica caught one of Wolfe’s hands between hers, kissed his palm, and pressed it to her cheek.
«I loved joining with you,» she said in a low voice. «I want there to be times without number.»
Black eyelashes swept down, concealing the haunted indigo depths of Wolfe’s eyes. «I’ll try not to get you pregnant, but…you burn through my control.»
«Don’t you want a child?»
«I’ve caused you enough fear and hurt. I won’t tear you apart bearing children who have neither titles nor estates to inherit.»
«Wolfe,» she said brokenly, «I want your children!»
«Hush, elf,» he murmured, touching her lips with his thumb. «It’s not necessary. I won’t cry annulment for lack of heirs. You’re safe with me. You’ll never have to fear for your life again.»
Jessica’s hands tightened on Wolfe’s. The grief in him was as real and yet as impossible to touch as night itself. It tore at her in ways she couldn’t name.
«I love you, my Lord Wolfe,» she said, lifting up to his lips. «I’ve always loved you. I always will.»
«Yes. I’ve always known that.»
Jessica waited, but Wolfe said no more. Pain twisted through her as she finally understood the source of Wolfe’s unhappiness.
Tree That Stands Alone.
«You don’t love me,» she whispered, realizing too late what she had done to the man she loved.
«I want you, Jessi. I’ve always wanted you. I always will.»
Wolfe fitted his mouth to Jessica’s with exquisite care before he took her with a single, slow penetration if his tongue. The kiss deepened and changed until she was breathing quickly and moving hungrily against him.
«Wolfe,» she said raggedly.
«Lie with me, Jessi. Let me worship your body with mine.»
Jessica couldn’t withhold herself from the naked hunger in Wolfe’s eyes and in his body. She let him come to her, let him take her in burning silence, let him unravel her so gently that she never knew she was undone until the world turned to gold around her and she wept Wolfe’s name and her love against his chest. Then he held her, letting her tears scald him in the long minutes before she took a shuddering breath and lay quietly once more.
Slowly, Wolfe eased from the bed and pulled on his clothes. The bedroom door opened and closed soundlessly behind him. Moments later, Jessica’s eyes opened bright with tears. Impatiently, she wiped them away and reached for her clothes.
Wolfe found Reno in the kitchen. The empty mugs and plates on the table showed that Caleb andRafe had already eaten and gone out to work. From the other bedroom came the sound of Willow singing softly to her baby as she nursed him. The gentle music burned Wolfe like acid, reminding him of what he had done to the delicate girl who had always trusted him to protect her.
But he had taken her instead.
«IsJessi all right?» Reno asked.
Wolfe gave him a slicing, sideways glance, wondering if the other man had somehow guessed that Jessica had finally become a wife in fact as well as in name.
«She’s fine,» Wolfe said curtly. «I told her to sleep late. Why?»
«Willow said she looked real ragged last night.»
«So did I.»
«That’s the God’s truth,» Reno said.
«Three days of a Hell-wind like that would take the starch out of the Devil himself.»
Reno smiled and resettled his hat on hair that was thick, black, and shiny. The light green of his eyes was like cut crystal. Looking at him, Wolfe wondered how Jessica had avoided succumbing to Reno Moran’s dark charm and physical grace. Or toRafe, who had the smile of a fallen angel and eyes that had seen Hell. Wolfe couldn’t help thinking that either Moran would have been better for Jessica than ahalfbreed who had nothing to speak of but an uncanny skill with mustangs and long guns.
Yet Wolfe knew he would have killed anyone who tried to take away the beautiful, sensual elf who came to him so perfectly, exploring the shimmering reaches of passion with him as no other woman had.
«That’s a brave girl you have,» Reno said. «Not many women would have gone out in that storm for love or money, much less for a meansteeldust mustang that most men would shoot on sight.»
Wolfe’s eyes narrowed against the darkness and pain streaking through him. «My fault.Jessi was trying to prove I shouldn’t send her back to England.»
Reno gave Wolfe a questioning look.
«Jessitold me how you stood over more than one foal, holding off wolves with your six-gun,» Wolfe said, changing the subject as he poured a mug of coffee. «I owe you.»
«Like Hell you do. If it hadn’t been for your skill with a rifle, Jed Slater would have killed Willow, Caleb, and me.»
«You get the pick of my foals,» Wolfe said as though Reno hadn’t spoken.
«Lonetree, sometimes you can be a bullheaded son of a bitch.»
«Thank you.»
Reno shot him a disbelieving look, then laughed out loud.
Wolfe smiled, but it faded quickly. The shadow of a bird flying beyond the window caught his eye. For long, aching moments, he looked past the grass and trees to the unbridled glory of the SanJuans. He hadn’t truly known how much a part of his soul the mountains were until he looked at them and knew he must leave their wildness behind. The pain of it drew deep brackets around his mouth.
But it had to be done.
«Remember that blue roan you fancied?» Wolfe asked quietly.
«The wild one you caught a few summers back?»
Wolfe nodded.
«I remember. Hell of a good desert horse. Best I’ve ever seen.»
«She’s yours.»
«Now look here,» Reno began.
«You’ll earn her,» Wolfe said, cutting across Reno’s objections. «It will cost you most of a summer of gold hunting.»
Reno’s eyes narrowed as he measured the man sitting across from him.
«I want you to ride withJessi and me as far as the Mississippi,» Wolfe continued. «Between the Indians, the gold hunters, and the dregs of the soldiers on both sides of the war…» He shrugged.
«It gets real lively,» Reno agreed.
«If it were just me, it wouldn’t matter. ButJessi will be along. I’d feel better knowing you were at my back.»
Reno’s expression became intent as he sensed the turmoil behind Wolfe’s calm words.
«I’d gladly ride to Hell with you,» Reno said calmly, «and you know it.»
«I’m not going to Hell. Not quite.» Wolfe’s smile thinned.
«England?» guessed Reno.
«It’sJessi’s home.»
«You’ll have a hard time hunting mustangs for a living in England.»
«Lord Stewart has wanted me to work for him for years. He’ll get his wish.»
Reno said something under his breath in Spanish about Wolfe having the heart of an ox — and the brains.
«Gracias,» Wolfe said sardonically.
There was silence, followed by the sound of Reno’s work gloves snapping against his palm.
«When do you want to leave?» Reno asked finally.
«Soon.Jessi isn’t cut out for the West.»
«I haven’t heard Red complain. Have you?»
The question was ignored by Wolfe. After a moment, Reno stood with the lazy grace that had fooled more than one man into thinking he was slow.
«Amigo, Ithink you’re making a mistake.»
«No. I’m merely paying for one.»
«What mistake is that?» Jessica asked from the doorway.
«He’s got some damn fool idea about —» Reno began, then broke off abruptly. The look Wolfe was giving him would have frozen lightning.
Cursing under his breath, Reno snapped his gloves against his hand again and went out the back door without another word.
Jessica looked at Wolfe curiously.
«I’m giving Reno the pick of the foals,» Wolfe said.
«That’s hardly a mistake. He earned it. Without him, we would have lost more than one foal.»
«That’s what I told him.»
As though pulled against his will, Wolfe turned again and stared out the window. Jessica saw deep emotion kindle in Wolfe’s eyes, then fade into the haunted shadows she had first noticed that morning when he watched the sunrise. She went and stood beside him. She saw nothing beyond the window but the beauty of the vast land.
«Wolfe? Is something wrong?»
He turned and looked at her with haunted eyes.
«Wolfe,» she whispered, reaching toward him.
«Kiss me, Jessi,» he said, bending down to her. «Kiss me hard and deep. When you kiss me, I don’t think about what must be.»
With a small sound, she went up on tiptoe even as he lifted her in his arms, letting the wildness inside him focus in the passion only Jessica had ever been able to summon from the depths of his soul.
«Does this mean you’ve forgivenJessi for going out in the blizzard?» Willow asked from the doorway.
Reluctantly, Wolfe ended the kiss and tucked Jessica’s scarlet face against his neck. He smiled at Willow despite the bittersweet combination of sadness and desire twisting through him.
«We’re negotiating,» Wolfe said.
«Her surrender or yours?» retorted Willow.
«Mine, of course. Elves are too fragile. They either win or die.»
«In that case,» Willow said dryly, «I’ll get Ethan’s bathwater and leave you to your, er, negotiations.»
As Wolfe lowered Jessica’s feet to the floor, a cool premonition slid down her spine, the echo of Wolfe’s words.
Elves are too fragile. They either win or die.
Jessica said nothing until Willow went out of the kitchen carrying a pan of warm water in her hands. When Jessica turned to Wolfe, he was staring out the window once more. The expression of sorrow in his eyes made fear squeeze her heart.
«Love, what’s wrong?» she asked.
«Nothing.»
She shook her head slowly. «Your eyes are haunted.»
«‘Tisyour imagination.» Wolfe smiled and touched her cheek gently. «Elves are noted for their imagination.»
«Wolfe,» she whispered. «I can’t joke about what I see in your eyes. Who or what are you mourning?»
His eyes narrowed in surprise. He hadn’t expected Jessica to see into him so clearly, even more clearly than he saw into himself.
Mourning.
«I’m always sad to say good-bye to Caleb and Willow,» Wolfe said after a moment, the only part of the truth he would discuss.
It was Jessica’s turn to be surprised. «We’re leaving?»
«It’s too wild here.»
Wolfe’s voice was resonant with finality and grief. A chill roughened Jessica’s skin.
«What are you saying?» she whispered.
«We’re going to England.»
«I’d rather hunt mustangs,» she said, «or did you want to wait until autumn, when this year’s crop of foals will be weaned?»
Wolfe turned away without answering.
«Wolfe?»
«We’ll be in England when the foals are weaned.»
«Then we’ll come back next spring.»
«No.» The word was soft, final.
«Why not?»
«Spring and fall are when Lord Robert’s managers are most needed on his country estates.»
The chill moving through Jessica congealed into ice and settled into the pit of her stomach.
«What does that have to do with us?» she asked tightly.
«I will be one of those managers.»
«What are you saying?»
Wolfe looked out the window. «We will live in England.»
«You hate England.»
Wolfe shrugged. «Parts of the countryside are quite pretty.»
«They’re not a patch on this,» she said, indicating the wild beauty of the mountains beyond the window.
«No. They’re not.»
«What of your mustangs?»
«I’m giving them to Caleb.»
Jessica swayed and whispered. «You mean never to come back to the West!»
Wolfe didn’t answer. He didn’t have to. The shadows in his eyes said all that was necessary.
«But why? You love this land. I’ve seen you, Wolfe. You watch these mountains the way a man watches a woman he loves.»
«Let it go, Jessi.»
«No! Why can’t we live here? Why must we live in England?»
«This is no place for you,» Wolfe said quietly. «You have to be born for this land. You weren’t.»
«And you were.»
He made an odd, almost helpless gesture. «Yes. But I can survive England. You can’t survive the West.»
«Dear God, how you must hate me.»
Swiftly, Wolfe turned and touched Jessica’s cheek. «I don’t hate you, elf.»
«You will. I’ve cost you the only thing you’ve ever truly loved. You will hate me as surely and as deeply as you love the land!»
Wolfe saw the shine of tears on Jessica’s face and gathered her into his arms. «Hush, wife. You’re only hurting yourself.»
«I don’t want to live in England,» she said flatly, pushing away from him. «Do you hear me? I love the mountains. Why can’t we live here?»
«You gave yourself into my care. I won’t watch this wild land kill you.»
Jessica’s hands clenched against Wolfe’s shirt, digging into the hard muscle beneath the cloth.
«Wolfe, listen tome.Iam stronger than you believe. If I were the weak little elf you think me, I would have died as a child!»
His hand curled beneath her chin. Silently, he felt the delicate bone structure and soft skin. He smiled sadly.
«You haven’t half my strength,» Wolfe said. «In England, that won’t matter.»
«In England no one looks beyond yourbastardy and Indian blood,» she said harshly. «Here you have friends and a chance to build a better life for yourself. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see what —»
Wolfe’s thumb pressed against Jessica’s lips, sealing in her urgent words. 1
«I’ve always seen that,» he said in a calm voice, «It’s why I left England, and you. I could have you or I could have the West. I took you, knowing what the end would be. England.»
«But I —»
«It’s done, Jessi,» he interrupted flatly. «It was done when I took your maidenhead.»
«Wolfe, please believe me. I didn’t mean for this to happen! Not like this. Dear God, not like this!»
Gently, Wolfe took Jessica’s clenched hands from his shirt. «I know. But all your pleas and tears won’t change what is. You are what you are. I am what I am. We are husband and wife and England will be our home.»
Jessica closed her eyes. She would have preferred blows to Wolfe’s calm summation of their marriage.
«Go begin packing,» Wolfe said quietly. «I’ll help Caleb for the time that is left.»
The kitchen door opened and closed softlybehindWolfe.
For a long time, Jessica stared blindly at the door, seeing
nothing but the tears overflowing her eyes, understanding too late what Wolfe had always known: Their marriage would destroy one of them, if not both.
Agree to an annulment. Damn you, let me go!
I’m the wrong husband for you. You’re the wrong wife for me. Lying together would be the worst mistake of my life.
You were not born for the Western wilderness. I was.
Don’t love me, Jessi. It will only hurt us both.
It’s done, Jessi. It was done when I took your maidenhead.
You are what you are. I am what I am.
Tree That Stands Alone.
Jessica opened her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to stave off the ice radiating through her soul. With the same fierce determination she once had used to survive as a child, she searched now for a way out of the trap she had sprung around Wolfe.
When she finally found it, she washed the marks of grief from her face and went to find Caleb Black.
«DELAYING won’t accomplish anything,» Wolfe said, continuing the argument that had begun the moment Jessica had awakened him at dawn. «Whether we leave today or ten days after, we’re still leaving.»
«I said I would return to England without a fuss if you would hunt mustangs for one last rime,» Jessica said evenly. «I meant it.»
Warily, Wolfe looked at Jessica. He had seen her in many moods, from intense fear to intense passion, but never had he seen her like this. There was nothing fey or elfin about her now, nor anything fragile. There was simply an ingathering of strength and purpose that reminded him of nothing so much as himself.
«I don’t want to hunt mustangs,» Wolfe said carefully.
«Then do it for Caleb. He needs more horses in order to work his ranch properly. He said so himself.»
Wolfe looked uneasily at Jessica. He sensed the wild grief in her as clearly as she had sensed it in him that morning. Yet there were no tears in her eyes, no resonances of passion in her voice.
He didn’t know her this way. The realization frightened him.
Wolfe’s hands flashed out, pulling Jessica into his arms. «I won’t take you into the wild with me,» he said harshly.
«I know.»
«Is that why you’re so eager for me to hunt mustangs? Are you already tired of having me in your bed and body?»
The words were hardly out of Wolfe’s mouth before Jessica was kissing him as though she expected to die in the next moment and wanted him never to forget what she had been like when fully alive. He kissed her in the same way until they both were breathing brokenly, consumed by passion.