The Dream Virgin

by Don Quine

  Sid and Dream Zoo got a lot of free publicity and Elfri got some business cards from Will.

  Will said to her, “Might want to pass one out when you’re meeting someone on a professional basis. First impressions. Hold off a couple of minutes after initial chit chat, then pass the candidate the card like it came out of the clear blue. Do this while you’re flattering them about something. Let them look at it awhile while you talk about how nice their tie or purse matches their shoes, then remove a pen from your pocket and while they’re still holding the card, ask for it back. Don’t say why. Just ask for it with the pen in your hand. Nine out of ten will pass it back for you to write down something on the back of the card. They have no idea what’ll be, but they’ll be looking forward to it whatever it is, e-mail address, phone, whatever.”

  “It personalizes the connection.”

  Will tipped his Stetson and then passed her a DZ card like he pulled it out of his hat. Under Elfri’s name it said Professional Dreamer.

  “Practice the card pass.”

  Elfri passed her first card out to the Sparks Library Director after a week of practicing palm-pulls, said to the woman, “Your floral arrangement compliments your lovely skirt, Miss Niven,” then plucked her biz card from a vase of flowers on the librarian’s desk and introduced herself.

  Which led to a Labor Day weekend gig at the Sparks Library and the beginning of taking Dream Zoo on the road to other libraries.

  Now, six years later, Elfri was hiding out in the Express, Pops making excuses for her bad behavior, giving her time to make sense of things that simply didn’t.

  The first lucid dream Elfri had came from using a series of drawings she’d done when she was nine of a wake-up rooster who would land at the foot of her bus bunk and let out crazy cockadoddle-doos at whatever time Elfri would tell him to wake her. She called him Tiempo Loco and gave him flashy feathers.

  After a few months of Loco’s crowing, waking her exactly on time from the catnaps that made up her sleeping hours—late night and early morning was her wide-awake time to read, draw, and explore—Elfri decided to create a few more dream creatures that she named Imaganimals, a cutsie-pie name that she hoped kids would like.

  Smooch, Savvy, and Switch were the first Imaganimals in Dream Zoo and they were responsible for encouraging Elfri to give them someone to show them around, keep them away from any dangerous dreams with death and destruction until they got a feel for things and felt ready to show their skills during unexpected dangerous dream confrontations.

  So Elfri created a dreamy-eyed girl called Slumber who stayed wide awake while she took the Imaganimals around the confines of Dream Zoo and taught them how to handle Terrormares.

  Frightmares weren’t that tough to deal with because they were one-on-one battles. You could have a dozen Frightmares to encounter, embrace, and enlighten, but you dealt with those frightful creatures one on one.

  Terrormares ran in packs.

  They were abandoned Frightmares who stuck together and traded scare tactics. It took Slumber and the Imaganimals lots of conflict and compassion to turn Terrormares from terrorists to respected guardians of the Dream Zoo gates.

  Elfri was thirteen when she stopped drawing DZ comics.

  She had run out of steam creating good stories with fantastic creatures she wasn’t dreaming about anymore.

  Romance and sex and intrigue are what she dreamed about these days.

  When Elfri started drawing Dream Lovers she was fourteen. She made Slumber seventeen. She kept the adult comics hidden under her bunk because Elfri didn’t know how to reach an older audience, didn’t know if they’d care.

  Chances were they weren’t going to be a hit at libraries.

  That’s why the Ventures Nest deal seemed promising.

  Elfri shook her head in disgust with how she blew it big time in the bowling alley about the same time Will opened the Express door and said, “Okay, Elfrida. I saved your ass. And Oliver harbors no hard feelings.”

  Elfri snapped up from her funk.

  “For real?”

  Will nodded. “All’s well that ends bad. I told Oliver I’d check and see if your irritable bowel syndrome had calmed down enough to allow you to ride the solar shuttles they’ve got outside to show us around town. Asked did they have restrooms along the way.”

  Elfri looked at Will.

  “You what!?”

  “Okay. I told him you had to slam the brakes on the canyon, how it was a close call, very nerve-racking. Long drive. On the road syndrome.”

  “What did he say?” Elfri asked.

  “He said to tell you he understands. He prefers planes to cars.”

  CHAPTER 8

  Elfri sat between Will and Josh Stuben, trying to go with the flow, third row from the front where Hunter was driving the solar shuttle.

  Nicole was in between him and Oliver.

  Seated in the second row behind them were Bob, Wayne, and Irene.

  In the rear of the solar shuttle sat Didjano, Alec, and Amarosa.

  “Okay, Nestlings, here’s the tour guide spiel.”

  Elfri glanced at the handout Will handed her before she boarded the shuttle.

  After the hug.

  Elfri knew the world was full of pretense, but the hug Oliver gave her to let her know it was all good without saying a word, that was the real deal and left a deep imprint on her.

  “As we enter town with a left turn north at the west lake head, law only allows licensed electric vehicles to drive in designated lanes on Main Streat. Fuel-powered vehicles with permits can access homes around the lake along Lake Meadows Drive.”

  Oliver’s comments were heard via the overhead speaker system of Summer, the lead nine-passenger shuttle that was one of a fleet Oliver and his team designed with a mural landscape befitting its name. Ventures Nest logos on the doors.

  Fall, a shuttle painted appropriately for its season, followed Summer with Marc at the wheel. Leah and Manny were up front with him, the rest of the Nestlings and Nest staff in the seats behind.

  Not many people were on the street and the quiet shuttles made it easy to carry on a conversation.

  Elfri said, “Seems awfully tasty, Main Streat spelled like it was a lollipop.”

  Will nodded. “The street’s a treat for sure.”

  Josh Stuben stared out at the lake.

  Elfri could understand Josh being leery of her and decided to try and break the ice, let him see she wasn’t a full-time idiot.

  “I’ve never met an architect before,” Elfri said, “but the one who did that cathedral in Spain with the Lord of the Rings steeples? I think he’s fantastic. What’s your take?”

  Elfri knew the architect was Gaudi who she fell in love with after seeing a film on him at an Amarillo library fundraiser that made her want to go to Spain, but she hoped Josh would bite on her question, give her a way to connect.

  Josh took a moment to reconsider who Elfri was and bit.

  “The Spanish architect you’re referring to was Antoni Gaudi who started working on the Sagrada Familia long before Tolkien showed up with Bilbo Baggins hiking Middle Earth.”

  Will said, “I didn’t read the books, but the movies were great.”

  Elfri nodded to Josh, “I ripped the Familia off in one of my early comics; called it The Good & Evil Cake War. Devil’s Food battles Angel’s Food down to the last crumb.”

  “Sounds fattening,” Josh said. “I don’t quite know what a professional dreamer does, but maybe I could get your take on a recent nightmare my little niece had about a giant fruit fly that pooped pineapples.”

  Elfri unobtrusively slid her hand to her hip pocket. “I specialize in monsters. Be happy to discuss your niece’s nightmare with you,” and pulled her business card out from Josh’s ear.

  He studied it with amusement, tucked the card away.


  “I don’t have a niece and I made up the fly.”

  “Liars get a discount,” Elfri said with a smile.

  “You’re an intriguing person, Elfri. Do you punch people out very often?”

  “Once in a blue moon,” Will said.

  He let Elfri and Josh chat. Looked behind the shuttle to watch the bowling alley’s domed solar rooftop reflect the late morning sun. From the east side of the lake, residential rooftops shimmered, most incorporating the dome design that added to the town’s innovative look.

  Elfri pulled Will back around as the shuttle approached the Welcome To Main Streat entrance. Adjacent to it was a wide expanse of acreage designated for parking along with a Visitors Center where tourists could buy souvenirs and get their I.D. wristbands.

  The gates to the Main Streat entrance were alive with mind-boggling creatures with appendages that beckoned the shuttle. Speaking in outlandish accents, they said “Enter Earth Lovers,” punctuated with bizarre snorts and snarls and giggles.

  Pneumatic robotics, animatronics, motion-sensor technology all made the mischievous beasts magical, not unlike the Obstickle beaver with its toothy intimidation, but here the creatures produced an ongoing display of friendly programed antics.

  The two gates at the entrance raised automatically, the left one an enormous tree branch with thousands of flickering leaves, the right a huge paddleboard that dripped neon water.

  Hunter tooted a friendly horn, the gates tooted back, opened, and the shuttle moved forward.

  Main was a wide street designed only for electric-powered vehicles, bikes, and skateboards with color-specific lanes for them. Pedestrians had the choice of two sidewalks or taking the brisk walking lane, No Jogging Allowed, that was in the center of the street and landscaped like a trail.

  To the left side of Main, buildings and structures from a good half-century ago remained preserved. They looked like they could have been designed by the same person who designed the bowling alley and motel, had the same Buckminster Fuller influence.

  Certain structures retained their original purpose and were there to serve the local community.

  A general store that was also a post office. The Lake Meadows hardware store sold tools, rented equipment, and issued permits for hunting and fishing; had guided nature hikes, rowboat tours of the lake where there was a floating dock with slides for swimmers. You could parasail, but you had to make reservations, and they were booked weeks in advance during the summer.

  “Main has four cross-streets that run north, you can see some of the homes up there behind our older stores and establishments, some built back in the early 1950s, like the general store.”

  “Nice how that worked out,” Will said. “Historic charm on the hill side, lake side all hip and slick.”

  The shuttle came to a crosswalk stop and Oliver waved to an old man in a stylish walker’s outfit.

  “What’s up, Packy?”

  Packy waved his cane back at Oliver, shouted a cordial, “Death plays no favorites,” and joined some old-timers on the walking path.

  Will turned to Josh. “Death plays no favorites? What’s Packy’s handle? Life Insurance?”

  Josh said, “Packy owns Rollinsworth Funeral Home. Buried just about everyone who’s lived and died in Lake Meadows.”

  Amarosa shouted, “Whoa, momma!” and pointed to the other side of the street where a sidewalk fronted a four-block strip of very far out shops overlooking the lake.

  High-techies worked on the walk with fiber optics connections to Wonder Way, Nester technicians hustling to put the finishing touches on spellbinding displays.

  Oliver said, “Main Streat and Wonder Way opens to tourists this weekend which is why we’re working around the clock to get things ready. You’ll get a chance to see it Friday night at the summer gala.”

  Josh turned to Elfri and Will.

  “There’s several closed properties on the Way, obvious eyesores with purposely run-down storefronts owned by a few senior citizens of the community who aren’t partial to change. Status quo holdouts waiting for outlandish offers to change their rigid minds.”

  “I know the type,” Will said.

  Josh said, “Except for a few mainstays like the Funsters amusement arcade, the shops are all prototypes, summertime showcases designed to give trend-setting shoppers samples to die for.”

  Will said, “Hard to turn down a good sample.”

  “They encourage sales and new brand awareness which pleases the venture capitalists who help sponsor Wonder Way and front these distinctive projects.”

  Nicole’s voice interjected with, “It’ll be a few minutes before we get to the Nest, when you get a chance take a look at the scheduled agenda and the map of the campus in your orientation packets. We printed the packet materials, which are also digitally available.”

  As the shuttle began moving into the last block of Main, Leah yelled, “Ooh, La La!” and pointed at The EcoErotica Emporium—A Passionate Nature Playground, green-coiled snakes designed as a double-E logo on the chic store’s ruby-red awning.

  The storefront window featured life-sized Ken and Barbie-type doll mannequins wearing racy outfits with green spikes and whips posed for bondage that used huge rubber bands and Band-Aids for attention getting.

  Nicole acknowledged Leah’s observation and the other Nestling’s reactions.

  “Yes, the EcoErotica is our very own adult store. After a long and exhausting legal battle, the town council finally voted to allow a retired porn operator to open one. It was hard to argue a case that sex toys are for a select group when you can purchase vibrators at Walgreens.”

  Hunter said, “Another mainstay at the end of the block is a pot shop called A Pot Shop; highly praised for its baked edibles.”

  Oliver said, “The winged structure that’s gleaming over on the north neck of the lake is called Ravens Rest. It was the first estate built in Lake Meadows.”

  Elfri looked beyond the four blocks of Main, over to where the huge birdlike home with white solar wings was.

  Even though Elfri saw the photos and watched the videos on the Lake Meadows website, saw that the trendy town was an original, Elfri never imagined it would be this trippy as she looked up at the four-prop drone that hovered over the shuttle, then continued down Main.

  CHAPTER 9

  The entrance to the Ventures Nest campus was from a two-lane road called West Ventures Nest Road that was bordered by high boxwood hedges and ended at the large parking area and transportation building. A one-lane access road continued north into the more remote area of the campus where the Crazy Ideas Bash was held at the end of summer.

  The two shuttles were parked at the east end of the Nest not far from an amphitheater sculpted into the landscape, near a brook that flowed through the property and allowed for ponds and waterfalls and unique crossover bridges.

  Nicole stood at the bottom of the outdoor setting, center stage, the welcome staff of Associates at her left, Oliver off to the side looking through a pair of binoculars.

  “After you take some time to check out the campus, get a feel for where things are, we’ll help you get unpacked and settled in,” Nicole said.

  Oliver lowered the binoculars and gave a two-fingered whistle directed toward the shuttles.

  Hopping seat to seat on the Fall shuttle, Ed paused to look toward the amphitheater, then hopped down on a rear seat to appraise a tampon. He picked it up and took off, a pair of sunglasses already in his beak. Flying above the amphitheater, Ed did several swift somersaults, buzzed one of the drones that patrolled the Nest, and then did a sudden nose-dive.

  Wayne stood up from his tree stump seat near Elfri and the other Nestlings, raised his hand in alarm and yelled, “A crow’s attacking us!” Other Nestlings shouted, “Holy shit!” and “Watch out!”

  The Nestlings ducked as Ed buzzed them and landed
on Oliver’s shoulder. Oliver took the tampon and quickly tucked it in a vest pocket, pulled an orange cracker from another pocket and gave it to Ed.

  The raven flew a few feet away with it to a backpack with a cup of coffee sitting on top of it that was placed next to Akizu. Dunking the cracker in the coffee cup, Ed took a nibble. Akizu shook her head, picked her cup up and moved it to her other side—like what else is new.

  Addressing the astonished Nestlings, Oliver explained, “Ed’s a Common Raven. They’re pranksters and snoops.” Oliver held up the pair of glasses. “Ed was snooping around and found some stylish shades.”

  Sitting on a cushion of leaves with the other Nestlings, Elfri listened to Oliver talk as she sketched him. She watched him take the candy cane sunglasses from Ed, try them on upside down as Leah claimed them with gratitude. Elfri was especially impressed with how Oliver dealt with the tampon that Ed found. He didn’t ask if someone happened to drop it, make some lame joke, he slipped it out of sight so it wouldn’t embarrass whoever lost it.

  Elfri thought Oliver reminded her of James Stewart, one of her favorite actors from way back. When she was six, Will bought Elfri a laptop for Christmas and she watched lots of Turner Classic Movies and loved the roles that Mr. Stewart played. He was the good guy that everyone could count on when things got tough. Even a six-foot rabbit.

  “So here’s what we figured we’d do,” Oliver said, bringing Elfri out of her reverie. “We’re gonna answer some questions, go over the agenda, then you’re all on your own for a couple of hours, give you a chance to grab a bite, stroll around the campus.

  We’ll meet at the Transportation station at one o’clock, get you guys all geared up.”

  CHAPTER 10

  The Scheduled Agendas had twelve of the thirteen weeks at Ventures Nest broken into Rounds, and each weekly Round of competition with what Nicole called the Forces of Commerce had its own agendas from now to the Labor Day weekend when the Nestlings would showcase their projects at the Crazy Ideas Bash.

  Today was the start of Round One and most of it was all about getting to know where you had to be and when to do what. The other Rounds were spelled out with times and places for plans and presentations, feedback, and model making, which made Elfri think about Amarosa and her Funny Mirror that she dangerously hauled all the way from Georgia.