by Cat Johnson
“Yeah. Positive.” It would be better if he didn’t have a bunch of guys running around the place on Saturday, anyway. Just in case things went bad.
“A’ight.” Tyler nodded. “I know you’re not bringing any stock for this one, but are you coming to watch the competition? It’s close by.”
“No. I’ve got that high school reunion Saturday night.”
“That’s right. Your big date with Miss Bonnie to the prom.”
Rohn rolled his eyes. “It’s not the prom.”
“No, but it might as well be. You two are acting like teenagers since she moved in.”
“She didn’t move in. She’s just staying here instead of at her place.”
“Uh-huh. Gotcha. I gotta go finish up for the day.” Cocky as usual, Tyler grinned and spun away to saunter toward the equipment shed.
Rohn let him go. No use fighting the point. He did wish Bonnie’s move into his house would be permanent. His guest room had become his bedroom over the past week and he’d gladly make that permanent if she’d agree to stay.
Saturday was the reunion, but tonight, he planned to take the first step in making her presence in his home and in his life permanent.
Nearly a week of her living under his roof, sleeping next to him, making love morning and night, was enough to convince him even the rest of his life wouldn’t be long enough to spend with her. But it would have to be, because it was all they had, and he wasn’t about to waste another moment of it.
It was risky, asking her to marry him just days before their reunion. If she said no, it would be awkward as all hell. But if she said yes, then she’d be there sporting his ring and he’d be the proudest man on earth as he introduced her to their old classmates as his future wife.
Future wife.
It had been a long time since Rohn had really felt like he had a future. Not since losing Lila. Now, he knew he could, and he hoped it was with Bonnie. Strange how a girl from his past had turned out to be his future.
The ring box in his pocket pressed into his leg. That was another surreal part of his past. The ring.
He’d bought it with his earnings that summer. Saving every paycheck from her father until he had enough to buy a tiny chip of a diamond in a gold band. It was meant to be a promise ring. He was going to give it to her before she left for college to let her know that he loved her. That he wanted her in his future even if they were apart for college. It was to tell her that he’d wait for her and that he’d hoped she’d wait for him.
Things hadn’t worked out as he’d planned and he still had no idea of what the hell had happened to them. Why she’d left early without a good-bye. Why she’d acted so odd when he’d called and then avoided all contact after that.
It had hurt like hell, but more than that, it had been so unlike her it was perplexing. It had never felt right. Breaking up was one thing, and he might have been able to handle that if they’d had a fight or if she’d outright dumped him so she could go to college and see other people. That would have hurt, but it would have seemed more normal than her disappearing so completely.
It was something they should talk about if they were going to start a new life together.
Then again, did it really matter?
It was so long ago. They were different people now. They’d been kids then. They were mature adults now. A whole lifetime had passed for both of them.
A fresh start, that’s what they needed. To start from ground zero and build a future. He wanted that future to start now.
Bonnie’s car pulled into the driveway just as Rohn made the decision to ask her tonight.
Perfect timing.
He waited by the house for her to park, and then he opened her car door for her.
“Hey, darlin’.” He enveloped her in his arms, kissing her right there behind the open door of the car. The guys were still there, but she was his and he didn’t care who knew it. She still got embarrassed when he kissed her out in the open. Her blush only made him want to do it more often.
Rohn cupped her face and smiled down at her. “It’s about time you came home to me.”
“I wanted to finish before I quit for the day.”
“Finish? Did you finish?” He asked the question with mixed feelings.
“Almost. I finished cleaning and making piles. I still have to get the piles out of the house but after that, I’m done.” She shrugged.
He’d be happy when she wasn’t working in that dusty old house pawing through the past any longer. But her finishing the cleanup would mean it would go on the market. Once it was listed with the real estate for either sale or rent, what reason would she have to stay in Oklahoma? He’d have to give her a reason to stay.
“I’ll send my guys to you in the morning with the truck to haul it away.”
“Rohn, you don’t have to—”
“Shh. No arguing. It’s done. Now come on inside. I, uh, want to talk to you.” He hoped he’d be enough of a reason for her to stay, but the nagging doubt in his mind continued to remind him that he might not be enough.
“Talk to me? About what?” Bonnie asked.
“You’ll see.” The thought of proposing had his hands shaking. He didn’t remember being this nervous asking Lila to marry him all those years ago.
“Okay.” She let him lead her inside by the hand.
Once there, he realized he didn’t have a plan in place to do this. Hell, he hadn’t thought this through at all. Which was funny since proposing had been all he could think of over the past couple of days. He’d just never gotten around to deciding how to actually accomplish it.
No guardian angel was going to swoop down and make this easy for him so he pulled out a kitchen chair for her. “Sit.”
“Okay.”
The moment she was perched on the edge of the chair, he dug the ring box out of his jeans pocket where it had been for the past two days.
He dropped to one knee, holding the box in front of him.
Bonnie drew in a sharp breath and covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God.”
He let out a nervous laugh. She knew what was coming and she hadn’t run out the door yet. That was a good sign.
“Bonnie Blue, I loved you before. And amazingly, now that you’ve come back into my life, I’ve been blessed to be able to love you again. I bought this ring years ago when we were dating. It was to be a promise to you that I wanted a future for us together. I still want that and if you say yes, I swear I’ll buy you the biggest and best diamond I can afford, but it seemed right to give this one to you now.”
Her eyes brimmed with tears as he opened the box and took out the ring. His hands shook as he held it out to her. “Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?”
He’d hoped her tears were happy tears, but Bonnie shaking her head was his first clue things weren’t going well. When she jumped up from the chair and ran out the back door, he was sure.
Squatting on his heels on the kitchen floor, alone, Rohn realized if that wasn’t a big old no, he didn’t know what it was. The embarrassingly small diamond that he’d felt so sentimental about was still in his hands as he cussed aloud to the empty room.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Bonnie got in her car and drove directly to the river. Why? She didn’t know. It would hurt like hell to be at the one place that reminded her so strongly of Rohn, but that didn’t stop her.
Barely able to see the road through her tears, she hadn’t even been aware of where she was headed until she saw the turn for the dirt road. Slowing the car to a crawl, she bounced along the unpaved path toward the site of the memories that spanned decades.
The wild pounding of her heart hadn’t slowed during the drive.
He’d proposed.
It should be a dream come true, the man she loved, proposing to her. Loving her enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her. But how could she say yes to a future with Rohn after what she’d done?
All his love and devotion had done was renew Bonnie’s guil
t, until the secret she’d held inside felt as if it would cripple her.
There was no happy ending in her future. She’d ensured that years ago.
She cut the engine and sat, staring at the river.
It was peaceful. Or it would be if she could quiet her mind. She couldn’t stop the voices that yelled at her from inside her own head. She was alone yet she couldn’t escape herself.
She wasn’t alone for long.
Rohn’s truck soon barreled into the dirt road not long after she’d arrived. It skidded to a stop directly behind her car, blocking her in. There was no escape.
He got out of his truck and strode fast to her car, pulling open the door.
She feared his anger, but when she finally dared to look up at his face, she didn’t see anger. She did see confusion, and determination, and pain.
“I’m sorry.” Her tears started fresh.
He squatted down to be level with her as she sat and took both of her hands in his. “I don’t want your apologies. I want you to tell me what you’re thinking. What you’re feeling. Why you ran away from me.”
All she could do was shake her head.
“I know you love me, Bonnie.” The intense stare of his blue eyes pinned her, making her unable to lie.
She nodded.
“Then what is it?”
“I lied to you.”
A frown furrowed Rohn’s forehead. “When? About what?”
“About why I left. Back then.” A huge heaving intake of breath cut off any more words.
“Why did you leave?” His words were soft. A plea for the truth. He continued to hold her hands gently in his.
“I . . .” She couldn’t finish.
He stood and tugged her out of the car, wrapping his arms around her. She pressed her face into his chest as the sobs wracked her body. Her tears wet his shirt but he didn’t seem to notice.
Rohn ran his hands up and down her back with smooth, slow, calming strokes. “Take your time. You can tell me anything.”
Hiding the truth from him hurt so badly, she couldn’t stand it anymore. She just wanted it to end. The words came rushing out. “I was pregnant.”
He paused his hands in their path up her back. She felt him draw in a big breath and let it out. He squeezed her tighter against him and shook his head.
“God, Bonnie. I’m so sorry you had to go through that alone. Christ. It was my fault. I was careless and got you pregnant. I should have been there for you. Held your hand while you . . .” His words trailed off.
She knew what he’d assumed. He thought she’d run away to Arizona and had an abortion. He didn’t understand the full depth of her betrayal.
In hindsight, she probably should have terminated the pregnancy. Then she wouldn’t have had to make this next confession that would hurt him even more.
“Rohn, I didn’t—”
“Didn’t what?”
“I didn’t get an abortion.” Bonnie felt Rohn’s hands still again as he pulled back to stare at her. She dared to glance up at his face and found disbelief in his expression. “I had the baby.”
“You what?” he asked again, but this time his tone was not so gentle.
“I gave her up for adoption. I—we had a daughter.” That little girl was grown up, living what Bonnie hoped was a happy life. A better life than she could have given her.
He took a step back but his hands remained on her shoulders, squeezing tight. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know.” Her words came out so softly, she was afraid he hadn’t heard them.
He drew in another breath, shaking his head. “I gotta go.”
“Rohn. Please—” She took a step after him and reached out to touch his arm as he spun to leave.
He pulled his arm from her grasp. “I need some time.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So am I.” The slow, sad sway of his head and the slump of his shoulders as he walked back to his truck broke her. It brought the sadness, the guilt, the horror at herself and her own actions crashing back on her.
She might as well have been that frightened eighteen-year-old again.
That horrible day was as vivid in her mind as if it were yesterday. Her mother had been there with her, through the delivery, during every contraction, every second of the unbearable pain. They’d taken her and Rohn’s daughter away the moment the birth was over. Bonnie hadn’t even held the baby. The adoption agency had said it would be easier that way.
The paperwork was closed. She’d never know where her daughter went or who raised her. Her daughter would never know the name of her parents.
What else could Bonnie have done?
She should have told Rohn then. He deserved to know, even if she had been firm in her decision about what to do. Now, twenty-five years later, she was going to pay the price for that decision. She’d lost the love of her life, not once but twice.
Given what she’d done, keeping the truth from him that he had a child, she had to think that maybe she deserved it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
All the years Rohn had longed for a son or daughter. All those heartbreaking disappointments he’d lived through with Lila as all hope was yanked from them again and again.
Through all that, he already had a child. A daughter somewhere who didn’t even know his name. Hell, he didn’t know hers, either.
Rohn slammed a fist against the dashboard. One question resonated through him. Why?
Why would Bonnie run away rather than tell him? How could she keep something so monumental from him?
With him beside her, they could have raised the baby.
His knowing could have changed absolutely everything, or it might have changed nothing at all. The fact remained he should have been at least a part of the decision.
He felt the bulge of the ring box in the pocket of his jeans. Had he been ready for marriage and babies at eighteen? Would that have been the end of his college career? The end of Bonnie’s, too?
Chances were good she wouldn’t have graduated with a teaching degree if she’d kept that baby. Would he be where he was now if he’d had to get a full-time job straight out of high school rather than getting a college degree? If he’d had to support a wife and a baby on whatever he could earn at whatever job he could have gotten?
Rohn scrubbed both hands over his face.
The anger began to seep out of him, and exhaustion replaced it. He felt bone weary. Physically, it felt as if he could collapse in bed and sleep until morning. Mentally, he knew his spinning thoughts would never let him rest.
He realized all of Bonnie’s things were in his guest room. He doubted she’d sleep at his house tonight. Not after how badly he’d reacted to her news, and the overly dramatic exit he’d made afterward. Hell, she probably wouldn’t even come get her stuff. She’d sleep at her house on that old sofa and not even have a change of clothes or a toothbrush.
He should go to her. They should do what they hadn’t done twenty-five years ago—talk about this.
He’d calmed down considerably.
At least he wasn’t still shaking from her revelation. He’d be able to talk to her about this rationally. He was by no means happy about her hiding her decision from him, but he was willing to discuss it.
Keeping communications open was the only hope they had to get past this. As he started his truck, he hoped she felt the same.
Rohn swung by the river first, but she was gone. He spun the truck around and headed to the only other place he could think of to find her.
He reached her house only to find the driveway empty. Hell, she could have gone to his house and he’d missed her when he was driving around.
Ridiculous as it seemed, he didn’t have her cell phone number so he couldn’t even call her on it now. He’d been calling her on the house phone the whole time.
That’s what he got for being old school. Keeping in that vein, he’d have to leave her a note on the door before he went back to his place to see if she was t
here or they’d keep missing each other.
He was scrounging through the truck for something to write on, not to mention something to write with, when he saw a man cut across from the neighboring property. Rohn opened the truck door and stepped out onto the drive.
“Evening.” Rohn nodded a greeting to the man when he neared.
“Evening.” The older man nodded back. “You looking for Bonnie?”
“Yeah, I was, but I don’t see her car so I was going to leave her a note.” Remembering basic manners, Rohn extended his hand. “Rohn Lerner. I’m a friend of hers.”
The man shook his hand. “Andrew. I live next door. And don’t bother with the note. She’s gone back to Phoenix.”
That information was as confusing as it was disturbing. He’d just seen her a little while ago. Barely half an hour. He drew his brows down low. “You sure?”
“Yup. She came knocking, told us she had to get back to Arizona right away, and asked if we’d give the key to the real estate agent who’s coming to look at the property.”
“Did she say why she had to get back?” Rohn had his suspicions.
“She said something came up with her job, but didn’t say what.” The man pursed his lips. “I can tell you she looked upset enough my wife tried to convince her to at least wait until the morning to leave.”
“But she wouldn’t wait.”
“Nope. She said it took her about fourteen hours to get here so we’re more than a little worried about her on that long drive. But she promised to call when she got home safe. I can tell her you were looking for her, if you’d like.”
Drawing in a breath to quell his roiling emotions, Rohn shook his head. “No, thanks. That’s not necessary. Have a good night.”
With barely a glance, Rohn ended his conversation with the neighbor and turned for his truck.
Nothing had come up with her job. She was running away from him. Again. Twenty-five years later and nothing had changed. She would still rather run from a conflict than try to work things out.
Could he be with a woman who didn’t trust him enough to even talk about things?
A woman in love should choose to turn toward the man in her life when times got tough, not away from him. Bonnie had made the opposite choice twice now.