by Cat Johnson
Two times should be enough to prove to him that she’d never change.
He knew to his very soul if he let her go, she’d stay gone. Maybe that would be the best thing for both of them.
The morning dawned after a sleepless night and Rohn was not ready to greet a new day without Bonnie in it.
Of course, the boys noticed first thing in the morning.
“Damn, he’s cranky again.” Colton shot Rohn a glance as he whispered to Justin.
Unfortunately, he hadn’t whispered softly enough. Rohn heard every word and all it did was make him more pissed off.
“Maybe if you got to work instead of standing around my kitchen, my piss-poor mood wouldn’t offend you so much.”
He was in no mood for dealing with anyone today. Not after discovering last night that Bonnie had left him yet again.
Hell, she hadn’t just left. She’d all but fled, even abandoning her suitcase and all of her stuff she’d left at his house, just to avoid seeing him again. That was some serious avoidance right there.
“Fine.” Colt knocked his hat back a notch and tipped his head toward the door. “I’ll give Ty a heads-up it ain’t safe around here when he gets in.”
Scowling, Rohn could only agree. “Good plan.”
Colton paused with one hand on the door, glancing back at Justin. “You coming?”
“Yeah. In a minute.”
“A’ight.” With a nod, Colton was gone, but Justin remained.
“Something I can do for you?” The tone in Rohn’s question didn’t invite conversation, but Justin stayed put anyway, leaning against the counter with his arms folded.
“I ever tell you about the last time I spoke with my brother?”
Justin was talking about his older brother who had been killed in action in Afghanistan. Rohn calmed his temper and shook his head. “No. Don’t think you ever did.”
“We were close, him and me, but there was an age difference and he was always away, so we didn’t get to spend much time together. And when he was back, I always kinda felt like he was the big hero and I was the lowly little brother who hadn’t been man enough to follow in his footsteps and serve my country.”
This was all news to Rohn. Justin was smart, a hell of a horse trainer, and a hard worker. Rohn had never realized he had these issues and insecurities. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
Justin shrugged, as if it didn’t matter. “No big deal. I chose my path, he chose his. What the folks who did judge me didn’t see was what his being gone all the time did to my mamma. If I’d left, too, who would she have? Nobody. My daddy died years ago. Big brother was off fighting a war that ain’t ever gonna end. I figured my job was to stay home and take care of things. Be the man of the house.”
“That’s important.” Rohn tipped his head, even though he didn’t understand what had prompted this confession from Justin.
“It is, but I always assumed no one else saw my reasoning and thought I was a coward. But I was wrong. That last phone call I got from my brother, right before his Humvee was blown up, was him calling to tell me thanks for taking care of our mother. How he could only be away with a clear conscience because he knew I was there taking care of her.”
“I’m glad you got to have that conversation.”
“Me too, but that’s not the point.”
Ah, so there was a point to this. “What is?”
“I didn’t want to take the phone call. I watched my cell phone ring and almost didn’t answer it. I was going to let it go to voice mail because I was being small, and petty and letting my pride get in the way. It was right after the church had put out a special bulletin like they do around all of the patriotic holidays. They list all the folks serving and there’s a special prayer during the service just for them. I always sit there and feel like a piece of shit because I’m safe in that pew rather than riding around in a damn tank getting shot at. But I forced myself to pick up that phone, even though I didn’t want to and I’m glad I did.”
“I’m glad you did too.”
“Here’s why I’m telling you this.”
Rohn had just about given up hope there was more of a point to this odd conversation, as touching as it was.
Justin continued, “I can’t help but notice Miss Bonnie’s car isn’t here.”
“She went back to Arizona.” Rohn swallowed away the sick feeling in the back of his throat.
“Without saying good-bye to any of us?” Justin shook his head.
“Yup.”
She hadn’t said good-bye to Rohn, either, so he didn’t have much sympathy for Justin.
“I don’t know what happened, but I do know this—you two need to talk.”
“She left. She doesn’t want to talk.”
“I didn’t want to talk to my brother that day, either. Thinking about how disappointed my mamma would be if she knew I’d dodged my brother’s call guilted me into answering it. It was the nudge I needed. I’m here to give you that nudge. Or a shove, if you need it. Call her. Talk to her. Even if nothing comes of it, you won’t be any worse off than you are now, right?”
“I don’t know what you think you know about me and Bonnie—”
“I know you’re happy when she’s here and miserable when she’s not. That’s all I need to know. All the other details are private. I don’t care ’bout them. That’s between you two.”
“A phone call’s not going to cut it.” It didn’t work twenty-five years ago. Rohn was sure it wouldn’t help now. “She left because she doesn’t want to talk.”
“Then go there in person and make her listen.” Justin lifted one shoulder. “Who knows, maybe she ran hoping you’d chase her.”
That summer so long ago he hadn’t gone after her. Had she wanted him to? Was that what kept them apart? That he’d let her go?
“Jesus.” Rohn ran his hand over his face.
Everything in him told him to go after her, but he couldn’t just pick up and drive fourteen hours to Arizona on a moment’s notice—could he?
He opened his mouth and Justin held up one hand, interrupting him before he even had a chance to talk.
“I can make sure everything is taken care of. Between Colt, Ty, and me, we can hold down the ranch just fine without you. Ty’s right next door at Janie’s all night, every night. And I’ll even feed that old fleabag dog of yours that sleeps out in the barn.”
There really was nothing stopping Rohn from going after her, except for his pride. And maybe one other obstacle stood in his way. “I don’t know her address.”
He supposed he could go to her neighbor’s place and see if they knew her address, if they’d even give it to him.
“Did you try a web search?” Justin asked.
“No.” Rohn sighed. One day he’d remember he was in a century where anything and everything was available right at his fingertips. “I’ll give that a try.”
“A’ight. Make a list of anything you want done while you’re gone. I’ll go tell the boys you’ll be away for a couple of days.”
“Thanks, Justin.”
“Anytime.” Justin smiled, as if he knew Rohn was thanking him for far more than just his going out to deliver the message to Tyler and Colton.
Rohn turned toward the office and his computer while Justin headed out the door. He was really going to do this. Drive more than twelve hours chasing a woman who might not want him. Then again, she just might.
One way or another, for better or worse, he’d know soon enough, and the answer would determine his future.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Just after sunrise Bonnie pulled into the driveway lined with cactus and palm trees and cut the engine. She took the keys and her purse, the only things she had with her on her return trip home since she’d abandoned everything else at Rohn’s house.
Her feet feeling as heavy as her spirit, she made her way through the back door. She found her mother in the kitchen making breakfast.
“Bonnie. You didn’t tell me you were coming home to
day. You look exhausted.”
“I drove all night.” She grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and plopped down at the kitchen table, so overtired she couldn’t move another step. She was lucky she hadn’t been in a wreck feeling the way she was and driving all that way.
“Good God. That long drive, alone and in the dark? Why?”
Bonnie scrambled for an explanation other than the truth—that she’d been running away from Rohn. “To avoid the traffic.”
“There’s traffic on the interstate between Oklahoma and Arizona?”
“Sure. There can be.”
Her mother frowned. “I’d get you a cup of coffee but I think you need to go to bed, not have caffeine.”
“Yeah, I do.” As exhausted as she was, maybe she’d even be able to sleep without reliving that last conversation with Rohn over and over again in her head.
“When you get up later, you can tell me all about the trip.”
“We talked every day. What’s there to tell?” Thank God she hadn’t told her mother about Rohn, since that had imploded, just as she knew it would as soon as she told him the truth.
“Well, for one, you hadn’t met with the real estate agent yet the last time we talked. What did they say about selling the house?”
Bonnie had failed on so many levels. She’d ditched the meeting with the real estate agent, instead leaving a message that the neighbors would have the key. She hadn’t even finished clearing out the house. It looked much better than it had, but it wasn’t empty. She hadn’t done any repairs or updates to it, either. That would cost her when—if—any offers came in.
But above all else, her biggest failure had to be how she’d messed up things with Rohn. Again.
She’d hurt him once twenty-five years ago and she’d managed to do it all over again. And this time, he’d surely hate her for it, now that he knew the truth.
It was all too much to deal with. Between lack of sleep, and the overt sadness pressing in around her, she was teetering on the edge of a breakdown. Bonnie pushed up from her seat. “I’m going to bed.”
Her mother lifted a brow. “I think that’s a very good idea.”
At least they agreed on that point. If only Bonnie could hide away in bed forever.
She slept like the dead. It seemed even heartbreak couldn’t keep her body awake after she’d pushed herself for twenty-four hours without sleep. The fading light of evening had already given way and night was creeping into her room when the sound of the doorbell broke through her slumber.
Swimming up from unconsciousness, she didn’t think much about the noise, besides the fact it had disturbed her. She lay half awake, not inspired to get out from beneath the covers.
Then, she heard the familiar, deep tenor of a voice that had her sitting upright.
Rohn was in her house talking to her mother?
Bonnie flipped back the covers and swung her legs over the edge of the mattress. Her feet hit the carpeted floor. Not bothering with slippers or worrying about changing out of her oversize T-shirt and shorts, Bonnie trotted barefoot out of the bedroom and down the hall, skidding to a stop in the kitchen doorway.
There he stood, tall and strong and looking as amazing as ever. His steely gaze moved to her.
“Hey, Bonnie.” He didn’t sound angry. He didn’t look at her with hatred.
“Rohn.” Her heart pounded with hope she feared to feel. “Um, Mom, you remember Rohn Lerner, don’t you? From Oklahoma. Dad had hired him that summer . . .”
All these years, she’d kept the identity of the baby’s father a secret, even from her mother. Bonnie had never revealed that she’d dated Rohn. As far as her mother knew, Rohn was just the ranch hand.
That might change now though, judging by her mother’s interested expression as her focus moved back and forth between Bonnie and Rohn.
“Yes, I do.” All her mother’s unasked questions hung heavily in the air, but that and all else paled next to the fact that Rohn had come after her.
In spite of what she’d done, he’d still come after her. Could she be that lucky that he’d forgive her?
What she did know was that it was time for complete honesty. As both her mother and Rohn watched, she said, “Mom, I told Rohn about the baby.”
Her mother’s eyes widened, before she hid the reaction. “Then you two probably want some privacy to talk. I’ll leave you alone.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” Timeless, ageless, Rohn could have been eighteen again, standing in her mother’s kitchen with his hat in his hand.
Bonnie’s mother walked to her and enveloped her in a hug. When she pulled back, a small smile tipped up her lips. “I probably should have figured that out on my own back then, huh?”
“No. I took great pains to make sure you didn’t.”
“That makes me feel slightly better that I’m not a complete failure as a mother.”
“You’re not.”
With a small smile, her mother left her alone with Rohn. Bonnie was shaking as she reached for the kitchen chair. “Want to sit?”
“I’ve been sitting in the truck for the last fourteen hours so you’d think I’d say no, but I have a feeling I might want to be sitting for this conversation.” Rohn pulled out the chair opposite hers and sat.
He was here to talk. She owed him at least that much. “Ask me whatever you want and I’ll answer.”
His brows rose. “A’ight. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?”
“I was going to tell you.”
Rohn’s skepticism was clear in his expression. He’d believe her soon enough. She swallowed before she could continue.
“That last night we were together by the river I realized I was late. I took a pregnancy test.”
“And the test was positive. Obviously.” Rohn prompted her to continue as, lost in her memories, she’d paused.
“Yes. I figured in the morning, when you came to work, I’d try to get you alone and tell you. And if I couldn’t get to you during the day, then I’d have to wait until we saw each other alone. But I never got the chance to see you again.”
“Why not?”
“I hid the used test in the trash can, buried under some other stuff. I thought no one would ever find it. But my father saw me doing it, and he found it.”
She should have hid it in her room. Or waited until her father had left to go somewhere and then put it in the neighbors’ trash, because against all odds, her father chose that day to look out the window just as she was sneaking it into the trash.
“So he sent you away?”
“I wish that was what happened.”
Rohn reached out and took her hand in his. “Tell me.”
She forced herself to look at him, tears in her eyes. “I was so scared of what he’d do. Not just to me, but to you if he ever found out.”
His nostrils flared. “I could have taken care of myself, Bonnie. You should have told me.”
“You didn’t know him. You didn’t see him that night. He was crazy. He would have killed you. I’m sure of it. I was afraid he’d kill me. He beat me. I was so scared. He was so much stronger than me. I felt so vulnerable.” His fingers tightened around hers. She continued, “My mother was afraid he wasn’t done. When he left, she put me on a bus to my grandmother’s house that night.”
Things were better after Bonnie arrived in Phoenix. Her grandmother was like a fresh breeze in her life. A ray of sunshine cutting through the darkness of the past. She didn’t judge her or lecture. She talked to her like an adult, and they’d made the decision about what to do together.
Then, amazingly, her mother had gotten herself out, legally. She joined them in Arizona and they lived together, three generations of women. Independent, with no need for a man in their life. Still, there wasn’t a day that Bonnie didn’t look over her shoulder, not believing her father would just let them both go. Not convinced, even after decades had passed, that he wouldn’t come after her and finish the job he’d started so long ago.
“I do believe you. Christ, Bonnie, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me when you got to your grandmother’s in Arizona, once you were safe? I would have gone over there and—”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you. I had to protect you.”
Rohn let out a sigh. “Bonnie, your trying to protect me tore my heart out.”
“I know.” She stared at her hand in his, memorizing the feel of it since chances were good he’d pull away and she’d never feel his warmth again.
“And yesterday, you ran away from me again.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” It was pitiful that she had nothing else to say. Fleeing had become her go-to response after a lifetime of being afraid.
“Why? Your father’s gone now. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
“I figured you hated me for what I did. I thought it would be easier for everyone if I just left.”
He shook his head. “There’s nothing easy about any of this.”
“No, I guess not.”
He rubbed his fingers over the top of her hand. “I don’t hate you. I didn’t then. I don’t now.”
She nodded and tried to hold the tears in. He didn’t hate her, but he hadn’t said he still loved her, either.
“Tell me about her. Our daughter.”
“There’s nothing to tell. They took her away as soon as she was born. I never even held her.” That revelation should be the final nail in the coffin of their relationship.
“What about the family who adopted her?”
“I don’t know anything about them.”
“Nothing?”
She realized it sounded as if she’d handed their baby over to strangers, when that hadn’t been the case. “It was a closed adoption. The adopting family is checked out by the agency, but I never knew their names, and they didn’t know mine.”
He sat quiet for a bit. “Maybe it’s better that way.”
“Maybe.” Bonnie nodded. She braced herself and asked the question uppermost in her mind. The question she wasn’t sure she could handle the answer to. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Rohn stood and pulled her into his arms. She held her breath waiting for the answer.