Cursed

by Shawntelle Madison

Thorn, I’m so sorry, I thought. Why couldn’t I be stronger for you and stand with you?

  Things got even more fun. Rain began to fall. Now I was wet, cold, and leaning on a tree in the middle of a panic attack. I pressed my back against the hard wood.

  As I began to wheeze, I pressed harder, hoping to distract myself as my lungs constricted.

  Werewolves shouldn’t be like this.

  Werewolves shouldn’t be like this.

  And yet I was.

  I pushed my back against the tree hard enough for the knobs in the wood to stab me, but it didn’t help.

  The arms that reached out for me and enveloped me did though.

  “Gotcha, babe,” Thorn whispered.

  I was at just the right height for him to lay his chin on top of my head. My arms were pressed against his chest, and his thundering heartbeat vibrated along my cold fingers. Peace settled through me.

  “Thorn...” The sound seemed far away even though I’d said it.

  “I’m here.” He pulled me back a bit to feel for injuries. “I smell blood. You okay?” In empty darkness, I could only smell him and feel him checking my arms and legs.

  “It’s not mine.”

  “Okay, good.” He was shaking. Not from the cold, but from anger. The bitter smell was seeping out of him.

  “Is everyone else...”

  “I think they got away. There were too many of them to tell.” He urged me to head in the direction I was going in. Farther away from camp. “When that guy said there were a few rogues, I had no idea he meant they had enough to form a pack. There were too many to defend against.” He cursed and used a word my uncle Boris rarely said.

  “I’m so sorry, Nat,” he added.

  “What do you have to be sorry about?”

  “I should have made us leave sooner.” He sighed. “I knew something was wrong. I could feel it, but I wasn’t listening to my instincts.”

  The way he stiffened when I touched him made me flinch.

  “Don’t apologize. I’m fine.” I really wasn’t to be honest. At all.

  “You don’t look like it.”

  I snorted as he pulled me to keep going north. I loved how he held my hand. “How can you see anything out here?”

  “Right now I can’t see much, but I can ‘feel’ what’s ahead if that helps.”

  “Oh really? Are you hiding the fact you’re a spellcaster or something?” I joked.

  He laughed. A sound I needed to hear. “Are you asking if I have some magic tricks up my sleeve?”

  “Maybe.” The temptation to glance around was strong. Werewolves didn’t discuss magic. Even in the middle of nowhere. If Grandma mentioned magic, Mom always looked at her like she said a bad word. She hated magic and those associated with it—the warlocks, witches, and wizards. She told me werewolves couldn’t cast spells and the Code was put in place to protect us.

  Grandma had other words on the matter.

  “The Code? Pfft!” Grandma Lasovskaya would laugh. “A bunch of rules for people who are still afraid of their own shadow.”

  “Have you ever seen a werewolf cast a spell before?” I asked Thorn.

  “Seen what?” He was walking faster now.

  “Werewolves using magic?” So far talking was good for me. It helped me not think about the growing pain along my neck where I’d hit that rock. The burns along my back weren’t as bad, but I’d gotten myself good when I’d slammed into that rock.

  More time passed. Thorn had been quiet for too long.

  “You have seen it before!” I hissed. “I thought that was nothing more than a legend.”

  “It is a legend. You should obey the Code, Nat. It’s there to protect us for a reason.”

  He was lying to me and had tried to play with words. When werewolves didn’t want to outright lie, they gave statements that were true, gave a question in response, or just didn’t answer period.

  Thorn Grantham had lied to me. Interesting.

  “We need to find a place to lay low for a while,” he said.

  “Lay low with what? We don’t have any backpacks or a even tent.”

  His grip on my hand loosened, and he played with my fingers until they open so he could intertwine them. “We’re werewolves. I think we can last out here in the wilderness.”

  “What about bears?” I asked.

  “Haven’t smelled any.”

  “Wolves?”

  “Seriously?”

  “What if we get lost?” I gestured around us.

  “Would Fyodor Stravinsky’s daughter get lost in the woods?”

  I rolled my eyes. “In the dark without the stars and the moon she would.”

  This was rather embarrassing. I had the opportunity to make the Stravinskys proud and I was looking for every reason to fail.

  Thorn pulled me to move faster. “I see something ahead that should be a good place for us to hunker down for the night. We’ve added about two miles between us and the camp.”

  We’d made it that far, huh? Everything I valued was so far away. I could almost remember the weight of the pack on my back. The secure feeling of knowing my belongings were close by.

  “Maybe we should go back and check for the others?” I asked.

  “Nat, you came here because of me, and I need to protect you. Perry and Erica are stronger than you think. Also, he’s alpha material. If we made it out of there, they all did.”

  Was it bad of me to hope the rogues pushed Erica down a peg or two in terms of her attitude? I doubted it.

  What Thorn saw was nothing more than a thicket of bushes and a few trees that formed a tight circle. The clouds had parted a bit, leaving me a view I wish I couldn’t see. So far I’d managed to ignore the squishy sounds my tennis shoes made as I walked through the grass, but now that the moonlight spilled through the cracks in the clouds, I could see the pools along the ground and drops falling from the trees. When I glanced back to look in the direction we’d come from, I noticed our footprints had avoided the puddles.

  He could see somehow…and he’d avoided the puddles for me.

  I tried to swallow down the strange honeyed feeling stirring in my stomach.

  “This isn’t the best accommodations, but at least everything is quiet.” He sat, discarded his shirt, and placed it on the ground next to him. “Rest a bit.”

  I eased down and forced myself not to cringe. I had enough bruises to last for a while.

  His shirt was slightly damp, but I didn’t complain. Seeing Thorn Grantham without his shirt was worth it. I tried not to stare, but the way his shoulder muscles flexed and his pecs twitched were enough eye candy to keep my sweet tooth happy for days to come. My eyes wandered over his stomach, almost wishing my hands could’ve done the wandering. His abs seemed to have no end. Thorn was a beautiful specimen.

  I briefly closed my eyes, unable to stop thinking about him. I could still feel him holding me, my nose pressed against his collarbone. He had no idea how he tortured me just sitting there quietly.

  I had to say something. “So we wait until dawn?”

  “Yeah, then I get us out of here safely.”

  For a moment, even with all the drama, I realized this short vacation was about to be over before it had even started. We couldn’t stay out here without any supplies or food—yet I wanted more time with him like this. Yes, I seriously said that.

  “Are you hungry?” he asked. “I could find us some food.”

  I shook my head. Even if I was starving, I didn’t want him to leave my side. “I’m just tired.”

  “This isn’t much of a blanket, but you’re welcome to lay on it.”

  I tried to curl up on his shirt, but there wasn’t much real estate.

  “Just a sec.” He lay down next to me, then gestured for me to lay closer.

  “What do you want me...?” I asked.

  He patted his shoulder. “Put your head here. We can share body heat and you can lay comfortably on my shirt.”

  I lay next to him, conscious of eve
ry hard muscle he had. His side muscles were unyielding, and when I pressed the side of my face against his pec, I melted into warm goo.

  “That’s nice...” The words snuck out of my mouth.

  “You like what you see, huh?”

  “I mean it’s nice place to rest. Who wants to sleep on a hard shoulder?”

  “So you’re saying you don’t like the way I look?” His grin was infectious.

  My mouth opened and closed like a landlocked fish. “You’re perfect—what I mean is I think you look nice.”

  He stopped smiling and I swallowed hard when he said, “Well, I think you look more than nice.”

  My heartbeat quickened to the point of painful. What made my cheeks even warmer was the fact he could hear my body’s reaction. He’d know by my quickened breath how much his words stirred my passions.

  “You’re sweet, Thorn, but I know how I look compared to some of the girls on campus.”

  He tilted his head as if in thought. “True, you are different. Your clothes aren’t as tight.”

  “Is that what you like?” I could tell he’d turned his head my way, but I couldn’t look at him.

  “How come I don’t often see you wearing those tight skirts?”

  I finally looked at him, ready to punch his exposed stomach. “Skirts aren’t comfortable during the winter.”

  His lips had parted slightly. The moonlight had turned his blue eyes purple and his blond hair gray. Even cast in shadows he was perfect. Practically ethereal.

  “I like skirts,” he whispered. “Especially when you wear them. You drive me crazy every time you do.”

  He’d seen me wearing them before? When? Every day I thought I blended into the crowd, and yet someone had been looking at me from afar.

  “Natalya.” My name was a heated whisper as he brought his head toward me. Next came his lips, a brief brush against mine. I trembled. He was still there, a hairsbreadth away. I’d been kissed before, but not like this. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and our mouths collided. I’d never had this delicious rush surging from my stomach to between my legs. I’d never felt like I was about to float away from one kiss.

  Thorn’s hand reached down to cup my face. He explored my mouth, nibble by nibble. My hands continued to rest against his side, but as our kissed deepened, I grew bold and placed them on his chest. His skin was scalding, and his quickened heartbeat thrummed against my fingers.

  He wanted me as much as I wanted him.

  When he finally withdrew though, I felt a sense of loss, but he smiled and shifted me to lay my head back on his shoulder.

  “If we keep going like this, I will be distracted until dawn.” His voice was hoarse with need. “I should guard us. Get some sleep if you can.”

  After what happened, I doubted I’d sleep one wink.

  Chapter 5

  We slept in for a while. When I woke up, the noonday sun greeted me. Waking up next to Thorn was a fantasy I’d had countless times since we’d met in the class registration line. And who wouldn’t? Especially with a man as hot as he was.

  I fell asleep not long after we’d kissed, but now that I was awake and he slept softly beside me, a new fantasy circled my head: Could this be real between us and not a spring break fling?

  I wasn’t a fool. At Pitt folks hooked up all the time. Why wouldn’t werewolves be any different?

  Hope is such a fragile thing and I want to cling to it. Like any girl, I imagined what it would be like if we went back to South Toms River as boyfriend and girlfriend. As the next in line to become pack leader, Thorn would be respected. I’d get the same treatment. We’d live together in town and I’d take him to my noisy family gatherings. I smiled at the pleasant thought.

  That pleasant feeling faded though as Thorn got up.

  “We need to start moving again,” he said with a yawn. “Now that it’s daylight, we don’t know if they’re tracking us or not. We should run into the Pennsylvania Turnpike sooner or later.”

  “What reason do they have to follow us?”

  “If the rogues are gathering numbers, they wouldn’t want other wolves like us pissing in their backyard. Especially if their alpha has a tenuous hold on the pack and the younger males are looking for females.”

  So we continued north. I waited for Thorn to take my hand, but he didn’t. As the day passed, I didn’t see anything other than more than more hills and mountains.

  “This place is beautiful,” I said to break up the silence. I wanted him to kiss me again, but I was too shy to bring up the subject. “All these trees remind me of the woods around your family’s cabin.”

  Ahead of me, he nodded. “Yeah, it kind of does. Most of the time, I try to forget about that house—I think of my mom when I do.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stir up bad memories.” I didn’t know much about his mom. Only that she died after his brother Will was born. I’d heard from others she was very beautiful and kind-hearted.

  He slowed down and kept pace with me. “It’s all right. I like to think about her sometimes.”

  “Did you ever run with her during the full moon?”

  He nodded. “Once we’d run here. Those were better times before my old man took over the pack.” He picked up a rock and threw it stiffly over the trees. “When he became alpha everything was about appearances. How others would perceive him through his offspring. Even his pregnant wife. He expected her to step up to the plate when others challenged her for the position. She was forced to fight not long after my brother had been born.”

  Thorn’s voice grew quiet. “I hate thinking about him.”

  I sucked in a breath and an uncomfortable feeling settled into my stomach. I wanted to know more about what happened to her, but Thorn had to be feeling worse.

  “I still wish I could’ve met her,” I said.

  He finally smiled. “You remind me of her. You have a quiet inner strength like she did.”

  After that we walked in silence until twilight painted the cloudy sky. Our pace was slow. Neither of us cared about where we went, only that we got a moment of peace.

  “Just a few more hours until the full moon,” Thorn remarked.

  “Before the attack I’d been looking forward to tonight. I’ve never shared the full moon with anyone before.” Just my family.

  “Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

  I cringed and scrambled to think of a witty answer. I’ve never had sex, and I could count the number of dates I’d had on one hand. Of course his question could be completely innocent, but he had to be like most of the guys at Pitt. Half horny, half hungry all the time.

  “I’ve dated…” Without having a single steady boyfriend. Being a loner didn’t make me the best girlfriend material.

  “Dated? Meaning…A few months? A year or two?” He grinned devilishly. “I guess you’re too much for most guys, huh?”

  “Yep, too much... ” Too much wasn’t the right word. I was inadequate. Maybe on the outside Thorn thought Natalya Stravinsky was a force to be reckoned with, but on the inside I was far too fragile.

  Shame spilled over me as we decided to begin our full moon hunt on a hill overlooking a small lake. I hadn’t told him about my mental illness and I never planned to do it.

  This illusion I’d created was something I didn’t want to shatter. I didn’t mind letting him think I had quirks. Didn’t all of us have peculiar habits we kept?

  On my worse days when I didn’t want to look in the mirror, I felt like Thorn Grantham deserved better. Now the sun was setting and soon we’d face each other in our true form. Would he sense my true nature as well?

  Grandma Lasovskaya had told me when I was younger that I’d find my mate for life in wolf form. She’d fallen for my dedushka during a full moon. Encountering a white wolf was rare, and somehow on a chilly spring day she met one.

  I touched my chin to my chest. Would he find my body beautiful? A tinge began along my spine. The change was coming.

  “You gonna take your c
lothes off?” Thorn asked casually. He took a spot in front of me, forcing me to look at him.

  Heat filled my face. This should be the easy part. I’ve undressed in front of countless people. Becoming a wolf was our nature. And yet, I couldn’t look him in the eyes as I shrugged off my shirt.

  “There,” I said proudly and crossed my arms.

  “I’m curious to see how you’re gonna run in those pants.”

  I rolled my eyes. My hands rested on my waistband. Thorn reached over and rubbed the back of his hand against my bare stomach. I quivered in response.

  Deftly, he unbuttoned my jeans. “There you go...” His voice was lower now, coarser. The sliver of control he had was fading as well as mine. My bones flexed and pulsed. My breath grew heavy in my lungs. I couldn’t sense the wolf within me anymore. We were one.

  Finally, my pants came off. He did the same. All that remained were my panties and bra. I slipped those off and stood before him as naked as the day I was born.

  He was the same. And how magnificent he was. My gaze lingered on lean muscular legs, up to a hard stomach and finally to his face. The dark look in his eyes dared me not to look away.

  He was turned on. It was impossible to miss down there. Really.

  My hands moved of their own volition and I covered my nakedness.

  “Don’t.” He pulled my hands away. “I want to see all of you.”

  He lessened the distance between us. A part of me wanted him to touch me. To reach for me and quench the hunger I had for him since I’d met him.

  “I c-can’t believe I’m acting shy like this,” I stammered. “It’s not as if others haven’t seen my sad naked body.”

  His laugh was deep and unsettled me. “It’s not sad at all. I’m sure you can tell parts of me are standing with applause.”

  That made me spit out a laugh.

  His hand hovered near the sensitive skin under my skin, but he formed a fist instead and withdrew. “You’re blushing all over. You act like you’ve never been naked in front of a man before.”

  Should I try to go around the truth? I gave in. “Hunting is one thing. This is completely different. I’ve always had clothes on when...making out.”

  “You’ve had sex fully clothed?”