She’d had no idea. No freaking idea that his nightmares had progressed to life threatening, and honestly, if she weren’t so relieved that he was awake, alive, and okay, she would probably be incredibly upset that he hadn’t told her they had become so bad. Well, maybe in his defense, Reanna hadn’t really made it that easy for him to be honest with her for the past couple of weeks. And it was probably the extra stress that she’d put on him on top of all of his other responsibilities that had caused his dreams to worsen as they had.
Reanna closed her eyes when guilt washed over her, even as she continued to hold him.
What had she been thinking, leaving him? He’d been going through this alone. And if she were being honest with herself, she believed Sofia had tried to talk about what was going on with Kyle a couple of times this week, but Reanna—being so determined to stick with her stupid quest to end her relationship with him—had changed the subject. God, she felt so stupid, so wrong … But no more.
Never again.
“Breathe, honey,” she murmured into his hair. “Just keep breathing …”
And he did. Reanna didn’t know how long they sat in the middle of the bed holding each other close, all she knew was that she didn’t want it to end. Kyle held on to her as he lifted his head from her chest, and he rested his forehead against hers.
Staring into his troubled eyes, Reanna’s heart twisted. He looked so pained, so … broken.
Bringing her hand up to caress his face, Reanna gazed deeply into his eyes. “You stopped breathing,” she cried softly. “I thought … I thought you …” Reanna couldn’t even vocalize what she’d thought was going to happen. It hurt too much. And though she desperately wanted to be strong for him, she was having serious trouble hiding how traumatizing seeing him like that had been for her.
Taking in another slow, deep breath, he hugged her again, pressing a kiss to her neck. “I know, baby,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. I should have said something before bed.”
Pulling back some, she looked into his eyes, shaking her head. “This has happened before?”
He nodded. “I’m sorry. I was just hoping …” He shook his head. “I can’t predict when the memories will come. I’m sorry—”
“Stop.” Reanna placed her finger to his lips, then kissed the side of his mouth, then his cheek. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault!” It was the fault of that sickening woman that did all of those horrible things to him. “We can talk about it, if you want …”
He shook his head and hugged her closer as he lowered his face to her neck. “No,” he muttered, running his hand slowly up her back.
Reanna closed her eyes as she inhaled a deep breath, unable to fight the chilling sensation that slowly swept through her body.
“Are … you sure?” she asked, feeling a little breathless.
He nodded again. “Not tonight. I can’t.”
Then when? Reanna wondered, her heart still breaking for him. She wanted him to unburden himself, to tell her what was going through his head so that he didn’t have to suffer through the memories alone. She knew he was hurting, that he was in pain—she could see it in his eyes; that feeling of helplessness, that feeling that came when your own mind attacked you with memories that you left buried for a reason. It was a pain that Reanna herself recognized all too well, and she didn’t want him to endure it alone. Not like she had.
“Please,” she said softly, pressing her forehead to his once more. “Tell me what I can do.” Because she’d do anything for him. Anything to take away whatever pain she could, all he had to do was say so …
Closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch when he brought his hand up to cup her face.
“Just be here, colomba, that’s all I need. I just need to know that you’re here. That alone brings me more peace than you could ever understand.”
“I’m here, Kyle … always.” And she’d never leave him again. “Hold me. Please hold me.”
He was already holding her, but God, she needed so much more. More closeness, more him. Tight just wasn’t close enough for her at the present moment. Close wasn’t even enough. She knew she was being needy, but she’d just been so frightened she didn’t even know what to do with herself. What if he hadn’t woken up, what would she have done then?
“Colomba,” Kyle said with a sad sigh, still embracing her tightly. “Calm, baby. You’re shaking …”
She hadn’t noticed until he’d said it, but she was. Fresh tears filled her eyes, spilling slowly down her cheeks as she cried softly.
“Baby …”
“I was so scared,” she confessed, burying her face in his neck. “I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t breathing, and I didn’t know how to help you. I feel so helpless, Kyle. I want to do something, but I know there’s nothing I can do …”
She was weeping, and she couldn’t calm herself for anything. She knew she was pretty much failing at being strong for him right now, but she felt his pain as if it was her own. His inner torture was ripping her to shreds and she had no idea how to make it stop …
“Reanna. Gesù Cristo, colomba, you’re killing me.” He kissed her forehead, then pulled back a bit until she lifted her head from his shoulder. “Look at me, baby.”
Obediently, Reanna looked into his eyes, her cries now becoming soft sniffles.
“You’re doing more than enough, honey,” he assured. “You’re here with me. This is all I need. Just you …”
A sob unexpectedly fell from her lips. “But I hate this, Kyle. I hate that this is happening to you …”
“I know, baby, but I’m fine. I promise.”
Lowering her eyes, she shook her head.
“Reanna,” he said firmly, prompting her to lift her eyes back to his. “I promise you. I’m fine, more than fine. I’ve got my two allies, remember?” He smiled faintly. “Sofia, and you.”
That didn’t help to stop her tears in the slightest. As a matter of fact, it only made it worse. It was like a freaking dam broke loose; she couldn’t stop crying. The pain in her heart was just too unbearable.
“Reanna, please,” Kyle pled with her, a pained expression on his face. “You’re breaking my heart ...”
She didn’t want to, but her own heart was pounding with the need to open up to him—to be honest with him and tell him the truth of how strong her feelings were for him. Even as she stared into his warm, loving eyes, fighting to calm herself, she felt the intense emotions inside of her pushing aside all of her inhibitions.
“I don’t ever want us to be apart from each other again, Kyle,” she cried, uncaring of anything that had ever held her back from saying it before now. “I can’t bear it.”
Kyle nodded, bringing his hand to her face, cupping it as he gently wiped her tears. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“The last two weeks have been … horrible.” Worse than horrible. Unbearable, awful, depressing, utterly heartbreaking. “I can’t take anymore.”
And by that she didn’t mean time apart from one another, she meant she couldn’t take any of it anymore. The closeness they had without the commitment. She wanted that commitment, and the even deeper connection that came along with it. Now more than ever.
Kyle kissed her tear-stained face, nodding his head once again as he moved his hand slowly down her back. “It’s my fault, but I’ll make it better, Reanna. I promise. I need you so much.”
“I do, too,” she whispered hoarsely … almost desperately.
She needed him so badly right now that it was actually hurting her. There were so many emotions surrounding them, too many unsaid words, unexpressed feelings. Everything had just been building up for far too long and now she was at her breaking point. She was overwhelmed; her need and desire for him had finally just hit its peak. There was no holding back for her now, no chance of return. She wanted him too badly, her body was leaving her no choice.
“I need you,” she whispered breathlessly, her warm breath brushing against his lips. She didn’t know what it wa
s, but an overwhelming heat blanketed itself over her body, sending her reeling into a state of intoxication that felt so natural, so right that she had no choice but to embrace it. Her legs opened wider as she pressed herself against him. “I … need you … so much.”
She bit down on her bottom lip and willed herself not to move.
Kyle’s eyes fell to her lips as he brought one of his hands up to her face, placed it gently on her cheek, then used his thumb to release her bottom lip.
“I want you,” he said, his voice a harsh whisper.
Feeling her pulse quicken at his words, Reanna nodded her head. She already knew he did; she could feel his body’s reaction to their current position pressing heavily against her behind. “Then take me,” she whispered, feeling the pleasurable sensation of her nipples hardening against his chest. “Take me, Kyle. I’m yours.”
Now normally, this was the part where they’d stare into each other’s eyes for a time far longer than appropriate, then Kyle would pull away from her, reject her, and leave her wanting more of him …
But not tonight.
It was as if the two words ‘I’m yours’ were a key that unlocked a box overflowing with desire that engulfed the both of them, transporting them to a universe where nobody else existed but them two. One second, she was looking into his eyes, and the next, she was locked in a kiss more passionate than anything she’d ever felt in her entire life. The kiss shook the very foundation of her body, sending every bit of sanity she once possessed crashing to the floor, leaving her stranded, vulnerable in a state of reckless abandon, uncaring of any consequences that would result from what was about to happen between them.
In an instant, they were kissing each other, with a hunger that had been long deferred, as Kyle swiftly removed and tossed aside the silk nighty covering her body. Then in the next, Reanna was on her back, Kyle hovering over her as his mouth devoured hers. Tearing away her thin, silk panties, he threw them across the room.
Once he removed the final piece of clothing covering her, Reanna wrapped her legs around his waist, took his face in her hand, and pulled him downward to her, crashing her lips to his. God, she could barely think straight—all she could do was moan, beg, plead with him to make love to her. She’d never wanted a man more in her life, and wasn’t sure how much longer she could make it without having him inside of her.
“Please,” she cried breathlessly, helping him remove his sweats. She rejoiced inwardly when he kicked them to the floor, then tried her hardest to angle her hips in preparation for his sweet invasion. “I’m ready, Kyle. Please …” Ready was an understatement. Reanna was beyond ready for this. If he didn’t make love to her in the next five seconds she was pretty sure she’d die. “Kyle,” she whimpered, slipping her fingers into his hair, “make love to me …”
Her words trailed off with a gasp when she felt his big hand slip between her legs.
“Oh,” she moaned, her eyes fluttering shut.
“Voglio che tanto male, colomba,” he breathed, parting the lips of her sex, then slipping two fingers inside of her.
“Kyle!” Reanna cried out, her back arching slightly. “Kyle, please. Please …”
She knew she probably sounded pathetic, but in all honesty, she was past the point of caring. She wanted to be connected to him … finally.
“Sei così bagnata.”
Reanna could barely hear him, her body was too focused on the two long, thick fingers currently moving in and out of her. She moaned, letting her head fall back as her eyes rolled to the back of her head. “Oh God,” she sighed.
She needed more, still. So much more.
“I promise,” he whispered, “next time …”
She had no freaking idea what the hell he was talking about, and she had no time to figure it out either. The moment the words had left his lips, he removed his fingers, positioned himself at her opening, and pushed into her.
Holy shit, he should have warned her!
Reanna came. Yes, came. Almost immediately, and she was pretty positive it shocked the hell out of Kyle because it for damn sure shocked the hell out of her.
She just … hadn’t been expecting what she’d gotten. She’d been ready for it, but she hadn’t expected it to feel so incredible on initial … impact, is what she’d call it. He was just so hard, so thick, so … long, she’d been powerless to her body’s reaction to being so full after so much time.
Clinging to him, she cried out when the orgasm slammed into her, nearly knocking the wind out of her. Kyle held on to her, bringing her leg up higher at his side as he slowly ground into her.
Holy freaking shit! Reanna had never felt anything more amazing in her life; the sensations were so overwhelming, she nearly passed out. She still hadn’t even come down from her first orgasm, but he was already thrusting into her at a deliciously steady pace.
Gasping, Reanna grabbed on to his face with both hands, her eyes locking to his as she began to move with him, meeting each of his thrusts.
“Yes, Kyle,” she hissed through a breathy cry as he sped up their pace, his hooded gaze still locked to hers.
Reanna bit down on her bottom lip, stifling a cry as yet another orgasm began to build deep within her, this one much stronger than the last. Kyle held tightly to her, one arm slipping behind her back while he held her thigh with a tight grip at his waist, and wildly pumped his hips, releasing the sexiest, uncontrolled moans with every hard thrust he delivered.
So amazing. It was like they were moving in the sweetest slow motion. Reanna could barely follow what was happening. She was speechless. Literally, she couldn’t make a sound. She could barely even breathe as she pulled his face closer to hers and captured his mouth once again, catching each and every one of his moans in her mouth. God, it was so … powerful. The pure, unadulterated, passionate energy she felt in their kiss, in his touch, in the way he held her as he made love to her. It was overwhelming her. The emotion. That was what it was. The raw emotion. So much raw emotion. And desire, so much unexplored desire, lust, and wanton need. It swept over them like a forceful gust of wind. All she felt were intense sensations sweeping throughout her body, building rapidly in anticipation of a powerful eruption that would surely bring her entire world crashing down around her.
And when it finally happened, that’s exactly what it did.
Every wall, every barrier she’d put up to protect herself from her feelings for Kyle Valente collapsed the moment she came undone in his arms. It hit Reanna all at once, breaking her to her core, forcing her to embrace the truth, to face it no matter what caused her to hesitate doing so in the past.
She loved him.
She loved Kyle more than she ever thought possible. More than she’d loved any man in her life. She was in love with him. And that love was what pushed her over the edge, sending her falling into an abyss ... unprotected, vulnerable, and naked. Nothing was hidden now, her walls were down and would most likely never be up again.
She clung to him—both literally and figuratively—as the orgasm shook her body. Never had anything felt so right, so profound, never until she gave herself to him. She felt him, the moment he released inside of her. The connection was instant, unbreakable. Reanna immediately knew that after tonight, after this moment, nothing in her life would ever be the same again …
Chapter 11: Shame
The dictionary defines shame as a painful feeling of humiliation, of distress. And it came when one was conscious of their own wrong or foolish behavior.
For ten minutes now, Reanna had been lying in bed, wrapped in the arms of the man she loved, staring at the sun shining through the peach curtains covering her window, waiting for the shame … but nothing came.
Gasping slightly, Reanna closed her eyes as yet another memory from her evening flashed through her mind.
It kept happening. Ever since the moment the sun shining through her window had awoken her, Reanna had been seeing vivid flashes of her night of passion. Well, she didn’t know if she should call
it that, seeing as it continued well throughout the morning. Yes, it seemed once hadn’t been enough for her and Kyle. They’d ended up making love three times. The first, very quick, very passionate, and the last two times, slow and sensual—an incredibly amazing, life-altering experience, and even more passionate than the first time. Just as Kyle had promised her …
Three times they’d made love. And each time, Reanna had had the chance to stop things. To remind herself that what she’d been doing with him was wrong. To remind herself that she and Kyle were … just friends. That he was Aniyah’s boyfriend.
Biting down on her bottom lip, Reanna closed her eyes once again, this time to stop the tears that threatened to fill her eyes. She wasn’t sad. Feeling any type of sadness regarding this would have actually made her feel better. That would have meant she had remorse for what she’d done. But she didn’t.
Reanna was crying because she didn’t feel remorse, she didn’t feel shame. When she’d woken up from the deep sleep she’d fallen in to—after spending the entire night making love to Kyle—and found out that it was all real, that it wasn’t a dream, all Reanna had felt was … happiness.
She’d been happy!
Not just happy, but … fulfilled. More fulfilled than she’d ever been in her life all because she could finally admit that she was in love with Kyle. It was kind of impossible for her to deny now, even to herself. When she’d first woken up, she’d thought the feeling of guilt would hit her immediately … hell, she’d spent most of the night, before Kyle had come over, with another man that had confessed his love for her for God’s sake. But not even the thought of betraying Braden had been enough to bring about the guilt. Of course she wasn’t jumping up and down at the knowledge that she was going to have to confess what she’d done to him, but still, she wasn’t guilty. She didn’t regret what had happened between her and Kyle, either. She just … selfishly wished she’d never started things up with Braden again in the first place.
Dangerous Beauty: Part Four: Beautifully Broken Page 18