Carra: My Autobiography

by Jamie Carragher

  If I was at Liverpool and didn't play a part in a trophy win, you wouldn't see me celebrating as much as I have on those momentous occasions in the past. That's not being selfish but being proud. I'd feel a cheat. I'd rather those who did the job grabbed all the glory. In 2001 I threw my Charity Shield winners medal into the crowd immediately after the game for precisely that reason. I'd started the match on the bench because Gérard Houllier told me he wanted to give John Arne Riise his debut against Manchester United, and he thought the experience would help him. I was only told I was on the bench when we arrived at the Millennium Stadium, and I was so furious to be left out, no contribution I made would have eased my disappointment. It was a mistake to chuck the medal away, and I got it back later, but they were my feelings then and they haven't changed seven years later. As a footballer, you only fully appreciate and understand success when you've contributed to it. I've played my part in all Liverpool's most recent victories, which is why each one is so precious.

  If I'm not a regular in the side – and I hope that's many years away – I will move on. There are those who advise you to quit at the top, but I disagree. I'd love to finish my career at Anfield, but if the time comes to consider another Premier League club or a competitive Championship team (in the north, of course), I'll do so. I intend to play until my body can't take it any more. You're a long time retired in this profession and I know how much I'm going to miss the game when it comes to an end. I love playing football and won't stop until I have to.

  I'll miss the routine of being a footballer because it's all I've known. It's comforting, reassuring, to know you're heading to Melwood to see the lads and train every day, and you plan your life around the calendar of the fixture list. Although I get too intense about the game sometimes and can think about it too much, I'm not sure what I'd do if it didn't matter to me professionally any more. I can't imagine having no concern about who Liverpool are trying to sign, or what day we're playing the Merseyside derby, or what match we've been scheduled on Boxing Day or over the New Year. I'll find it weird.

  Once it all comes to an end, there'll be an enormous sense of emptiness. What will I do with myself? I've learned to switch off much more in recent years, taking the advice of those who've told me to enjoy the game rather than get too down when results go wrong. My wife and children have given me a focus away from the game, and there are other interests I have, although even these tend to reflect my personality. I'm a fan of the American TV comedy show Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is about a middle-aged guy who gets wound up by the most minor inconveniences in life. I think I see something of myself, and what I might become in the future, in the character. Maybe you'll see me walking the streets of Bootle looking like Larry David, complaining about everything and anything. I've always been a fan of Only Fools and Horses and The Royle Family too, mainly because I recognize so many of the personalities and situations from my own life.

  I'm also an avid reader of books – usually sport-related, of course. I hand my family a list of new titles every Christmas so I've always something to poke my nose into on Liverpool's away trips. I've read most players' autobiographies, which was one of the reasons I was so keen to get my own thoughts off my chest. My two favourites are actually related to Manchester United: Managing My Life by Alex Ferguson and Back from the Brink by Paul McGrath.

  When it comes to music I'm an Arctic Monkeys and Oasis fan, although the Scousers still outgun the Mancs on that score as my favourite song is 'In My Life' by The Beatles. Sky TV played it over a montage of our Istanbul victory in 2005, so the song, which I already loved, will always carry significance for me.

  But as I said, I've no intention of winding down the football yet. I want to drip every last ounce of sweat I can before I play my final game. At the very least I hope still to be at Liverpool when the new stadium is built on Stanley Park in 2011. In fact, I've pencilled in a date for the diary for the first game in the arena. I'd love it to be opened with my testimonial, Liverpool v. Everton, although given how long it's taking to build the stadium it's more likely I'll play this in the current Anfield in a few years' time.

  I've been due a testimonial since 2007, when the club offered me a year of events to mark my tenth anniversary, but I wasn't so keen on the timing. I wanted it delayed for a more appropriate moment later on. I preferred a one-off celebration, and the prospect of the two clubs that have defined my football career from boy to man being at the centre of it, with all the money going to local charities, should make it a fitting finale if my Liverpool playing days are nearing their end. I want to do my bit to help bring the clubs' fans closer together again, and try to heal the bad blood which has developed over the last twenty years.

  I also like the idea of having an ex-players' match where our treble side takes on our Champions League winners. I suspect there will be blood shed in the fight for the services of Steven Gerrard if that comes off. Maybe he and I will have to play a half for both teams.

  It seems strange for me to be thinking about a testimonial at thirty, especially as I've every intention of adding more dramatic chapters to this book in years to come, but you become more aware of what's on the horizon as each pre-season approaches.

  Other than the eternal quest for the League title, there are lingering regrets I've reflected upon as I've pieced together my story to this point. Everyone has disappointments, even if some of the mistakes you made early on helped you become the player and person you are. I wish, for instance, I'd settled as a centre-half much sooner than I did. If I had, the reputation I have as a player now would have arrived seven or eight years ago. I'm sure it would also have helped my England career progress more impressively. Others may argue it was my period as a striker, midfielder and full-back which allowed me to see the game from so many different angles, making the switch to central defence a comfortable one. That's a matter for me to debate when I'm finished.

  I see less stressful options than management available once I hang up my boots, such as a career in the media, possibly as a television pundit. There's already interest in me from some TV channels, and you can see why so many ex-professionals jump at the opportunity. It's a lot easier getting paid to tell the managers where they're going wrong than being on the wrong end of the criticism.

  I haven't wanted to commit myself to punditry too often because if you're a young player who makes that move too early, that's pretty much it for you. You become associated with that field of work, you settle into it, and then it's harder to move back into football. But if I'm not managing it's most likely I'll pursue a career in the media, joining the illustrious names of ex-Anfield stars passing judgement on the next generation of Liverpool teams. There seems to be no shortage of demand for us, much to the aggravation, it seems, of Liverpool managers who feel extra pressure when they hear a legend slagging off the team. It's never bothered me. One or two went a bit far during the Houllier era, but overall I see them all as passionate fans who know the game, expressing an informed, balanced opinion. So many of us are thinking of following them on to TV in the future it strikes me as hypocritical to have a go at pundits.

  In fact, I'm not sure as a club we've always shown enough respect to former heroes. I've my own idea about ensuring the great names of the past are never forgotten: handing them an ambassadorial role on the club's behalf. It would be fantastic if we invited a different former player as our special guest every time we travelled to a European game. The club would only have to pay the price of one extra air ticket on the plane to Europe. The Kop legend could watch us train, have lunch with us, sit in the directors' box and get a real sense of belonging to the club again. It would also help the modern players – many of whom may need a history lesson on the efforts of those who made the club what it is – understand what Liverpool FC really means. Perhaps one day I'll be the one to benefit from such a scheme.

  I don't want to sound like I'm in retirement mode, but you do have to think carefully about what you'll do when that final whistle blows.
I've been planning ahead for a while, investing in areas outside football but which inevitably mix business with my pleasures. Last year I opened the first of what I intend to be a chain of sports-themed family restaurants. My business partners, Paul and Julian Flanagan, approached me four years ago with the proposal and it's proved a great success. Paul and Julian are passionate Liverpudlians who've helped transform our city centre with their trendy bars and modern hotels. The Sir Thomas Hotel, which they also own, was effectively the official Liverpool FC party venue following our Champions League triumphs. We had the idea of creating a healthy-eating restaurant to address the growing problem of child obesity in this country, and with my backing it's hoped we'll get more children thinking about what they eat, as well as feeling inspired to be more active. 'Café Sports: England' is planning to expand across the rest of the country. We're looking to open in Ireland, Wales and as far afield as Dubai, too.

  It's important for me to give something back to the community. Liverpool and Bootle mean so much to me, and I'm determined to do what I can to help continue their regeneration, and encourage youngsters to fulfil whatever potential they might have. I've been able to do this in several ways. If there's a charity auction to be held, I'm happy to donate signed shirts and football boots. Since breaking into the Liverpool team I've handed my gear to youth clubs and football teams in Bootle who needed to raise money to buy kits or equipment. For obvious reasons, the Alder Hey Children's Unit has always been in my thoughts over the years too.

  To me it's a tiny gesture to raise funds, but I was honoured to be awarded with the Freedom of the Borough of Sefton for my efforts two years ago. I was shocked to hear I was receiving the award, which among other things now means I'm legally allowed to walk sheep through the streets of Bootle. Seriously, I felt privileged to be recognized by my own community in such a way. Once more, I shared the accolade with my family. The people of Bootle may have been showing their gratitude towards me, but it pales into insignificance compared with my debt to them.

  Bill Shankly famously said, 'Football is not a matter of life or death; it is much more important than that.' Now, we all know he was wrong. Tragically, too much has happened at Liverpool since Shankly coined this much-repeated sentence for it not to have been questioned, even if there is still a great deal of truth behind the sentiments he was trying to express. But in my city, in my town and in my family, the importance of football has been central to everything I am. It's defined me, given me the opportunity to provide for my own wife and children, and allowed me to fulfil the ambitions my dad had for me when he took his lad to those places I remember on the fields of Marsh Lane. Whatever I do with myself when I stop playing, football will always be there. I owe everything to the game, and everything to the place where I was born and the people who live there. I'll never lose that affection.

  I also feel that Shankly quote has deeper meaning for me. My becoming a footballer was a matter of life and death. When I look over my career it all leads back to that distressing decision my mum took three decades ago. Everything begins for me the moment she looked a doctor in the eye and insisted she would give birth to her baby, regardless of the medical advice she was hearing. That was the day she proved no matter how tough the circumstances or how painful the outcome might be, if you showed the right character and stood firm behind what you believed was right, everything could turn out for the best.

  My mum said she was sure someone was watching over me from the moment I was born. As I re-read the pages in my life, I think she was right.

  Career Record

  Liverpool appearances/goals (to end 2007–08)

  Appearances Goals

  * * *

  League 360 3

  FA Cup 29 0

  League Cup 26 0

  Champions League 74 1

  UEFA Cup 28 0

  European Super Cup 2 0

  World Club Championship 2 0

  Charity Shield 2 0

  Total 523 4

  Honours

  FA Cup 2001, 2006

  League Cup 2001, 2003

  Champions League 2005

  UEFA Cup 2001

  European Super Cup 2001, 2005

  Charity Shield 2001, 2006

  FA Youth Cup 1996

  International caps

  England (full caps) 34

  Under-21s 27

  Debuts

  Liverpool: 8 January 1997 v Middlesbrough (away), League Cup (sub)

  England (full): 28 April 1999 v Hungary (away), friendly (sub)

  First goal

  Liverpool: 18 January 1997 v Aston Villa (home), Premier League

  Index

  Ablett, Gary

  Abramovich, Roman

  AC Milan

  beating in European Cup final (2005)

  wins European Cup final (2007)

  Academy, The (was School of Excellence)

  Agger, Daniel

  AK Graz

  Al-Ansari, Sameer

  Alaves

  Alder Hey Children's Hospital

  Aldridge, John

  Alonso, Xabi

  Alves, Daniel

  Ancelotti, Carlo

  Anelka, Nicolas

  Arsenal

  beating in FA Cup Final (2001)

  Aston Villa

  Atkinson, Ron

  Ayala, Roberto

  Ayesteran, Pako

  Babbel, Markus

  Babel, Ryan

  Bailey, John

  Baldini, Franco

  Ball, Alan

  Banks, Gordon

  Barcelona

  Baresi, Franco

  Barmby, Nick

  Barnes, John

  Baros, Milan

  Barrett, Tony

  Batistuta, Gabriel

  Bayer Leverkusen

  Bayern Munich

  Beagrie, Peter

  Beardsley, Peter

  Beckham, David

  Beckham, Victoria

  Bellamy, Craig

  Benayoun, Yossi

  Benfica

  Benitez, Rafa

  and 2005–06 season

  appointment as manager

  and Carragher's contract

  criticism over team selection for FA tie against Burnley

  and Crouch

  devotion to game

  and Didi Hamann

  disagreements with American owners and sacking of speculation

  and European Cup (2005)

  and Everton

  and Gerrard

  introduction of zonal marking

  management style

  and Mourinho

  and Owen

  player rotation policy

  problems in 2004–05 season and criticism of

  rebuilding of team for 2008-09 season

  recruitment of foreign teenagers

  relationship with Carragher and influence on

  relationship with players

  shows interest in vacant England job

  signings