Going Home

by Mohr, Nicholasa

  From that time on Mami started keeping strict tabs on me. I couldn’t play outdoors as much as I used to, and she also wanted to know where I was practically every single minute. If I wasn’t where I was supposed to be all the time, it became my fault. It seemed like everything I did was wrong and that I was always to blame. Now sometimes even when I play in a mixed group of boys and girls, I feel I’m doing something bad. What was the use? When it came to my feelings and my personal thoughts, Mami was definitely no person to talk to.

  Without another word I walked away and went to my own room. It’s so small you can hardly turn around in it. But one nice thing is that out of my window I can see part of the park and a nice chunk of sky. It was beginning to snow. The flakes were very tiny and wet, and they melted as soon as they touched the ground. I stood close to the window, leaning as far to the left as possible so I could see past the park entrance over to the playground and the baseball field where some of us kids play when there are no other games going on. It was empty and deserted now. I looked down at the street, three stories below. There was hardly anybody out except for some people who hurried along, trying to avoid the cold. I thought about telling Papi what Tito had just done to me, bossing me around in front of my friends. Maybe after dinner I’d talk to him. Even though most of the time my father isn’t much more help than Mami, at least he hears me out.

  “Felita, Felita! It’s dinnertime.” I heard Mami calling me and went out into the kitchen. Johnny, Tito, and Tio Jorge were already seated, but not Papi.

  “Where’s Papi?” I asked.

  “He’s working today at the plant,” said Mami. “They asked him to fill in on the evening shift for somebody who couldn’t make it today.”

  “I hate it when he works so much overtime and can’t be with us,” I said.

  “None of us like it either, Felita, but we can use the extra money now that we’re going to Puerto Rico. We’re all going to have to save and understand that this vacation is going to be a big expense for the family.” Mami finished serving the food and sat down.

  “Ma,” Tito said, “can I take my food into the living room? There’s a sports special on that I really have to see.”

  “Tito, you know your father doesn’t like that. He wants us all to eat together at the dinner table.”

  “Yeah, but he ain’t here now. So please can I watch T.V.?”

  “Tito, I don’t like it myself. I prefer that you eat with us.”

  “Oh, man.” Tito pushed his plate away. “I’m not hungry. Can I be excused? I’d rather go to my room.”

  “Tito, no te pongas tonto. Stop being silly and eat your food.”

  “Mami, come on. What’s the difference if I’m here? This is a very important program. They got my favorite teams playing. Look, I promise that I’ll wash my plate so clean that when you pick it up, you’ll say, ‘Oh, my! Look, I can see my own beautiful reflection’ —just like on the T.V. commercials. I swear!” Mami began to laugh. “Please, Ma,” Tito persisted. “Pretty please.”

  “All right.” Mami gave in. “Go on. But don’t be making a habit of it. You know Sunday dinner is for all of us to eat together.” Tito jumped up, kissed Mami, then grabbed his plate and rushed out.

  “He always gets his way. Why do you let him do what he wants?” I was really angry. “If I ask for something, you never—”

  “Don’t start.” Mami cut me off. “Just eat your food.”

  “If Papi were here, Tito wouldn’t get away with eating and watching T.V. I’ll bet that Papi would—”

  “Basta! Enough!” Mami looked annoyed. “Do me a favor, Felita, change the subject. Not another word about it. Do you hear?” I looked at my oldest brother, who shrugged and smiled sympathetically. Even though Johnny can be a pest at times ... I still like him. He’s not mean to me like Tito. In fact since he’s sixteen and bigger than Tito, he comes to my defense when he sees Tito bullying me. But that Tito is sneaky and he usually waits till there’s no one around to pick on me.

  Everyone at the table was eating in silence. Finally Mami spoke to Johnny. “How’s the science report coming along?”

  “All right. I have to do more work at the library, reading and researching, but I’ll get it in on time.” Johnny is a very good student, which makes my parents very happy. Tito, on the other hand, is a very poor student, which worries my parents all the time.

  “Tio Jorge, have some more chicken,” Mami was saying. “There’s plenty left.”

  “No, thank you, Rosa.” Tio isn’t much for talking. He’s very shy. Papi said Tio Jorge has always been that way. Sometimes I wonder if he even hears what goes on. Tio Jorge’s theory is that he doesn’t believe in hablando de tonterias—talking about nonsense—which to him means talking about anything except his nature collection. He’s real proud of that collection. It took him years to assemble, probably all his life. He has tons of pictures, cards, slides, and books all about trees, flowers, birds, and butterflies. Sometimes I think that that’s all he ever cares about.

  Papi says that ever since Abuelita died, Tio has become even more shy. Like he’s always in his own private little world. Abuelita was Tio’s older sister and he lived with her for all of his life, until she passed away, of course. Then he moved in with us. At the beginning he used to complain about a lot of things to Mami and talk about how Abuelita used to do his white shirts herself instead of sending them out to a laundry. Or how Abuelita used real cream instead of milk when she cooked the hot cereals.

  Mami used to get so upset until Papi told her that Tio was just old and set in his ways and she should ignore him and go about her business as usual. In time Tio stopped complaining.

  No one at the dinner table was in a talkative mood. Mami kept trying to start a conversation, but all she got from us was a no or a yes. I finished eating and asked to be excused.

  “Do you want more dessert, Felita? There’s more bread pudding left. I know how much you like it.” Now she was being nice to me, but if I complained to her about Tito, she’d come right to his defense.

  “No,” I answered.

  “Are you sure?” Mami reached out to refill my plate.

  “May I please be excused?” I stood up.

  “Felita, if there is something the matter, tell me what it is.”

  “Nothing is the matter. I just want to leave and go to my room!”

  Mami looked at me and shook her head. “Go on, then.”

  I took my dishes to the sink and left. Weekdays I’m the one who helps Mami with the dishes. Saturday and Sunday, Johnny and Tito take turns helping her. I was glad today was Sunday because it meant I didn’t have to stay and be forced to talk to her.

  Back in my room I thought of Papi and wished he didn’t have to work so much overtime. It’s always better when he’s at home. Somehow with him here the family feels more complete. Plus then Tito can’t get away with as much. But lately I was getting pretty fed up with Papi too. Like just last week when I complained to him about my brothers, he began to sound just like Mami. He told me I would soon be a señorita, and said that Johnny and Tito want to make sure that no boys will take advantage of me.

  When I told Papi that nobody I knew of was taking advantage of me except for my brothers themselves, and especially Tito, it didn’t seem to change his mind one bit. “Girls do not have the same freedom as boys,” Papi said. “That’s the law of nature.”

  “What law of nature is that?” I protested. “I’m every bit as good as them, even better. And I can take care of myself. I don’t need them for nothing!”

  At this Papi got real angry and cut short the conversation. “Basta! I don’t want to hear that kind of talk. It’s a fact that you cannot take care of yourself, even if you think you can. Understand? Now, that’s all there is to it.”

  I had felt so angry and humiliated that when Papi reached out to make up, I had stepped away from him and left the room. Remembering all of this, I realized I just had to learn to handle things by myself.

 
; My one and only ally, when he came out of his own world, was Tio Jorge. Last Thursday, for example, when I was watching T.V., Tito walked into the living room and switched the channel without even saying one word. When I tried to turn the dial back to my program, Tito started a fight. Right away he shoved me, but I shoved him right back. Luckily Tio was there and came to my rescue. “Get out!” he told Tito. “I don’t want you in this room. Don’t you dare touch your sister.”

  Tito had looked mean, like he was going to give Tio Jorge a hard time, but he thought better of it. He knew that if he misbehaved with Tio Jorge he’d have to account to Papi. I was real pleased when he shut his mouth and left the room. But usually that’s not what happens. Usually Tito gets his way.

  I looked over at my clock radio, a present my parents had given me last Christmas. It was already six o’clock. I was feeling bored, and even though I had decided to wait till tomorrow to tell Gigi about my trip, I was really tempted to telephone her right away. But then I heard a knock on my door. “Come in,” I said.

  The door opened slightly. “It’s me, Tio. May I come in?”

  “Sure.” I was surprised. Tio Jorge hardly ever came into my room. He shut the door and sat next to me.

  “Felita, are you happy to be going to Puerto Rico?”

  “Oh, yes, very happy, Tio.”

  “Good. I’m glad because I want to be able to teach you about nature. I can’t teach you about those things here. You will learn about all kinds of trees, flowers, and birds. You’ll also see life in a different way in our village.”

  I knew Tio had come in to cheer me up. But he seemed sad, even unhappy. “Tio, aren’t you happy to be going?”

  “Sí, of course I am happy.” He smiled. “I’m going home, Felita, that’s where I want to be—home in the countryside where I belong, in my village of Barrio Antulio, where I will be close to nature. That’s where I was born and grew up, where I’ll spend the rest of my days, meet my maker. I’m not at home here in this country, and I never was. Now, Abuelita, your grandmother, that one liked it here. She enjoyed the city. That’s how come we stayed as long as we did. Now I’m going back....” But he still sounded sad to me.

  “Well, Tio, I can’t wait to go and I’m real happy that I can stay with you for the whole summer.” I put my arms around him and gave him a hug.

  “Good.” He got up slowly and left.

  I looked out the window and saw that the snow was coming down heavily. Sometimes the flakes fell in bunches, separating in midair like white powder. The lampposts, stoops, cars, and sidewalks, just about everything, were covered with snow. Long dark silver shadows stretched out over the whiteness. Usually I prayed for a storm so that school would be shut down and we could all play outdoors—have snowball fights, build tunnels, and just hang out, not having to worry about classes or taking tests. But this evening I wanted the snow to stop so that tomorrow I could tell all my friends about my trip to Puerto Rico.

  Chapter 2

  The next day I met Consuela and Joanie down near the corner of the large intersection. As usual we all walked to school together. It was routine that we met every morning, because too many tough kids can pick on you if you walk by yourself. There was safety in numbers. I was so happy to see my wish had come true: the sun was shining and melting the snow away. Some kids were busy hollering, sliding, and jumping all over the place, trying to have snowball fights. But the snow was so powdery that most of the balls fell apart even before they got thrown.

  This morning I had gotten permission to go over to Gigi’s house after school. Gigi’s mother is the most easygoing mother I know. I am welcome to visit them anytime, just as long as I get Mami’s okay. Gigi’s mother even takes me shopping with them and buys me treats and lunch. I call her by her first name and so does Gigi. Before I used to call her Mrs. Mercado, but last year she insisted I call her Doris. When I had told Mami that, she said she thought it was disrespectful, and that Mrs. Mercado must think she was Gigi’s sister instead of her mother. But I don’t care how Mami feels. I love being with Doris and Gigi because I can be myself. I can say whatever pops into my head and not have to worry about getting an argument back.

  When we got to class, I sat next to Gigi and whispered the good news about my trip. Then I added, “Can I come over to your house after school? I got permission.”

  “Great.” She nodded.

  I could hardly keep my mind on my schoolwork, and when lunchtime came around, I was practically jumping out of my skin. We have our tight little group in school. There is Gigi, Consuela, Elba Thomas, Lydia Cortez, and Vivian Montañez. Today we all sat together like always. I waited for just the right moment, after everyone was settled and munching away.

  “Guess what, everybody? I’m going to Puerto Rico for the whole summer!” I announced.

  “Wow!” said Elba.

  “Really? That’s great!” Vivian said. Right away everybody became interested.

  “When are you going exactly?” asked Lydia.

  “Not until school is over. We’re all leaving early in July. My parents and brothers are only staying two weeks, but I’m going to—”

  “Oh, man, look! There he is. There’s Vinny!” Vivian interrupted me, and everyone turned away to look at Vinny Davila as he walked by and waved at us.

  “He’s so cute,” Vivian went on. “I just love his eyes.” She kept on waving at him longer than anybody else with a smile stuck on her face and her teeth hanging out. I tried to get back their attention so I could talk about my trip, but now there was no way they would listen. Everyone was more interested in Vinny, the new boy from Colombia, South America. He had registered at our school only at the beginning of last month. His real name was Vicente Davila, but he had asked everyone to call him Vinny, which he pronounced “Veenie.” Naturally we all knew he meant Vinny, but that Joey Ramos and his dumb gang of friends took advantage of him and made fun of him. They imitated his accent and called him “Beenie.” That really made me mad.

  Vinny’s English was so bad that they put him back. That’s why even though he’s a year older than our group, he’s in our grade. I heard he’s the oldest of five kids. He lives right on my block so I usually see him walking to and from school, but so far I’ve never seen him hanging out. He has jet black hair and fair skin with freckles. All the girls think he’s real cute. And even though I never said it, I gotta admit he’s a very handsome boy. But I’m glad he’s not in my class. You see, I really can’t stand it when all my girlfriends act so silly over boys.

  Like right now, for instance, here I am trying to say something important about my trip, and they all don’t even care.

  “Like I was saying,” I went on. “My brothers are leaving early, which makes me happy. My Tio Jorge says we’ll be going for hikes and to the beach and—”

  “Oh, look, here he comes again. Look!” Vivian cut me off a second time and began to giggle. “He’s coming our way. Oh, I can’t stand it!” She kept right on grinning at him.

  “I think you’re the one he’s looking at, Vivian,” said Elba.

  “I sure hope so.” Vivian sighed. “Like who cares if his English stinks. I could teach him how to talk better real quick.” All the girls began to laugh and were now grinning at Vinny like fools. All except Gigi. She just looked at me and rolled back her eyes. By now I was pretty furious. It was like what I had to say was not the least bit important because Vinny came around. All right, I thought, just wait until they all have something important they want me to hear. I’ll show them.

  “I guess you all are not interested in my trip or care about what I was saying.” I looked directly at Vivian.

  “Felita, you ain’t even going until the summer,” she said, “and we all got plenty of time to hear about your trip.”

  I was so annoyed at her. “Hey, I’m not twisting any arms, so you all don’t have to listen. I only figured as my very best friends you’d like to hear about my good news. That’s all!”

  “We are interested, Felita,�
� said Elba, “go on and tell us.” I remained silent until they all had to ask me again.

  “We’re all ears,” said Lydia.

  “All right, then.” I was too happy thinking about my trip to stay angry. But there wasn’t much time left before lunch was over and we had to get back to class.

  After school Gigi and I went over to her house. Last year her parents had bought a big apartment in a development that was a twenty-minute walk from school. It was drizzling out and the leftover snow was turning into rivers of brown mush and disappearing into the drain holes and sewers. The dampness and cold made us shiver. Gigi and I linked our arms and huddled together to keep warm. We walked so fast that we were practically running.

  “Imagine, living in a place where it never gets cold,” I said.

  “I can’t imagine,” Gigi said. “Not on a day like today.”

  When we got to Gi’s house, Doris gave us hot chocolate and cookies. The three of us sat in the kitchen, where it was warm and cozy.

  “Bueno,” Doris said, “what a lucky girl you are to be going on such a long vacation to Puerto Rico.”

  “I know.” I sure was feeling pleased. “I already heard so many stories about P.R., ever since I was little. My abuelita told me that everything is so beautiful—the flowers, mountains ...”

  “It’s beautiful all right, but it’s also changed a lot since your grandmother’s time,” said Doris. “I know because when I went there for a visit eight years ago, I found things were a whole lot different than when I was young.”

  “Oh, but you see, my Tio Jorge says that we’ll be living in his village and that not much has changed there.”

  “What’s the difference? I know you’ll have a great time anyway, Felita.”

  “I wish I could go with Felita,” said Gigi.

  “Someday we’re all going, but we just bought this apartment and you know your father and I can’t afford any trips now. But we will have a family reunion in Puerto Rico one day, and you’ll meet all your relatives there, Gigi. I promise.”