“Yes, just the baby making its presence known.” She grinned. “I did have a little more activity last night than I normally do.”
Relief flooded him. He needed to calm down, not overreact. Being a midwife, he should know better, but this was Phoebe. He cared for his patients but on no level did that came close to what he felt for Phoebe. How was he going to remain professional when he delivered the baby? Maybe it would be better if someone else did. “I’m sorry.”
“I should hope not! Because I’m sure not.”
“Thanks. My ego would have been damaged otherwise.”
“I wouldn’t want that to happen.” She winced and shifted in the bed. “This baby is getting his morning exercise.”
Ryan grinned. “I have an idea to help with those aches and pains. You stay there while I take this to the kitchen. I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”
The anticipation of being in Ryan’s arms again was enough to have Phoebe’s blood humming. He soon returned with the bottle of lotion in his hand he had used the other night during her foot massage.
“Oh, I’m going to get another foot massage.” She couldn’t keep the eagerness out of her voice and started moving toward the edge of the bed.
“No. Stay where you are. Just move forward some.” He put the lotion on the bedside table.
Her brow wrinkled but she did as he asked. What did he have planned this time?
Ryan climbed in bed behind her, putting a leg on each side of her hips so that she now sat between his.
“What’re you doing?”
There was all kind of movement behind her until Ryan’s arms came around her and pulled her back against his chest. “I was having a hard time getting the pillows to stay in place. Pull your gown up.”
“What is this? Some special pregnant woman’s sex position?”
He chuckled behind her. “Is that all you think about? Sex?”
“When you’re around, yes.”
He kissed her neck. “Thank you for the nice compliment but right now I have something else in mind. Now pull your gown up.”
She did as he said until it was gathered under her breasts then adjusted the sheet over her thighs, giving her some modesty.
Ryan reached around her neck.
“Hey, is this a fancy way of choking me?”
“You sure are making it hard for me to be nice to you.”
Cold hit her bare middle, making her jerk. “Ooh.”
“That’ll teach you not to have such a smart mouth,” Ryan said in a teasing tone. His hands began to glide over her middle. “You’re all tense. Lie back and enjoy.”
She did, settling against his chest and closing her eyes. Ryan’s hands made slow circles over her middle.
“This is wonderful. Did you learn to do this in the service, too?”
“No. But I did deliver my first baby there.”
“Will you tell me about it?”
Ryan’s body tensed behind her. He was quiet so long she wasn’t sure he would say anything more.
“One weekend we were invited to a local celebration. I’m still not sure what it was for, but anyway some of the unit went along. We ate the food. Played with the kids.
“You know, kids are the same wherever you go. All they want is their parents there for them and to play and be happy. Every child deserves that.” Ryan’s hands drifted to the sides of her belly. His palms pressed lightly against her. “Especially this one.”
Phoebe placed her hand over one of his. “He or she will have that. I promise.”
It would be wonderful if Ryan would be a part of helping her make that come true. But he said nothing that indicated he wanted that kind of involvement in their lives.
“After the celebration we were going back to the base but had to stop because there was mechanical trouble with one of the trucks. There happened to be three or four huts that locals lived in nearby. There was a loud scream from that direction. A couple of the men went to investigate. It turned out that there was a woman having a baby. She was in trouble. They returned for me.
“I don’t think I’ve even been in a house that had less. It was made of mud bricks, with a grass roof and dirt floor. Water was drawn from a barely running creek half a mile away. The kitchen consisted of a pot over a fire. In this horrible war-torn country, in this nothing shelter was a woman trying to give birth. The only people around were a couple of children about the ages of six and eight.”
His hands stopped moving but continued to rest on her.
“I had the interpreter ask her if she would like me to help. Her culture dictated that she shouldn’t agree but she was in so much pain she wouldn’t tell me no. I had seen a baby delivered once. I’m not sure who was more scared, me or her. I sent everyone out but the interpreter. It took some explaining on the interpreter’s part to get her to understand I needed to examine her. Finally she relented. The baby’s shoulder was hung. I was thankful it wasn’t breech, which was what I’d expected. It was work but I managed to help bring the baby into the world. It was exhilarating. The baby had a healthy cry and the mother a smile on her face when I left. Imagine living like that and still smiling. I knew then that it was far better than patching up men who had been shot or torn apart by landmines. As soon as I returned to camp I put in my papers to get out of the army.”
“Did you ever see the baby again?”
“No. I never wanted to. I was afraid of what I might find. Children have a hard life in Iraq. You know, this conversation has suddenly taken a negative turn. Not what I intended. How about you tell me what you have planned for this week.”
His fingers started moving over her skin again.
“I think I forgot to tell you that some of the teachers at school are giving me a shower on Monday after classes. I hope now I’ll have some baby clothes to fill the drawers of the chest. I also hope to buy a few pictures for the walls. If I do, would you hang them for me?”
“As long as someone doesn’t go into labor, I don’t see why not.”
She twisted to look at him. “Could you come out to dinner one night?”
Ryan’s fingertips fluttered over her middle. “Sounds great to me. Sit up. I want to massage your lower back.”
She did so and he pushed her gown up to her shoulders. He put more lotion in his hands and began to rub her lower back firmly.
“For a little bit you could get a permanent job doing that.”
Ryan’s hands faltered a second, then started moving again. Had she said the wrong thing?
“Well, I’ve done all I can to make you comfortable.”
“It was wonderful. Feel free to stop by and do that anytime. If I got a foot massage and body rub on the same day, I might melt away.”
“I wouldn’t want you to do that. I like knowing you’re around.” Ryan moved out from behind her. “As much as I would enjoy staying in bed with you all day, I promised to cover for Sophia this afternoon and tomorrow until the new midwife takes over on Monday.”
She hated to see this time with Ryan end.
“Mind if I get a quick shower?” he asked.
“Of course not,” she said, pulling her gown back into place.
“Why don’t you stay in bed, take it easy today?” Ryan suggested, as he picked up his clothes off the floor.
“Are you afraid you were too rough on me last night?”
His grin was devilish. “Are you kidding? It was more like you being rough on me. I had no idea a pregnant woman could be so aggressive.”
She threw a pillow at him. “I’ll show you aggressive.”
Ryan’s deep laughter filled the room even after he’d closed the bathroom door behind him.
Phoebe was in the kitchen when he came in to say goodbye. His shirtsleeves were rolled halfway up his forearms. He had his jacket over his arm and his tie in his hand. A couple of damp locks of hair fell over his forehead. She had never seen anyone look more desirable.
She resisted the urge to grab his hand and beg him not to leave. When
he went out the door she was afraid that fragile fairy-tale bubble they had been living in since yesterday afternoon would burst. Could she ever get it back again?
Phoebe stood with her back to the counter. “I’ll be in town on Thursday for my next checkup.”
“I’ll see you then if not before. I have to go.”
“I know. There are babies to deliver.”
He grinned. “And they don’t wait.”
“I sure hope not. I’m ready now for this one to come.” She looked at a picture on the wall instead of him, scared he might see her sadness. There had never been this type of emotion when Joshua had left and she’d known she wouldn’t see him for months. She had it bad for Ryan.
Phoebe walked with him out to the veranda. At the steps he wrapped her in his arms and pulled her tightly against him, giving her a kiss. Letting her go, he hurried down the steps.
“A little overdressed for a Saturday morning, aren’t you, dear?”
Phoebe smiled as Ryan threw up a hand and continued down the path. “Good morning, Mrs. Rosenheim. Beautiful day, isn’t it?”
Phoebe waved as he pulled away.
“I see you found a young man who’ll be around for you.” Mrs. Rosenheim’s voice carried across the gardens.
Phoebe waved and called, “I hope I have.”
Ryan pulled up in front of his house, turned off the engine and banged his head against the steering wheel a couple of times.
What had he done? He knew the answer and didn’t like it one bit. He’d spent the night with his best friend’s wife. Crossed the professional line and, worse, he’d started to think of Phoebe as more than a friend. She was his lover. How low could he go?
He’d even spent most of the morning playing house with her. He had nothing emotionally to offer Phoebe. She needed someone to rely on, to love her and the baby. He wasn’t that guy. He didn’t commit to anybody. There wasn’t even a cat or a dog in his life.
He had no intention of pledging himself to a woman with a child. Or to any woman, for that matter. He wouldn’t be any good at it. Worse, didn’t even want to try. He wouldn’t take the chance on heartache. Fun while it lasted was all he’d ever wanted. He’d had all the pain he was willing to live with. He’d see to the practical things, like getting the baby’s room ready and even delivering the baby, but then he was backing out.
Some other man would take his place. Phoebe was an attractive woman. No, that wasn’t strong enough. She was beautiful and smart, funny, with a quick wit, and someone far better than him would come along. He was afraid he would hurt her, but over time she would get over it. Someone would enter her life and give her what she deserved. Maybe in time she’d forgive him.
He sat up and stared out the window. His hands tightened on the wheel. Someone else would share her bed. The thought made him sick. But it was the way things should be. For her sake and the baby’s.
Ryan opened the door of the car and climbed out. There was a light mist, just as there had been the evening he’d found Phoebe on his doorstep. Would he always think of her when it rained? No, he couldn’t let things go any further, but he worried they had already gone too far. He’d enjoyed her body too much, liked having someone to laugh with, eat with, to look forward to seeing. He’d never had trouble keeping himself shut off but now he couldn’t seem to get past his feelings for Phoebe.
He needed to get into his shop, work. Push her out of his mind. He groaned. The project he was working on was the cradle. He wasn’t even safe from her in his only sanctuary. How had she invaded his life so completely in such a short time? Why had he let her? Because he’d fallen for her. Cared about her more than he had anyone since JT. How ironic was that?
Disgusted with himself, he climbed out of his car and slammed the door before heading for his front door.
Maybe when he finished the cradle and Phoebe delivered, he would be able to get her out of his mind. A nagging voice kept telling him that wasn’t going to happen.
CHAPTER NINE
PHOEBE WALKED THROUGH the archway entrance of the hospital on Thursday afternoon on her way to her appointment. Her soft-soled shoes made squeaking sounds as she crossed the tiles on the floor of the lobby. At the lift, she pushed the button for the sixth floor. She could hardly contain her excitement over seeing Ryan.
Despite their plans, she’d not seen him since he’d left her house on Saturday morning. She’d only heard from him once. That had been a quick phone call to say that he couldn’t make it to dinner. It was a full moon and he’d been busy. He needed to remain near the hospital.
She understood. When it was her turn to deliver she would want to know he was close. He had asked how she was doing but otherwise the call had been short and to the point. Still, she had to remember that he worked odd hours and had no control over when those would be.
The doors to the lift whooshed open and she entered. Would he kiss her? Probably not. That would be very unprofessional during an antenatal visit. Maybe he would take her out to eat or, better yet, home. She had missed his touch but more than that she missed talking and laughing with him.
She was acting like a silly schoolgirl with her first crush. Here she was almost a mother and giddy over a man.
The lift doors opened again and Phoebe stepped out and walked toward the clinic. Inside, she signed in at the window. She took a chair and looked at the pictures of the medical staff lining the wall. They included Ryan. He looked handsome but far too serious in his picture. Nothing like the man with the good sense of humor that she knew. Besides him there were a number of people she’d met or recognized from the wedding.
“Phoebe.”
It was Ryan’s voice. She would have known it anywhere. Every night she heard it in her dreams. Her head jerked up and their gazes met. There was a flicker of delight in his before it turned guarded. Wasn’t he glad to see her?
Phoebe smiled. “Hi.”
He cleared his throat and said, “Hello. Are you ready to come back?”
She moved to stand. It took her a second more than she would have liked but Ryan hadn’t moved from his position at the door. A few days ago he would have hurried to offer her help. “Yes, I’m ready.”
“Come this way.”
What was going on? Maybe he didn’t want anyone to see him touch her or overhear them. Still, this was a little much. She’d always spoken in a friendly manner to Sophia. That was part of the appeal of having a midwife—it was more like having a friend there to help deliver her.
“Follow me,” he said, and led her down the hallway to an exam room. Once she’d entered he closed the door.
She sat on the exam table.
“So how have you been?” Ryan asked, as if speaking to someone he’d just met.
Phoebe gave him a questioning look. Ryan couldn’t see it because his focus was on the computer. Other than those few seconds when their eyes had met after he’d called her name he hadn’t looked at her again.
“Any pains?”
Just in her heart all of a sudden. “No.”
“Well, it won’t be long now.”
Why was he talking to her like that? As if he didn’t really know her? Was he afraid someone might walk in on them? “No, it won’t. Next week is my due date.”
He finally looked up but his focus was over her right shoulder. “You know that the chance of a baby coming on a due date is slim. A first baby is almost always late.”
“I know.” This all business attitude was getting old. “How are you, Ryan? I’ve missed you this week.”
He went back to studying the computer screen. “I’ve been busy. Sophia being out makes things a little complicated.”
Apparently their relationship was included in that.
“Any chance we could get something to eat this evening?”
“I have a mother in labor on her way in. I’m going to the unit as soon as I’m finished here.”
Phoebe had never received the brush-off before but she recognized it when she heard it. I won’t
cry, I won’t cry. She clenched her teeth.
Ryan was acting as if they’d never been intimate. But they were at the clinic and he should act professionally. But he was overdoing it.
He left without giving her another look.
What had happened between now and Saturday morning that had made him so distant? He was acting like the guy she’d met that first night. When he returned she was going to find out what was going on.
She was prepared and waiting on the table when he returned. He wasn’t by himself. A woman in her mid-twenties followed him into the room.
“Phoebe, this is Stacy. She’s the new midwife who has joined our group. Would you be willing to let her do the exam?”
She looked at him in disbelief. He wouldn’t meet her gaze. Now he didn’t even want to touch her.
“All right.” Phoebe drew the words out.
Stacy stepped to the table. “Phoebe, may I check the position of the baby? I promise I have gentle hands.”
Phoebe said nothing. She knew gentle hands and those belonged to Ryan.
As Stacy’s hand moved over her expanded middle, she rattled off some numbers while Ryan typed on the computer.
“Well, you’re doing fine. Everything is as it should be. I don’t see why you won’t have an uneventful delivery,” Stacy gushed. “I look forward to being there.”
“What?” Phoebe looked at Ryan. Nothing was as it should be.
He looked over her head as he spoke. “Stacy is going to step in for me. My, uh, caseload is heavy and she’s taking some of my patients.”
Stacy was all smiles when she said, “I’ll see you here next week for your appointment or at the delivery, whichever comes first. Do you have any questions for us?”
Yes, she had a pile of questions but none that she could ask in front of Stacy.
“No” came out sounding weak.
“Okay, then. I’ll see you next week,” Stacy said, without seeming to notice the tension between her and Ryan.
He opened the door and left without even looking at her. Stacy followed.
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