We climbed into his SUV and he headed for the highway—it’d likely be quiet at this time of night and it lacked the harsh assaulting lighting of town. I watched the exit signs as we drove farther out, and spotted what I wanted within ten minutes. “Take the next exit.”
“I thought you told me to just drive.”
“I want some scenery.”
His indicator clicked on, even though there was no one else around and we followed the exit ramp to a more rural area of town. I’d looked up her address enough times to know exactly how to get there—no one could stop me from doing that. Not even my own conscience, which kept informing me that I was turning into a stalker.
We followed the main road a few minutes longer, until Evan stopped at a stop sign.
“Turn right.”
Hands tightening on the steering wheel until his knuckles whitened, Evan cocked his head and glared at me. “Leave it alone.”
That fucker.
I raised my eyebrows and shook my head, feigning ignorance.
“He told me to keep you away from this area, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but we’re not going to find her.”
Rather than keep up with the pointless argument, I slid one hand to the seatbelt release and the other to the door handle. Releasing both at the same time and jumping out. I slammed the door behind me and headed up the street myself.
Seconds later, feet pounded against the pavement behind me. “James, stop. You know this isn’t a good idea.”
“She’s only a few blocks away,” I said without looking back.
Evan grabbed the collar of my shirt, pulling me to a stop.
“I’m not going to let her see me,” I said, twisting to get away. “I’m not even going anywhere near the front door.”
“You just want to play peeping Tom? Come on. I shouldn’t have brought you this far.”
“I won’t mention it to anyone. Just let me go, damn it.” I swung my arm back trying to dislodge his grasp, but my shirt stretched tighter around my neck.
Before we could continue our mini-confrontation, a police siren cut through the cricket-filled night and lights flashed behind us as the spotlight shined on Evan’s SUV. Two officers climbed out, then directed flashlights toward us.
“Problem, gentlemen?” one asked.
“Minor disagreement,” Evan said eying me as he headed the thirty feet back toward the SUV.
They approached cautiously, hands over their weapons, while they aimed the flashlights high and into our faces. I put my hand up, angling my head away to avoid the blaring light.
“IDs please,” the taller officer asked.
Evan went for his, but my pockets were empty. I still hadn’t even bothered to go through my things to look for the damn thing anyway.
“Don’t have it,” I said. “James Carter—I’m a cop, just look it up.”
“Think I just joined the force yesterday?” He asked, nudging me down the hill toward the vehicle.
“No, but I’d wager it was within the last twelve months,” I said dryly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’ve been undercover.” And I was seconds away from breaking again. Although he blinded me with the light, I caught a glimpse of his arm moving out and I stepped back to balance myself against the hood of the SUV.
“You just decided to leave your car in the middle of the road and take a walk?”
“No, I decided to take a walk. He—” I gestured toward Evan, “Decided to come after me on foot rather than run me over.”
“We got the order to stand down,” the other officer said. “He is a cop. But—” He turned off his flashlight and waved it at Evan. “That doesn’t mean you should be parking your car in the road in the middle of the night.”
Evan and I agreed—both probably with an excess of niceties out of desperation to get rid of them—and climbed back into the vehicle as the officers drove away.
“I should have fucking let you go,” Evan said.
Rubbing my hand over my face, I laughed so hard my ribs ached. Like a couple of stupid high school students, we’d been on the verge of getting busted for sneaking out in the middle of the night to see a girl.
“Look, James—”
“I know,” I patted the air with my hands for him to hold on to his lecture. “I got it. Universe telling me to stay away.”
Evan squinted and put the car in drive. “Right. You go a little mystic in the past year?”
“Nah, but I figure this time maybe I should follow the hint before I get myself in more trouble.”
“Good. Katie would have killed us both if you got us arrested.”
“You’re the one who left the car in the road.” I stared at the intersection through the passenger mirror. I needed to stay away, but as the distance grew, I became more fidgety.
“Next time I will just run you over.”
The next morning I woke to cooing and tiny beats against the mattress. Jack backed away when I opened my eyes, then held up his fist—shiny from his incessant need to shove it in his mouth. He’d become mostly accustomed to me in the last few weeks, but I still wasn’t sure he trusted me entirely.
And I certainly wasn’t complaining that he hadn’t yet started yacking my ear off as Katie had promised.
“Tasty hand?”
He smiled, flashing his little white teeth, then held up his other hand, which held what looked like a tiny fish cracker. It was hard to tell since it too looked like it had been sucked on a few times.
“Nah, I’m good.”
“Jack,” Evan called in the hallway—keeping his voice quiet since he apparently thought I was still asleep.
“Your errant child is in here.”
Evan rounded the corner in his bathrobe—his hair wet and face half covered with shaving cream. “Sorry, he wandered off while I was shaving. I put up the gate to the stairs but didn’t think he’d be brave enough to wander in here.”
“Surprise.” I rubbed my hand over my face, trying to diminish the never-ending sleepy feeling. “Not really a big deal though. Despite my reluctance to spawn, I don’t mind him.”
“Reluctance—I think you took reluctance to a whole new level as soon as you got snipped.”
“And you spent a month trying to talk me out of it—which only made me wish I hadn’t told you.”
“Still don’t regret it?”
“Nope.”
“You’re just a carrier, it doesn’t mean—”
“It means enough.” I cut him off. His mother didn’t have the gene like my father did, so he didn’t have anything to worry about. It was much easier to dismiss it when you knew your kid wasn’t going to suffer from a debilitating illness that could make even breathing nearly impossible.
I watched my sister struggle her entire life. There were times she was so weak she couldn’t get out of bed. When she’d come up for a lung transplant, we hoped it’d give her some relief. But she still suffered, fighting off new infections that she eventually lost the battle against.
“Bad things happen, even when we think they’re impossible. It’s not just the cystic fibrosis that worries me. I’ve added at least a hundred more things to that list over the years, and nothing I saw while undercover helped. I don’t want to debate the pros and cons or the selflessness and selfishness of it all.”
“I wasn’t going to go there,” Evan said. He reached for his son who faked left then slid out of his father’s reach.
“I’ll watch him while you finish shaving—you look like a foamy Santa Claus.”
Jack squealed and stomped his feet, it could have been an agreement or refusal for all I knew. I still didn’t have a knack for two-year-old communication and I doubted I ever would. But it didn’t much matter either way. Since the front door opened, announcing Katie’s return.
“You’re free today, right?” Evan asked, watching Jack run through the hallway to greet his mother.
I nodded and rolled to the edge of the bed. �
��Trent is picking me up. He has a scheme.”
Evan made a sound in his throat—he too was familiar with the possible ramifications of a Trent scheme since he’d been both the victim and accomplice on many occasions.
Less than two hours later, I found myself staring through the one-way mirror at a man who’d been my comrade for the duration of my undercover assignment. He hadn’t known until the night I was shot that I was the person who’d ratted out the operation, but he still only knew me as Kirk—the man who turned narc because he wanted out.
Despite my betrayal, he’d put a bullet in Ross’ head to save both me and Rose. Which I only knew from retellings of Rose’s account.
I took a final swig of water to quench my dry throat, but it didn’t help for more than a second.
“Sure you’re ready for this?” Trent relaxed against the frame of the window, dividing his attention between me and the man on the other side of the glass.
“Going to be the shock of his life.”
“I’m not so sure of that. “
I snorted, stretching out my muscles and rotating my neck to get rid of the tension as I pulled down the sleeves on my shirt and buttoned the cuffs. With my head lowered, I stepped in the room, keeping my back to Miles as I closed the door.
“What the fuck do you all want? I’ve already told you, I’m not giving you anything.”
As soon as I turned and he saw my face, I could almost sense his blood turn cold. His mouth dropped open, moving as if he was talking, but no sound came out. He stood, his eyes traveling up and down my body until he finally found words. “Must’ve been a hell of a deal you got.”
“I didn’t get any deal.” I gestured toward the chair for him to sit, and I took a seat across from him. “My name is James. I was undercover the whole time.”
His knuckles paled as he clenched them against the table. “And you’re a damn fool for telling me that.”
“You going to go back and rat me out?”
“I should.” He growled, but I watched the indecision dance across his features.
I jumped straight to it since pleasantries seemed oddly inappropriate. “I need your help.”
His head moved in something that resembled a cross between a nod and a shake. “This about your girl?”
My spine tingled, and I fought to keep the sting out of my expression, while I continued single-mindedly toward the task at hand. “No, it’s about Milo.”
His mouth twitched and spread into a thin line. “Don’t know anything about him.”
“He’s dead,” I said simply.
Miles frowned and shrugged, staring past me to the mirror. “News to me. Where’d you find him?”
“You’re a terrible liar.” So I put the ball in his court. “What do you want?”
He leaned across the table. “What do you think I want?”
“To survive. To be with Alley. You can’t do that in prison or if you’re dead.”
“And you think there’s any alternative you can offer me? You don’t have the authority to give me anything.”
“I’ll make sure you get it. We’ll transfer you to a secure facility—”
“So I can serve the rest of my sentence in maximum security?” he scoffed, leaning back and shaking his head. He barely resembled the man I know.
“Somewhere no one can get you. Give us what we need, we’ll push for a reduced sentence.”
“I want to see Alley.”
“Fine,” I said. I didn’t blame him. He’d had her by his side long before I came along and tore them apart. “I’m sorry I betrayed you.”
“Are. You. Really?” He drew each word out, but it didn’t sound like a question—it was a challenge.
“Yes, I wanted things to be different. I hoped I could get you out as well—”
“Is that what you were trying to pull on me? I didn’t need saving.”
“No, you were quite capable of protecting yourself—and you talked about it. You mentioned wanting out, but it got too dirty too fast and I had to concentrate on protecting Silver.”
“I won’t give you anything until I can talk to Alley and I have an official offer. You want to make up for it, you better make sure they don’t screw me over.” His twisted expression reminded me of the conniving man I’d met when I started the undercover assignment.
I nodded. “I will.”
I started to rise, but Miles reached across the table, stopping me. “You should have asked why I mentioned your girl.”
I squinted, my heart struggling to push the sludge through my veins. “Why?”
“They suspect you’re still alive.” His smirk was as unnerving as the news. “They’ve been watching her, waiting for you.”
If I had showed up at her house the night before, it all could have been over. For all of us. “Who? How am I—?”
He put up his hands and leaned back. “You haven’t earned anything yet. I happen to like Rose.”
His use of her real name an explicit reminder that he’d been the one to give me her license that they’d found in her belongings.
“Did you tell anyone where she lives?” I asked.
“You don’t think they weren’t smart enough to figure that out for themselves?”
“I know they are, I just—” I shoved my hands in my pockets to subdue my nerves.
“Have you seen Alley?” he asked.
“Only you,” I said moving slowly to my feet. “Thank you.”
The bombardment of voices as soon as I entered the connecting office almost knocked me on my ass. I could barely sift through my own thoughts, adding theirs to the mix was complete chaos. I sat against the desk trying to make sense of all the questions and statements.
Trent put up his hands, and everyone in the room stopped talking. For a young guy, he had the makings of a leader for the department—if only he was inclined to get involved with internal politics.
“We have a watch on Rose,” Trent said.
I’d figured that much, and it didn’t make me feel any better about the revelation. “You knew they were watching her?”
“We had our suspicions and decided to play it safe. We’ve eyed three men keeping an eye on her in shifts.”
I lurched forward. “And you don’t think they have their suspicions about whoever you have watching her?”
“We’re doing it from the house across the street,” Trent explained, pushing me toward an armchair in the corner. As much as I wanted to fight, I was so off balance he didn’t even have to work for it. “We’re staying as out of sight as possible.”
“Except you.”
“They’d expect that though, don’t you think?”
I shook my head and pressed my hands to my temples. He was probably right, but that didn’t make it any better.
“I’m a little more concerned with Miles’ terms,” he said, sitting next to me.
“You said you could get him moved and there’s a good chance he can get a reduced sentence—,” I said, jerking to my feet. “I told him exactly what you all wanted.”
“That’s not the problem,” he said, his hands emphasizing his words. “It’s Alley.”
The spring inside my gut contracted and released again, sending my insides against my lungs.
“She refused our help—,” he said.
I tried to interject, but he silenced me.
“She went off the grid, and we haven’t been able to track her down.”
“Well, you better do that.” But I knew the chances. It wasn’t so easy to track down someone who had no ties. Nothing to lose.
I charged out of the office, ignoring all of the voices and glances as I passed by the lines of desks, detectives, and officers. Up the back flight of stairs and into the employee lounge where a heavy punching bag was installed, hanging from the ceiling.
I didn’t bother with wraps or gloves. The pain and risk of injury didn’t matter. And the shock to my hands and wrists was nothing compared to the searing it opened up in my chest and back.
>
“James,” Trent yelled, coming at me.
I put up my hands and slammed my fists into the punching bag again.
“You’re going to fuck up your side.”
“I’m going to fuck up something else.” My voice quivered, my entire body felt like it was only operating in starts and fits like a car with water in the gas supply.
The room spun, and I blinked, looking down in amazement that I was still standing under my own volition.
Trent grabbed my shoulder, steadying me. “Guess it’s time for a followup appointment.”
I put my hand out pressing my palm against the wall as the wave of anger continued to ebb. It didn’t help shit that my body felt so fragile. “Take me to get my car.”
“Not in your condition.”
I stepped toward him, scowl on my face. “My condition?”
“Doctor first. If he gives you the go ahead, I’ll take you to pick up your car.”
“I’m sick of negotiation,” I yelled, taking a step toward him. “This isn’t a fucking chess game. It’s my life and I’m sick and tired of making concessions just because someone else thinks it’s the best thing to do. After what Miles said, I’m sure as hell not stupid enough to go see Rose so there shouldn’t be a problem.”
Trent crossed his arms over his chest, appraising my argument, but ultimately gave in and drove me to his place.
He lived alone in a small house about ten minutes from the station. He’d been lucky to get a place with a decent sized yard in the city, but of course he decided to build a three-car garage in the back, since his favorite hobby was rebuilding and tinkering with automobiles of all sorts. His current project took up the far part of the structure. The frame of a hot rod that he’d started building long before I went undercover—it didn’t look like he’d made much progress.
“Your freedom, Sir,” Trent said, waving at the car with a sardonic smirk. Then, he pointed over the roof at me. “Remember the bargain.”
“I will... at least for the next week—and until we know for sure my presence won’t endanger Rose again.”
“Guess I better convince everyone to crack down on the goons watching her then.”
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