“And find Alley,” I reminded him, while I stared at the keys in my hand. My first step toward getting my life back. “You should tell Miles about Alley. He might know where to find her.”
“You didn’t even take the news that well. I imagine his reaction will be worse. I’ll mention bringing it up, but he’s still involved in the fed case, so I have to get their clearance, especially since it might make him pull away again.”
“I want back on the case,” I said.
Trent’s eyes widened. “You need to get back on the roster first.”
“I can handle desk duty and consult. I need something to do.”
“You’re already consulting.”
“I’m not a victim you have to protect,” I spat. I was tired of being spoon fed. “You’re keeping information from me. Information that pertains to Rose.” I wanted to recall that last part as soon as I saw Trent’s eyes glint. It told him I was doing this for all the wrong reasons. Even though it felt right, my reasons were volatile and most likely to end up in someone getting hurt.
“You know why I didn’t tell you. I needed you to do the opposite of what your instinct would be telling you to do.”
Today’s revelation meant that no matter how counseling went, at the end of my four weeks I’d still be faced with the danger I could put her in by showing up. I didn’t want to admit it, but it was almost a relief.
I climbed into the car. “Yes, I remember that I have an appointment in the morning—I won’t need a ride.”
Chapter 6
Shattered
Worst day at the Retreat.
My sessions with Dr. Combs just kept getting worse. She sure as hell spared no expense when it came to my sanity. I reckoned she’d never lived in a nightmare where day after day, you lived the worst day you could imagine.
My jaw pulsed until I thought my teeth would shatter. “You really want me to qualify how depraved days could get there?”
“Give me something. Your biggest regret.”
What pissed me off more than her questions was her ever calm and even tone.
“Not. Getting. Her. Out.” I grated the words out.
“Did you ever have to hurt her? Personally, I mean.”
“Fuck,” I threw my hands up, then dropped them to the top of my head. Reliving it with a shrink was worse than being there in the first place—far worse, because then it required me to analyze every detail that I had skimmed over to survive. “Of course I fucking hurt her. Can’t you just read the damned report?”
She went back into her “you need to talk about it” spiel, but I was lost before she got out the first sentence.
Anger had been the only reliable thing I could maintain around Silver. If I couldn’t be angry, I’d be the one to fold first, but that also meant that when she pushed my buttons, my anger tended to get out of hand.
I threatened to drown her, I smacked her, I dragged her through the apartment, and I even tied her up and tortured her with sex toys for an evening. All to get the point across that she was mine and couldn’t go back.
She wasn’t easy to bend, and although I thought she’d be far quicker to break, I wondered if even that was possible after the first couple of days.
Just when I thought things had settled down and she might give me a chance to do what I had to do, she tried to fucking run.
It wasn’t that I didn’t think we’d catch her. That was a given, and that knowledge gave me time to slow myself down and think about what was going to happen.
Ross had undoubtedly been notified, which meant he’d be waiting for us so that he could dictate the terms of her punishment—that is unless he’d already left. His wife had been demanding family time, but all she really wanted was to get him away from the slaves, even if for a little while. Most of the time, I thought the kids were just pawns in their game. And I had my own suspicions that her demands to get away would result in another pregnancy. They already had two innocent pawns who had no clue what their father did, or why their mother mined his money and time. At least I hoped they didn’t know.
If all worked out, hopefully, Ross was already off dealing with that himself, and Silver’s punishment would be left up to me and Miles. I couldn’t get away with letting her off too easy, but it’d be nothing compared to what Ross might order.
Rose was in the stairwell, so Miles came up from the bottom, while I closed in on her from the top, and we pinned her somewhere between the second and third floors. Her face was ashy white when she saw me. She already knew there was no hope and dropped to the stairs.
I told Miles to meet us in the basement, and with one final look, he disappeared down the stairs, and I pulled Silver up to her feet.
With the first words from her mouth she begged me not to kill her. I couldn’t understand why the fuck she decided to run—I’d already shown her that there was no way out. And now I had to cement that thought into her brain.
“I saw Gabe. I panicked.” Her pleading voice ripped at my heart.
I considered the possibility, but even if she did, there was no getting out. It didn’t matter why one of the girls decided to run—the only thing that mattered was when they did, they were punished.
I took her to the basement. It was usually free for punishments, and Ross liked that it was especially degrading.
To my chagrin, he hadn’t yet left the building.
Silver tried to explain, but Ross didn’t look remotely swayed—not that I expected him to be. Guilt or innocence, he wanted this moment from the minute she’d appeared. “You really think she’s worth the trouble?”
I grunted. All I needed to do was keep her alive. “She will be worth it.”
Then, he turned toward her, already kneeling on the floor and helpless. He liked that—relished in pushing people as far past helpless as he possibly could. “You’ve yet to show any evidence of that.” He grabbed her hair and yanked her head back. “Are you worth it?”
I put my hands behind my back, resisting the urge to go after him—there wasn’t a way out.
“No,” Silver whispered, “but I want to be.”
“Prove it. Show your Master you can do something productive with your mouth. Keep your hands laced behind your back, and stay on your knees.” He released her, shoving her in my direction.
A blow job. He wasn’t letting her off easy—it was a test, like nearly every other situation. He wanted to see us both squirm.
Me, because he wanted to know if I actually had any attraction to her. Even though, I figured I’d proven that time and time again. He liked to make it as difficult as possible.
She, on the other hand, had to prove she could obey and perform. I still wasn’t convinced of either.
She undid my pants with her teeth, and I blocked out the room, blocked out Ross and Miles, as I stared down at her, trying to find some way to get lost in her even though her eyes were full of trepidation.
And Lord help me, I wanted her.
Her vulnerability did something to me. I hated watching her in pain, but some part of me had gotten so whacked out of common sense after spending months at the Retreat that some twisted part of me actually enjoyed it.
That was the only thing that kept me alive—allowed me to blend in.
She nuzzled away the remaining bits of fabric and took my hardening cock into her mouth. Blow jobs were usually the easiest because I didn’t have to do a damn thing.
She sucked and licked, and I closed my eyes. In my head, I was running for the door, searching desperately from an escape, even though I wasn’t entirely sure what I was running from.
I felt her thrust forward, taking me deep, and my eyes shot open. Ross was holding her there, holding her to the point that she gagged and struggled around me. The motions and sensations arousing while the look of terror in her eyes threatened to rip me away.
He backed off and she breathed, relaxing and returning to her own pace. I just had to get there and get it the fuck over with. The throb built in my balls, wrestling u
p my spine and into my brain. I jerked, tightening my legs, keeping them planted as the spasm ran through me, and drained into her mouth.
She licked and sucked until she’d cleaned away the remnants of my cum, then I pulled myself away, zipping up my pants and hoping that Ross would settle for that bit of the spectacle and leave.
“That’s quite a show from someone who nearly refused to strip a few days ago. But she still has to pay for running. Twenty lashes, then throw her in lock-up until you’re sure she’s learned her lesson. I’d love to stay and watch the rest, but I have a plane to catch.” He headed up the stairs like he’d just asked us to clear his paperwork, or clean the windows.
I pulled Silver to her feet, then spun her around so that she was facing the stairway and her back was to me. “Take off your shirt and shorts.”
Kirk, I repeated over and over as I watched her strip. Then I jerked her forward so that she was bent over and her back was flat. “Hold the pole.” I’d seen the look she’d gotten when I pulled her into the room. Going anywhere near the table would be too much, but she’d need some kind of support to get through this.
Miles took off his belt and folded it over, placing it in her mouth for her to bite down on.
Twenty lashes. Fucking hell. I was reasonably sure that he wanted to see her broken just to prove his own damn point. He wanted to be right at any cost.
My stomach threatened to dump its contents as Miles picked up the whip from its cradle in the corner and handed it to me. I fought to keep my hands from shaking. I was about to give myself away—to give everything away.
Failing at the mission had to be better than this.
Miles brushed all of the hair off her back, her crisp white back. It was about to be marred and burning.
I raised the whip over my head and nearly collapsed when it came down with the first sickening crack. I sent my own mind away into hiding while my body doled out the first round of her punishment. I thought I heard her muffled screams under the crashing noise in my head, but my mind refused to return. I counted the beats and nothing else until she was on her knees bawling.
I stared down at her, snapping back to reality. I’d only made it to eight. Holy fucking hell, I wasn’t even halfway done.
Miles pulled her back to her feet, bracing her for a second before I laid two more stripes across her back.
This wasn’t what I’d signed up for. This went so far beyond “any means necessary” that my mind reeled past screaming.
She choked and gasped, her chest shaking with the effort to simply breathe, and her knees quivered with the threat to dump her again. I had to force myself away again. Ten fucking more. I was gone. Done. Certain I’d murdered myself and already gone to hell.
I added five more strikes before her cries shattered my subconscious. A dull thud echoed through the space as her knees landed against the concrete again. I didn’t even raise the whip again, but she screamed out.
Miles lifted her head, putting the belt back in place as she wordlessly argued with him.
“Silver.” I moved beside her. “Stand up.”
She heaved with the effort to take each breath, saliva and tears ran down her face and pooled on the floor under her.
It was the most horrific gut-wrenching scene I had experienced. And it was all by my hand.
I thought my teeth would shatter from the pressure.
Miles and I lifted her back to her feet, but her legs shook so bad she couldn’t stand. While Miles held her weight, my hand moved through her hair, caressing the back of her neck. I felt her tense under my touch, but I leaned closer.
“Don’t break, Sugar. Push it away. Focus on something else.”
She took a deep breath, and her knees locked.
I wanted to pick her up and run. Fuck every guard between her and town—I’d kill them all.
But I knew that wasn’t possible.
I let the last five strokes slam down on her back. This was the deed I’d never walk away from. The final nail in my coffin.
Miles and I each took one of her arms, as soon as we pulled her upright her hair brushed over the fresh welts and she cried out. Holding her shaking body steady, I pulled the loose strands over her shoulder where they wouldn’t add to the misery.
I would have done anything to take it back. To take it away. If I would have had to take ten times as many welts, I would have. The problem was if I disobeyed the punishment would be in bullets, not strikes.
Her eyes were glassy, glazed over with exhaustion as I pulled her back to sit against the table. I saw her chest expand, and imagined the pain that even that small effort would cause—if she could even tell the difference by this point. She didn’t even seem to register anymore until she saw another member of the security team leading Alley into the basement
“Please, Master,” Silver whispered, looking back and forth between me and Miles. “It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t have anything to do with it. Please, don’t punish her too. Please.”
We had told Alley that she was responsible for any trouble that Silver got into—promising the same punishment, but as soon as Silver saw the blonde girl on the stairs—despite the pain she must have been in—her only concern was for Alley.
I couldn’t fucking take it. She may as well have taken everything I had left, shattered it to pieces, and forced me to eat the shards. I was supposed to leave her in lock up, so Miles and I took her upstairs and left her on the small cot in one of the tiny rooms. There wasn’t a damn thing I could say to her.
What could I have said? Sorry? Don’t worry? I couldn’t promise that everything would be okay or that I’d take care of her.
As soon as I left her, I went down to the security room, leaving Miles to deal with his own slave—I knew between Silver’s punishment and subsequent begging, Alley would get off easy enough, so I didn’t concern myself with it. Instead, I needed answers. I needed to know why she’d run.
Alan was sitting at the monitors when I threw open the security office door. “I need to see the slave’s general quarters.”
His eyes widened, but he spun around in his chair, and brought up the image on the larger of the screens.
“Rewind. What was going on thirty minutes ago?”
“Clothing delivery, nothing significant.” But he cued up the footage.
Calling clothing delivery “nothing significant” around these girls was like calling an African elephant a teacup pet. I squinted at the monitor, trying to make out faces, but as soon as I saw Gabe step off the elevator, I had my answer. “Why was he there?”
Alan shrugged. “Helping with the delivery I’d guess since he is carrying in a ton of clothes.”
“That wasn’t my fucking point.”
“You stole his prey,” Alan said, spinning toward me. “I’ve seen her and don’t blame you, but that doesn’t mean anyone else is going to go out of their way to keep him away from her.”
I glared down at him, debating over whether I should give him some shit assignment for not keeping his observation to himself, but I went back to my rooms. The first place I wanted to be was releasing Silver from her room, but once I’d done that I didn’t intend on immediately disappearing, and I needed to send a message off first.
Need fucking drink. NOW.
Then I erased it, knowing it’d send Trent into an unnecessary panic. But maybe that’s exactly what needed to happen. I’d just beaten the shit out of the girl I was supposed to be protecting.
We should make plans for a drink. Need to get a girl off my mind.
He’d know it wasn’t insanely urgent—as in sending in the SWAT team and helicopters, but it might light a fire under his ass to get Silver out. After I stashed the phone again, I headed back up to lockup. Silver didn’t seem to have moved.
She barely seemed to be breathing. “What do you want, Silver?” As much as I wanted to pick her up, and hide her in the safety of my room, if we were going to survive, she had to make a decision.
“To live. To not h
urt this badly. I’m scared....I panicked.”
“I know. We watched the surveillance video.” I lifted her from the cot. I had to force her to walk since there was no way I could carry her without hurting her more. “Let’s go upstairs.”
Once in my living room I cradled her over my lap, giving her as much comfort as I could afford—pain medicine, ointment, and time. I had to hold on to the shattered illusion. I still had to be her Master, and she had to be my obedient and currently broken slave. She relaxed once the pain salve and pain medicine kicked in, but I could still feel her struggling against me.
I rested a hand on her thigh and wove my other fingers through the hair behind her ear. “Bend, don’t break, Silver.”
Slowly losing her battle for consciousness, she fell into a fitful sleep that lasted until Miles brought up pizza for dinner. I could barely look at her while she leaned against the back of the couch, slowly feeding herself bite after bite of pizza.
By that point, food had no taste. It didn’t even matter. I was just eating out of habit, a natural response to having food plopped down in front of me. There were no more words, actions, thoughts, feelings, it all faded away into nothingness and confusion.
I had no comprehension what the hell I’d gotten myself into or how I was going to get out of it.
I wanted to rip off the mask, tear apart the entire apartment, and break down and tell her.
Tell her how much of a sadistic bastard I was for getting off on it, but I shoved another bite of pizza in my mouth and held it in, until she settled back over my lap again. And just when I thought I couldn’t fall any farther she thanked me.
My nerves shattered worse than the picture frame when she’d thrown the cushion at it. My hand moved against the back of her thigh and she whimpered—not in pain—it was breathless and needy.
I’m already fucked. “You want a distraction?”
“No more pain.”
Pain wasn’t what I intended—endorphins were. “I’ll be gentle.”
After a pause, she agreed, and I pushed down the blanket, running my fingers along the inside of her thigh. Still white, smooth, and perfect in contrast to her welted red back.
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