Romance Through the Ages

by Amy Harmon

  “Sure. I’ll put it on.” Chad put in the DVD and hit the play button before putting the remote on the table in front of me. “There you go.”

  “Can’t you stay and watch the movie with me?”

  “I should probably get going.”

  It was a crazy reaction but suddenly tears filled my eyes and I was saying words I didn’t mean to say. “Please Chad. Please stay and watch the movie with me.”

  Chad looked tormented. A tear escaped my eye and I quickly brushed it away. He reached down and touched my hair. “I should…”

  I reached up and held onto his wrist, as he touched my cheek. “Please.”

  Time hesitated, suspended between seconds. Piano music melted around us smothering thoughts of whether Chad should be here. I still held Chad’s wrist. Another tear spilled down my cheek and Chad wiped it away with his thumb.

  Without a word, Chad sat down beside me. He tucked the throw under my feet and patted my knee. I put my arm through his and rested my head against his shoulder. He felt stiff and uncomfortable at first but finally he relaxed and his breathing became even.

  Somewhere in the back of my tired and lonely mind a warning voice sounded in my ears. You’re a fool. You’re going to hurt someone. You’re so selfish you can’t even decide what you want. Matt loves you and you’re sitting here hugging Chad’s arm. Stop being so cruel. What’s wrong with you?

  Another voice answered back. But I’m sick. I’m lonely and tired. And Chad’s so kind and generous and thoughtful and he cares about you.

  Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. On the screen, Mr. Darcy was at the assembly ball, looking at Elizabeth with arrogance and curiosity. All I could see was Matt looking at me with a hurt and puzzled look.

  Confusion filled my mind. I tried to sort through my jumbled thoughts and emotions but it just made me tired. Thoughts slowly fell away and I relaxed, floating in and out of balls and dinners and thoughts of Chad and Matt.

  “He looks like Matt, doesn’t he?” I asked.

  Chad tensed beside me. “Yeah, I guess he does.” There was a long pause and I closed my eyes, nearly asleep. I don’t know how much time passed. “Lizzie, is that why you’re with him?”

  I hesitated. “I guess so.” I shivered under the throw as a chill settled over me again. “That’s bad, isn’t it? I’m a terrible person.” Chad put his hand over mine. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “Shh. Wait ‘til you’re feeling better to worry about this.”

  The movie ended and the same twenty-second clip of piano played three times before Chad turned it off with the remote. “I’m going now,” he said and I nodded. He scooted to the front of the couch and put his hands on his knees, turning to look at me.

  “Thanks for everything,” I said.

  Chad’s eyes held mine. He leaned toward me and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead his lips lightly touched my hair. “We’ll talk soon. Get well, Lizzie.”

  I stayed there on the couch, snuggled in the blanket. I tried not to think of the past. I didn’t want to think about the mess I’d created. I tried not to think of the future because no matter what future I chose, the path looked perilous and painful.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  If I was going to get sick, I picked the right week to do it. Before being leveled by the flu, I had the deadline on The Children’s Room and my interview with Emma Cho. The weeks after my malaise would be filled with the grand opening of the Seattle Salamander, the unveiling of The Children’s Room and Janessa’s bridal shower, rehearsal dinner and wedding.

  The flu had weakened me and stripped me of several pounds but I felt much better when I went to work on Monday. Weariness weighed down on me by the end of the day and all I wanted to do was eat dinner and sleep.

  “I have good news,” Matt said when he called that evening. He was in Seattle for a couple of days but would return Thursday or Friday to take me back with him to the big celebration.

  “I like good news,” I said.

  “My parents are coming.”

  Tenseness gripped my stomach. This was not good news to me. My feelings were all over the place and I’d hoped the weekend would give me a chance to enjoy Matt’s company and pull myself back together. Throwing Matt’s parents into the mix would only make the weekend stressful. I was surprised at my reaction. For years I’d daydreamed and planned and hoped for someone just like Matt. A year ago, I’d have been ecstatic to know that the man I’d dreamed of since I was a girl was in love with me and wanted to introduce me to his parents. Instead, the news filled me with dread.

  “That’s nice,” I said, trying to sound happier than I felt.

  “Don’t worry, Elizabeth. I told them all about you.”

  “What did you tell them?” I asked. I wasn’t digging for compliments or being coy. I needed to know what I was walking into. Did they think I was just a girl he was casually dating or did they think things were serious?

  “You really want specifics?” Matt asked.

  “Only if you want to tell me,” I said, offering him a way out if he wanted it.

  “I told them I was dating a beautiful girl that I wanted them to meet. I told them you’re smart and talented. I told them you’re working with one of the best interior design houses in Portland.”

  “You didn’t mention that I’m a bank teller?” I shouldn’t have let it bother me, but it did.

  “No. I don’t think of you as a bank teller. I think of you as a designer.” That was a nice thing to say but it didn’t ring true. I hated my cynicism and I told myself to stop doubting him. “I also told them I love you and that I’m planning for you to be part of my life for a long time.”

  This was the place I was supposed to swoon as my teenage fantasies came true.

  Instead, I was overcome with panic. Perhaps it would have been better if I’d been sick during the grand opening. How was I supposed to spend the weekend acting like the love of Matt’s life when my feelings were so muddled.

  “Elizabeth? Is something wrong?”

  “I’m sorry, Matt. I was just thinking.”

  “They’re excited to meet you.”

  “It will be nice to meet them, too.”

  “You sound tired and I am, too. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Sweet dreams, Matt.”

  I was brushing my teeth when my phone chirped.

  CHAD: ARE YOU IN BED YET?

  Why did I have to be so happy to hear from him? Why couldn’t I be happy with the happily ever after that was practically in my grasp?

  LIZZIE: JUST BRUSHING MY TEETH.

  CHAD: GOOD. I DIDN’T WANT TO WAK YOU. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

  LIZZIE: MUCH BETTER. I WENT TO WORK TODAY.

  CHAD: HOW DID IT GO?

  LIZZIE: I’M PRETTY TIRED TONIGHT BUT IT WENT WELL. IT CERTAINLY WASN’T DESIGNING BUT OH WELL.

  CHAD: SOON YOU’LL BE ABLE TO GIVE THEM YOUR NOTICE AND DESIGN FULL TIME.

  LIZZIE: I HOPE SO. MATT TOLD HIS PARENTS I’M AN INTERIOR DESIGNER. DIDN’T EVEN MENTION THE BANK.

  As soon as I mentioned Matt I felt guilty. As long as I was dating him, I needed to put him front and center. But doing that made me feel unkind, like I was dangling him in front of Chad’s face. I had to make some decisions before I went crazy. I felt like I was betraying both of them.

  Chad took longer to respond after that and I wondered if I’d upset him.

  CHAD: I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

  CHAD: ACTUALLY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

  LIZZIE: YOU DO?

  CHAD: YOU KNOW I DO.

  The gravity of Chad’s words traveled through the phone and squeezed my lungs. I could hardly take a breath. I wanted to put off this conversation until I was sure of myself but that wasn’t fair either. It couldn’t always be about what was easiest for me. Sometimes it had to be about what someone else needed and right now Chad needed some answers. I just wasn’t sure I had them.

  LIZZIE: I KNOW.

  CHAD: CAN I COME BY TOMORROW? MAYBE W
E COULD GO FOR A WALK.

  LIZZIE: SURE.

  CHAD: 6 OKAY?

  LIZZIE: 6 IS FINE.

  CHAD: SEE YOU TOMORROW.

  I was a little sad at the abrupt end of our conversation but what were we going to do? Talk about the sand in our shoes when the Sahara was stretched out between us?

  Chad was right on time. He smiled but his smile seemed tighter than usual.

  “Do you want to come in?” I asked.

  “Let’s just walk.”

  The evening was mild and pleasant. The smells of spring filled the air. We walked in silence for the first block and I began to think we weren’t going to talk at all. Finally, Chad shoved his hands in his pockets and spoke.

  “I’m not sure where to start, Lizzie.”

  “You can start wherever you want,” I said.

  Chad took a deep breath. “The other night you said something and I don’t know if it was because you were sick and delirious or if I actually understood you right.”

  “I was sick. But I wasn’t delirious.”

  “So you really are with Matt because he looks like Mr. Darcy?” Chad sounded incredulous.

  “That sounds so shallow and silly,” I said. “It’s more complicated than that.”

  “Can you explain?”

  I didn’t know how to start. At least a minute passed as we walked silently. Chad waited and I knew eventually I’d have to speak. Might as well get started. “Chad, when I was sixteen my mom took Janessa and me to see Pride and Prejudice. The one I’ve watched with you twice. I didn’t think I’d like it.” I sighed, feeling foolish. “But from the moment Mr. Darcy appeared on the screen, I was smitten.”

  “You do realize he’s a fictional character, right?” There was an edge in Chad’s voice I’d never heard before.

  “Of course, I do.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I know he’s fictional, Chad, but most fiction is based in reality.” Chad looked dubious but I barreled ahead. “I decided after that movie that I wanted to find someone just like him.”

  “You wanted to find someone just like the fictional man Jane Austen imagined in her mind?”

  “Yes,” I said. I knew it sounded insane but I wanted him to understand so I kept going. “But I didn’t want just any Mr. Darcy. I wanted someone like the one in the movie.” We walked a couple of minutes in silence. “I know it sounds crazy but Chad, he’s nearly perfect and I wanted that.”

  “Lizzie, he’s not nearly perfect. He’s arrogant and self-centered and hurtful.”

  “But then he makes it up to her. He sacrifices for her and he does things to help her and the people she loves. And the way he looks at her. He adores her.”

  “So you met Matt and he looked like Mr. Darcy and that was all it took?”

  “I know it’s hard to understand.”

  “I don’t understand at all,” Chad said. His face was unreadable. His eyes stayed focused ahead of him and for a moment he didn’t speak. “So did he turn out to be what you wanted?” he finally asked.

  I sighed. “I thought so. He was brooding and arrogant. He was even wealthy, just like Mr. Darcy. But when I got to know him better, he started becoming a kinder person.”

  “Just like Mr. Darcy.” I nodded but I don’t think he saw me. “And does he adore you?”

  “He says he loves me.”

  Chad stopped but kept his eyes trained on the sidewalk ahead of us. “What about you? Are you in love with him?”

  “I’m not sure.” My voice was barely a whisper.

  Chad turned toward me his eyes searching mine. “So why me? I don’t look like him. I don’t act like him. Why did you go out with me?”

  I knew I couldn’t lie to him. “Because Janessa made me promise I’d go out with the next guy who asked me.”

  “But if I didn’t fit the right mold, why did you keep going out with me?”

  I pulled my eyes away from his intense gaze and looked at a tricycle tipped over by a porch. “Because she made me promise to give the next guy ten dates before I dumped him.”

  Chad’s laugh was short and pained. “And I was the lucky next guy.” Chad shook his head. “So you went out with me against your will because you’d made a promise.”

  “It wasn’t like that at all, Chad. I promise. I had fun with you. I really started to like you.”

  “And then you met your Mr. Darcy and that was it.” Chad started walking away. He was right. That was exactly what had happened. But that wasn’t all that had happened. I hurried to catch up to him.

  “That wasn’t it,” I said. “Things would be so much easier if that was the end of it, but it wasn’t.”

  Chad’s abrupt stop surprised me. “Lizzie, I think you know how I feel.” I nodded. “But I can’t compete with a fictional character you’ve been in love with for years.”

  “Matt’s real.”

  “I know. But he isn’t Mr. Darcy and that’s who you see him as. I can’t compete with that.”

  “That’s not true.”

  Chad looked confused. “What’s not true?”

  “You are competing. I can’t stop thinking about you,” I said quietly. I didn’t dare look at his face so I stared at his shoes. And then his shoes took two steps toward me and his hand lifted my face until our eyes met.

  “Then what are you doing?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Oh Lizzie, you’re killing me.” He pulled me into his arms and held me tightly. “You have to decide. This won’t work. I can’t be your friend when every time I’m near you I want to kiss you. And I can’t be the guy who tries to steal you away. If you love him, go be happy. Live your dream. If you don’t love him, change your dream.”

  My arms went around him, my face buried just below his chin. “Please don’t hate me.”

  “Silly girl.”

  “And please don’t think I’m a fool,” I said.

  “I don’t. I think you’re a funny, charming, adorable girl with a crazy stubborn streak.” His lips touched my temple. “But you have to decide if that stubborn streak is serving you well or if it’s hurting you.”

  I nodded. I stood on my tiptoes and pulled Chad’s face toward me. I wanted his lips on mine so badly I ached inside. Instead, I kissed him just to the side of his mouth. Even though I knew Matt wouldn’t agree, the placement of the kiss made me feel a little less traitorous.

  “Oh Lizzie.” Chad’s arms tightened around me, nearly lifting me off the ground as he buried his head into my shoulder. We stood there like that for a few moments and then Chad took an uneven breath and stepped away from me. “We’d better go back.”

  We walked back to my apartment in silence but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Nothing had been resolved but there was a peace in both of us knowing where things stood. The decision was entirely mine. Now what would I do?

  * * *

  A good-sized crowd stood in front of the Seattle Pink Salamander. Matt, Alan and Meg stood on the wide porch with a couple of city politicians. Matt looked elegant and handsome in a navy suit and cream-colored shirt. Alan looked a little disheveled in his gray slacks and blue shirt. He’d gone for a more casual look and his sleeves were rolled up to the elbows. He probably didn’t mean to, but he looked like the hired help next to Matt’s polished management look.

  And then there was Meg. She must have spent a year of my bank salary to come up with the perfect cross between the grand-opening-party-girl and the take-me-serious-because-I’m-an-owner look. Her black pencil skirt hit mid-calf and hugged her figure snugly. Her blouse was black and white stripes—not black and white striped fabric, but black and white fabric sewn together to create the stripes. A prim bow at her neck and long sleeves were interrupted by slits in the fabric around the neck and at the shoulders that showed a surprising amount of skin. The bow and the stripes would have looked like a cross between a court jester and a librarian if it hadn’t been so unexpectedly sexy. Her five-inch ankle boots made her as tall as Alan.

  One of t
he politicians—a graying man wearing a yellow bowtie—said a few words about how excited they were to welcome a new independent bookstore to the neighborhood. I glanced around the crowd while he spoke, wondering if Matt’s parents were here. When the politician finished speaking, Alan stepped forward and introduced Matt and Meg to the gathering. Matt waved. Meg blew a kiss.

  And then they opened the doors for business.

  I held back as the crowd entered. I didn’t see any exceptionally dressed couples. Either they weren’t what I expected or they weren’t yet here.

  A plain girl stood behind the counter ringing up customers. I couldn’t help but wonder if Meg was responsible for that hire.

  A steady stream of customers made their way through the store. It was a busy day.

  I wasn’t sure where I should be so I started browsing the shelves looking for a design book to buy. I might as well help boost their opening day sales. I was looking through A World of Textiles when Matt’s arms slid around my waist and his lips kissed the side of my neck. “What do you think?” he asked.

  “I think it turned out great. You guys did a really good job.”

  “I think I like the layout of this store better than Portland. Except the Children’s Room, of course.”

  “Of course,” I said. “Are you parents here yet?” I tried to hide the anxiety I was feeling.

  “They’ll be here this afternoon. We’ve got reservations at The Herbgarden.”

  “Mmm. That sounds delicious,” I said.

  “I know you really liked it.”

  “Who all will be there?”

  “Just my parents and us,” Matt said.

  I’d hoped to be free of Alan and Meg for the evening but suddenly a larger group sounded easier. Safer.

  “Are you okay?” Matt asked.

  “I’m fine.”