Sparks

by S. J. Adams

  “Hey Lis,” I said after the beep, trying to sound perfectly calm. “I think I left my keys in your front seat again. You know how I’d lose my butt if it weren’t attached! If you could just keep them on you, maybe I’ll catch up with you later, okay? Sincerely, Debbie.”

  I hung up.

  “Do you realize you just signed your name at the end of a phone call?” asked Tim.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You ended with ‘sincerely, Debbie,’ ” said Emma.

  “Oh God,” I blushed. “I’m always doing that.”

  “See? You’re adorable!” said Emma. “How can she help but love you back?”

  I blushed a bit more.

  “Don’t you have a spare key?” asked Tim.

  “My mom has a set, but she’s not home,” I said. “And she doesn’t have a cell phone. She thinks they cause brain cancer or steal her energy or something.”

  “So now what do we do?” asked Tim.”

  “I guess we’re stuck with my car,” said Emma. “Quinn’s probably off Cedar by now. We should be safe, at least.”

  “So, to the theater?” asked Tim.

  “Please,” I said.

  “No problem,” said Emma. “We just need to get some gas first.”

  Emma drove us to a Kum and Go (which, by the way, is the most disgusting name for a gas station ever), where she put five bucks’ worth of gas into the tank—the five dollar bill I had borrowed from, and given to, her had survived trips to the bowling alley and the Burger Box, but it couldn’t last us forever.

  From there, we headed out to Cinema 18, flat broke at last.

  “Any particular parking space you want?” Emma asked. “Do any of these spots look especially holy to anyone?”

  “Someplace where we have a good view of the people going in and out,” I said. “So I can keep watch.”

  “Piece of cake.”

  She pulled into a parking space, and we got out and leaned against the trunk. It was always nice to get away from the smell of her car.

  This was it. This was where I’d be confronting Lisa. My whole life since the beginning of middle school had all been leading me to this parking lot.

  “How you feeling?” Emma asked.

  “Nervous,” I said.

  “Blue will provide,” said Emma.

  I shrugged. It was hard to take advice on having faith from someone who didn’t think Blue would provide for her if her only apostle ever had one minute alone with Heather Quinn.

  The cinema was at the end of Cedar, seated behind a giant, half-filled parking lot on top of a hill. Not enough of a hill that you noticed it was an incline when you were walking up the road or anything, but from the parking lot, we had a pretty good view of the whole town and beyond. We could see the water towers from Urbandale, Clive, West Des Moines, Waukee, and a couple of others in the west. To the east, we could see the top couple of floors of the tallest buildings downtown, and the Weather Beacon. The beacon was glowing white, which meant that it was going to get colder, and flashing, which meant that it was going to rain.

  Several minutes went by with no sign of Lisa and Norman.

  “Someone should monitor the side entrance,” said Tim. “I’ll go check it out.”

  “Cool,” said Emma. “Keep an eye out for you-know-who while you’re there.”

  “I will,” said Tim.

  “And if you see her, don’t wait around and throw stuff at her. Run back to me as fast as you can. Okay?”

  “Sure,” said Tim.

  And he took off, cheeseburger in hand. The minute he was out of sight, Emma slumped down against the car and exhaled. It was sort of like those cartoons where a fat guy sucks in his gut and looks like a bodybuilder when a pretty woman is around, then the second she turns her back he exhales and turns back into a slob.

  When Tim was around, Emma was confident and bubbly, most of the time. But the minute he turned his back, every bit of confidence just blew out of her, and she lay against her trunk like a deflating balloon.

  “You really should eat,” I said.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I know. And I will. I promise. I’m just not quite recovered from the Burger Box. She scared the crap out of me. That’s all.”

  “We got away, at least.”

  “Yeah, but if you hadn’t thrown that pop at her, he’d probably be getting naked with her right now.”

  “Blue provided, right?” I asked.

  “Oh, forget all that crap,” said Emma. “It’s just some shit Tim and I made up. This is the endgame, and I’m about to lose. Now that Quinn knows the truth about why he’s ignored her, she obviously isn’t giving up. I’m toast. A massive piece of Texas Toast.”

  “You need to give Tim some more credit,” I said. “He’s not going to ditch you the second he gets a chance to date a popular girl. He has geek cred to worry about.”

  “There’s no accounting for biology,” said Emma. “Guys are hard-wired to look for hotter girls. And look at me. I’m a manatee with a bad dye job. I’m just lucky I never actually went out with him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Emma sighed. “If we were going out, he’d really be dumping me, not just getting a girlfriend and drifting away,” she said. “It sucks to keep going on like this, but at least this way he and I can still be friends after he starts going out with her. If we’d been going out and he dumped me, I wouldn’t eat a bite for a month, and I’d sleep with every pervert at the bowling alley.”

  I looked at her. Any idiot could see how much she needed Tim.

  “And just think,” she said, “how much more it would hurt you to see Lisa run off with Norman if she was actually your girlfriend, not an oblivious crush. If it was, like, a conscious betrayal.”

  “It couldn’t hurt that much more than it does,” I said. “Or I wouldn’t have lived until detention. One more bit of hurt and I would have died in the bathroom from the sheer pain. And if we were going out, maybe she wouldn’t be ditching me for Norman in the first place.”

  “Maybe,” said Emma. “But you happen to be adorable, unlike me. And sane, unlike me.”

  “I’m not that sane,” I said. “And Heather sure as hell isn’t, either. Sane people don’t say a guy is gay to keep other people away from him.”

  “Believe me, I’ve thought about this stuff. A lot. That Quinn girl scares the purple shit out of me. At least if Tim and I are still friends, we can still be Bluish for a while before he drifts away completely.” Then she sighed and said, “I feel like I’ve been walking the proverbial cow from here to Dubuque.”

  “What proverbial cow?”

  “It’s from a song,” said Emma. “Saying you’re walking the cow is, like, a metaphor for feeling like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your back. And now it’s another Bluish psalm.”

  I didn’t feel like I was carrying a cow on my back. I felt more like I was about to undergo some kind of surgery. One that I needed to get in order to stay alive, but so dangerous that there was a good chance I’d die on the table. Knowing that it would all be over soon didn’t make me feel any better.

  A car pulled in with guy and a girl in it that looked vaguely like Norman and Lisa, but when it got closer I saw that it was someone else. I wished I knew what kind of car Norman was driving that day.

  “And you know what else?” asked Emma. “Heather’s not really so bad. She’s not, like, one of those evil cheerleaders in the movies or anything. She’s not an idiot. She used to call me ‘fat’ all the time, but it’s not like she was lying.”

  “I don’t really know her that well,” I said. “But she called you a manatee, and made up a rumor about Tim, didn’t she? She can’t be that nice.”

  “No one’s perfect,” said Emma. “She’d probably make a good girlfr
iend for Tim. She’s at least closer to mentally stable. Easier to manage than someone like me.”

  “But Tim doesn’t want her,” I said. “He wants you. He told me so.”

  “He’s told me that, too,” said Emma. “But he’s just trying to make me feel better about myself. Watch. The second he knows Heather wants to go out, he’ll run. No one would pick me over her. But we need to stop talking about me so you can focus on Lisa. Take deep breaths.”

  “I’m trying,” I said, though in reality I was grateful for something else to think about, even if it was how messed-up Emma’s mind was.

  “Have you thought about what you’re going to say to her?” asked Emma.

  “Not really,” I said. “I guess I never really thought it would come to this.”

  “You should probably just be direct,” said Emma. “Just come out and say that you like girls in general first, and see how she reacts. If she doesn’t get too upset, tell her you like her, specifically.”

  “I probably won’t even get that far,” I said.

  “Is she one of those ACTs kids who get all upset about people being gay?”

  “Nah, she wouldn’t stop being my friend over it or anything,” I said. “She might stop wanting me to sleep over, but she’ll be okay with it. It’s Norman I’m worried about. He’ll probably say she can’t see me anymore.”

  “She wouldn’t give up her best friend for a guy,” said Emma.

  “She might,” I said. “I think that if he says to start blowing me off, she’ll do it. Especially if she’s decided she’s spending the rest of her life with him.”

  “We could both end up getting dumped today,” said Emma.

  I sighed. “I guess so.”

  “Are you really going to move in with your dad in Minnesota if she says no?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Not right away, I guess. If we both get dumped, maybe we can do another holy quest, just the two of us.”

  “Seriously?” asked Emma. “You want to do another one?”

  “Sure,” I said. “You guys have been so nice to me today.”

  Emma forced a weak smile. “Matter of the heart,” she said. “I hope it works out for you tonight, but if it doesn’t, I’m here for you.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “I’m here for you, too. I’m not putting my bare butt on a window at the governor’s mansion, though.”

  She laughed the tiniest laugh I think it’s possible to laugh. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll handle that one. If I’m gonna be miserable, then by Blue, I’m at least gonna take the governor down with me!”

  Looking back on the day, it seems almost impossible that I’d only known Emma and Tim for a few hours. I guess knowing all of someone’s secrets, and having them know yours, makes it seem like you’ve known them for years.

  And I couldn’t imagine I’d ever find anyone in Minneapolis who went around thinking putting their butt against a window was holy. They probably couldn’t, anyway—it gets so cold up there your cheeks might get stuck to the window if you tried it.

  I checked my watch. “Damn,” I said. “I thought they’d be here by now.”

  “You sure this is the theater they were going to?” asked Emma.

  “I assumed so,” I said. “It’s where we always go when we go to movies.”

  “Let me get Ramona on it,” said Emma. “Norman might have taken her someplace where there aren’t as many people in the theater.”

  “Oh, damn,” I said. “I didn’t even think about that.”

  Then I said “damn” again. I needed the practice.

  Emma pulled out her phone and called Ramona.

  “Which theater was Norman taking Lisa to?” she asked, without even saying “Hello.” She didn’t say anything else before hanging up.

  “Shouldn’t take her long,” she said.

  “I hope not,” I said.

  A minute later her phone rang again, and she picked up.

  “You got him?” she asked. Then she paused and said “That dick! Thanks, hon,” and hung up.

  “Where are they?” I asked.

  “They’re heading to the theater at Southhaven Mall,” Emma said.

  “Clear the hell out by the airport?” I asked. “We’ll never catch them before the movie starts!”

  “Not to mention that my car isn’t going to get us there and back on five bucks’ worth of gas,” said Emma. “We’d end up stranded on the East Side.”

  He was going to get her into the theater. There was no way of stopping them now.

  I felt myself going dizzy again and felt tears welling up inside of me. My chest tightened up and my breath got short. I tried to count in my head, but only got to six before I forgot what number was next.

  I was walking the proverbial cow. And it was crushing me.

  Finally, I got enough control of my brain to stand up straight. I looked at the view of the town from the parking lot, and screamed out the F word as loudly as I could.

  “FFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!”

  I don’t know if I had ever said the word out loud—at least not since I’d started hanging out with Lisa. I barely said it in my head.

  Then I looked out at the water towers in the distance to the west and launched the F-bomb at those, too.

  And then I screamed it straight out in front of us, at the whole of Cornersville Trace.

  And then I turned toward what we could see of the roofs of the buildings of downtown Des Moines, and the Weather Beacon, and screamed the F-word so loudly I actually hurt myself. A couple of people walking by gave me dirty looks. I ignored them, shook my hair around, and shouted it straight up in the air.

  Once I had yelled the F-word in every direction, I stomped my feet and swore at the ground a few times.

  I didn’t feel any better, but my chest was looser and breathing got easier. I wasn’t panicking. I was pissed as hell, but not panicking.

  Tim came up, having heard the noise, I guess, as I shouted it out one last time for good measure.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “She just verbally fucked the entire metro area,” said Emma. “It was pretty awesome.”

  “Why the hell would they go clear the hell out there?” I asked. “No one goes to fucking Southhaven anymore!”

  “It’s an old trick for guys who want some privacy with a girl someplace besides in a car,” Emma explained. “Pick the least popular movie of the week at an uncrowded theater. They might have the whole place to themselves, if they’re lucky.”

  “Oh, shit,” I said.

  I wished I could actually use the bowling alley skanks as flying monkeys. I could have them swoop in around Norman and Lisa, grab Norman, and carry him away to be a prisoner in a castle someplace.

  “Okay, deep breaths,” said Emma. “We’re not out of the game yet. We just need some cash or your keys. You have any idea where your mom might be?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “She’s probably at that hippie store by Sip. She’s there most Fridays.”

  “Earthways!” said Emma.

  “You know it?” I asked.

  “Of course,” said Emma. “We stock up on supplies there now and then.”

  We got back into her car and started driving toward Venture Street.

  I wasn’t quite in panic attack mode anymore since my potty mouth outburst, but I was still nervous. I get nervous any time I might have to see my mom. When I’m at home, I avoid her as much as I can. The thought of having to ask her for something—even something as simple as a spare key to my car—is enough to give me diarrhea.

  There are some nights when you just can’t get diarrhea. And this was one of those.

  And all of this was just so I could put my whole life on the line in front of a girl I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in
Nebraska with.

  And telling Lisa I loved her clearly wasn’t all I had to do. Any idiot could see there was another holy quest that needed to happen as soon as possible: the one to bring Emma and Tim together. No matter what happened, I sure as hell couldn’t move to Minneapolis until that was done, at least.

  It was a matter of the heart.

  Sixteen

  The closer to the “old downtown” part of Cornersville Trace we got, the more nervous I got. There was just so much to do. The punk rock song on Emma’s stereo, the latest holy quest playlist selection, didn’t help much either. It just made everything seem more frantic.

  “Breathe deeply,” said Emma. “Try to relax.”

  “I can’t,” I said. “I really wanted to talk to Lisa before the date happened. Especially if he’s going to try to … do stuff.”

  “Maybe it just won’t feel right,” said Emma. “Maybe his hand’ll go up her shirt and she’ll think it feels good in a strictly physical sense, but something just isn’t right. Something’s just missing. And she’ll realize she wishes Norman were you.”

  “That was my original plan,” I said. “That she’d storm out when he tried to feel her up, and I’d be there to rescue her. But that was before I found the condoms.”

  “All the more reason, in the long run,” said Emma. “If she’s planning to let him feel her up, she probably won’t ditch him to go be with you before the date. She’ll at least want to go do her experimenting first. But she might end up freaking out when he actually touches her, no matter what she’s planned on. And that’s where you come in.”

  I wished she could be this positive about Tim.

  “I don’t suppose you’ve made up any good Bluish relaxation techniques?” I asked. “Or any tricks to build up courage?”

  “Well,” said Emma, “the best thing for relaxing is meditation. But I don’t think we can teach you transcendental meditation in five minutes.”

  “Like you even know how to do it,” said Tim.