Guarding Secrets

by Pat Tucker

  Two thoughts stayed on my mind: if it wasn’t about the fact that DaQuan and I hadn’t been back in the closet, it was ways that I could kill Jones.

  I knew for sure he was getting ass elsewhere because he hadn’t gotten any from me in way too long. And DaQuan only loved money more than he loved sex.

  I wanted to hate him so badly, but it was hard. As if I needed something else to worry about, I remembered the last confrontation I’d had with him.

  “So, you screwing her too now, DaQuan?”

  The face he’d made was all the answer I needed.

  I had sucked my teeth.

  “What the hell is up with you? You gotta screw everything that moves in here? I mean, damn. Your baby mama is pregnant again; I’m knocked up. What you trying to do? Leave your mark on us all?”

  “Aey, this ain’t the time or place for this, ma.”

  He’d spoke so calmly, like none of my issues concerned him. It drove me bananas. He refused to be bothered by me or anything I said.

  “DaQuan, if you think I’m about to sit here and let you keep making a fool outta me, you got another think coming. I ain’t for the bullshit.”

  “Look, ya knew this job was dirty when ya signed up. Why ya trippin’ now?”

  He had made a face.

  My eyes had got wide. No he didn’t!

  “What?”

  “Aey, I ain’t stutter. It’s not like ya didn’t know I had kids by ol’ girl. Ya didn’t care then, so why ya tryna trip now? Let’s jus make this paper.”

  I had put my hands on my hips and struggled not to go upside his friggin’ head. Did he think he could just play me like that? Didn’t he realize I held the key to the success of business? One move from me and his entire empire could unravel like it never even existed.

  Before I could say anything else, I’d heard the trick’s voice.

  Jones needed her ass whipped. There was no doubt about it. She wouldn’t be happy until I got in that ass. This was the second time she had walked up on me and my man, like she had been invited.

  She only did that shit because he never checked her about it. That was the kind of stuff I tried to talk to him about. If he allowed her to blatantly disrespect me, how would I be able to run the business the way I needed to?

  The smell of bacon pulled me out of a deep sleep. I couldn’t remember when I had finally fallen off to sleep, but I knew I was up too early for a Saturday morning.

  Weekends off were rare, and it felt good to know I didn’t have to go in and deal with DaQuan or Jones. My brain needed the time away, especially if I was going to come up with a way to make her ass pay.

  My bedroom door flew open and my kids came bursting into the room. I may not have been ready, but they didn’t care.

  “Mama, Grands made breakfast!”

  “Yeah. She said get up and come eat!” my eight-year-old son said.

  The food smelled really good. By the time I had cleaned up, changed clothes, and made my way to the kitchen, my mom and the kids were almost done eating.

  “Took you long enough,” my mom said.

  “Good morning to you, too.”

  The kids giggled.

  “I need some money. You got any cash?” my mom asked.

  “Yeah. How much?”

  “Well, I need to buy some clothes for these kids. They outgrowing everything, and summer’s right around the corner. And the vacuum cleaner is broke again. I think about three hundred dollars will do.”

  As I ate and drank orange juice, I struggled to keep my mind off DaQuan. “I’ll get the money for you in a little bit.”

  My mother got up from the table and started to clean up.

  When I finished, I put my plate on the counter and walked back to my bedroom. I closed the door, then went into my secret stash. I counted out twenty twenty-dollar bills. I didn’t mind giving my moms a little extra because she took good care of the kids and the house.

  Because she handled everything from getting the kids back and forth to school, and afterschool care, to cooking and cleaning, I was able to focus on bringing money into the house.

  Since my world seemed to revolve around DaQuan and the business, I was happy to have her help. As I walked out of the room, she passed on the way to hers.

  “Here, Mom.” I extended the cash to her.

  She looked down, and took the money from my hand. “Thanks. You want me to take the kids shopping with me so you can have some time alone?”

  “Oooh. That would be really good.”

  Money well-spent.

  I turned and went back into my bedroom.

  By noon, I had been home alone for nearly three hours and I liked it. So much of my time was still spent on Jones and DaQuan, but it felt good to be alone.

  When the phone rang, I didn’t need to see caller ID to know it would be him. DaQuan had his own cell phone, so he called from jail whenever he wanted. Most of our nightly calls, however, were made from the jail phones.

  “Aey, you hear what happened to Hernandez?”

  My heart sank because he didn’t even say hello. Lately when we talked, he’d jump right into business mode. Then he’d rush me off the phone like there was nothing else to discuss between us.

  “DaQuan, I didn’t, but there’s something else I wanna talk to you about.”

  “Whassup?”

  “Since it’s obvious you wanna be with Jones, we really need to talk about this baby and what’s gonna happen between us.”

  Silence.

  “You obviously don’t wanna be with me anymore, so I think we should talk about how things are gonna be different going forward.”

  “Man! What happened to ya?” His question confused me. “Ya used to be so cool and shit. Now all ya do is nag about this and that. If I want someone nagging me all the damn time, I woulda stayed married.”

  Married? I never knew he was married.

  “If you kept your dick in your pants, I wouldn’t have changed. You’re right. I did know the job was dirty, but I didn’t think you’d be so quick to screw anything that came your way. Look at Jones. What do you see in her? I just know I can’t go on like this.”

  “I feel ya, ma.”

  I was floored. That was his response? That was all he had to say?

  “But peep this. I know ya like driving around in that Beamer, and I bet ya like yo bills being paid, and I know fo sho, ya like your bank account being fat, right?”

  Had he just threatened me?

  “Do what’chu gotta do, but dig this. If I ain’t kicking it with ya, then, I ain’t takin’ care of ya or ya kids. I gotta respect what ya say ya can’t do. Real talk; ain’t got no choice but to respect that.”

  As he talked, I felt the life slip from my body. I couldn’t understand how it was so easy for him to erase me from his life. We’d been together for more than two years. Then some nasty-looking, fat chick, with a tired-ass weave came along and he threw “us” away.

  Despite what I’d said, I couldn’t lose DaQuan. He was right. My life didn’t start until we started kicking it. He was the reason I lived comfortably, drove a luxury car, and always kept money.

  I had no choice. I had to do what I had to do because there was no way I’d take cabs everywhere and move back to the projects.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHARISMA

  “Something ain’t right is all I’m saying.”

  Corey fixed his stare on me, like that was supposed to make me tell him all my business. I wanted to tell him those days were long gone. He no longer had any kind of power over me.

  I rolled my eyes as my worthless baby daddy stood in my kitchen and told me he thought we were in the struggle together.

  Since I was done with the struggle, I wanted to be done with him. But the challenge to rid my life of him would be more difficult than I could handle.

  “When you going to see your kids?” I asked.

  Usually asking him to help, feed, or provide any type of support for the kids he helped make was enough
for him to scatter away like a roach hit by a bright light.

  “So you not gonna tell a brotha what’s what?”

  Corey ignored my question, asked one of his own, then leaned against the kitchen sink, which meant he planned to stay a while.

  “Corey, I told you. I work lots of overtime on the job. It’s just that simple. I work hard and I’m able to buy a few nice things. I don’t get why you tripping.”

  My hustle was what supported his kids, because he sure didn’t. I sent money every two weeks, better than clockwork.

  Corey studied my face and I struggled to look as normal as possible. Business was beyond good. After the last shakedown, the inmates seemed hungrier for pills than before. Many lost valuables and either couldn’t buy them back right away or they just wanted to get high to forget about it all. Either way, the pills flew like free money in the hood.

  As Corey talked, I eyed the clock on the microwave. I needed him gone because Lance was coming over to talk about expanding the business, and I didn’t want Corey anywhere near the mix.

  In order to try and keep the suspicion down with him, I didn’t bother him about any money and I only asked about the kids because he used that lie to get into my house in the first place. He’d say his cell couldn’t make long distance calls and there was no landline where he was staying.

  “I’ma let you know when I’m ready to go see the kids. That ain’t what we talking about right now.”

  His eyes shifted all over my body. I knew he wanted to find anything that might give him a clue about what was going on and where my money was coming from, but my lips would remain zipped.

  “Okay, Corey. It’s no biggie, but I got an appointment I need to keep, so that’s why I was asking.”

  “So now you got appointments and shit?”

  Nobody but a loser like Corey would find issues with someone because they had appointments.

  I wondered what I had seen in his ass in the first place. Everything that had gone wrong in my life was closely connected to Corey McCray. I trusted him, believed we’d one day be married and trying to carve out a life for our kids, but that didn’t happen.

  “What you say you do over there at that prison again?”

  This time, his features were intense, with a frown.

  “I didn’t, Corey. Listen, I really need to get ready to go.”

  I tried to appeal to him as gingerly as I could. Any sudden demands, insults or harsh words would take us into a verbal battle that was bound to drag on for hours. I didn’t have that kind of time to waste on him.

  “I don’t like all this top secret shit about you now, Charisma. Something is going on and I ain’t gonna be able to protect you once you get yourself caught up.”

  It was a serious struggle to hold in the laughter as I told myself I’d be better off if I turned to my man behind bars for protection rather than Corey’s useless ass. But I couldn’t say that to him. It would’ve opened up a discussion that I’d regret for sure.

  “Corey. I need to get ready to go.”

  He eyed me like he might’ve missed something in the few hours he’d already spent checking me out.

  “Where you say you going again?” His eyebrows bunched together like they were being pulled by a string.

  This time, I moved behind him and tried to ease him toward the front door as he tried to figure out what was up with me. I got a little excited when he finally moved. But he only took a few steps, then did a quick maneuver and circled right back to where he was before. As he leaned back up against the counter, I was tempted to walk out and leave him standing there, but I knew that wouldn’t work.

  The more I wanted him to leave, the more he was intent on staying.

  Nearly an hour after I needed him gone, Corey was still at my place. He struggled to dig up trouble.

  “Who you fucking these days?”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. A feeling of dread overtook me. We had been on-and-off again over the years, but I’d meant it recently when I’d told him it was over.

  “Lemme find out some other dude is doin’ all this for you.”

  I exhaled through my nose and tried not to be as mad. I paused, looked away, then back at him.

  “Corey, we not together anymore. Why are you standing here tripping for no reason?”

  He got up in my face and started huffing.

  “So you tryna tell me you seeing some other dude? Is that what this is all about? Is he on his way over here? Why you hell-bent on tryna make me bounce?”

  Corey’s breath smelled like warm shit. He was tacky. My stomach churned when I thought back to how much I had once loved him and how I had thrown my entire life away because I chased behind him.

  The knock at the door pulled our attention away from all the heat in the kitchen. I had never seen him move as fast as he did when he tried to beat me to the door.

  Suddenly, it dawned on me. Why even bother? I let him rush to the door. He yanked it open and stood there.

  “Ah. Yo, Lance, man. Whassup? What’chu doin here?” Corey finally retreated a bit. He and Lance didn’t get along.

  Lance looked past Corey and straight at me.

  “Whassup, Cuz? Everything all right in here?” Before I answered, Lance boldly eyed Corey up and down.

  “Yeah. Corey was just leaving.”

  Corey looked at me, then turned back to Lance. “Charisma, I’ma holla at you later about the kids.” Corey eyed Lance again, then gnawed at the corner of his lip. “That’s what’s up, Lance.” He nodded, then walked through the open front door.

  “Don’t tell me you back with that cat,” Lance said.

  “Nah, it’s nothing like that. But he is my kids’ father, remember?”

  “Who could forget that damn loser!”

  Lance closed the door and we moved into the kitchen.

  “Oh, wait. I got something for you.”

  I left and rushed to my bedroom to grab the envelope that held Lance’s cash. Back at the table with Lance, he took the envelope and put it in his pocket. He leaned over the table, with bright eyes, a huge smile, and said, “Viagra and Valium.”

  “Viagra? In a prison?”

  “What, Cuz? Don’t front like y’all don’t be getting it on with them horny-ass inmates. I know you read that damn blog. What’s that shit called?” He snapped his fingers a few times.

  I sat stunned. “What blog?”

  “Some dude writes it from behind bars!”

  I frowned and waited for him to jog his memory. I knew nothing about any inmate who wrote a blog. He had to be mistaken. Wouldn’t we all know about an inmate who wrote a blog? And wasn’t that illegal?

  “Damn, what’s dude’s blog called again?” Lance’s bony fingers were still snapping.

  “From the Inside!” Lance yelled.

  “What?”

  “That’s the name of dude’s blog, From the Inside.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, I don’t know about that, but I can tell you now, I ain’t trying to sneak no damn Viagra into the prison where I work. If they can’t get it up or keep it up, they probably just need to wait until they get out to get that looked at. I’ll talk to my boss about the Valium, and let you know for sure.”

  “Okay, cool. But you should ask him about the Viagra too, ’cause I can get that. Here, you wanna check out what I brought?”

  “No. All I want to know is how many,” I said as I took the sandwich bag from him that continued several smaller plastic bags.

  “Three hundred this time.”

  “Okay, cool.” I got up from the chair and he did too.

  Lance patted his pocket as he walked toward the front door. I stood in the doorway as he left, and he turned back to me. “Don’t sleep on From the Inside. Dude be talking about all the drama behind bars.”

  I laughed at the thought and was about to close my door when Corey jumped from the bushes. Damn! I thought he was gone!

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  KENYATAYE

  I didn’
t need their help to pull the plan off, but it would be easier if I had it. That’s what I thought about as I went over the details and tried to explain it to my girls. I didn’t tell them everything, just the information I thought they needed to know.

  Their eyes were glued to me, but their expressions registered confusion. I wasn’t sure why my brilliant plan didn’t seem so brilliant to them.

  “So, I already pretty much know how she moves around. She smuggles in like two to three times a week. It would be simple, really. Besides, y’all know Richards is still on a rampage so he’d gladly take any tip he gets and run with it.”

  For a long while, we sat there. I stared at them and they stared between me and each other.

  It wasn’t like I expected a standing ovation or anything like that, but the way they sat there and stared at me blankly as if I’d just finished speaking Spanish left me a little bothered.

  What the heck was the problem?

  After a few more minutes when neither one had said anything, I made a move to jumpstart the conversation.

  “Soooo, y’all ain’t got nothing to say? No opinion, or comment about what I just told y’all?”

  Bishop and Edwards exchanged awkward glances. Neither had any questions when I’d unveiled my plan, but I expected them to say something. I couldn’t even read their reactions.

  “Well, I dunno how to put it,” Edwards began.

  “Just say it!” I was eager to hear what they thought.

  “Here’s what I don’t get.” She leaned in, but her voice was still loud. “So, you plan to try and get her busted. I totally get that part. But what I don’t get is, do you really think she’s gonna go down alone and not rat out the rest of us?”

  Bishop leaned back in the chair and Edwards did too. They looked at me like I had lost my mind. In a way, I felt like I had, but it was clear they didn’t really understand that.

  I couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, and most of my thoughts were taken up by DaQuan and Jones. I needed to do something drastic and I needed to do it quickly.

  “Dunbar, she ain’t gonna take this fall alone,” Edwards said.