Our Kinda Love

by Deanna Eshler

  Later that afternoon I'm waiting in Adrian's room for him to return from class. When I got here, I was pissed. Having thought about his stupid stunt all day, my irritation has grown. When I entered his room, and his amazing smell hit me, my stomach did that indigestion thing, and my thoughts go all messed up.

  I looked at his unmade bed, and actually considered crawling into it. I pictured myself lying under the covers, and his expression of hunger when he saw me, then I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes, erasing the vision.

  Now, having no idea what I'm going to say or ask, I'm pacing the floor when he finally comes in. Like always, when I see him, I feel a combination of wanting to choke him and wanting to climb him like a jungle gym.

  His lips begin to turn up in a smile when he sees me, but as I rush to shove him against the wall, his smile turns into a look of Oh shit.

  My hands fisting his shirt and my nose an inch from his, I scold him.

  "I have no more idea what happened this morning than the other people who were in the kitchen. During our conversation last night you mentioned nothing about the engagement because I'm pretty sure I would've remembered that. Here's the thing, though, I don't want to know because I'm sure it’ll complicate all this, even more. But, there is one question I have and your answer is going to determine if I continue to play this ridiculous game of yours."

  He’s trying not to laugh. “Okay, but will you tell me what the right answer is?"

  "Nope."

  "Well that doesn't put the odds in my favor, does it?" he asks, trying to distract me.

  “Do you want to know what the question is are not?" I release his shirt and begin to back away, but he places his hands on my waist and pulls me closer until we're touching

  "Will you rub your boobs against me a little more?"

  "Will that help you focus?" I ask, not hating the idea.

  "Absolutely,” he says, then pulls me so close that I’m forced to lay my cheek on his shoulder, and my forehead is nestled into his neck.

  “Now, are you ready for my question?” I’m trying to sound irritated so he doesn’t think I’m enjoying this.

  “Are you not wearing a bra?”

  I pull back, no longer leaning into him. I snap my fingers in front of his face and tell him to focus.

  He places both his hands on my back, forcing me to lean against him again. “Okay okay, I'm paying attention. Yes, I'm ready for the question."

  I have to take a second to remember what I was going to ask. He smells good, and his muscular arms feel amazing wrapped around me. He clears his throat and I hear it vibrate through his chest.

  “You, uh, were gonna ask something?”

  Oh yeah, crap, I need to focus now. “Okay, if we move forward with this plan of yours, are you going to continue to kiss me in front of other people the way that you did in the kitchen today?"

  He drops his hands down to my waist and pushes me back so that we’re looking at each other. He looks panicked as his eyes shift back and forth between mine as if searching for the answer.

  Finally, he sighs. "I know the right answer is no, but I can't help it." He slides his hands up my sides until his thumbs are brushing the underside of my breasts. “I want to taste other parts of you. So no, I can't tell you that if you're my pretend girlfriend I'm not going to take every chance I have to put my mouth on yours.”

  "Well," I say, then clear my throat, trying to hide my desire. “That, happens to be the right answer.”

  His mouth quirks up on one side. Before he can call me out on my neediness, I pull back and twist around, taking a moment to decide what to say next. I hear Adrian lock the door behind me. I turn back to tell him this is just for fun, and nothing more than kissing, but my words are stuck in my throat as I watch him pull his shirt over his head.

  Chapter 24

  Absolutely No Sex

  “What the hell are you doing?” I manage to ask, greatly distracted by his defined chest and abs.

  “Taking my shirt off. I’m taking advantage of this moment and we’re going to do a lot of kissing. I want to take off all my clothes, and yours too, so you should be grateful it’s only my shirt coming off.” He snaps his finger. “Hey, my eyes are up here.”

  Regretfully, I pull my attention from his chest. “What… shit, never mind,” I say, losing track of what's going on. I try to focus on what I wanted to say before he took his shirt off, but the closer he gets, the foggier my thinking becomes.

  When he finally closes the distance, he takes my face in his hands. “Stop thinking, Keegan.”

  Well, that’s exactly what my problem is—I can’t think. I don’t get a chance to say that because his lips are on mine again, and the last of my thoughts are gone.

  “Fuck I love your mouth,” he mutters as he lifts me and sits me on his desk.

  My legs fall open and he wedges between them, pressing into me with his obvious arousal.

  When he releases me, to begin kissing along my jaw, I try to lay down more rules. “Just so we’re clear, this is a one-night thing.”

  “No, it’s not,” he says, now trailing kisses along my collarbone. When he gets to my bra strap, he pushes it down my shoulder.

  “Yes, it is.” I do a full body shiver, betraying my words. I’m totally going to make this call, no matter how good that feels. “And no sex.”

  He nods. “You’re right, we’re not having sex because you would get all whiny and clingy,” he says with a half-smile.

  “Uh-huh, ’cause I’m the clingy type.”

  He has no idea how untrue that statement is. My life, for the past several years, has revolved around my determination to never rely on another man again. I know I could find my dad, and guilt him into giving me money for college, but I refuse to take anything from him. I’ve had a couple casual hook-ups, but no serious relationship since high school. My career goals have also been influenced by my need to be independent. I’m going to be a single woman, traveling the world, saving lives… well, at least in my mind that’s how grand it will be.

  Adrian sighs dramatically and looks at me like I’m a petulant child. “Can we stop talking and start kissing?”

  “You need to understand how this works for me.”

  His eyebrows go up, looking surprised. “You mean your parts work differently?”

  Oh for Christ’s sake, can he ever be serious?

  “Shut up,” I say, smacking his chest. “I mean, I don’t want some sweet, gushy, relationship. We can play this bizarre game of yours, pretending to like each other in public, and we can make out sometimes, but no sex, and no long term. This is fun for now, that’s all.”

  I say this out loud as a reminder to myself too. They few guys I’ve had casual relationships with, in the past, are the kind of guys who have no interest in long term. I knew that going in because my plan has always been to get out first, before they can leave me. It’s easy to protect your heart when you know exactly how a relationship will end.

  Adrian’s not my usual type, which makes him extremely dangerous. If I believe he wants more, I could start considering more, which never ends well for me. Now, I need to convince myself he’s only in this for fun so I can make my plans to leave him first, with my heart intact. Having sex with him would be counterproductive in convincing myself, I’m sure of that.

  “Agreed, no sex… for now,” he says, trying to manipulate my words.

  “No. No sex at all.” I emphasize the last two words. “We’re neighbors, and my friends like your friends, so it’d be awkward when this is over.” Then I remember I’m practically his hired help. “Plus, you’re paying me to be your girlfriend. If we have sex… well… that’s too close to prostitution for my comfort.”

  He stares into my eyes, mouth in a firm line, looking like he wants to say something. After an uncomfortable few seconds, he says, “I’m fine with friends with benefits.”

  “Wait, I didn’t say anything about friends, and whether or not I benefit, is still unknown.”
r />   Adrian sighs. “If you’d stop talking you’d find out.”

  I stopped talking, and I did find out…

  ***

  Adrian

  I take her mouth with mine, devouring and teasing every inch. My erection is incredibly painful, and I’m pretty sure my balls are gonna fall off if I don’t come soon.

  Keegan can lay down her rules, and proclaim no sex, but there’s a helluva lot two people can do sexually, and not have sex.

  I break the kiss and pull her shirt over her head, but my mouth is back on hers before she has a chance to protest. I take a small step back, at the same time pressing my hands against her back, urging her off the desk. When she’s standing, I reach down and begin to unbutton her jeans.

  Keegan breaks the kiss. “I’m serious,” she says through ragged breaths, “no sex.”

  I smile, loving how turned on she is right now. “Agreed, no sex,” I repeat.

  I push her pants down past her ass and lift her, placing her back on the desk, desperate to taste her. Looking at her sitting on my desk, legs spread, I think how much I’m going to enjoy doing my homework on this desk after this. After I remove her jeans, I push back between her legs, spreading them wide again. With my mouth an inch from hers, I grasp her just below her bra and begin slowly rubbing my thumbs over her nipples.

  Keegan moans, causing my balls to tighten more. As I begin rubbing himself against her, Keegan closes her eyes and reaches around, pulling me tighter against her. I drop my forehead onto hers, holding back the urge to drop my pants and slam into her.

  When I feel her begin to rub harder against me, and her breathing pick up, I pull back. Keegan’s eyes fly open, and she looks pissed until I drop to my knees.

  As I look up at her, pure desire blazing in her eyes, I now understand why a guy would give this and not expect to receive. Making her come, right here like this, is going to be hotter than any sex I’ve ever had.

  I lean in, my mouth so close I can feel the heat radiating from her arousal. Maintaining eye contact, I ask, “You gonna watch.”

  She draws in a few shallow breaths, then answers in a breathy whisper. “Hell yeah.”

  I close my eyes, and mutter, “Christ,” worried I’m gonna come still wearing my pants.

  Using one thumb, I pull her panties to the side and begin teasing her with my tongue, barely touching her wetness. Keegan groans, pressing herself forward, trying to get more contact. I smile, remembering her telling me all about teasing a girl. It’s ironic that I’m going to make her crazy by following her own directions.

  After several minutes of torturing her, barely touching her, I slowly insert one finger. Her moan of pleasure and her hands in my hair lets me know I’m following directions well. It only takes that one finger, and a couple flicks of my tongue, to send her over the edge.

  When I feel her tighten around my fingers, I decide I’ve found the greatest place on earth. Nothing, absolutely nothing, has ever felt this good. As much as I’d love to do that again, and much more, I know this is the perfect way to keep her wanting more.

  I stand, wrap my arms around her quivering body, and kiss her with all the passion I feel.

  When Keegan reaches down to unbutton my jeans, I step back and give her a mischievous smile. “That was fucking awesome,” I say and then turn to leave her, sitting on my desk in her bra and underwear, incredibly turned on. I’m pretty sure that if I pushed the topic right now, she’d break her no sex rule, on day one.

  As I walk painfully to the shower, I can’t help but wonder who the hell I’ve become because walking away from that dreamland is nothing I would’ve ever done before. Now I can only hope it leaves her needing me as much as I’ve come to need her.

  Chapter 25

  I’m Allergic to Boobs

  After that night with Adrian, I’ve thought about little more than being with him again. Once I realized he didn’t want me to do for him, what he’d done for me, I slowly put my clothes back on, wondering what the hell just happened.

  I left his room before he got out of the shower, and I’ve not seen him since. Granted, I’ve tried to avoid him, but I’m not sure why. I guess I’m slightly offended he didn’t want more from me, yet I told him I didn’t want him to want more.

  And… that’s the emotional cycle I’ve been riding for two days.

  ***

  Wednesday morning I meet with Professor Stack before class to let him know I’m not going to be able to tutor anymore this semester. He’s pretty upset, so I agree to help for another two weeks. I squeeze my way through the row of seats, filled with students, and my ass is barely in the seat before Robert grabs my hand.

  Pulling it up his nose, he yells, “Oh my God. I love that ring.”

  I know I told Adrian I wouldn’t tell our friends that we’re not actually together, but I have to tell someone. I've only known Robert a few weeks, but he’ll love the entire story. He’ll be intrigued by Adrian’s ridiculous reasoning, the dramatic and cheesy proposal, and he’ll love that I’m going to be forced to spend more time with Adrian. I know this because Robert thinks much like I do.

  "Yeah,” I say, casually. “I thought Adrian did a pretty good job picking out my engagement ring too.”

  Robert jerks back, eyes going wide. "I'm sorry, what's this now? I thought I heard you say something about an engagement and Adrian, but I'm pretty sure I didn't wake up in an alternate universe.”

  He’s so loud that the other students have all turned to face us, pure nosiness flashing in their eyes. I wave to them, then drop into my seat with a loud sigh.

  "Robert, it's the most bizarre story and I'm not sure I can tell it without punching myself in the face for being a complete idiot."

  His face contorts. “Why do you always have to be so violent? I mean, it's like you don't even know you're a girl."

  I shrug. "It stems from my general dislike of people."

  His eyes go wide as he rolls them away from me. “Okaaaay,” he says, drawing out the word, “enough about your antisocial personality and serial killer tendencies. Tell me more about how you're, all of a sudden, engaged to that hot man muffin."

  Just then the professor drops his book loudly onto his desk to get our attention for the beginning of the lecture. I hear Robert sigh dramatically next to me.

  “It's incredibly annoying when these classes have to interfere with our social lives." He looks at me and points a finger in my face. "Don't you dare think you're getting out of this. You and me after class."

  I spend the entire class reliving the stupid proposal and trying to recall Adrian’s exact words. Why did he have to go and complicate this whole arrangement? I agreed to babysit his ass only because he looked so tortured when he talked about his brothers. That reminds me; he promised he’d tell me about them. Well, not so much promised, but I’ll tell him he did. No way he’ll remember exactly what he said.

  At the end of class, Professor Stack assigns a research paper, due next week. Everyone groans as we begin packing up. It’s then I realize I missed the entire lecture. I have not one fucking thing written on in my notebook. I’m about to tell Robert I’m gonna need a copy of his when he points a finger in my face again.

  “Start talking,” he says before anyone has even stood to leave.

  “Can we at least leave the class, maybe go to lunch?”

  He shakes his head. “Nope, this is way too good to wait for. I need to hear this now.”

  “Too bad,” I say, grabbing his hand, “let’s go to the library.”

  Robert stomps his foot and sticks out his bottom lip. I ignore him and tug on his hand again. He pitches forward, almost falling onto his face. I laugh but cover my mouth when I see he looks pissed.

  “Remind me why I’m friends with you?” he asks after he rights himself.

  I keep walking, forcing him to follow. “Because, we’re soul mates, remember?”

  He presses his lips together and nods. “This is true.”

  We get to the library, an
d I make Robert find the books he’s been needing for another class project before I tell him my story. We find a couch tucked in a corner, and we both fall into it. He gestures for me to continue, refusing to ask out loud again.

  “Okay,” I begin, having to speak quietly because we’re in the library. “So we’re eating lunch and I fart, out loud.”

  Robert palms my face, silencing me. “Please tell me you just made that shit up. I’m not sure I can associate with you if that story is true.”

  I knock his hand away. “As I was saying, I farted. Everyone went silent, staring at me like I was twerking naked.”

  He shakes his head, then mutters, “Where do you come up with this shit?”

  Still ignoring him, I go on. “That’s when the puny dork ran into his room—”

  “You mean the extremely attractive, incredibly funny guy you’re in love with?” Robert asks, interrupting me again.

  I point my finger at him, a half inch from his nose, causing him to look cross-eyed at it. “I swear to God, if you ever accuse me of being in love, with anyone, let alone that pencil penis, I will use your kryptonite against you.”

  I don’t joke about things like being in love, or even being in like with someone.

  Robert gasps. “You wouldn’t.”

  Leaning back, I drop my finger and tilt my head to the side. “Do you know me at all?”

  He does know me, which is why he looks a little terrified.

  “It’s as if you enjoy other people's suffering,” Robert says while scooting further away.

  “Can I tell my story?”

  He gestures for me to continue.

  “Okay, so he drops to his knees beside my chair and begins spouting off shit about how he started to fall in love with me after my zombie apocalypse rant. He goes on to talk about all the other stupid things I’ve done since we met, and how he decided a couple weeks ago, he wants to marry me. Sometime, in the last two weeks, he bought this,” I say, pointing to the ring. “Then he asked me if I would marry him sometime in the future.”

  Robert looks at me stone-faced. “That was so anticlimactic I think I have blue balls.”