Our Kinda Love

by Deanna Eshler

  “No you don’t,” I yell back, wondering how I’m gonna corner those little girls to get the whole story. It’s not that I think I should be compared to a princess. I want to know which evil witch he thinks I am. If it’s Maleficent, I’m okay with that, but if it’s Ursula, then I’m gonna think Robert’s on to something about me needing to exercise.

  While watching Adrian jump with his little princess’, I can’t help but smile. I tease that he’s immature, but the fact that he can be so happy, after what he’s been through, is remarkable. I wish I could let go of my past, laugh and take risks, the way he does.

  One of the teachers who was staring at his ass earlier comes up next to me, interrupting my thoughts.

  "How long have you and Adrian been dating?"

  I'm tempted to start talking about how incredibly crazy awesome he is in bed, but I know women. If these cougars are interested in Adrian, it's not his mind. Validating how great he is in bed would only feed the fire. So I choose a different tactic.

  "Not long actually, it's kind of been an impulsive thing for us.”

  "But you’re engaged, right. If you've only been dating a short time, why are you already engaged?"

  "It was all his idea,” I explain, telling a half-truth. “I mean we hadn't been dating, we’d only been hanging out as neighbors for a few weeks. But," I pause and bite the inside of my cheek, trying to look as if pondering whether not to share the secret. "I'm not sure I can go through with it."

  Her eyes go wide as she leans in and gives me her full attention. "Why?"

  I look around, playing up the whole secret. "You know the whole size doesn't matter thing?” I cringe. “Well I think we all know it does, but even if you don't have the right equipment, you can sometimes make up for it with the right moves. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the size or the moves."

  Cougar number one looks extremely disappointed. She glances at the bounce house, where Adrian is now laughing with the kids. "So what are you going to do?"

  I try to look pained at the idea of to make this decision. “I’m not sure, but I do know I can't go the rest of my life having sex with a mouth breathing, small peckered, octopus."

  Cougar number one shivers. "It's that bad?"

  Frowning I nod. "It's a damn waste, I mean, that face and that body,” I shake my head, “truly a damn waste.”

  She shakes her head, looking sad as she walks away to report back to the rest of the pride.

  A part of me feels bad because I can only imagine what those women are going to be saying about him behind his back, but I don’t like the idea of them drooling over him. I don’t take time to analyze my thoughts any further.

  When Adrian finally leaves the bounce house, I watch him walking toward me. He's actually sweaty and panting hard as if that was one serious workout. The closer he gets the more I notice how his shirt is clinging to his chest, defining has amazing muscles. I look away because if I don’t, I’m going to drag him behind a concession stand. If the cougars see me attacking him, I’ll be busted on my big fat lie.

  "Hey, I saw you were talking to Julie,” he says, nodding in the direction of the cougars. “Was she telling you what an amazing student teacher I am?” I guess Julie is cougar number one.

  I smile and wink, in an attempt to hide my guilt. "Absolutely that's exactly what we were talking about.”

  He grabs my hand and begins pulling me through the crowd of people. “Come on, I’m gonna be late for my shift at the dunk tank.”

  Chapter 32

  Just Part Of The Game

  I stand behind the of crowd little people, leaning on a concession trailer, watching Adrian get situated on the unstable, toddler-sized, seat of the tank. He changed into swim trunks, but unfortunately he’s wearing a shirt. I was looking forward to ogling him without a shirt.

  The first kid, who looks like he's about eight years old, nails the target with his first throw. Adrian wasn't paying attention, so his fall is extremely ungraceful. Everyone erupts in laughter, but of course, Adrian is not embarrassed. No, instead he makes the whole event into the Adrian Show. He strikes a new pose for each student, looking more ridiculous each time. Within minutes, half of the carnival attendees are either in line to dunk him, or nearby watching. I have to admit, he is entertaining.

  I laugh at one of the kids taunting him, at the same time a man next to me does the same. I hadn't realized he was there and my automatic response is to turn and smile in greeting.

  He returns the smile, his face crinkling under his rough stubble. His deep brown eyes meet mine, as he lifts his chin in the universal man speak for hello. I smile again before I take in the rest of him. His T-shirt fits snugly around his muscular biceps, his black hair is cut short and he has an industrial piercing in his right ear.

  When I realize he's speaking, I ask, "I'm sorry, what?"

  He smiles again. "I asked if you're a parent?"

  "Oh hell no," I answer, wrinkling my nose. I snap my mouth closed, realizing he may be a parent and I’ve offended him. "I'm sorry. I meant that I'm not ready to have kids," I say, not adding that I never will be.

  He chuckles. "Don't apologize. I used to say I would never have kids, then she came along."

  He dips his chin in the direction of a girl standing in line for the bounce house. She's wearing a blue and white striped cotton dress over black leggings, and she looks about six or seven.

  He reaches out his hand. "I'm Brian."

  I return the handshake. "Keegan." I nod toward the now dripping wet and shivering Adrian. "I'm here with him."

  "Mr. Elliott?" He sounds surprised.

  I don't answer because I notice Adrian is practically glaring at Brian. He looks ridiculous in his soggy clothes, sitting on a tiny seat, hovering over three feet of water, trying to look intimidating. He shifts his gaze to me, and waves for me to come over to him, but I ignore him, turning back to Brian. I can tell, by the look in his eyes, he’s flipped to jealous Adrian. I’m only making small talk with this guy, plus this is no place for Adrian to act like a fool.

  Brian begins to ask me a question, but he’s interrupted by Adrian, who is now yelling for me… over a crowd of a hundred people. I slowly turn, narrowing my eyes at him, but my threatening glare does nothing to deter him. He waves once, then points down in front of the dunk tank, beckoning me. I close my eyes and rub my face. This is going to be humiliating. Maybe I should turn and find my way back to the car, to avoid the entire scene. When I hear Adrian yell my name again, I know I need to get him in check before he loses his student teaching position.

  I give Brian a tight smile. “I need to go see what he needs,” then whirl around to start walking in Adrian’s direction.

  I’m stopped by Adrian yelling at me again. “Bring your new friend. We need another volunteer for the tank. The next guy is a no-show.”

  There’s a guy standing beside the tank who says something to Adrian, but Adrian waves him off and gives him a shut-the-hell-up look. Everyone—teachers, parents, and students—within hearing distance, go quiet, listening to the idiot on the tiny seat, yelling across the crowd.

  Honest to God, honest to God, I’m gonna drag him outta here by his nipple. I’ve had to socialize with catty cougars, was called a witch by a five-year-old, and now he’s making me the center of attention.

  I turn to tell Brian he doesn’t have to go, but he’s already started walking toward the scene of the future nipple attack. I drop my head, hoping to get through this without too much humiliation.

  When I get close, Adrian gestures toward me, then begins his latest show. “Hey everyone, this is my fiancé, Keegan.”

  Everyone in the crowd twists their necks to check out the girl who must be insane if she agreed to marry the crazy man.

  Adrian, wearing a challenging smile, gestures toward Brian. “Come on up, we need another volunteer.”

  Brian holds up a hand, declining the offer. “I didn’t bring a suit.”

  I watch as Adrian climbs down from his per
ch and takes a towel off the table next to him. He rubs the towel over his head, then begins drying himself as he’s walking toward me. I can see that angry Adrian has replaced jealous Adrian. He wraps his arm around my waist and throws the towel over his shoulder. "Hey baby, sorry that took so long.”

  His voice is stiff, sounding anything but apologetic.

  I nudge him with my elbow to get his attention because he’s staring at Brian, looking extremely possessive.

  “This is Brian,” I say nodding at the attractive man who is now on the receiving end of my pretend boyfriend's death glare. "He has a daughter who goes to school here." I need him to remember he’s at the school, where he student teaches, and he should not start a pissing match with a parent.

  Adrian continues to stare at Brian.

  "Actually, she's in your class. Madison?" Brian says, offering his hand to Adrian.

  With a tight smile and a nod, Adrian replies without shaking his hand. "She's a good kid." Then he transitions quickly into, "Did Keegan mention that were engaged?"

  Forget nudging him, this time I elbow him right in the stomach. He grunts and covers his side with his hand that's not wrapped around my waist.

  He coughs once but manages to quickly regain his fake affection. “She's got a bit of a violent side, but we’re in counseling to work through that."

  I look from my pretend boyfriend to Brian. "I'm sorry, can you excuse us?"

  I can tell Brian is trying to hide his amusement, so I assume he realizes I’m dealing with an overgrown teenager here, and I'm not some abusive woman… although… I kind of am. In all fairness, Adrian brings it out in me. Most people I merely threaten to hurt, but with him, I skip the threat and go straight for the pain.

  "What the hell is your problem?" I hiss at Adrian as I spin on my heel and begin walking toward the car.

  Several people are still watching us, probably hoping for more of a show.

  "Me?” he asks, sounding pissed. “You're the one who’s over here making out with a complete stranger while your fiancé was being tortured by a bunch of small children."

  "I swear Adrian, you have more of an imagination than… well, a bunch of kindergarteners," I say, choosing the obvious comparison.

  Still wet, wearing his swim trunks, and a towel over his shoulder, Adrian begins to stomp past me. I grab his arm and wave in the general direction of his wet clothes. He mutters, “Shit,” then goes to get his clothes.

  I lean on the car, waiting for him, stewing in my anger. When we’re both in the car, I twist in my seat to face him. “Don’t do that again,” I snap. “Even if I were your real girlfriend, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and you know it. Don’t make me look like an ass because you think it’s a fun part of this little game.”

  Adrian stares at me, jaw muscle twitching. “Right, just part of the game,” he bites out.

  ***

  Adrian

  I clench my jaw and grip the steering wheel hard. I force myself to stare ahead at the road, knowing if I look at Keegan right now, I’ll tell her every goddamn feeling I have for her. I understand she’s not able to admit how she feels. Having her dad leave, brother die, and boyfriend walk away, has definitely left scars for her to cope with.

  Of course, she doesn’t know I know about the boyfriend… or the baby. No, that’s info the investigator found, and now that I know, I wish I didn’t.

  We’ve been doing this ridiculous dance for over a month now, and it’s time she admits to herself, and me, that this is more than some fucking game. Yeah, I probably overreacted when I saw her talking to that douche. If she’d give me something, some reason to believe she’s not gonna run from this, then maybe I wouldn’t be so jealous… maybe.

  I grip the steering wheel tighter, sorting through my warring emotions. Do I come out and tell her how I feel, or would that be the signature on the death certificate of this relationship?

  Keegan starts to say something, but the ringing of my phone cuts her off. It’s lying face down, on the console. When I pick it up to check the caller I.D., I see it’s my dad. My body tenses, and I drop the phone back down, ignoring the call. I don’t fucking need his shit right now. I’m assuming it’s his weekly call, to remind me of his stipulations. His ass can wait.

  A few seconds after the ringing stops, it begins again.

  I mutter, “Fuck,” and slap the wheel. Never looking at Keegan, I answer the call.

  “Hello,” I say, grinding my teeth.

  I turn onto our street as my father slurs in my ear. I glance at the clock. It’s four o’clock on a Saturday, and he’s drunk. Yet another reminder why my brothers can never go back to live with him.

  Chapter 33

  See My Mistake

  Adrian pulls into the driveway, still talking on the phone. I’m opening the door before he has it in park, and he doesn’t stop me. Shy has been at Ryder’s all week because of some strange shit between her and Kade. That’s the perfect place for my escape.

  I need some space from Adrian, and this intense relationship, or whatever.

  On my way through the living room, I tell Gemma my plan, then stomp off to my room, slamming the door behind me. I toss a couple outfits into a bag, then make-up and other necessities.

  I’m loving this plan because there is no way Adrian will be able to break into the house of a commando, or whatever Ryder is.

  Gemma’s waiting for me, her bag packed, as I pass through the living room again. I grab my keys, and she trails behind, like my loyal puppy. Adrian’s car is there, but he’s no longer in it. Guess he needs some space from me too.

  At Ryder’s, us three girls sit at his kitchen island, chasing shots of Patrón with beer. Shy doesn’t say much, not surprising, but she does admit that she’s into Kade and wants to work out whatever mess they’re in right now.

  After I bitch for a good thirty minutes, Gemma announces it’s a perfect night for girls’ night out. Ryder agrees to take us, so we start getting ready. When I’m done, I wander back to the kitchen for one last shot.

  I’m shocked when Ryder grabs my elbow, turning me to face him.

  “You know I care about you, right?” he says. When he sees my look of confusion, he pulls me against his chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. “We joke, but for me, it’s not always a joke. You get me?”

  Um no, no I don’t get him at all, and I’m not sure I want to… right now anyway. I’ve got one messed up relationship, I don’t need Ryder offering me another. I pull my face from his chest and tilt my head back, looking up at him. He tips his chin down, his green eyes looking incredibly serious.

  I give him a small shake of my head. “No, Ryder, I don’t get you, but I’m okay with that. I don’t think this is a conversation I can have right now.” I cock my head to one side and smile, teasingly. “Why didn’t you offer this insight a couple months ago?”

  He frowns, but nods once, as he tucks my hair behind my ear. “You’re right, I should’ve, but I didn’t think you were looking for a relationship. Now I see my mistake.”

  My mind is spinning, trying to piece together the few words he’d said, into a full conversation. Ryder is a man of few words, so the few words he does say, he makes sure they mean something. I know he’s not teasing, and he wouldn’t screw around with a topic like this.

  My mind flashes to Adrian and how upset he’d be seeing me talk to Ryder. I’m surprised to find that’s reason enough for me to walk away.

  I clear my throat and take a step to the side, needing distance from his thick masculine scent, rough stubbled jaw, and strong tattooed arms. “I wasn’t looking for a relationship,” I tell him honestly. “And I’m not sure how Adrian tricked me into this one.” I laugh, uncomfortably. Ryder has no clue how true that statement is.

  Leaning into the counter, he crosses his arms over his chest, watching me too closely as if trying to read my thoughts.

  Gemma saves the day, bouncing into the kitchen, announcing she and Shy are ready to go. I lowered my head, avoidin
g further eye contact with Ryder. I say nothing during the drive to the bar, sure I have nothing to add to make this less uncomfortable. I know I’m I chicken when it comes to talking about feelings, but I’m perfectly comfortable in my chicken skin.

  Chapter 34

  In Like With You

  “It’s only nine o’clock,” Gemma says, between giggles. “We’re drunk, and it’s only nine o’clock.” She points an unsteady finger at me, then turns it back to poke herself in the chest.

  She is correct. I’m drunk… well… drunk may be an understatement. After my confusing conversation with Ryder and the realization that I’d chosen Adrian over Ryder, I decided to cope my favorite way, with a bottle to my lips.

  I’m watching Gemma, who’s trying to erase some of the graffiti off the table with a wet napkin when I hear someone clear their throat next to me. I ease my head around, trying to prevent the room from spinning, and find Adrian standing over me. I smile and sit up straighter in my chair. He looks really yummy in his long black gym shorts and sleeveless red tee. Yummy? Did I say that? No, I just thought it. At least I hope it was only in my head. Damn, I think I’ve had enough to drink.

  Adrian does not look as happy to see me. Actually, he looks kinda pissed.

  “It’s time to go,” he says, pulling on my hand, not allowing for an argument.

  “You finally gonna have sex with me?” I ask, eyes wide with excitement. I really want to have sex with him, tonight. Yep, tonight would be great.

  He presses his lips into a firm line, looking less pissed, and then he shakes his head. “No sweet cheeks, we’re not having sex tonight.”

  I plop back into my chair, almost slipping off one side. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stick out my bottom lip. “I’m not leaving with you if you’re not going to have sex with me. I’m tired of waiting for you to put out.”

  Gemma snorts out a laugh, then slaps a hand over her mouth. Once she gets her laugh under control, she leans toward me, and whisper yells, “You’re so loud.”