Troy’s Possibilities

by Rodney Strong

‘Yes, it is.’

  ‘Then I hope it works out for you.’

  ‘Thanks. We were supposed to be going out later, but he got another headache so we called it a night early.’

  ‘Another one?’

  ‘He seems to get them a lot.’

  I decided that was enough eavesdropping and crept back along the hallway to my bedroom. As I went out of earshot I heard Cat say, ‘Tell him to get his headaches checked out. It could be serious.’

  When Cat slipped back into the bedroom I was lying in bed pretending to sleep. There was a rustling as she slid out of the dressing gown and under the covers. She snuggled into my back, wrapping her arms around me and resting her chin on my shoulder.

  ‘Hey, Troy. Emily wants to talk to you.’

  ‘What gave it away?’ I asked.

  She laughed softly. ‘Honey, you’d better get a lot better at pretending to be asleep, because that was shocking.’

  ‘Get off me, you horrible person,’ I said in mock anger. She laughed again and kissed my arm before rolling away. Climbing out of bed, I put the discarded dressing gown on, still infused with her body heat, and looked back at the bed where Cat lay with one arm stretched over her head.

  ‘I’ll be lying here innocently waiting for you,’ she said. I made to jump back into bed and she held up a hand to stop me. ‘Uh uh, plenty of time for that later. Go talk to Emily first.’

  ‘How do I know you won’t be asleep when I get back?’ I asked suspiciously.

  ‘Just go, you idiot,’ she grinned.

  The end or the beginning

  Emily was sitting at the kitchen table cradling a cup of coffee when I walked in.

  ‘I didn’t expect to see you for a couple of days,’ she quipped.

  ‘I needed a snack,’ I replied, opening the fridge and pulling out the cheese. Taking a knife from the drawer I hacked a chunk off one end, much to Emily’s disgust. ‘Cat said you wanted to talk to me.’

  She looked confused. ‘I didn’t say that.’

  I looked off towards the bedroom and frowned. ‘Then why would she…’

  ‘Who knows?’ Emily replied.

  We sat in silence for a moment, then both tried to talk at the same time. I gestured for her to go first.

  ‘Okay, so maybe there was something I wanted to say. Things are changing,’ she said unhappily.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  She gestured around the room. ‘Here, us … boyfriends and girlfriends have come through those doors over the years, but in the end it’s always been the two of us. Now you’ve got Elissa, and there’s Austin… I can’t help thinking this is the end and it makes me sad.’

  I reached over the table and squeezed her hand before letting it go. ‘Ems, it’s never going to be the end of you and me. You’re my best friend, and that’s not going to change.’

  She wiped at her eyes and gave a shaky laugh. ‘I know, it’s stupid. But things are changing. You know I’ve been focussing more on photography. Well, there’s this exhibition coming up at the Wellington Art Gallery and I’ve had a couple of pictures accepted.’

  ‘Ems, that’s amazing. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  She fidgeted with her hands, picking at her fingernails. ‘It seems I have some sort of natural talent.’ She laughed in a self-effacing way.

  ‘About time you were good at something,’ I said through a mouthful of cheese.

  ‘Dickhead,’ she replied half-heartedly.

  I gave her a cheesy grin.

  ‘The thing is, this critic from overseas is going to be here. So what if he doesn’t like my work? He’s new in the business but they say he can make or break careers. I love taking pictures, and I think it’s something I’d like to explore for a living, but if this guy shoots me down then…’

  I reached across the table and stopped her hands. ‘Ems, he’s going to love you. How could he not? You’re fabulous.’

  ‘It’s true, I am,’ she replied with a soft laugh.

  ‘What’s this guy’s name?’

  ‘Oh, God, I can’t remember. Does it matter? Jack something. Jack Cunnington, I think.’

  I grinned. ‘I think he’s going to love you.’

  ‘You have to say that.’

  ‘Maybe, but it’s still true.

  ‘Is that a psychic flash?’

  I shook my head. ‘Personal opinion.’

  She looked at me suspiciously. ‘Okay, so what if he does love me? You and Elissa are going to move in together and I’ll have to break in a new roommate, and what if they don’t like reality TV?’

  I raised an eyebrow at the rapid change in subject. ‘Hey, don’t be in a hurry to get rid of me. Cat and I are new – who knows what’s going to happen? Anyway, maybe we’ll move in here. Then you’ll gain a flatmate, not lose one.’

  ‘Then I’ll have to share the bathroom with another girl, and I’m not sure I’m ready for that either.’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Then what are you ready for, Ems?’

  ‘What are you ready for?’ she shot back. I looked at her in confusion. ‘Are you committed to a relationship with Elissa? Or are you still looking for the other side of the hill?’

  I considered the question carefully. I thought about the Possibility fresh in my mind – of losing Cat, losing our child, the horrible despair that permeated my entire body. Like all the Possibilities it was frighteningly real. The thought of going through that in real life was almost too much to bear. The urge to run, to put distance between me and the memory was overpowering. For a split second I teetered on the edge, staring down and waiting to fall.

  Then I thought of Cat lying in my bed, waiting for me, wanting to be with me. There was something different about her – something about those eyes, the body, the hidden strength – that made me step back.

  ‘That’s what I thought,’ Emily said.

  ‘What? I didn’t say anything,’ I protested.

  ‘Not out loud. But you’ve got this big goofy smile on your face – and you know what? For the first time in a very, very long time, it’s in your eyes.

  ‘I need a mirror,’ I said abruptly, and hurried down the hall to the bathroom.

  I switched on the light and went straight over to the basin. The face staring back at me was unrecognisable. Emily was right – there was a light in my eyes that hadn’t been present before. It seeped onto my skin, radiating it with a glow I’d never seen before. This wasn’t the face of the moon. It was different, better.

  Back in the kitchen Emily hadn’t moved.

  ‘Fixed your makeup?’ she asked sarcastically.

  I kissed her on the top of the head. ‘You’re going to be fine, Ems.’

  ‘And you?’

  ‘I’m going to be great.’

  She studied me for a moment. ‘I hope so – but, Troy, keep being patient with her, and if you hurt her I’ll kick your ass.’

  I laughed and kissed her again. ‘You’d better get some sleep, Ems. All this ass kicking requires a lot of energy.’

  She looked at me shrewdly. ‘Night, Troy,’ she said, punching me on the arm.

  Suddenly I saw a future where Austin was fine, he and Emily got married and had children, and she was happy.

  I closed the bedroom door quietly, shed the robe and slipped back into bed. Cat was facing me, her eyes closed, breathing shallow. For a moment I thought she was faking it, but after watching her for a while I realised she was actually asleep. I kissed her on the cheek, and closed my eyes.

  It doesn’t matter any more

  I woke slowly, becoming aware of sounds and smells and light pushing against my eyelids. I wondered about my age. Some days it was hard to tell. Eyes still shut, I moved first one leg, then the other. No pain. Flexed my fingers; they felt strong and supple. Finally I opened my eyes and looked at my hands. They looked young, wrinkle-free, yet slightly callused. I sighed. That narrowed the age down but not enough.

  I became aware of a figure next to me. She lay on her stomach, her long blonde hair draped
across her face like a demure mask. It was Cat. A quick check of my phone showed it was the morning after the first time. I studied her sleeping face. It didn’t matter if we had a day, or a week, or a million lifetimes. It was time to stop worrying about the future, whatever form it took, and start living for the moment.

  I slipped out of the bed, opened the wardrobe door and rummaged around for the shoebox I’d put in there the day Emily and I moved into the house. I grabbed the glass of water from next to the bed and soaked the paintbrushes while I set up. Lacking an easel, I leaned the canvas against the side of the bed. The paints were a little old but hopefully still usable. I squeezed some onto a brush, touched it to the canvas, and began completing the picture.

  Occasionally I glanced over at Cat, one time seeing a small smile play across her mouth. Slowly she rolled over and stretched, first one arm, then the other, the movement accentuating the firmness of her breast uncovered by the sheet. Her smile widened as she caught me looking.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she asked sleepily.

  ‘Painting the sun.’

  She struck a dramatic pose.

  ‘Idiot,’ I said and she laughed.

  ‘What are we doing today?’ she asked.

  ‘I have to write my resignation letter, but apart from that nothing concrete.’

  She looked at me with raised eyebrows.

  ‘Time to start a new life.’

  ‘As a painter?’ she asked.

  If I’d been asked the same question ten years ago, before all this started, I wouldn’t have even stopped to consider it. The answer would have been a resounding yes. But now it didn’t seem the right fit. Finishing the painting was important, but I didn’t think it was where my future lay. ‘No, I think I’d like to do something that helps people.’

  She lay back, eyes closed with a smile on her lips.

  ‘I Got You, by Split Enz,’ I told her.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘My walk-away song. It’s I Got You by Split Enz.’

  She opened her eyes and propped herself up on an elbow. ‘Why would you say that?’

  I shrugged. ‘It’s important to have a walk-away song.’

  ‘Are you planning on walking away?’

  ‘Not a chance.’

  Her eyes pierced me so I went back to painting.

  ‘Mine is, ‘Don’t Wait Another Day’ by Greg Johnson.’

  ‘Great song. Appropriate too.’

  She kept looking at me and finally I turned my gaze back to meet her. ‘Cat?’

  ‘Mmm,’ she replied.

  ‘I love you.’ My voice trembled with emotion.

  ‘And I really, completely, totally love you too.’

  We smiled at each other. For the first time in all my lives I knew the way forward. Yet something nagged at me. ‘Why did you tell Emily that Austin needed to get his headaches checked out?’

  She rolled closer, reached out and traced around my eyes. ‘Was it really bad?’ she whispered.

  ‘What?’ I replied in confusion.

  ‘When I pepper-sprayed you.’

  It took a few seconds for her words to register, then my whole world imploded. ‘How did you…?’

  She gave me the full Cat look, sly and mischievous. ‘You’ll never guess what life I’ve just lived,’ she said.

  About the Author

  Rodney Strong quit a 9–5 job to pursue a full time writing career. He lives in Porirua, New Zealand, with his wife, two children, and two cats.

  He started working on Troy’s Possibilities while completing an Advanced Diploma in Creative Writing. The story came about while he was one day thinking about how different life would have been if he had made different decisions at key moments.

  Rodney is a member of the New Zealand Society of Authors, and chairs his neighborhood residents group.