The Complete Cooper Collection (All 97 Stories)

by Bernico, Bill

  “Just picture the video again while you listen,” I said and then started the audio player.

  The man’s voice came across first. “Did you bring the money?”

  Mrs. Armstrong answered. “It’s all here. When can you do it?”

  Mystery man: “All you need to know is that it’ll be sometime today. It’s better if you don’t have any more details. You can’t tell what you don’t know.”

  Mrs. Armstrong: “Just give me time to establish an alibi across town. What about you?”

  Mystery man: “Don’t worry, I’ve got myself covered. There won’t be anything to link this to you. I’ll get back to the office and I’ll be just as shocked and surprised as everyone else when they hear the news.”

  Mrs. Armstrong: “Well don’t miss. You won’t get a second chance.”

  Mystery man: “You worry too much, Mrs. A. I’ve never been caught yet. I am a professional. Don’t try this at home.” He laughs.

  Mrs. Armstrong: “This is the last time we’ll ever see each other. You never heard of me if anyone asks.”

  Mystery man: “Same goes for you. Now you’d better take off before someone notices us sitting here.”

  The sound of movement and newspaper crinkling and then the video goes silent.

  I turned off the audio player and looked at Armstrong. He’s sitting there, speechless. A moment later, trying to lighten the moment, he said, “At least she not having an affair.”

  Neither of us laughed. I pulled the USB drive out of my laptop and handed it to Armstrong. “You’re on your own from here, Mr. Armstrong. You just give that jump drive to the police and let them sort out the rest. But do it right away, before that employee of yours gets ambitious and does you early. Who is he?”

  “I’d rather not say just yet,” Armstrong said. “Let me confront him back at the office and see how he reacts first.”

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I warned Armstrong. “It could just set him off on you.”

  Armstrong lets out a deep breath and sits, stunned by what he’s just seen and heard. He turns to me. “Thank you so much for your service, Mr. Cooper, Miss Campbell. Would you just send me a bill for what I owe you?”

  “I normally would,” I told Armstrong, “but under the circumstances, I’m afraid I’ll have to collect from you now. You understand, I’m sure.”

  Armstrong blinks and says, “Yes, of course,” and pulls out a calfskin wallet, withdrawing two one hundred dollar bills and laying them on my desk.

  I reached for my wallet to give him his change, but he waved me off. “Keep it,” he said. “You’ve both earned it. And like I told you earlier, the equipment is yours to keep, too.”

  Without another word, Armstrong left my office and walked out of our lives. A moment later Gloria looked at me and remarked, “You think the police will stop Armstrong’s mystery employee before he carries this thing too far?”

  “We can only hope,” I said, and sat down behind my desk.

  Before Gloria could even settle down at her own desk an explosion rattled our office windows and vibrated the floor beneath us. We both jumped to our feet.

  “What the hell was that?” Gloria said.

  “Let’s go,” I said, running out of the office and down the hall. We took the stairway just to be safe. When we got out to the parking lot behind our building I could make out the figure of a man sitting behind the wheel of a car that was engulfed in flames. The occupant was beyond any help we could offer.

  “Armstrong?” Gloria said.

  “Must be,” I said and then looked one car over at my own car. It was also burning out of control. “Oh great,” I said. “He couldn’t have parked somewhere else. That’s just what I need to make this a perfect day.”

  Gloria looked to the left. In just a split second she realized that the car parked on the other side of Armstrong’s was hers. “Oh shit,” she said. “Not mine, too.”

  I could hear the scream of sirens in the distant, coming closer and in less than a minute the parking lot was overrun with fire trucks, police cars and ambulances. Firemen hurried over to the burning car and opened their hoses up on it. The fire was out in under a minute, but the car’s occupant sat there, his mouth agape and the flesh on his face seared to a dark black. The firemen turned their hoses on my car and managed to put it out, but not before the fire had managed to totally destroy it.

  “Look at the bright side,” Gloria said. “Your insurance company will pay for another car for both of us.”

  “You think we’ll be able to get our replacements in the next couple of hours?” I said.

  “Why?” Gloria said.

  “Otherwise we’ll have to tell Lieutenant Anderson to hire someone else for tonight’s rolling stakeout,” I said. “Remember?”

  “I’d almost forgotten,” Gloria said. “Well, what are you going to do? Better call him right away and give him time to line someone else up for the job.”

  I turned to head back for the office until Gloria grabbed my arm and turned me around again. “Never mind,” she said. “Here he comes now.”

  Eric pulled into the parking lot and got out to survey the damage and to have a look at what was left of Barry Armstrong. A moment later he turned to me. “Did you see this?” he said.

  We both shook our heads. “We didn’t see it, but the guy behind the wheel was just in our office. We came down here when we heard the explosion.”

  “What was he doing in your office,” the lieutenant wanted to know. “And who is he?”

  I pulled Eric aside, away from all the noise and commotion and explained how Armstrong had hired us to tail a guy to MacArthur Park. I told him about our surveillance job, what Armstrong had suspected and our surprising discovery.

  When I finished, Eric said, “And Armstrong didn’t tell you the name of this employee in the video?”

  “No,” I said. “He wouldn’t give us his name. He just said he was planning to confront him and I told him that it probably wasn’t a good idea and to just turn the evidence over to you guys.”

  “And just where is this evidence?” Eric said.

  Gloria and I exchanged glances and then looked at Eric. I sheepishly pointed to Armstrong’s body, still smoking in the car. “He’s got it,” I said.

  “Then what about your copy?” Eric said.

  Without saying a word, my face conveyed, oops. “I didn’t make another copy,” I told him. “I didn’t see any need for me to also have a copy and gave Armstrong my jump drive.”

  “So all I have to go on is your description of the guy on the park bench,” Eric said.

  “That and Mrs. Armstrong’s testimony,” Gloria said. “Just lean on her and she’ll spill her guts to you.”

  “Gee,” Eric said. “Why didn’t I think of that?” He turned to me. “I’m going over to Armstrong’s company. You can come along and point out this employee to me and save me a lot of interrogation work with Armstrong’s grieving widow.”

  “Gloria,” I said. “Would you watch the office while I ride back with the lieutenant. It won’t take long.”

  “I’m on it,” she said.

  Eric turned to me. “I’ll have a few stops to make when I finish at Armstrong’s. Maybe you should just follow me.”

  “I can’t run that fast,” I said.

  “Huh?” Eric said.

  I pointed at my smoldering car. “I don’t think it’s going to start on the first try,” I said, and then pointed at Gloria’s smoldering shell of a car. “And I can’t use Gloria’s car, either. Which brings up another point we need to talk about,” I said, and slid in beside him in his patrol car. “About tonight’s rolling stakeout.”

  *****

  It was the second week after the New Year and all of Gloria’s planning and arrangements had paid off in the form of the reception we’d missed out on when we had eloped to Las Vegas two months earlier. Gloria had rented a large hall in Glendale and she’d even found a band on that short notice as well. All of our frie
nds were there and as much family as we could round up from both sides. Dad’s newly discovered half-brother, Nicholas was there with a guest, a woman about his age, in her early eighties. They made a cute couple.

  Dad was there, too and he’d managed to find himself a date for the evening. Dad and Gloria was just about all the family I had left these days. I think I remembered Grandpa Matt talking about a couple of nephews he had back in Chicago, but we couldn’t locate them and they probably wouldn’t have made the trip for someone they’d never met anyway.

  Gloria was an only child and both her parents were dead. She did invite one uncle and aunt who pretty much kept to themselves all night. She did manage to invite some of her friends and even a few of her former clients from when she and her father had their own private investigations business.

  We all sat down to dinner and had a good time getting to know each other. When the meal had finished and the tables and chairs had been cleared away, the band began to play some old, forgotten tunes from the sixties and seventies. The dance floor filled and for the first time in my life, I saw my father dancing. It was an odd sight for me and I wished I’d thought to bring my camera. When the song ended, the guitar player in the band stepped up to the microphone.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please,” he said over the P.A. system. “This next song is a very special song and goes out to the bride and groom, Gloria and Elliott.”

  Clay and his half-brother Nicholas disappeared behind a door next to the stage. The guitar player slipped out of his guitar and handed it to Clay, who had walked out onto the stage. Nicholas followed and took a seat at the piano. The band’s guitarist grabbed the microphone again. Elliott quickly turned to the stage, surprised to see his father and his new uncle up there.

  “Tonight we have two very special guests with us,” he said. “The groom’s father, Clay Cooper and his brother, Nicholas, will play a song just for the newlyweds tonight. Please clear the floor for Elliott and Gloria, and please give a warm welcome for the only West Coast appearance of The Cooper Brothers.”

  The audience applauded and cheered and whistled and when the noise died down, Nicholas started playing the intro to a slow ballad with a jazz feel to it. Clay joined in after four bars and the music that they produced filled the hall with sweet, mellow notes. Gloria grabbed Elliott’s hands and pulled him close as they moved around gracefully on the floor. Four minutes later the music ended and Elliott held Gloria and kissed her for a long time.

  The band returned to the stage and started right in with a fast dance number and the floor filled with guests again, all of them eager to show off their dance skills. Elliott pulled Gloria to the door alongside the stage and watched as Clay and Nicholas came back out into the ballroom.

  “Dad,” Elliott said. “I had no idea you could play that well. I knew you’d been plunking around on that guitar of yours, but my gosh, you guys were tight.” He turned to Nicholas. “And you, Uncle Nick, you could do this for a living.”

  “I did,” Nicholas said, “for more than fifty years. Your dad and I have been practicing for the past seven weeks to get that song down pat. I have to tell you, I’m pretty impressed with my brother.” He wrapped his arm around Clay shoulder. “The Cooper Brothers indeed.”

  Gloria stepped up and kissed Nicholas on his cheek and then turned and did the same to Dad. They both blushed and got suddenly humble, like their namesake, Gary Cooper.

  “Welcome to the family, Gloria,” Nicholas said.

  “Right back at ya,” Gloria said. “Looks like we’re the newest additions, you and me. And I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty lucky to be a part of this family.”

  “So am I,” Nicholas said. “So am I.”

  “Would you all excuse us for a minute, please,” Gloria said, pulling me away from the crowd and out into the lobby.

  “What’s up, Gloria,” I said. “Why did you drag me away from them?”

  “Because I have something to tell you,” she said, and smiled warmly.

  78 - Road To Nowhere

  “Are you sure you can manage until I get back?” I said.

  Gloria gave me the look that tells me I just asked a dumb question. “Well,” she said, “It’s not exactly a Patience and Prudence moment, but yeah, I’ll manage somehow.”

  “Who and who?” I said.

  “Patience and, oh that’s right,” Gloria said. “You’re not big on entertainment trivia, are you? That was your dad who stored all that stuff away in the back of his brain. Patience and Prudence McIntyre were a couple of teenage sisters who recorded a couple of hits in 1956, one of them being Gonna Get Along Without You Now. And now that I hear myself actually saying it, I realize it was the long way around the barn for a dumb joke, so forget I even said anything.”

  “So that would be a yes, I take it,” I said.

  “A yes to what?” Gloria said.

  “Yes, you can manage until I get back,” I repeated.

  Gloria gave one nod and said, “Yes.” She threw her arms around my neck and kissed me. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t miss you, I just said I could manage until you get back. It’s just a week. If it gets really busy here at the office, Clay can come in and answer the phones while I’m out on the latest hot case.”

  “Forget any hot cases,” I said, “especially in your condition. You just stay here and answer the phone and Dad can go out and interview potential clients. He can just tell whoever it is who needs a private investigator that I’ll be back next Monday morning. If it can’t wait, they’re free to find another P.I. You just take it easy and take care of my heir apparent and the next owner/operator of Cooper Investigations, all right?”

  “I’m the pregnant one,” Gloria said, “but you’re the one acting like a mother hen. I’m not even due for another five weeks. You’ll be back with a month to spare, so just go to your convention and don’t worry about a thing on the home front. I’ll see you when you get back. I still wish you’d wait until morning. Why drive at night if you don’t have to?”

  “Because,” I reminded her, “The convention starts at noon and I’d have to leave here before eight tomorrow morning and I don’t want to walk into the convention hall soaked in sweat and smelling like I slept in a stable. This way, I’ll get to Las Vegas around midnight tonight, get a room, relax with the television for a while and get my eight hours of sleep. Then it’s a quick shower, breakfast, a little sight-seeing and on to the convention. See? I’ve got I all mapped out, so why spoil a perfect plan?”

  “Sight-seeing?” Gloria said. “Does that translate to ‘casinos’ or are you talking about Boulder Dam?”

  “You mean Hoover Dam,” I said.

  “Same thing,” Gloria said. “You knew what I meant.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m not going to blow a week’s pay in some one-armed bandit or some rigged roulette wheel.”

  Gloria gave me a dubious look but didn’t press the matter. I gave her one last kiss and left the office. My bags were already packed in the back seat of my new car. Gloria and I had each gotten new cars after or last case, where our client was blown up in his car while parked between both of our cars, which burned up along with his. Gloria opted for a new minivan and I chose a more fuel efficient Toyota sedan. Since I was driving myself to the convention in Las Vegas, I wanted something that got good mileage. It was two hundred sixty-five miles one way and I figured I could make it there and back for about half of what an airline ticket would have cost me. Besides, for those four hours on the road I could listen to the abridged audio book version of Raymond Chandler’s “Lady In The Lake.” It was one of my favorites.

  I caught Two-Ten east out of town and then cut north on Interstate Fifteen north toward Barstow. I didn’t mind a trip like this. The road wasn’t cluttered with a lot of inattentive drivers to annoy me. It would be a peaceful drive with just me and Chandler and Elliott Gould, who narrated all of Chandler’s audio books. He had the kind of voice that would keep
you glued to the storyline, even if he was only reading recipes.

  As I approached Barstow an hour and a half later, I exited onto Barstow Road and found a filling station near the corner. I knew I could make it all the way to Las Vegas on the gas I already had in my tank, but I’m a little superstitious and decided to fill up anyway. Besides, right behind the filling station I had spotted a grocery store and decided that a bag of chips and some candy would go good with Chandler.

  I pulled up to the pump, slipped my credit card into the slot and filled the Toyota, delighted to see that it only took three gallons to fill it. That salesman wasn’t kidding about the great mileage this little car got. When I’d finished, I returned the nozzle to the pump, wiped my windshield down and opened my driver’s side door. That’s when I felt something hard jammed into the small of my back.

  “Just keep quiet and get in,” the low voice said just above a whisper.

  I slid behind the wheel just as my passenger side front door opened and a second man slid in. He had a navy blue ski mask pulled over his face and snub-nosed handgun pointed at me so I did as I was told. The man who’d jabbed me in the back with his gun, got in behind me. I still couldn’t see his face and he made sure I understood that I was to keep my eyes on the road.

  “Where are we going?” I said.

  “Just drive,” the man in front said. “I’ll tell you when and where to turn.”

  I started the car, pulled away from the pump and paused at the gas station driveway that opened up onto Barstow Road. I stayed put and kept my mouth shut.

  Finally the man in the back seat said, “What are you waiting for? Go.”

  “I’m waiting for you to tell me which way,” I said.

  “Left,” the one in the front said. “Back onto the highway and go north towards Vegas. Now move it.”

  I stepped on the accelerator and eased back onto the on ramp to Interstate Fifteen and got up to speed in a matter of seconds. My mind raced with the thoughts of what these two had in mind for me. I wouldn’t let myself dwell on it. I just kept going over scenarios in my mind. What would I do or could I do if I got the chance. They were both armed, but so was I. Neither of them had bothered to frisk me.