The Complete Cooper Collection (All 97 Stories)

by Bernico, Bill

  “Well, when you think about it,” I said, “it is fascinating how one little event can influence so many others in your life.”

  “That’s the same thing Clay said,” Henry told me. “Almost verbatim.”

  “That’s not the strangest part,” I told Henry. “If Dad had not had his second heart attack, Gloria would have been my step-mother instead of my wife.” I had Henry’s full attention now. He looked up, wide-eyed.

  “What do you mean, Elliott?” Henry said.

  “Dad and Gloria were involved briefly before she and I got together,” I said.

  “What?” Henry said, obviously astonished. He made a note on his yellow pad and circled it several times before turning his attentions back to me.

  I held up one finger. “They don’t know that I know,” I said, and I’d just as soon keep it that way, if you don’t mind.”

  Henry looked disappointed but after a moment he drew a large X through the text he’d circled.

  “I found out purely by accident,” I said. “It wasn’t one specific thing, but a series of small things that got me to wondering. You see, after Dad was able to come back to work, we all realized that there wasn’t enough business to support three people, so Gloria left the agency. It was during that period that she and Dad got involved. And as well as I could piece it together, Dad couldn’t take the excitement of an active sex life with Gloria and that brought on his second heart attack. I’m guessing at this next part, but I believe they mutually agreed to break it off to keep Dad healthy. It was kind of touching, actually. And it was only after Dad’s second heart attack that Gloria came back to work at the office again. We were thrown together for a second time and this time there was a spark of some sort. The spark turned into flames and before I knew what happened, we were a couple. It’s just that simple.”

  “And that is exactly the kind of thing that sells books and movies,” Henry said. “Are you sure we can’t use that?”

  “It could make life with my wife a bit uncomfortable,” I said. “Especially for her, if she finds out that I knew all along. You see what I’m up against, Henry?”

  Henry shook his head and agreed not to use that part of the story. “What else do you remember, Elliott?” he said.

  “Did Dad tell you about Gloria’s credentials?” I said.

  Henry shook his head.

  “Well,” I said, “I interviewed her for the job and I have to say that her résumé was quite impressive. She was already a licensed private investigator. She and her father had a business in town up until he was killed and she didn’t have enough working capital to keep the business going. She was also skilled in the art of Tae-Kwon-Do and was an excellent marksman as well. She was also a master of disguise and makeup. She had it all. I’d have been a fool to let her slip away.”

  “You wouldn’t know it to look at her, would you?” Henry said.

  “You wouldn’t know what?” I said.

  “That she could probably kick both our asses at the same time,” Henry explained and then laughed nervously.

  “No, I guess you wouldn’t,” I said. “Maybe that’s why subconsciously I’m careful what I say to her, even around the house.” Now I was the one with the nervous laugh. “You know, she even came into our office disguised as an old lady. Dad and I really had no idea that it was her under that makeup and wig. And at the end of the gag, she pulled out a gun and shot me with it.”

  Henry sat up straight and looked at me strangely.

  “It was a squirt gun,” I said by way of an explanation. “We all got a good laugh out of it.”

  Henry looked at his watch. “That’ll have to be all for today,” Henry said. “I have to get my notes and the recorder back to the office before they close for the day. We have a secretary working with us who can type a hundred thirty words a minute and she is keeping us updated with all your files.”

  I got up out of the chair, grabbed my Pepsi and finished the last of the soda with a final swallow. I looked at Henry. “Is that it?” I said, “Or will you want to have another session with me?”

  “There’ll be another session with the three of you towards the end of the interview process,” Henry said. “But I’ll want to talk with Gloria next. Do you know if she’s available tomorrow morning for about three hours?

  “I think that would work,” I said. “There’s nothing pressing going on at the office right now.”

  “Good,” Henry said. “When I’ve finished with her, the three of you can all meet me here and we’ll wrap up the interview portion of this project. Then we’ll have the secretary type it all into the word processor and take it from there. Thank you for your time, Elliott.”

  “Not a problem,” I said, looking at my own watch. “I guess I still have time to put in a couple of hours at the office.”

  I got back to the office Dad was sitting behind my desk, pecking away at my laptop keyboard. He looked up when I came in. “Hey, Elliott,” he said. “How’d the interview go with Henry?”

  “Oh, all right, I guess,” I said.

  Dad stopped typing and turned toward me. “Something go wrong?” he said.

  “Not really,” I said. “My interview was a lot shorter than yours because some of the stories I was going to tell him, you had already given him in your interview.”

  “Well,” Dad said, “he is going chronologically and I did come before you in this mini saga.” Dad caught something else in my eyes. “Anything else troubling you, son?”

  I hesitated for a moment and then said, “I may have let something slip that I shouldn’t have, but Henry promised it wouldn’t find its way into the final book or movie.”

  Dad stood now and walked over to where I’d sat on the leather sofa in the corner of the office. “Is it something you can talk to me about?” he said.

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so, Dad,” I said, and left it at that.

  “Is it something you can talk to Gloria about?” Dad said.

  I quickly turned my head toward Dad. “What made you mention Gloria?” I said.

  “Well,” Dad said, “she is your wife, you know. You’re supposed to be able to talk to your wife about anything. I’m sure she’d be a good listener.”

  “Can we just drop this?” I said.

  “Sure,” Dad said. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” Dad got up off the sofa and returned to the seat behind my desk. He pecked a few more keys and the screen went black. He closed the laptop and got out of my chair again. “Here, you can have your desk back again.”

  I just sat there, thinking for a moment. Several minutes later Gloria came into the office with a smile on her face. I looked up at her and smiled back. “How’d it go?” I said. “Did we pick up another client?”

  “We sure did,” Gloria said, waving the contract in her hand. “Signed, sealed and delivered. We start tomorrow morning.”

  “Is it something that Dad and I can handle by ourselves?” I said.

  “What am I,” Gloria said, “an orphan? I got the job and I told the client we’d handle it.”

  “You’ll have to join Dad and me later in the morning,” I said. “Henry wants to do your interview tomorrow morning for about three hours. Dad and I can lay the groundwork and you can join us after the interview. Just fill us in on what this case involves.”

  “I guess so,” Gloria said, joining me on the sofa. Dad sat on the other side of her. “That call I took earlier was from a guy named George Willoughby who wants us to find one of his employees, who seems to have skipped town with his company’s formula for soft drinks.”

  “That sounds like a job for the police,” Dad said. “Why is he coming to us with this?”

  “Willoughby doesn’t want any publicity,” Gloria said. “It would be bad for business and for the value of his stock.”

  “Sounds like a familiar story,” I said. “I suppose the soft drink formula was supposed to be a guarded company secret.

  “It was,” Gloria said. “Will
oughby said that his employee, a guy named Simon Lucas, demanded a raise, since it was he who had actually developed the formula for the soda. Willoughby showed me the contract he had with Lucas. It provided Lucas with a hundred and fifty thousand dollar flat fee for the rights to the formula. Lucas signed off on the formula nearly two decades ago, but since that time, Willoughby’s company has made more than ten times that much from the sale of the soda and now Lucas wants to renegotiate his contract.”

  “Or he’ll sell the formula to the highest bidder,” Dad said. “How many times have we seen that scenario in the business world?”

  “I’ve never seen it,” I said.

  “Neither have I,” Gloria added.

  “Well, I’ve been in the business longer than either of you,” Dad said. “And I’ve been on this earth almost longer than the two of you have been alive. Naturally I’d have seen more of this kind of thing.”

  “So where are we supposed to start tomorrow?” I said, taking the contract from Gloria’s hand and looking it over.

  “Willoughby would like to meet all of us tomorrow morning,” Gloria said. “He’ll be at The Copper Penny in Glendale tomorrow morning at nine. I can go with you and introduce you both to him before I have to meet with Henry. I’ll explain my situation to Willoughby after I’ve introduced you both and I can still make it to Henry’s hotel in time for my interview.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I said. “How about if we all meet at The Copper Penny tomorrow at eight forty-five? That’ll give us a little breathing room.”

  Dad and Gloria agreed to the plan and we all got up off the sofa and returned to respective desks. I made myself a few notes about tomorrow’s meeting and got up again, heading for the office door.

  “Where are you going now?” Dad said.

  “I have a few things to take care of,” I said. “It’s nearly quitting time anyway. I’ll see you both tomorrow morning at quarter to nine.” I left the office and rode the elevator to the lobby.

  “What’s with him?” Gloria said, her eyebrows furrowing. “He’s acting a little strange.”

  “I’m not sure,” Clay said. “But I think it might have something to do with his interview with Henry this afternoon. He told me that he thinks he might have let something slip that he wasn’t supposed to, but he said Henry told him he’d make sure it didn’t wind up in the book. What do you suppose it was he let slip?”

  “God, I hope it wasn’t that little fling he had with Jane out in the desert,” Gloria said.

  “I should never have told you about that,” Clay said. “That just slipped out. I’m really sorry you had to find out.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Gloria said. “Elliott didn’t do it intentionally. Remember, he had amnesia and didn’t ever remember that he had a wife. I can’t blame him for that. I was just glad to get him back in one piece. I just want to make sure that he never finds out that I know about it.”

  “He won’t hear it from me,” Clay said.

  “That’s good,” Gloria said. “We’ve been getting along just great ever since he got back from that awful desert and I wouldn’t want to make things awkward between us because of it.”

  “Good idea,” Clay said. “And we have to make sure he never finds out that we were once involved. I don’t think that would sit well with him at all.”

  “You can say that again,” Gloria said. “It could make our working relationship awfully difficult, to say the least. I like things the way they are.”

  There was an awkward moment of silence between Clay and Gloria. Gloria broke the silence and said, “Why didn’t you and Jane ever make a connection that day?”

  “We did,” Dad said. “That day. I spent a few days with Jane at her place in the desert and we talked a lot about a possible future. She didn’t want to leave her home and I sure as hell didn’t want to live in any desert, Jane or no Jane. And I guess that was that. We left it open for the future. If she comes this way or if I go that way, we have a date, but that’s the extent of it.”

  “Too bad,” Gloria said. “You two made a cute couple.”

  Clay gestured toward his face with both hands. “You call this mug cute?” he said. “Rugged, maybe. Chiseled, okay. Even ordinary, but cute? I don’t think so.”

  “Still,” Gloria said, “someday you’ll make one hell of a catch for someone. They say there’s a lid for every kettle.”

  “And which am I?” Clay said. “The lid or the kettle?”

  “It depends on who’s doing the looking,” Gloria said. “If you’re looking, you’ll find a lid. If someone finds you, they are the kettle. Either way, whatever happens will happen as it is supposed to. Just give it time.”

  The following morning I arrived at The Copper Penny earlier than Dad or Gloria. She couldn’t ride with me, since she was leaving this meeting early to get to her interview. I’d have thought Dad would be here ahead of me, since he lived right here in Glendale. I sat in a booth facing the front windows and waited while I drank my glass of chocolate milk. Five minutes later Dad pulled up in a space just outside the window where I was sitting. He saw me through the glass and waved as he got out of his car. Before he even made it to the front door, Gloria pulled into the space right next to Dad’s car. They walked in together and joined me in the booth.

  “Good morning,” I said as Gloria slid in beside me and Dad slid in across from us. I turned to Gloria. “Did you want some coffee?” I said.

  “Yes,” she said. “I’d better get mine now so I can be finished about the time I have to leave.” What about you and Dad?”

  “We’d better wait until Willoughby gets here,” Dad said. “Can’t have the client feeling awkward about drinking alone.”

  Gloria ordered her coffee and turned back to me. “It’s important that we make a good first impression,” she said. “He’s already met me and I think I came off as professional, but you two had better hold back until he knows you.”

  “Hold back?” I said. “Whatever are you talking about?”

  Gloria gave me a stern look. “You know what I’m talking about, Elliott,” she said. “None of your wisecracks or flippant remarks. That won’t impress him and we don’t want to risk a high roller like Willoughby. He probably spends more on a suit than we make in two months, so how about if you two clowns try to be on your best behavior just this once, all right?”

  Dad and I exchanged glances and then we each made a grotesque face at each other. “Whaddya say, Clem?” I told Dad in my overdone Southern accent. “Y’all gonna behave yoself?”

  “Duh,” Dad said, bending his index finger at the first knuckle and pressing it against his nostril.

  Gloria slapped me on the shoulder and turned sharply to Dad. “You’re like a couple of kids, you are,” she said to Dad.

  We both straightened up and sat with our hands folded in front of us, our fingers interlaced, like a couple of innocent choir boys. Neither one of us breathed.

  “You don’t have to overdo it,” Gloria said. “Come on now, act like a couple of adults. Here he comes now.”

  George Willoughby was in his mid-seventies, but looked a decade younger. He wore a camel hair overcoat and a tan snap-brim hat. He still had a lot of bounce in his step for a man fifteen years older than Dad, I had to admit. He stopped just inside the door and looked around the coffee shop. He caught Gloria’s eye and she waved to him, beckoning him over to our booth. He stepped up to Gloria and shook her hand cordially.

  “George Willoughby,” Gloria said, “I’d like you to meet my husband, Elliott Cooper and his father, Clay.”

  Dad and I both slid out of the booth and stood facing Willoughby. I extended my hand to him. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Willoughby,” I said. “Gloria’s told us some things about you and your problem. I’m sure we’ll be able to set things straight for you.”

  “Thank you,” young man,” Willoughby said, turning to Dad, who also shook Willoughby’s hand.

  “Willoughby?” Dad said. “Have you ever seen that
Twilight Zone episode called, “A Stop At Willoughby” where the businessman goes back to the turn of the century to escape the pressures of his everyday job? At least he went back there in his mind.”

  Dad could feel some pressure on the top of his left foot. He looked down to see Gloria’s foot pressing down on his. He glanced at her and saw her giving him her ‘behave yourself’ look.

  George Willoughby smiled. “Oh, I have to say that is my favorite Twilight Zone episode,” Willoughby explained. “And not just because of the name connection, either. Many a time I felt like I wished I could go back to a simpler time when the everyday pressures of the job start getting to me. Kind of like Martin Sloan in, “Walking Distance,” another one of my favorites.” Willoughby smiled and stared off into space for a moment before coming back to reality. “So, shall we sit and get down to business?”

  I gestured toward a table with four chair. “It might be easier at a table than in this booth,” I said. The four of us stepped over to a table in the corner and each took a chair. Dad shot Gloria a quick glance when Willoughby wasn’t looking. He stuck his tongue out at here and smiled. Gloria frowned and then quickly switched to her smiling face when Willoughby turned back toward her.

  Gloria broke the ice with her opening remark. “Mr. Willoughby,” she said. “I’ve already filled Elliott and Clay in on the rough points of your problem. You’ll want to fill them in with the details. Unfortunately I have a prior appointment this morning, but rest assured all three of us will be working on your case by the end of this morning.”

  Willoughby looked put off momentarily and looked at Gloria. “Well,” he said, “at least there are two dedicated, serious workers in your firm.”

  As if connected by the same wire, Dad and I both turned to face Gloria. Our eyes told her volumes without having to say a word.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Willoughby,” Gloria said. “This previous appointment couldn’t have been avoided, but I assure you that I will give your problem my undivided attention before noon today. Elliott and Clay will already have a good start on it by then. Don’t you worry about it.”