by Tiana Cole
Yeah, he was a regular superhero. But really he was doing a fantastic thing for their daughter. “I don’t know if I can ever repay him for this.”
“It’s his honor to save that girl. She’s as much his to save as yours. You kept her safe for forty weeks, let him do this one thing. Repay him by giving him a fair shot as her father. And your man.”
She was right. About all of it. “I need to try harder to forget the past.” And give this thing between them a real shot at working.
“Don’t forget it, just don’t let it dictate how you live.”
Zara couldn’t stop thinking about her mother’s words even long after she and Cassia had gone. The words pinged around as she showered, urging her to touch up her legs and bikini area. Then again when she chose the red silk teddy. With garter belt. The short black dress hugged her curves and showed off her toned legs. She heard it again when she decided against uncomfortable stilettos and put on her fuzzy monkey slippers. “Perfect,” she said with a smile and went to check on the food.
The main dishes would be done in about an hour and Caine would arrive any minute so she decided to open a bottle of wine. They hadn’t talked about what had happened between them that afternoon on his couch, but they had done something. Kept seeing each other. They met for lunch often and for afternoon delights even more often. He would stay after Cassia went to bed and talk, fool around or just relax in front of the television. Two days ago, he’d read to her.
She was in very real danger of falling for the man she’d never fallen out of love with all over again. Just because he’d changed his mind about children didn’t mean his mind was changed about relationships and commitment. They were drawn to each other, without a doubt. But she wasn’t sure if they stood a better chance now that time had matured them both. Battered them.
A knock at the door pulled her from her musings and she took a giant, unladylike gulp of wine before answering. “Caine, come on in.”
He licked his lips. “Damn, Zee, you look stunning.” His gaze roamed up and down her body like he wanted to devour her. “Especially those gorgeous legs.”
“Thanks, handsome. You waiting for a special invitation?”
A caramel brow arched in a sexy way. “Will I get a special invitation if I say yes?”
“You might if you make it through dinner. Your favorite, I might add.”
“Really? You know, babe, you don’t have to cook my favorites to impress me. I’m already yours.”
She laughed and pulled him inside. “Get comfortable. Take off your shoes.” Zara made her way to the wine, refusing to look at him again and risk jumping him in the hallway.
“Already trying to get me naked? I am not a cheap date, you have to feed me first.”
It was her turn to life a brow. “Oh, you’ll eat. Trust me.” With a knowing smile on her face she handed him a glass of wine.
“Thanks, but I think you’re supposed to fill it a third of the way.” He looked at his glass and back to her. Zara looked at the glass, clearly three-fourths full, and doubled over with laughter.
“Sorry, I was, uh, distracted.” By trying not to eyeball his sexy butt in those jeans. “Let’s go have a seat. Chat.”
“Okay, but first…” Caine grabbed her wrist and pulled her flush up against him, one hand cupping her ass and the other had a handful of braids wrapped around it, pulling her back and kissing the hell out of her until she was panting and clinging to him for dear life. He pulled back and smiled. “I needed that in the worst way.”
Zara stood frozen to the floor and watched as Caine grabbed both glasses and strolled to the sofa.
“If you keep looking at me like that, Zee, you’ll burn my lamb chops, and you know I love lamb chops.”
She glared at him and stuck her tongue out. “Let me check.” She moved out of sight and slid the zipper down her back, stepping out of the dress and lying it across a kitchen chair. One fortifying breath later she walked into the living room. “Let’s see what you can do in forty-five minutes.”
Caine hurdled the sofa and tossed her over his shoulder before marching to her bedroom. “Let’s see how many times I can make you come before dinner.”
~
“Four times,” she panted, still astride him from their last bout of lovemaking. “That’s pretty impressive.” Zara separated their bodies and made her way to the bathroom to clean up.
“Not impressive enough if you can still walk.” Caine laughed but he was completely spent. Loving Zara as a woman far surpassed loving her as a girl, and Caine knew he couldn’t help wanting more of her. She gave herself all the way in bed, taking and giving pleasure as she saw fit, not keeping score like some women. “Maybe I ought to keep going until you can’t move.”
She came back with a warm towel and cleaned him up, a rush of blood surging between his legs, springing his erection to life. Her eyes darkened with desire and she licked her lips. “Maybe I ought to keep going until you can’t move.” She smiled, swiping a tongue across his tip until he groaned.
“Zara,” he groaned, and thrust his hips up. Those lips were a lethal weapon, able to bring him to the edge of orgasm with just a few flicks of her tongue.
“Yes? You want me to stop?” she asked playfully, fisting him tight as she stroked from base to tip. Adding her mouth again, the took him deep, spurred on by the sound of that strangled groan coming from his chest.
“Don’t you dare,” he panted, grabbing an ankle and changing their position until her legs straddled his head. “Mmm, perfect,” he purred, and planted a wet, hot kiss to where her body leaked for him. Again Caine let himself get lost in Zara, hypnotized by her lovemaking and the way she gave herself to him so freely. So passionately. It was a heady experience to be with someone who gave everything, succumbing to giving and receiving pleasure like it was her reason for living.
She collapsed on him in pleasure and Caine let his tongue continue stroking lazy circles on her clit, loving the way she tightened and shivered around him. “My goodness that was fantastic!” With a laugh she rolled over so her feet were beside his head. “Now I can’t move and the food will burn.”
With a kiss to the sole of her foot, he hopped from the bed and ran to the kitchen, returning moments later with a smile. “It’s all on warm in the oven and off on the stovetop.”
“Thanks.” She gifted him with sleepy, sated smile. Licking her lips, she told him, “I’m pretty full right now.”
“I could eat,” he told her, his voice thick with emotion and his eyes dark with desire.
Zara laughed and flipped around so she could have a better view of him, and in turn he had the best view of her. Folds still glistening and pulsing because of him. “I would think you’ve had your fill.”
“Never,” he growled, and went back for another taste of Zara. It would never be enough—he realized that sometime after dinner between orgasms. She was what he still wanted. Almost needed with a ferocity he’d never experienced. And it was terrifying. “Zara,” he groaned later when she’d reached for him in her sleep, making him hard and ready for her. Again.
Her only response was a sleepy moan that brought a smile to his face. Even in sleep she thought about him. That was a good sign. He thought maybe they could do this again. Be a couple. A family. But what if it doesn’t work out? What if she leaves Alaska or falls in love with someone else? That last thought brought him up short as she slumbered peacefully beside him. The only reason he would care about that was if he still loved her, and Caine knew it was true. He still loved Zara, and that was bad.
Terrible.
Awful.
Impossible.
The last time he loved her it had fundamentally changed him as a man. He’d given up on the idea of love and marriage, commitment and babies. Could he change his mindset so easily? What if he did and it didn’t stick? Would he be worse off?
Caine blew out a long breath, searching for answers he wasn’t prepared to give. Dammit. He slid angrily from the bed and stomped in
to the living room. He could not do this again. Last time was too painful.
He needed to get out of here. Going back to the bedroom for his clothes, Caine moved as quietly as possible, picking up his clothes that had been eagerly discarded around the room. With one last glance, he’d given up on his boxer briefs and crept from the room, giving Zara one last glance before leaving.
It was good while it lasted.
Chapter 12
“You sure you want the diner when there’s delicious Mexican food right across the street?”
Mariah shrugged, an unconscious gesture of uncertainty but Zara knew the girl had her reasons. She was doing much better and had been officially discharged from the psych ward. “I like that place but I just feel like comfort food, ya know?”
“Yep, I know. It’s called comfort food for a reason. I think I’ll have the meatloaf.”
Mariah’s smile brightened as she groaned. “Man, I love meatloaf with mashed potatoes and that weird ketchup-barbecue sauce mix on top. So good.”
She didn’t imagine Dr. Macklin did much cooking, and her mother had been dead for five years. “Let’s get our eat on.” She smiled when they slid into a booth in the half-full diner. Some of her colleagues frowned on outings with patients but Zara found the less formal setting made for more revealing conversations. They placed their orders and sat quietly for a few moments. Zara did her best to think of Mariah’s treatment program and not the green-eyed devil who’d skipped out on her after their amazing night together. And she most certainly was not wondering why she hadn’t heard from him in almost a week. Live and learn.
“I think maybe I’d like to be on the debate team.” She worried her pink painted bottom lip with her teeth.
“Maybe?”
She shrugged. “I want to be on the debate team.”
“Good. I think you’d be great at it. You love to argue.” Mariah laughed for the first time in a month and that made all the pain worth it. “You should do it.”
“I am.” She jutted her chin out and arched a brow in defiance. “And I’m going to call Jolene. Apologize and see if she wants to be friends again.”
Zara nodded and encouraged the girl to keep talking. She was doing well. Therapy had helped her see that she had never properly grieved her mother’s death. Mariah was determined to change that. “I’m confident things will work out.”
She smiled again. “It has to because I’m never going back to that place. The food is awful.”
“You can always learn how to cook. Maybe you’ll be a chef.”
“Maybe I’ll be president.”
Zara felt her smile brighten. “You’ll have to earn my vote. No special treatment.”
“You’d totally vote for me,” she teased, and Zara winked.
By the time lunch was over Zara had a good feeling about Mariah, and so far her good feelings hadn’t steered her wrong. She would make it because she was a student, one who would work her treatment plan like any other assignment. “You’re going to rock this,” she told her as she waved her off to her waiting parents.
“Damn straight I am. Later, Dr. Z.”
When she finally got home with a stack of files she found Cassia lying on the couch and her mother knitting in the chair beside her. “How’s it going?”
“I don’t feel good, Mommy.”
Not again. She’d noticed a dip in her daughter’s energy level lately but now it was more than that. She was often short of breath the past couple of days and now another symptom. “Tell me, baby.” She was at her daughter’s side, feeling her face and arms in search of a clue.
“My tummy is upset.” She pointed to her belly and Zara gathered her in her arms.
“Have you been able to keep anything down?”
Cassia shook her head, pigtails flying wildly. Zara nearly caught a barrette to the eye.
“I have just the thing.” It wouldn’t necessarily help, she knew what this was because she’d memorized every pamphlet, blog and website she researched on the topic.
“Tea and biscuits?” The hopeful expression on her little face was enough to propel Zara into action, mixing up her ginger, garlic and lemongrass tea.
She put a few shortbread cookies on a plate and returned to her daughter. “Drink up, and we’ll get you to the doctor first thing in the morning, yeah?”
Cassia nodded. “Thanks, Mommy. You’re the best.”
Zara sank into that tiny hug and felt her heart swell and expand. “Easy to do for such a great kid.” Her baby needed help and right now Caine was the only option, so she had to forget her own heartbreak. Her own naiveté for believing thing would be different this time around. “Eat up and let’s see how that sits with you. I’m going to make an appointment for tomorrow.”
Instead of calling Caine directly, she contacted the switchboard and got Dottie. “Hey, Ms. Brown, how’s that little ball of sunshine doing?”
“Not good, Dottie, that’s why I’m calling. I need to get in tomorrow to see the doctor.”
“Dr. Faulkner?” She sounded confused and Zara knew she wondered why she hadn’t just called him directly. She didn’t want to get into it with anyone.
“Yes. Her symptoms are worsening so it has to be as soon as possible.”
“Sure thing,” she could hear typing, “come on in tomorrow at ten. That work for you, Ms. Brown?”
“Yes, and please, Dottie, call me Zara.”
“Alright then, Zara, give Cassia a big hug for me. Bye-bye.”
With a sigh she leaned against the wall, starting the process of hardening herself against Caine. Against his smile, his scent. Hell, what am I thinking, he’s the one who left. He doesn’t want me. She let a few tears fall before washing her face and returning to her daughter.
She was all that mattered anyway.
~
Caine sat on a bench in the park, feeling like complete and total hell. He’d made a mistake—he knew that now—but he was determined to stay the course. He couldn’t commit and he couldn’t do forever with Zara no matter how much he wanted to. Maybe I should move, he thought to himself as he wondered how he would feel knowing Zara was close by but not accessible to him. It wouldn’t be possible.
And Cassia. Seeing her in the hospital as she recovered from her transplant and follow up visits. It would be damn near impossible to avoid them, and he knew with such sweet temptation so close by, ignoring them wasn’t an option. So moving was a real possibility. Only the moment his mother found out he was job hunting she would maneuver until the only position available would be one of her choosing. He couldn’t live that way.
Not again.
There was more than a year left on his fellowship and he’d already been told a position was here in Anchorage when it ended. He could get out of it if he really needed to, and right now, sitting in the crisp cool air and looking up at the clear blue sky on this unseasonably warm day, he really needed to get away. More than anything.
A father and daughter pair walked past him, moving towards the swing set while the little girl talked a mile a minute. The father listened patiently with a warm, affectionate smile on his face as though her discussion of butterflies was the most interesting thing he’d ever heard. It made him think of Cassia and her attempts at matchmaking, the way she generously shared her burger with him, that sweet giggle of hers that always brought a smile to his face. And those green eyes, so much like his own it was eerie.
In that moment the decision was made. He couldn’t give up more moments like that with his daughter. He wouldn’t. He knew now that his love for her made him strong enough to brave a lot just to be in her life. He wouldn’t run away again because he needed to be a man she could proud to say was her father. He would stay and become a good father to her, set an example for her going forward. She would learn how she deserved to be treated, because he would show her.
Not by example, of course, because he’d figured out too late how he really felt about Zara. He’d be lucky if she ever spoke to him again other tha
n when they handed off Cassia for visits. If she even allowed that, considering he’d only spoken to his daughter once this past week and even then she’d sent him a Skype call. Hell, I’m screwing up left right and center these days. He needed to get his head on straight and forget thoughts of running, thoughts of living without either of them and most especially thoughts about not wanting love or commitment.
They were toxic and it was just another way he was letting his parents still impact his life. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he let it go to voicemail since it was one of his rare days off. A colleague was on call so whoever it was couldn’t be more important than the thoughts in his head. He needed to get them right before he talked to his girls.
The phone buzzed again.
Dammit. “Dr. Faulkner.” He listened as Dottie told him he was needed.
“Dr. Bishop was supposed to be here today and he is, except he’s in an OR. Having an emergency appendectomy.”
“Shit.”
“We have appointments backed up because we all thought he would show up eventually. So we need you.”
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” He was up and walking even before the call ended. Zara, life…everything else would have to wait.
His patients needed him.
~
“I’m gonna be sick again, Mommy.”
Zara grabbed a kidney dish and held it under Cassia’s mouth. “Let it out, kiddo.” Rubbing soothing circles in her daughter’s back, she bit down on her cheek to keep the tears from falling. They’d been in the hospital for three hours when Cassia’s nausea had turned to out and out vomiting. Now, an hour later, they were in a room and she was trying her damnedest to keep the little girl hydrated.
“Where’s Dad?”
Good question. “I don’t know, kiddo, but Nurse Dottie said the doctor would be here soon.” Cassia had been too ill lately to really notice his absence, but the comments and questions hadn’t gone away completely. They wouldn’t for a long time. “Have another ice chip.”
“Okay,” she pouted, and opened her mouth for another. “They should make these taste like candy or fruit,” she said around the sliver of ice.