Liberty

by Annie Laurie Cechini

  Just like in my nightmares, every life I touched, every soul I loved, was snuffed out. My whole body trembled as I fought to hold down my emotion. The agony I felt was worsened by the fact that I knew my reverse Midas touch, my curse, had affected Berrett. He was in it up to his gorgeous brown eyeballs, and it was all on me. All he had ever done was try to help, and I had been nothing but trouble.

  Eira was right.

  And now, here I was, causing him more pain than he ever deserved to feel. The guilt blossomed inside me, and with it, a desire to evaporate.

  To simply disappear.

  I could do it.

  Open a hatch and slip away into the lifeless dark of space.

  It would be so easy ....

  MASSACRE 12

  “DIX? WAS THAT REAL? TELL ME THAT WASN’T REAL.”

  I didn’t answer. I dragged my arm across my forehead and took a deep breath. I was not about to turn around and show my pain to the boy I had surely broken.

  And he was broken. His eyes were red, his lips trembling, his hands wrapped tight around the handle of the door. I saw how much I had damaged him, he who had done nothing to deserve it except save my life.

  “Well, Jordan Berrett, this is what happens when you try to stop fate. I was meant to die, and you’ve fiddled with the plans of the universe. Maybe I should just save you any more trouble and—”

  And suddenly his strong arms wrapped around me, his tears running from his face down to mine as he held me close. We sank to our knees as our last remnants of strength failed us.

  “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry!” I blurted out.

  Berrett didn’t respond. He just shook and cried and held me. I stayed in his arms, long after I felt comfortable there.

  Afraid to let him go, afraid to stay.

  Drop after drop of his tears rained down on me, his ragged breaths and shallow sobs tearing my heart into a million pieces.

  “Tell me it was fake,” he pleaded.

  His request amplified my guilt until it screamed into the hollows in my heart. My silence seemed to span the whole of space. There was no way to answer his question in a way that would not bring him more pain.

  And I could not give him any more pain.

  There was only one thing left to do with so much feeling—turn off the flow. Slowly, I began to twist the valves shut.

  Only cold and frozen could I begin to answer Berrett’s question.

  “It wasn’t fake,” I mumbled. “I am so incredibly sorry.”

  His chest rose and fell in a long sigh. Tears still streamed from his eyes as he spoke. “You didn’t kill him, she did. This isn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have talked Caleb into it. I shouldn’t have let him get involved.”

  “You can’t say that,” I cried. “It is one hundred percent my fault! You’re probably next! It’s this horrible, flarking vial. It’s cursed! I’m cursed—Eira’s right. I’ll just put you in a shuttle and launch you somewhere they won’t find you, turn myself in, and then maybe you’ll have a chance. Maybe. Unless someone decides that killing you off would be a good means of torture for me and—”

  “Shhh,” he whispered. Berrett stroked my hair softly. “It’s not your fault.”

  I sat back, pushing off Berrett’s chest with both hands. “Of course it’s my fault! And how can you be so nice to me? I’m the one who—”

  The look in Berrett’s eyes stopped me mid-sentence. I had been searching his face for an answer, but I didn’t find what I expected.

  I stared at the floor.

  “I’m so sorry, Berrett. I never wanted any of this to happen.”

  He couldn’t speak anymore. He nodded as the tears returned, put his arms out, and pulled me close. I curled up into his shoulder, wanting to feel his forgiveness, wanting to feel the closeness of just one other person in the universe who understood.

  And, you know, didn’t want me dead.

  “I don’t know what to do next,” I whispered. “Between Eira and the SUN, there’s nowhere safe for us to go. Not even the Underground can protect us now. Anyone that we know is in danger of sharing Caleb’s fate.”

  Berrett was quiet for a minute. “There’s only one way forward. Get your crew, get Hobs, and get more Eternigen. Build your safe world somewhere outside the System.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I promised to get the formula back to the Underground. There is nothing about that promise that excludes me from helping you get to deep space.”

  I let myself snuggle into him, insanely relieved that instead of launching me into space, Berrett was going to stay. A sudden thought hit me and I sat bolt upright.

  “Venus! Berrett, we have to go now. If one of my crew dies because of—”

  “Hey, easy. We just ... we just have to calm down and think.”

  I stood up and pulled him with me, wiping his tears away with my sleeve. I wanted so badly to be someone he could count on to give him joy, but I knew I would never be that girl. Still, at that moment, I could at least give him comfort.

  “Right. Well, we can’t take the Aventine to the Académie,” I said. “The news about her will be all over the System by now, and she’s too pretty, too easy to identify.”

  Berrett sniffed and wiped his hand across his eyes. “She does have a couple of very nice shuttles hiding in her bay.”

  “So we take one, fly to Venus, and pick up Hobson and CiCi. We can pick up some parts on Mars, and CiCi can fix up the Aventine like she did the Misfit. The ship will be safe as long as no one else decides to go sneaking around Dead Man’s Field.”

  “The asteroid belt? You’re nuts.”

  “It’s the only way.”

  His gaze drifted out past the shield and into the stars, and it seemed for a moment that I had lost him. After a minute or two, he looked up at the communications monitor. “You sure it was real?”

  I nodded.

  Berrett pulled me once more into a shaky embrace.

  “Let’s stay here overnight, try to get some rest, and then set out after them first thing in the morning, alright?”

  I nodded. “Where’s your cabin?” I asked.

  “Haven’t thought about it yet.”

  I swallowed hard as I realized I did not want to spend the night in my cabin alone. “Can I ask an awkward question?”

  “Sure.”

  “Stay with me?”

  He cocked his head to the side.

  “Not like that. I mean, I don’t kn..... I don’t want to be alone, do you?”

  He shook his head. “I’ll grab a cot from another room. Meet you in the Captain’s quarters.”

  I nodded and took off down the hallway. I couldn’t believe that I was still alive, that the universe hadn’t cracked and come to a screeching halt.

  Something about the attack and how quick Eira was to point to the SUN didn’t click. A flicker of fear raced up my spine as I realized Eira and the SUN might be working together to try to reclaim the Eternigen.

  I pulled off my jacket, vest, and weapons with trembling fingers. The curse was closing in around me. I curled up on my cot, wanting everything and nothing and wishing the world would just go away. Before my fears could completely get the better of me, Berrett came in, dragging a cot along with him.

  “So, here’s a question for you,” I said.

  “What?”

  “Who were you and Caleb building the Aventine for, anyway?”

  Berrett smiled darkly before he headed into the bathroom. “President Forsythe ordered it as a surprise gift for his granddaughter, Eira Ninge.”

  My jaw dropped. “Shut. Up.”

  “You are a mass of contradiction, you know that?”

  “You know what I mean.” I stood up and started pacing the captain’s quarters, taking in the gorgeous details with new disgust.

  After a few minutes Berrett reemerged from the bathroom and flopped onto his cot.

  “Dix?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I need you to tell m
e something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Tell me that in the end all of this will be worth it.”

  I wanted to. I wanted to tell him everything would be okay, but I didn’t believe it. I had absolutely no proof, no reason to believe that anything would work out the way it was supposed to.

  I forced myself to lie. “I know it will be worth it.”

  “Night, Dix.”

  “Night.”

  I pulled the covers over myself and listened to Berrett’s breaths grow deeper and farther apart as he drifted to sleep.

  Lucky.

  My brain wouldn’t shut off, wouldn’t stop flashing images I wanted to forget, wouldn’t let me go numb. All I wanted was to burn like the Misfit, explode in a fiery burst of guilt and be done with everything. No more lies, no more trail of destruction, no more curse. I wondered who would watch over Gwen and her four children now. I wondered if they were even alive. Of course, there were punishments worse than death, but I couldn’t bear the thought. The fog rolled in again, and I curled into a ball, feeling vacant and hollow inside.

  PICKING UP THE KIDS 13

  I STARED AT THE EDGE OF MY OLD SECONDARY SCHOOL grounds from the safety of the closest alley. Memories rained into me, soaking me with sights and smells from the four years I spent living and studying at the Académie.

  The headmaster, like most of the Venus residents, had a slight French accent.

  So refined.

  So impressive.

  So very different from the poor farmers on Titan who could barely pay their hefty taxes to the SUN each season.

  “You are privileged above the rest of the young people in your generation to come here and be educated by the most brilliant minds in the system. With that privilege comes a great deal of responsibility. It is our hope that by the end of your time here, you will learn to be mindful of your responsibility.”

  I remember how I stared at that marble hall we sat in during that speech, how hard Mrs. Ford had worked to convince me that this was what my parents would have wanted for me. I had felt small and alone. Who knew that just a few years later I would feel so comfortable running through all that grandeur like it belonged to me?

  What a lie that was.

  The rattling engines of a public cruiser hovering past snapped me back to the present.

  I cleared my throat. “See those hedges?”

  Berrett nodded.

  “There’s a fence behind them, so if we can squeeze ourselves between the hedges and the fence, we can follow the hedges to the other side of the campus where the science building is.”

  “And you know about this hedge how, exactly?” asked Berrett.

  I scowled at him and pushed away my memories. “Just pay attention and follow my lead.” I dashed across the street and dove into the space between the fence and the hedge. I moved sideways in the small space, hearing Berrett’s light footfalls behind me. It was late in the day, but the sun hadn’t set yet and I wanted to wait for the cover of darkness.

  I stopped at a broken set of branches in the hedge and pulled them aside, creating a spot big enough for two. I pulled Berrett to the earth next to me. “We’ll wait here ‘till the sun goes down,” I whispered.

  He nodded and turned to stare out at the grounds. “Did you play?” he asked, watching the soccer game playing out on the East Lawn.

  I hoped somewhat desperately that if I was blushing, the color would fade from my face before Berrett noticed. “No, but some of my friends did.”

  That was a lie. Only one very particular friend—who was a boy—played.

  No need for Berrett to know all my secrets.

  “You know, I used to dream about coming to Venus, wandering around Avalon, studying at the Académie, being a captain like you,” said Berrett. He picked up a small stick and twirled it around in his hands. “Never thought when I was a kid that I’d wind up here as a fugitive instead of a student.”

  I fidgeted with a strand of my hair. “You would have been good. You’ve been a big help, actually.”

  His lips pursed together and turned up slightly at one corner as he leaned back against the fence with his hands behind his head.

  “What’s it like in there?” he asked.

  I closed my eyes and let myself fall back in time.

  There were huge windows at the top of the sprawling hallways. When it was sunny, thick rays of light fell in and pooled on the beautiful polished tiles.

  Each student’s shiny new Cuff was freshly loaded with all the things they would need to study for the year.

  Mine was red.

  We were told to take good care of it, to make it last. Some of the Settlement kids didn’t really take that to heart. Their parents could always get them another one. It made my blood boil. I felt guilty enough being there when some of my friends on Titan would never make it past primary school, too busy trying to survive to worry about things like Plato or quantum physics. I resolved my first day that I would never use another Cuff if I could possibly help it.

  After our orientation, they had divided us into groups according to which dorm we were staying in. My roommate was a surly Parisian fashionista named Elizabeth Bell. I smiled to myself as I thought about how much I had hated her those first few months. It was so funny now, looking back. I couldn’t have dreamed up a better first mate.

  I would give anything now to hear her prattle on about boys, clothes, and the after-effects of an electromagnetic pulse.

  And then I remembered Berrett.

  I opened my eyes and coughed.

  “It was stupid,” I said. “Boring. Crazy competitive, stressful, everyone is rich and snooty. You’d hate it.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “You’re a lousy liar, Dix.”

  “Am not!” I yelled.

  Suddenly, Berrett rolled to his knees and slammed a hand over my mouth. “Shh!” he hissed. A stray ball from the soccer scrimmage came careening toward the hedge, and one of the Académie cadets scurried after it.

  We froze.

  I recognized the boy. He had been two years behind me. I held my breath as he looked right at the spot where we hid. He squinted, cocked his head to one side, and took a step closer to us. My heart raced. I wondered if I could use my powers of persuasion to keep the boy quiet if he discovered us. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to find out. One of his teammates called his name, and he scooped up the ball and scampered back to the field.

  I exhaled and felt the tension go out of Berrett’s body as well, but his arm stayed locked around me, one hand resting over my mouth. I blinked up at him, wordlessly demanding my release.

  As I stared into his face, my glare evaporated and I was overcome with curiosity. I looked into his soft brown eyes and wanted to know what on earth the expression on his face meant, why he was staring at me.

  Then a rush of emotion spread over me, and I wanted to pull his hand away and press my lips to his. I wanted him close to me, to hold on to him, to feel him holding on to me. The draw to him was palpable, a magnetism that I could almost touch. I had never felt anything like it, never wanted so badly to cross a line I knew I never could—and it scared me.

  I shook my head. He let me go. I turned to watch the soccer team run for the dormitory as the last rays of light left the sky.

  “Hey, Dix.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Think anyone will notice the shuttle?”

  I grinned.

  I am, occasionally, a flarking genius.

  We had parked the shuttle in a little open space in the middle of a sculpture garden. The garden was filled with pieces that made absolutely no sense to me. I had wandered past it as a student and never could figure out what enormous pieces of twisted metal had to do with anything. The garden was tended by the groundskeepers maybe once a month. It perpetually appeared to be on the brink of becoming overgrown. Such a forgotten little corner of Avalon was ideal for tucking away a tiny shuttle.

  “Not a chance. No one even comes here, and besides,
the shuttle blends in with the rest of that junk. Let’s go,” I whispered. A shiver skipped down my spine as I crept deeper into the hedge.

  We found an opening in the hedge not too far from our hiding spot. “That’s the Einstein building across the field,” I said. “There’s a set of cellar doors that are probably the best point of access to Hobs’s lab.” I pointed straight ahead to a daunting gothic structure with ornate statues and hideous gargoyles leering from the rooftops. I had always hated those stupid statues, but that night they appeared particularly evil in the growing twilight. Berrett and I and squeezed through the opening in the hedge and ran across the field. All the adrenaline in my body surged up through my limbs and into my gut. Perhaps it was the threat of being caught, or the excitement of finding Hobson and CiCi, or that weirdness with Berrett back in the hedge. Whatever it was, something made me power across the field, wishing I could fly, all the while knowing I was far more likely to pee my pants.

  We ducked into the bushes that surrounded the sides of the Einstein cellar doors. I reached out to open them and noticed a chain had been wrapped around the handles and secured with an old-fashioned padlock.

  “Are you flarking kidding me?” I hissed.

  “I got this,” said Berrett. He pulled something shiny out of his pocket and fiddled with the lock. It opened with a pop.

  “Hidden talents?”

  Berrett held out his hands, showing me a narrow silver dagger with a beautifully carved handle.

  “It was my dad’s. I’ve never had to use it for anything other than the occasional break-in.”

  I laughed. “You little felon!”

  He pulled the chains away, I threw the doors open, and we crept inside. Berrett shut the cellar doors silently behind us, and we descended the cellar stairs without a sound. It was dark save for a small streak of light that shot across the last step.

  I took a breath to speak, but Berrett put a hand on my shoulder and shook his head. I put my hands up to wordlessly object. He moved past me on the stairs, quiet as a ghost.