Unblemished

by Sara Ella

  “Joshua, I—”

  “I failed you, El.” He clears his throat before continuing. “I have this rare gift, and still I couldn’t stop what happened. I’ve been such an idiot. It was immature and selfish to think I could handle this.” He rises. “Which is why I’m recommending Ky be reinstated as a Guardian. Your Guardian. Under the circumstances I don’t see why Makai wouldn’t approve the request.”

  “Are you . . . ?” I swallow the lump wedged in my throat. “Are you ditching me?” Not this again. Why is he always looking for a way out? Every time he takes a step toward me, he takes five more giant leaps back.

  Don’t feel. Don’t care. Don’t love. Isn’t that what I promised myself? So things like this wouldn’t destroy me anymore?

  “Eliyana.” Joshua sets a hand on my shoulder. His touch is a roller coaster. Thrilling. Turning me upside down. “You’re better off without me. Ky will make a fine Guardian. He already has.”

  This is a nightmare. Mom’s still a prisoner. I just got Joshua back and he already wants to leave? “No.” I spring to my feet. “I don’t want anyone else.” Especially not Ky. Never. He’s cocky and sarcastic and impulsive and everything Joshua is not.

  “I can’t guard you anymore. I’ve let things go too far. I’ve made mistakes with you I never would have before. Sloppy decisions. Poor judgment calls. It’s been a long time coming. I probably should’ve done it sooner.”

  I don’t believe this. Not only does Joshua not want to be around me but he’s forcing me to be around someone I barely tolerate. “Fine. I just won’t have a Guardian then. If I can’t have you, I don’t want anyone.”

  “It doesn’t work that way.” He looks out the window. A spider scuttles up the filmy glass, oblivious to the dilemma just beyond its reach. “It is imperative you have a Guardian.”

  “Why? Do you have one? Does Ky? Once we’re back at the Haven, I’ll be plenty safe. I don’t need a shadow following me around all the time.” I hate to give Ky credit, but he said so himself. “There’s always a choice.”

  “You’re different. Special.” His gaze is a thief, stealing this moment as he caresses my least favorite cheek with his thumb.

  I turn my head into his palm and close my eyes, memorizing the scent of his skin. Why does this feel like a good-bye? “I wish everyone would stop saying that.”

  Joshua tilts my chin up. I stare into cerulean eyes like glass, begging me to know what’s behind them. “When you turn eighteen, this will all be over.”

  Wade and Gage. Their whispered conversation about my upcoming birthday. I’d forgotten it. Too worried about dying and grieving and Mom and simply surviving.

  “What will be over?” And how does my birthday fit into the equation?

  He remains stark still. Reactionless. Not a flinch or a blink to let me in on what he’s thinking.

  “Tell me.” I close the space between our faces, stopping just before our lips meet. He can kiss me if he wants. Right here. Right now.

  “This.” An exhale escapes his lips, warming my face. “Is.” His hands find mine, lowering them to our sides. “Over.” He releases me, backs away. Resolve chisels his features as he dons his boots and departs the way we came.

  I wait a dozen breaths before following. Shoulders squared and cheeks dry, I slip into Mom’s Uggs, snatch the flashlight, and head outside. Because Joshua is alive. This changes everything. We have a chance I never thought we’d get again. I’m not going to be so easy to push away this time.

  It isn’t over until it’s over.

  SIXTEEN

  Don’t Lose Sight

  Something’s not right. My fingers drum my thigh. One, two, three, four, five, six . . .

  Makai. Where’s Makai?

  Joshua’s already joined the group, his back turned toward me. They stand in a circle, emitting hushed tones like white noise. Except for Ky. He’s off to the side, his too-cool attitude grating my nerves.

  Stormy’s the first to spot me. She sets her lantern down, flits over, and hugs me a little too tightly, her bony arms digging into mine. “Everything’s going to be okay now.” She tugs me toward the others.

  “Thanks.” I can’t match her enthusiasm. Not when Mom isn’t here.

  Once we complete the circle, it’s Gage who speaks. I don’t hear him. Rise on my toes. Lean past Stormy. Where’s my uncle? Why am I the only one who seems to notice his absence?

  “Girl, are you listening?” Preacher’s crotchety voice wrenches me from my search.

  “Huh?” I blink twice.

  He’s a handbreadth away, nostrils flaring. “The Commander is speaking to you. Have some respect.” Is his face permanently scrunched?

  “Commander?”

  Preacher hitches a thumb at Gage and then backs away, though I can still smell his rank breath.

  “That would be me.” Gage flashes a bristled look at Preacher who is, of course, not paying attention. The guy couldn’t catch a hint if it bit him on his mushroom-shaped nose.

  “Be nice.”

  Sorry, Mom. He’s just so hostile, like he has it out for me.

  “Your enemies are the ones who need love most.”

  Not my problem. Let someone else bring out the teddy bear in this porcupine.

  “Makai thought it would be best to name me acting commander for now,” Gage explains. “In case something happens.”

  Dread surges, accelerates my pulse. “Happens?”

  “Oh, come on.” Ky shoves off the tree he’s been leaning against. “Stop placating her. She’s been through more in the past week than most people have endured their entire lives. She can handle it.”

  Why is he suddenly my defender? I don’t need him to stick up for me. It will only make Joshua more confident in his decision to name Ky my Guardian. “Handle what?”

  “Makai continued north. He’s gone for your mother.” The way Gage breaks the news, so cautious and tempered, turns my stomach sour.

  He must be joking. “We can’t let him go for her alone.”

  “He’ll be fine.” Stormy pats my back, ever the optimist. “He’s the only one of us who can enter the castle undetected.”

  The invisibility thing. Right. Even so, “He’s injured. So what if he can get in? How’s he supposed to get them both out? I don’t suppose my mom can become invisible as well?”

  Only Ky’s head shakes, confirming my fear. At least he’s honest. Why does everyone else keep treating me like a crystal vase, about to break with the lightest flick?

  “It’s a three-day journey back to the Haven.” Gage wastes no time, acting as if our discussion is finished. “I’d like to at least be out of Shadow Territory before nightfall.”

  “We can’t go on without them.” I thrust a hand in what I think is the castle’s direction. “What if they get hurt?” I don’t care what Ky said. Mom’s in danger. No one is going to convince me otherwise.

  Gage hands his lantern to Kuna, kneels, scoops up some of the sandpaper earth, and rubs it between his palms. “Makai would die before he’d let something happen to your mother. Isn’t that right, Joshua?”

  He nods.

  How comforting. Not.

  “Listen.” Gage stands, unsheathing his snakeskin-handled dagger and flipping it once, twice in his hand. “I understand, really. But your mother and Makai forfeited their well-being for yours. Don’t lose sight of the bigger picture. Allow us to take you to the Haven. Then you have my word, on my honor as a Guardian, if Makai has not returned with your mother in tow by then I will put together a rescue operation. Lead it myself.” He sheathes his weapon.

  “It could be too late by then!”

  A murder of crows startles, flapping their wings and taking flight from a patch of tall weeds.

  Gage’s expression hardens. “I don’t wish to discuss this further.”

  I press my lips, widening my eyes at Joshua.

  He avoids my gaze. Is he just going to stand there? “I’m not taking one step farther away from my mom and Makai.”
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  Gage exhales. He steps closer, glares down at me. “You have no intention of coming willingly?”

  “Careful now.”

  It’s fine, Mom. I’ve got this. “No.”

  “Then you leave me no alternative.” He lists his head. “Kyaphus, how would you like a chance to earn my trust?”

  “Depends.” Ky has resumed lounging against the tree, fingers laced behind his head. “What do you want?”

  “Eliyana is refusing to cooperate.” Gage’s words are for Ky, but his unblinking glower belongs to me alone.

  I glare right back. Does he think a staring contest will scare me into submission?

  “Yeah.” Ky laughs, a hollow sound. “I got that.”

  “Let’s see you put your Calling to good use for a change.”

  “You can’t be serious,” Ky scoffs. “How is paralyzing her now any different from what Crowe had me do?”

  “So you won’t use your Calling on her? Even if it would earn my full and complete confidence?”

  “What makes you think that’s something I want?”

  “Very well.” Gage withdraws a section of coiled rope from his cargo pocket, then confiscates my flashlight and places it in Stormy’s palm. Next he takes me by the shoulder and spins my back toward him. Finally he binds my wrists, not too tightly, just enough so I can’t pull free. Loose or not, the rough threads chafe.

  “Is that really necessary?” Ky, not Joshua, comes to my defense. Again. He moves toward me, as if he’s going to do something about it, but Kuna blocks his path.

  “Yes.” Joshua? He can’t be supporting this. He’s supposed to be on my side.

  Tears burn, and I gaze at my blurred boots. These guys are no better than Jasyn. Why would Joshua do this? It’s out of character.

  Or maybe it’s not. Maybe New York was his act and this is who he is in real life. I stare at him, silently begging him for help. Pleading with him to show me who he really is.

  For the briefest moment a grieved look flashes across his expression. His mouth turns down, his hands clench. Then he seizes the extra flashlight from Stormy and . . .

  Walks. Away.

  Coward.

  “I’m sorry.” Gage turns me to face him again. It’s obvious he’s trying to be as gentle as possible. Doesn’t matter. “It’s for your own good. We can’t have another mishap like we did at sea.” He shoots a glare toward Ky. “Keep an eye on him, Kuna. I couldn’t care less if his alibis check out. I still don’t trust him.” Gage strides in the opposite direction, no hesitancy in his gait. Gentle or not, this is wrong. And I’m betting he knows it too.

  Stormy links her arm through mine, carrying her lantern like a handbag on the other. Just what I need, a personal babysitter. “Come on. I’ve been dying for some girl time. These lugs can be such a drag.” How can she act like we’re friends, as if I don’t have my hands tied behind my back?

  As she leads me I peek at Joshua. He and Gage are already twenty paces ahead, skulls bent together. Are they talking about me? About Ky taking Joshua’s place? I stifle a groan as Stormy relays the past couple of days in detail, leaving no hashtag or topic unturned. How surprised they were to run into Commander Archer and Lieutenant David. How they had no idea what Jasyn had planned for me. Would he kill me? Use me to bait the rebels?

  I nod along, trying to keep up.

  Preacher takes position as the loner, behind Joshua and Gage but in front of us girls. Ky and Kuna compose the caboose of our little train. I glance over my shoulder. Ky’s two-tone eyes fix on mine. His shoulder lifts, and the corner of his lips quirk. “Sorry,” he mouths.

  I break eye contact swiftly. We’re not friends. He may have helped me, but he abandoned Mom. If I knew she wouldn’t be with us, I never would’ve left the castle.

  We near where the crows gathered. I breathe through my mouth. A rotting animal carcass lies half eaten beneath thorny, berryless brambles. The body is mangled and shrouded by shadows. I can’t tell what it used to be. A deer? A horse? A mythical creature I’ve yet to encounter? Stormy just chatters on. Either she’s too self-focused to notice the roadkill, or she’s turning a blind eye—and nose.

  The rope twists into my skin as I adjust my wrists. That’ll leave a mark.

  We amble through the woods, and I try to focus on her words. She’s saying something about how much she hates sleeping on the ground, about . . . I can’t help it. Joshua’s right there, completely ignoring me, behaving as if the last three years never happened. Like we haven’t spent time together nearly every day, growing close and, for me, falling in love. How can he let them do this to me?

  I’m a fool. He cares about one thing and one thing alone—his oh-so-precious duty.

  I’ve never resented my birthmark more.

  SEVENTEEN

  Who You Are

  And then Preacher landed right in a huge pile of manure.” Stormy laughs. The other night it was impossible not to be infected by her contagious trill, but after hours on end—the sound is a dying smoke detector. Beep. Beep. Beeeeep . . .

  I don’t bother faking amusement. I’m a captive now. No need to pretend I’m anything more to her than a means to an end.

  “Hey, are you okay?” For the first time in miles, she actually takes a breath.

  Is she serious? “I’ve had better days.” I don’t attempt to hide my sarcasm.

  “Gage means well.” She gives my arm a light squeeze.

  “Right. Because tying me up like a slave is totally understandable.” I roll my eyes. Just try to sugarcoat this.

  She frowns. “It’s not as if you gave him a choice.”

  “There’s always a choice.”

  Ky snickers behind me.

  My cheeks burn. Great. Now he’s heard me quote him. He’ll never let me live this down.

  Stormy must get the hint because she goes quiet. She keeps our arms linked, most likely to prevent me from falling.

  My feet ache despite the cushioning in Mom’s Uggs. Today’s Thursday. Nearly a week since her funeral, since I thought she was dead. It’s almost worse not knowing. The unrelenting worry curdles my stomach. An ulcer probably formed from all of this. Some Illusoden would be good about now. Too bad Jasyn took it, the same way he rips everything from me.

  The endless night continues, making it impossible to tell the time. It’s not too cold, the trees insulating what little warmth there is. Wren’s jacket is tight and uncomfortable and hard to move in. I’d ask Stormy to untie me so I can take it off, but she’d never agree, thinking I was just trying to escape. It might be true in part, but at this point, we’ve made so many turns I would never find my way back to the castle on my own.

  A bubbling trickle reaches my ears, like rainwater rushing along a gutter. Faint at first, then escalating to a decent volume. We ascend a hill. When we reach its crest, I freeze. Daylight. There, just down the hill and beyond a stream. While night’s never-ending overture blankets this shore, day’s finale illuminates the opposite one. Finally.

  I dig my feet in as I shuffle down the slope. For a second I’m glad for Stormy’s presence. Without my hands to catch me, a fall would probably end in a broken nose. Rocky earth changes to overgrown crabgrass and tufts of white clovers. Gray morning glory blossoms pop up at random, begging not to be choked out by its vines. On the stream’s opposite side, the flora and fauna are painted in shades of white and gray. The tree trunks are the color of ash, their leaves a mixture of butter and cream. Was it once lush and vibrant like the Haven? Robyn said eventually the Second Reflection will become a Shadow World. How much longer until the infinite night reaches its claws across the stream?

  “This is the border to Wichgreen Province and the end of the Forest of Night and Shadow Territory. Everything between here and the sea is neutral ground, belonging to neither the Void nor the Verity. We won’t be completely safe until we reach the Haven, so keep your guard up.” Stormy helps me sit on the damp grass, the three men ahead of us advancing to the water. Dew seeps through my jeans. �
��I’m going to gather some food. Stay here.” She follows the guys, leaving me to sulk.

  I scoot back and lean against a tree trunk. The uneven bark bites my spine. A headache lingers between my eyebrows. Should’ve asked Stormy to bring me some water.

  “Need a hand? How about two?” Ky squats beside me, sets his flashlight on the ground between us. “I’ll untie you, but only if you ask nicely.”

  “I’m fine. I don’t need your help.” I shift and squirm, attempting to get comfortable. Joshua hasn’t bothered checking on me. He stands by the stream. I study him as he takes off his boots, rolls up his pants, and wades into the water. His legs are paler than his arms but much hairier. He bends, letting the mini river flow like silk over his hands. In the next moment he straightens, a wriggling fish in his grasp.

  So he’s a fisherman too? What else don’t I know about him?

  He tosses the fish to Preacher on the shore, who catches it with ease and sets it on a wet rock. He draws a knife and slices down the slimy middle, cleaning out the guts and muck. I’ve never seen anyone enjoy killing a living thing the way Preacher does now. It’s the happiest he’s appeared in the brief time I’ve unfortunately known him.

  If anyone thinks I’m eating that poor, murdered creature, they’re seriously mistaken.

  My wrists are suddenly unbound. I whip my head left. Ky grasps the sliced rope in his fist. How did he do that? I didn’t feel a thing. “You’re welcome.” He tosses the rope into the grass, and it disappears with a hiss.

  I roll and rub my wrists, unable to deny how good freedom feels. “I didn’t ask for your help.”

  “But you got it, Ember.” Ky rocks back on his heels and sits, knees bent.

  “Don’t call me by my last name. I’m not some linebacker for the New York Giants.”

  “No. You are definitely not that.” His eyes comb my body. Looking. Observing. Not the way Blake did at the party. Ky isn’t rude or gross about it. He’s just . . . watching.