A Kind of Woman

by Helen Burko

  After he had covered a few hundred yards, he suddenly saw a figure moving toward him. At first he thought it was once more only an illusion because he was thinking about her so hard, but this time he really saw someone coming toward him out of the darkness. Was it a ghost? He ignored his pains and ran forward.

  “Rachel!” he shouted. “Rachel!” It was her! He heard her call.

  “B-Barder?”

  He hurried to her. Two figures stood entwined in the darkness, embracing and kissing with happiness and joy.

  “Oh, I was so worried about you!” he whispered as he held her close. “I was sure you didn’t have time to jump or that you had been, God forbid, killed.”

  “I really was almost killed,” she said, trying to laugh.

  “Are you hurt?”

  “Yes, I hurt my knee. I laid there for a while.”

  “I have a sharp pain on my left side.”

  “That’s not bad. The important thing is that we escaped and we’re out of danger.”

  “We should try and find some water now.”

  “And I would like to try and find my little suitcase.”

  “You took it with you when you jumped?”

  “I threw it and my coat out first. I especially want to find the suitcase because it’s a souvenir of our first meeting.” She laughed.

  “You are dearer to me,” he said and hugged her again. “When daylight comes, we’ll try to find them.”

  “Soon it will be dawn.”

  “Yes, a new day,” he murmured. “How happy I am that we are together again. Such a courageous woman you are…so fearless!”

  “I know it.” She laughed. “What shall we do now?”

  “We have to wait for the next train and go on.”

  “The KGB will be looking for us.”

  “I doubt it. They don’t usually go after those who escape for a very simple reason: They know that the country is vast and it is very difficult to find someone. Also, they’re sure that, sooner or later, we’ll fall into their hands again.”

  “Right, they don’t care much,” she agreed. “One prisoner less or one more. They can arrest whomever they please.”

  “You are so clever; there are very few like you who can confront every problem.”

  “Sometimes.” She smiled. “Let’s rest a little; my knee hurts badly.”

  They climbed down from the track bed and sat on the ground. The night air was fresh but cold, and from a distance, they heard the sound of a frog croaking. A night bird suddenly rose above them and disappeared into the darkness. The bushes near them gave out the fresh scent of spring. Stars twinkled, and a rosy sliver of a moon hung above them. The skies began to pale as dawn approached. They sat there silently.

  “What are you thinking about?” She cut into his thoughts.

  “I was thinking what incredible, unbelievable events the war can create.”

  “Oh, Jacob… You are a bit of a philosopher, but this isn’t the time or the place. Let’s go on. There in the next field is a stream.”

  “How do you know there’s a stream?”

  “Don’t you hear the frogs? That’s a sure sign of water. And I think you’ve forgotten that yesterday it rained hard, and in all the low places water is sure to have gathered.”

  “You’re a devil, not a woman.”

  “That’s what I really am.” She laughed.

  In the light of the dawn, he saw two rows of white teeth and the light from her blue eyes. He couldn’t restrain himself, and he drew her close and rained kisses on her.

  “Now I won’t need to wash my face.” She laughed. “You’ve kissed all the dirt off. Oh, you men!” She patted his cheek. “Let’s go and find water.”

  They walked toward the fields. She limped a little and hung on to his arm. When she felt the wild grass under her feet, she said, “Look, if worse comes to worse, we can wash in the dew of the grass. But only if we don’t find water. We have to wash and look clean so as not to arouse suspicion or undue attention.”

  They went in the direction of the frogs croaking, and after a few hundred yards, they did indeed find a small pool where bulrushes grew. The water was lukewarm. Jacob held her as she began to wash her knee and saw that the wound wasn’t serious. As she lowered her legs into the water, the frogs began to panic and run around.

  “Look!” he cried. “The frogs, too, are afraid of man and flee. They, too, want to live.”

  “What a comparison! Frogs and men! Of course all living creatures want to live, but whether they have the right to live, that’s the question. Would you say the frog has as much right to live as man?”

  “Since the frog was created, he has a right to live,” he said. “We can never know who has more right to live, we or the frogs. They, at least, are not as cruel as we, Homo sapiens, who kill each other.”

  “You forget, my dear, that the frogs, too, kill other creatures weaker than they are. Some philosopher like you came to the conclusion that only the strong have a right to live. Take us, for example. If we weren’t strong enough to escape, what would our fate have been? Life is a struggle and the strong survive.”

  “But anyway, man is not fated to kill other men,” he said confidently.

  “Are you one of the animal lovers?” she asked as she thrashed her legs in the water.

  “No, but I don’t believe that man has the right to kill, even legally. Isn’t that right? What do you think?”

  “I’m not saying anything, and I don’t believe now in anything. People’s opinions differ, but this isn’t the time or the place to talk about such subjects. Now we have to get away from here and reach Poland. From there, as you said, we can go to America. You told me that you have a grand house there, and if so, when we get there, we’ll talk about all these subjects. Right now, I’m tired. Oh, God in heaven, how tired I am of all this. I have only one wish: to sleep in a soft bed—to sleep for days and to forget it all! Oh, how I want to rest!”

  “I hope that the day is near when you can rest as long as you wish. I don’t know why everything arouses in me the need to find a reason.”

  “You are a lawyer, so no wonder.”

  “No, I think that I can’t seem to stop philosophizing.”

  “Always?”

  “Yes, I’ve always been like that even when I was a boy, and then afterward as a student, and even when I became a lawyer.”

  “You should have studied philosophy and not law.”

  “No, philosophy entails much quiet thinking, but in law you have to express your thoughts out loud, and that’s what I like. I like to talk, to think and talk, to lecture and convince my fellow men.”

  “You’re an interesting person, but you could be dangerous.”

  “Oh no, not dangerous.”

  They both became absorbed in cleaning themselves up.

  “Come and sit beside me,” she said after she had washed and was sitting on the grass beside the pool.

  He sat beside her and said, “Yes, we really shouldn’t talk about anything now. How do you feel?”

  “Not bad. I’ve felt worse.”

  “Good! Let’s pick some grass and rushes and make ourselves a place to rest.”

  They made beds, formed pillows, and laid down to rest.

  “Now we’ll rest and think of what next to do.” She folded her hands under her head. “I’d like to sleep a while.”

  “Go ahead. I’ll watch over you.”

  “All right, we’ll see what kind of a watchman you are.”

  He stretched out beside her and lay there quietly. His silence and thoughtfulness made her uneasy.

  “Now give me a kiss!” she said and snuggled closer to put him in a good mood.

  He kissed her.

  “Now you no longer have to dirty your lips.” She smiled. “We’ll lie here until the light is stronger, and then we’ll look around and see where we are. We’ll search for my coat and suitcase, and then we’ll walk to the next station. There, we’ll look for a way to get to Poland. Afte
r Poland, we’ll continue… Where will we go, Jacob? Tell me!”

  “To America, Rachel.”

  “Well, we’ll see. The important thing is to get out of this situation. Now hold me close and warm me up a little.”

  He held her close to him. He wanted her so badly, but not like this.

  She put her arms around his neck, leaned her head against him, and fell quickly asleep. He couldn’t fall asleep, although lying beside her, he forgot all his problems, past and future. His lips touched her cheek, and the warmth of her body intoxicated him.

  He forgot he was in a strange land far from his home, in a stranger’s field. He felt good with her, with this fearless young woman. Here she was, lying in his arms, and in the dawning light, she looked like a sleeping princess who had lost her way. He looked at her closed eyes, her mouth, slightly open, and her lovely breasts that rose and fell with her breathing. A breath of spring emanated from her, a scent of water and bulrushes.

  As dawn came, the moon faded.

  His position was uncomfortable, and as he moved, she awakened.

  “Aren’t you sleeping?”

  “No.”

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “You…”

  “Ahh, you’re thinking of me? Not bad. What do you think of me?” She sat up and inspected her knee, which she had bandaged with a piece of cloth she had torn from her blouse.

  “I was thinking,” he said, “that we know so little of each other.”

  “It makes things more interesting.” She lay back and closed her eyes again. “Maybe if you knew me better, you wouldn’t like me as much.”

  “Impossible!” he claimed and glanced at her fresh-looking face. “I like you very much, and I think that I’m even in love with you.”

  “That is nice.” She stroked his face lightly. “But I don’t believe you.”

  “Why don’t you believe me?”

  “Because you aren’t any different from the rest of the men.”

  “I am different!”

  “And if you suddenly found out, for example, that I… Well… Say I deceived you. Would you still be in love with me?”

  “That question is completely superfluous, but since you have touched on the subject and especially now, I’ll answer you by saying I don’t know how I would react. I haven’t had the opportunity to examine myself in such a situation. I think, though, that I would continue to love you, or so it seems to me.”

  “Very nice.” She laughed. “I remember that I had a girlfriend, Katya, who loved a criminal to distraction. That’s what happens. Love is not dependent on anything.”

  “Love and crime!” He laughed, too. “Two opposites in one breath. And yet they are talked about together very often, as though they were sisters.”

  “That’s the way it really is with two sisters. You stated that beautifully, although in a philosophical way.”

  He smiled and continued. “A woman loves a courageous man, and therefore, she is more capable of falling in love with a criminal than with a respectable, educated man. In my practice, I often had to defend women who had fallen in love with criminals, but crimes are relative.”

  “You’re right,” she said pensively. “Crimes are relative, but I’m surprised that you should say so.”

  “Why are you surprised?”

  “Because lawyers don’t usually say what they think, and they weigh carefully what they do say.”

  “I say what I think.”

  “That’s not possible. You defend whoever pays you. Are you always sure the man you are defending is innocent?”

  “Generally, yes, although not always. That’s the way of my profession. But it’s possible to find right in every suspect. Any man can err and make mistakes. It all depends on the reasons that caused the crime.”

  “You speak so well.”

  “Most criminals,” he continued, “are innocent. Very often I’ve had to appear in a criminal case to defend them. I always searched for the reason that caused the man to commit the crime. When I am not convinced of the justness of my client, I find it difficult to defend him.

  “Once, I defended a young woman who had shot and killed her husband. I was sure the husband had caused the crime. He had betrayed her in every way, and she was helpless with a bad heart and little children.”

  “And did you win the case?”

  “She came out of it with a light sentence. Of course she had to be punished. The law is cruel and not always just; it has no feelings.”

  “You seem to have feelings for criminals.”

  “Yes,” he confessed. “An inheritance from my father, which is also probably where I got my penchant for philosophizing and searching for causes to find justification for everything. When I hear of a man committing a crime, it enrages me, but I’m quick to forgive if the cause justifies it.”

  “Your words fascinate me.” She kissed him on the lips. “So my eyes did not deceive me. You are exactly as I thought from the first moment I saw you. You were so polite and gentle. I’m not used to politeness anymore, and I liked that. It reminded me of another world.”

  “Yes, another world… A world that once was and doesn’t exist anymore.”

  “And now, let’s go! It’s morning! We’ll talk about all this but not now and not here. You really know how to talk well. I could listen to you forever.”

  He rose and gave her his hand.

  “Oh, my leg… My leg!” she grimaced and stood up with great difficulty. “How will I walk?”

  “We’ll walk somehow. We mustn’t stay here.”

  They looked around them. The field was deserted. It was very early in the morning. Silence was everywhere, and the first rays of the sun made the horizon rosy. They began to walk below the railroad tracks and search for her suitcase and coat. They searched for a long time and finally saw a dark spot. She was happy to see that it was her suitcase, and a few yards further, she found her coat. Both were very dirty, and the coat was wrinkled.

  “Now we have everything,” she said, glowing with joy. “I have to confess that I doubted very much I would find the suitcase. In that case, I would have been very sorry. It is now my only possession.”

  “And also a priceless souvenir. We’ll bring it with us to America if we succeed in reaching there.”

  “We must succeed. From now on, everything will go well for us.”

  “Let’s hope so! And now, we really should have a good meal.” He smiled a broad, masculine smile.

  “Right now, that’s only a dream. The main thing is not to fall into their hands again.”

  When they heard the shriek of an approaching train, they hid behind some nearby bushes and waited for it to pass. They saw an engine dragging a large number of supply cars. When the train drew near, they saw soldiers and conductors standing on the steps. They held their breath until finally the train went by, and they began to walk in that direction.

  After an hour’s walk, they came to a river and stood there, confused. On the far shore of the river, they saw a dock and some small boats near it. A hamlet was situated on the far shore of the river, and gardens and trees had begun to leaf and bloom. Spring was really here. They heard dogs barking and smelled roasted potatoes and pickled cabbage.

  “Do you smell cooked food?” he said with longing.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Who knows where we are. We have to be careful. In the hamlet, there are probably KGB men.”

  “That’s probable, but we can’t stay here. We must go to the village, but how do we get there?”

  “The river isn’t wide. I could swim across.”

  “You know how to swim?”

  “Not only to swim…” He smiled at her meaningfully.

  They sat on the shore and waited for someone to come across with a boat. Meanwhile, they looked at the smoke coming out of the chimneys of the straw roofs. They heard, from afar, the lowing of cattle, the cackling of geese, the quacking of ducks, the cock-a-doodle-doo of roosters, and the snorting of pigs
.

  After a while, a young boy appeared on the far shore, driving his cows. The cows obeyed his commands—they were probably accustomed to the journey—and climbed on a barge, jostling each other. The boy calmed them down, and he and his dog climbed aboard. He quickly pulled the barge with the rope that crossed the river and reached the side where Rachel and Jacob were waiting impatiently. The cattle began to jump off and run to the fields, with the boy and dog after them.

  “Hey, you, wait a minute!” Jacob called after him. Suddenly the boy realized the call was meant for him and glanced back. He looked at them for a moment and then continued to run after his cattle. As soon as the cows were grazing quietly, he came back to them and asked, “What is it you want?”

  “What is it there? A Kolhaus or a village?”

  “A village. There are no Kolhauses here.”

  “What’s the name of the village?”

  “Yanovka.”

  “How far is it from Kiev?”

  “Oh, Kiev? Who knows where that is. I was never there.”

  “Do you know how to speak Polish?” Rachel asked in order to find out if they were west of the Ukraine.

  “No, but my parents know a little Polish.”

  “What big city is near here?”

  “Lvov.” He looked at them suspiciously.

  “Lvov?” they repeated happily. “How far is it from here?”

  “I don’t know exactly. Maybe ten miles, maybe more. I haven’t been there yet.”

  They both laughed. The boy was a little embarrassed because he thought they were laughing at him. He ran away from them and returned to his cows with his dog, which had been smelling the legs of the strangers. The knowledge that they were no longer in Russian territory but in the Western Ukraine made them very happy.

  “We’re lucky,” said Jacob as he and Rachel went aboard the barge and he pulled on the rope to reach the other side. “Now we’re safe! I hope that from Lvov it will be easy to reach Warsaw. Russia hasn’t had time to cover this country with its strict regime, so it should be easier.”

  “You see, Jacob,” Rachel said with shining eyes as she helped him pull on the rope, “you should never become discouraged or lose your spirit. Danger is the father to success, right?”