A Kind of Woman

by Helen Burko

  Jacob had no idea of her plans or her longings and couldn’t learn of them through telepathy or logic.

  “You haven’t had breakfast yet, have you, dear?”

  “No, darling, I waited for you.”

  “You shouldn’t have. You should have known that no mother lets her son go without first having breakfast. But why don’t you ask how the meeting went?”

  “I can imagine,” she said indifferently.

  Her indifference didn’t please him. He wanted to share his experiences and feelings with her. He wanted her to ask him about everything—every detail—so that she would become a part of his life. Sooner or later, and a lot sooner than he had thought, he would introduce her to his family and friends, and he wanted her to be ready for that, too. He had one more obstacle to overcome, and that was telling his parents that he and Rachel were already married. He wondered how they would react to it.

  When he told her the details of his dramatic meeting with his parents, his in-laws, and his friends and about the conversation he had with his mother that morning, she laughed.

  “You’re some lawyer, liebling! I don’t doubt for a moment that you’ll succeed in convincing your parents. I only hope I make a good impression on them.”

  “I have no doubt you will, my dear, but no more ‘liebling’—only English from now on.” He hugged her. “Tell me, how did you feel sleeping here alone?”

  “As usual, like a stranger among strangers.”

  He didn’t exactly understand, but he comforted her.

  “You’ll feel at home in a few days. Every newcomer feels like that at first, but he soon begins to like all the people and the way of life here.”

  “All the people and the way of life here? Okay.”

  “You’ll see I’m right, Rachel. And now let’s go down to the dining room and have breakfast, and then we’ll go over to my apartment. You see, I have the key! My mother said she was sure this key would bring me back, and her dream came true.”

  “How wonderful that dreams come true,” she commented strangely. He didn’t know what exactly she was referring to.

  They went down to the dining room where other guests were eating. When Rachel entered, everyone turned to look at her tall, lovely figure.

  Rachel felt that all eyes were on her and forgot, for a moment, all her plans of last night. Jacob ordered breakfast for Rachel and a whiskey for himself. He was in a good mood, and he felt at home. The past began to take on the form of a hazy, unbelievable nightmare.

  After breakfast, they went to his apartment, but as he stuck the key into the lock, his throat began to choke up and there was a twinge in his heart as though someone had clamped a set of pliers on it. It wasn’t easy to come back here, to leave the apartment with your wife and to come back with another woman.

  Everything was as he had left it six years ago. The sign was still on the door: ATTORNEY JACOB BARDER AND MRS. DORIS BARDER. Inside, too, nothing had changed except his perspective.

  “This is it…my home. God bless you, my home!”

  With mixed feelings, he went with Rachel from room to room. In every room, there was a lovely rug on the floor, and the furniture still looked new.

  His mother had dusted everything every week. The light fixtures on the ceilings and walls were just waiting for a warm hand to turn them on so they could light up the house.

  In the bedroom, they both looked at the photograph of the young, blond, blue-eyed, and smiling woman standing next to Jacob, who looked young, handsome, and elegant in a dark suit. The woman was so gloriously lovely, like a movie star.

  “Your wife was lovely,” Rachel remarked.

  “Yes, she was.”

  “You have a beautiful home.”

  “Yes, WE have,” he corrected her.

  He showed her the dressing room, and as they opened the closets, they were assaulted with stale perfumes and powders. These were difficult moments for Jacob. What would he do with all these gorgeous garments? He’d give them to a charitable organization. Even if they fit Rachel, he didn’t want her to wear them.

  They went into the child’s room, and in the corner, a large doll was sitting and looking at them with her eyes of glass. In a low cupboard, toys were lined up, waiting for small hands to play with them. Along the opposite wall stood a child’s bed and a chest of drawers. On the chest was a photograph of a sweet young girl with blond pigtails and a round, innocent face that resembled her mother.

  “What sin had she committed?” murmured Jacob quietly. “If only I hadn’t taken her with us, she would be alive now.”

  Rachel just turned away from the picture of the little child as though the picture had come to life.

  Jacob then took her to the kitchen and showed her all the excellent crockery and electrical gadgets.

  He decided to sell the apartment and move to another neighborhood, but not because he wanted to run away from all this. It didn’t matter; that was life. The dead were dead and the living lived! The ruins should be rebuilt as soon as possible, of course. You shouldn’t stop living, just as you shouldn’t shut off the air or stop up the waters. You should just try to improve things, to make them better, to change the procedures so something like this could never happen again, so there would be no more evil wars or even righteous wars that could bring about these tragedies. Then, too, it might not be pleasant for Rachel to live in the apartment where he had lived with Doris.

  He was surprised at her reaction when he told her of his decision to sell the apartment.

  “As you wish, my dear; it’s all the same to me,” she said.

  How could Jacob know why she was so indifferent to it? He was happy to hear her say that.

  “I wasn’t mistaken, Rachel. You are really a progressive individual, and your views are like mine. If so, we’ll make some changes here and then move in. In a few days, I’ll introduce you to my family and friends. Everything is happening a lot sooner than I thought it would.”

  “Whatever you want; it’s all the same to me.”

  *****

  After a few days, when he had taken away all the photographs and clothes, Jacob moved Rachel into his apartment.

  Although Rachel always responded to his suggestions by saying it was all the same to her, Jacob understood this was not exactly correct—if he didn’t make changes in his home in preparation for their life together, feelings could develop, secretly within her, into a complex that could poison both of their lives.

  His parents knew nothing yet, and when his mother asked for the key so she could come Thursdays and air out the apartment, he told her, “There’s no need to do that, Mom. I got a maid to come in and take care of the cleaning.”

  Jacob didn’t feel he could keep this up much longer, especially now that he was going to open his office again. It would be too difficult then to divide his time so his parents and Rachel would both be content. They knew he was sleeping in his own apartment now, and they understood. He was still young, and maybe he would like to bring a girl to his apartment. He couldn’t live alone all the rest of his life, but when he didn’t show up for days at a time, they began to worry and ask questions about where he was spending his time. His mother even wanted to visit him at his home, but she was afraid he might have a woman there and a visit from her might embarrass him.

  Jacob realized they were dissatisfied, and he decided to reveal his secret.

  “Mom and Dad,” he said one day, “tonight, I want you to meet the young lady I told you about. I met her on the ship and I like her very much. So I want you to be nice to her even if you don’t like her.”

  The last words were said because he was certain Rachel would make an excellent impression on them.

  “My dear son,” Marie said with shining eyes, “Your father and I would be very happy to receive the woman you like. We didn’t object to your first love, and now we’ll be even happier you have found a new interest.”

  “I must confess,” Sam said while holding a cigarette, “that we were a lit
tle worried about you. We were afraid you decided never to remarry. When your mother told me about the woman you met on the boat, the Holocaust survivor, I told her that this was a woman who had probably caught your interest. But your mother was of the opinion this was just an altruistic, humanitarian interest. Now we’re both happy that your relationship with this woman is a serious one.”

  “My dear parents!” Jacob couldn’t keep the secret any longer. “This woman I’m going to introduce you to is my wife…my legal wife! We were married in Poland!”

  “Jakelle! Your wife?” They both were astounded. “Are you serious? Jakelle!”

  “Yes, my dears! Forgive me for not revealing this to you immediately. I didn’t want to startle you! I met this woman in my wanderings. My feelings of solitude and loneliness were the matchmakers. Our common ordeals strengthened the bond between us.”

  “Who is this woman?” Sam and Marie asked simultaneously, as if both of them had thought of it at the same time.

  “A young Jewish woman from Russia who was forced to work for the Nazis; the Nazis thought she was an Aryan.” He told them the whole story of how he had met her, of their adventures on the way to Poland, and their marriage.

  “My son,” Marie said, her eyes filling with tears, “I’m happy the war didn’t destroy you, that you remained a proud, strong, spirited man who knew how to overcome every obstacle. I hope you have a happy life with her, that it will comfort you when you think about what you have lost.” She kissed him.

  Sam gave him a friendly slap on his shoulders and added, “I have no reservations about your choice, Son, and I depend on your good taste. If you decided to bring this woman with you to America, it means she is worthy and won’t shame our family or our social standing.”

  “You know,” said Jacob, “that I don’t attach any importance to heritage. With Doris, too, I married her because I loved her. I love Rachel, too, because of herself. I don’t know her family or her parents. She’s an orphan and a little naive in her opinions and her actions. She’s very talented; she sings and dances and is a really good pianist. She knows a few languages: English, German, Russian, French. In short, she’s a woman who has everything, and if I add that she’s also unusually beautiful as well as tall and elegant, you’ll have to admit that she’s about perfect.”

  *****

  That same day, early in the evening, Jacob brought Rachel to meet his parents. Sam and Marie fell in love with her at first sight. Her elegant appearance and her politeness, beauty, and charm delighted them.

  A regular beauty queen, Sam thought as soon as he saw her. Jake’s good taste could be depended on.

  She resembles Doris, thought Marie with a mixture of joy and sadness.

  Rachel returned the kisses from Jacob’s parents as befitted a new daughter-in-law. They fluttered around her as she talked to them in English right away. She was very friendly, and she behaved, from the first moment, like one of the family. Sam and Marie were very surprised and excited. Only now they understood where he had been, why he hadn’t wanted them to visit him, and why he hadn’t told them of the exact arrival date.

  “Yes, my parents and all the rest of my family are gone, but I think that a husband, and especially a good husband…” Rachel glanced at Jacob. “…is as important as parents and definitely more important than other relatives, right?”

  “Of course,” agreed Sam, not able to take his eyes off his new daughter-in-law. “But you shouldn’t underestimate the parents who bring up the child and care for him and wish him well.”

  “Without a doubt, that’s true,” agreed Rachel, and tried to change the subject, which she did with ease as they had so much to talk about.

  “That Europe was in trouble was very obvious,” Sam said, “but that a war would break out before they could return, nobody was able to foresee that, not even the greatest politicians.”

  “Yes, there are many unexpected things that come suddenly and surprise you,” said Rachel. “Life is full of surprises.”

  “I didn’t want to spoil the children’s plans for a pleasure trip to Europe and a visit to the family. We Americans love to travel, and even though our country is so large, we like to travel all over the world. Maybe that’s because so many of us came here from other lands and we have a longing to go back and see our old motherland. Our Jacob was always interested in other countries, and that’s what attracted him to a holiday in Europe, and it turned into such a nightmare.”

  “Yes, Europe!” said Rachel. “Now we are again so far away…so far away.”

  “Europe now seems to me like a dark hole,” said Jacob, satisfied that he had returned from what seemed like a dangerous and hopeless battle.

  The four of them sat and talked until late at night and still were not satiated. Rachel talked less than any of them. She listened and only commented from time to time.

  Sam stopped asking questions about what had happened. For some reason, he couldn’t grasp the fact that so many people had been wiped out in such a terrible way.

  Marie brushed her tears away from time to time when her son related some details of their suffering and torture.

  “You were lucky you escaped all those places and came out healthy and whole,” said Marie.

  “In fact, we were both lucky we survived.” Rachel laughed as she told of their journey. “Your son was really brave.”

  “I didn’t know he was like that.”

  Jacob didn’t respond, but his parents took it as a great compliment and were happy the young couple had such understanding between them.

  “We should invite all our friends and have a party tomorrow!” said Sam. “If you succeeded, my son and my daughter,” he addressed Rachel with great affection, “in seeing all those atrocities with your own eyes and coming out of that lion’s den safely, we really have to celebrate.”

  “There’s no need to do that, Dad!” protested Jacob, “not yet. Maybe after a while. Right now, I want to get back on the rails. I’ll be happy when I can appear in court again as a lawyer.”

  “Your son is a terrific speaker.” Rachel laughed. “I’ve noticed that already. And he’s also very stubborn when it comes to his convictions.”

  Sam and Marie were happy with her compliments.

  “Yes!” Sam added with satisfied smile. “Since he was a child, he was like that; it was hard to sway him from what he believed in. As a student, he was the head speaker. He even made a lot of trouble for the prosecuting attorneys in court.”

  “Aw, come on, Dad, don’t exaggerate.” Jacob laughed. “But I promise you, from now on, they won’t get any joy from me. What I saw in the war years gave me a lot of material to mull over. The law isn’t always just, and there are phenomena in the life of a man that no paragraph in the law books can find a precedent for.”

  The conversation continued. The table was spread with many tasty cakes and delicacies and fruit. The atmosphere was pleasant, and Jacob was enjoying every minute. It was what he had longed for. But when the clock showed a quarter to two, Marie said, “Although I’m ready to sit here all night, it’s time to go to sleep. The children are tired.”

  Marie didn’t notice that when she said “children,” Rachel grinned mischievously.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Time passed. Jacob reopened his office and already had a few small cases that his friend Eddie had referred to him.

  Eddie didn’t want these cases because they were too unimportant for him to handle. Now that his friend was back, he would send him every small case like robbery, assault, etc. In this way, he accomplished two things at the same time. It would prove to his friend that their friendship was still strong, and he could also keep Jacob busy with small cases so Jacob wouldn’t become a more important lawyer than Eddie. A normal human desire, characteristic of all humanity throughout the ages.

  Jacob went back to his old profession with all his power. He reread the law books, looked over the latest precedents, and signed himself into a few clubs. His first appearance in
court generated wishes for his success. The judges, district attorney, and the lawyers were mostly those who had been there before the war. Among them were some who had served on various front lines in the war—against the Germans and the Japanese—and now they met and exchanged stories of their experiences.

  After a few appearances in court, Jacob began to feel more at home and the courtroom didn’t look so strange anymore. In his first case, defending a prostitute who was accused of stealing her drunken client’s money, his summation seemed weaker than he had expected, for he’d hoped to make an important statement on his return to his profession.

  The prostitute had been a not-so-young woman with watery eyes and a pale, bloodless face strewn with pimples and covered with such a thick layer of makeup that it was difficult to estimate her age. Her behavior repelled Jacob, and he was reluctant to defend her, although at the same time, he pitied her.

  He defended the woman by proving she was only a victim of a corrupt society, as he in fact believed. With sharp words, he showed that there wasn’t any proof against her. Her client had been drunk when he came to her, and he might have lost or spent the money and forgotten about it, so Jacob won this case without much effort or difficulty.

  He took the few dollars the woman gave him and donated them to charity. It was also his first donation since his return.

  Jacob searched for an important case so he could make a statement that would shake the world and allow him to vent the pent-up feelings he had accumulated all these years. Finally, he came to the conclusion that such a case would not occur and that no courtroom was sufficient to reveal what he had to say. Therefore, he decided to write a book about his experiences and his convictions.

  To widen his knowledge, he visited the clubs of war veterans and met with widows and orphans and learned of their deprivations and suffering. When he told Rachel of his decision, she derided the idea.