A Kind of Woman

by Helen Burko

  Hannah tossed and turned in her bed all night, remembering Majdanek, feeling again the pain of those injections, seeing again the faces of German guards and the conceited SS men and women. Only toward morning did she fall into a sleep full of nightmares.

  *****

  The next day, all the newspapers published Jacob’s famous speech, especially emphasizing his accusation that all the world was responsible for what Hitler had done. Some of the newspapers called him a pacifist or a demagogue. No one, however, doubted his rhetorical skill, which had put the prosecutor’s brilliant speech in the shade.

  But there were also newspapers that interpreted his words to mean he was defending the Nazis because of his great love for his wife. They admitted Jacob was right in a way in accusing the world of not doing enough to stop the Germans.

  The Jewish newspapers wrote about the countries that had closed their doors to the millions of refugees.

  Another wrote that they should have dropped an atomic bomb on Germany as they did on Japan!

  *****

  In court the next morning, Jacob continued his speech, and after that, the prosecutor was allowed to add a few words. He tried to minimize the impression Jacob had effected.

  “If someone has let his feelings rule his mind, he must take the responsibility for his actions and accept his punishment so that others will learn the lesson,” Claude added.

  But the prosecutor didn’t succeed in erasing the effect Jacob had created. He tried again to arouse horror, but his words just seemed to repeat themselves. Only the former inmates of the concentration camps looked bitter, their faces pale and their hands curled into fists.

  When the jury retired to reach a verdict, the tension in the court was almost unbearable. Jacob’s parents, his friend Eddie Adler, Eddie’s wife Leonora, Richard Waite, Professor Gotheim, and the professor’s wife Eva didn’t take their eyes off Jacob, who looked calmer now. His cry of “guilty” to the world that had seen the Holocaust approaching and did nothing, and its indifference to all the deaths, hovered over the courtroom.

  All over the world, Jacob’s words echoed: The whole world, all the nations, are responsible for the Holocaust, for the blood of millions!

  Most of the spectators were convinced of the correctness of that statement and waited eagerly to hear the verdict. Only the former inmates thought differently, especially one woman who sat in the first row, her lips trembling and her eyes fixed on the door through which the jury would return. She didn’t hear anything around her, but from time to time, she glanced at Jacob and unintentionally at Mathilda beside him.

  Now the door opened, and the jury filed through and took their seats. Everyone held their breath. If there had been a fly in the room, you would have been able to hear its buzzing.

  The jury foreman rose. “I have been designated to read the verdict. We find the defendant, Mathilda Krause, not guilty!”

  Immediately, pandemonium broke out. Mathilda embraced Jacob with a gleeful cry, but Jacob pushed her away. The cameras were flashing. The former inmates were shouting that the verdict was wrong and she was guilty! Magnus shouted that the verdict proved how little America cared about what the Nazis had done.

  “America today continues to be indifferent to their crimes!”

  “The children of America weren’t killed in the gas chambers!”

  “Death to the Nazis!”

  “Death to their defenders!”

  The din increased.

  Suddenly, out of the crowd, a tall woman whose green eyes flashed pushed her way into the circles around Jacob and Mathilda, swiftly took out a pistol from her purse, and before anyone could stop her, fired once…twice…three times.

  The crowd was in a panic. People rushed in every direction to all the exits available. Those who looked back while fleeing saw Jacob and Mathilda lying on the floor, blood spreading around them, and a woman standing over them with a gun and not even trying to run away. Suddenly she aimed her gun at the jury.

  Betty saw her and shouted, “My God! Hannah!”

  No one dared to approach Hannah, who didn’t drop the pistol or move. She said something, but in all the noise, no one heard her.

  Finally, the police came and took the gun away from her. They tried to put handcuffs on her. She resisted and shouted, “None of you have the right to defend the murderers of millions!”

  Grisha and Betty stood by Hannah. The police finally succeeded in handcuffing her.

  The people left in the room were pale from shock. Jacob’s father knelt by him and cried, “Please call the doctor! Where is a doctor? My son! My God!”

  Jacob’s mother fell on his body and fainted. The police started to leave with Hannah, who shouted, “Now I am the criminal! I am the criminal? Only we have the right to pass sentence! Only we! Only we!”

  Her voice was lost in the panic of the people, who began to leave the courtroom.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  When Mathilda Krause opened her eyes, she felt as if she were in a dream or a nightmare. Gradually, she realized she was lying in a bed and covered with a white sheet. Opposite her bed, she saw a window, and through it, the rays of the sun were shining between the branches of a tree and casting shadows on the walls of her room.

  She tried to sit up, but the pain in her ribs on the right side was too strong, and she slumped again. She closed her eyes, but as she did so, she suddenly remembered the courtroom and Hannah Rubin standing before her with a drawn gun…

  She closed her eyes again, and her dry lips formed just one word. “Jacob!”

  “You have to lie still!” Mathilda heard the soft voice of someone near her bed telling her. “You mustn’t exert yourself.”

  “Am I alive?”

  “Of course you’re alive… You were lucky.” Mathilda heard the voice again. She opened her eyes and saw a young woman wearing a white uniform and a nurse’s cap.

  “The bullet didn’t harm any organs, but you lost a lot of blood. You’re in the hospital now, and you have to lie quietly and regain your strength.”

  “What about Jacob? Is he all right?” she murmured weakly.

  “Yes, he’s in the men’s section of this hospital. He was even luckier and had only a light wound in his shoulder. He was here, visiting you, and sat beside your bed. The doctors took him away to rest awhile.”

  “Jacob! He was here?”

  The nurse nodded. A warm feeling spread through Mathilda’s body, and she felt so dizzy from all the excitement that she almost lost consciousness.

  Mathilda recovered somewhat when the nurse began to change her bandages. She looked around her room and her bed and saw the tree outside her window. The rays of the sun fell across her bed.

  How good it is to be alive! she said to herself. “Thank you, Nurse, thank you!” she murmured out loud.

  The nurse, a young woman with a lovely smile, finished changing the bandages and rearranged the sheets and the pillow. “Just lie here quietly, Miss; the doctor will be here soon. You’ll be able to ask him if you’re allowed to sit or get out of bed. In the meantime, try to keep calm so you can get well soon. It’s all up to you.”

  “You’re right, Nurse; you’re so right. It all depends on your will…your mind.”

  The nurse didn’t understand the deeper meaning of Mathilda’s words. Mathilda continued in a weak voice, “I’ll do everything you say, Nurse. I want to get well. I’d like to ask you to call Jacob—I want to see him, talk to him.”

  “After the doctor leaves, I’ll call him. I’ll tell him you want to see him. He was here already, as I told you, and sat here while you were unconscious. I’ve heard of your husband, the lawyer, and the trial. He really has a strong will. He’ll be released soon. Like I said, his wound was slight.”

  The doctor came in just then. He was a tall man wearing spectacles and had a serious expression on his face.

  “How do you feel?” he asked Mathilda as he placed his hand on her wrist to feel her pulse. “Nancy,” he asked the nurse, “
does she have a fever?”

  “Ninety-nine,” the nurse answered.

  “Her pulse is more stable, too.”

  “Doctor, she wants to see her husband, Jacob Barder, and she’d like to get out of bed already.”

  “Good.” The doctor smiled at Mathilda. “It means she’ll recover quickly.”

  “I’ll get well quickly, Doctor,” Mathilda said in a weak but resolute tone.

  The doctor didn’t respond to her words. He gave orders to the nurse and left. After a few moments, Nancy, the nurse, also left the room, and Mathilda remained alone. She closed her eyes, and all that had occurred in the trial passed before her.

  What would happen when she met Jacob again—after he had made such a great effort to defend her? These thoughts disturbed and bothered her. She felt so alone, more even than when she was in Russia, during the war and afterward, after Germany had been vanquished and she had been so depressed. She hadn’t known where to go or what to do until she met Jacob in that station house in Kiev. She asked herself why she had been attracted to him. Was it because of her desperate position or just curiosity? Anyway, she had, in the few months they were together, come to realize he was different than any other man she’d met in her young life. His honesty and integrity were amazing. The way he related to people, his understanding, and, in addition, his talent for convincing others of the right interpretation of law and order. There was no one like him! Above all, his pride, belief, and persistence and tenacity in his opinions. She thought perhaps there were no others like him. He had not changed in any way from the person she first met. It seemed to her that instead, she was beginning to change, to understand people more, to feel that many of those she knew in the past were empty, useless people.

  Lost in her thoughts, she suddenly heard a knock on the door and tried to sit up in bed, but the sharp pain the movement caused forced her to remain in a prone position. All her attention, however, was centered on the door. In the doorway, appeared… Jacob! A strange fear overwhelmed her. Soon he would judge her and pass sentence on the relationship between them. She closed her eyes and waited anxiously for his words.

  “How are you? Are you sleeping?” She heard his soft voice.

  “Oh, Jacob! It’s you. I didn’t expect… How good of you to come! I didn’t believe you would come here.” She stretched her arms out to him.

  “Why?” He smiled and held her warm hands in his. “You still have a fever; I can feel it.” He looked at the tablet hanging on her bed. “Yes, I see I’m right, but I hope you’ll get well quickly.”

  “Yes! I’ll be well very soon,” she promised him and tried to smile. “Because of you, I’ll get well. Because of you, I am free! How grateful I am to you. But because of me, you almost lost your life… All because of me.”

  “Not because of you at all, no! It was because of what I understand and believe in.”

  “And your persistence and your pride,” she whispered, and a wave of warm feeling washed over her. “What are they writing now in the newspapers? What are people saying? I can imagine. That you risked your life just to defend a member of the SS!”

  “We won’t talk about that now. Meanwhile, it’s all over. Sometimes, the twists and turns of life or fate force a person to choose the wrong path or make mistakes, and sometimes, suffering that you experience can open your eyes so you see your errors and change your ways.”

  Mathilda lay there quietly and drank in every word Jacob uttered. She could scarcely believe what she was hearing. She understood the meaning of his words, and she murmured, “How good it is you weren’t killed.”

  “I survived so I could come and help you.”

  “You haven’t changed at all.”

  “I always do what I understand is right, according to what my heart tells me to do.”

  “Maybe that’s why it’s so difficult for you in this cruel world…in this society.”

  “It’s good to hear you say that! Are you really admitting that the world is a cruel place? I don’t believe it!”

  “Jacob, dear, all that I have experienced in my young life up until the time I came here made me believe differently. Right after that first day when I heard your summing-up talk and the direction you were taking, I understood your defense of me was not because of your love for your lawful wife. It seems to me… Maybe I’m wrong, but I think I am going through some drastic changes in all my opinions and thoughts.”

  “Let’s forget the past! We have to live for the future! That future will someday be a better one.”

  “If there were more people like you, maybe there’d be some hope for the future.”

  “Maybe. But as long as you’re alive, you must have faith!”

  “I think a man like you has to be very cautious. There are people who threaten the life of someone like you.” Mathilda voiced her thoughts. Her voice became weaker, and she wanted to listen to what he had to say, to discover if he still loved her and how she would react now. If only she could get well quickly and thank him for all he had done for her and find out what the future held in store for her. Who would she be after she recovered? Would he continue to live with her?

  “I thought you’d just throw me to the dogs after…” She couldn’t finish the sentence because of the choking sensation in her throat. She coughed, and when he heard that, he held a glass of water with a straw to her lips.

  “Thank you! I owe you so much!”

  “You don’t have to thank me. Anyone would have done the same.”

  “You aren’t afraid for your life after you leave the hospital?” She asked and sipped some of the water.

  “No, I’m not afraid of any threats,” he said calmly. “After risking my life more than once, I’m not afraid anymore, not after all we went through and my life in the camps. But my life must have some content. Without content, life has no meaning.”

  “Maybe you’re right, Jacob,” she said. “Every man lives his life according to his deeds and his fate. I’m so grateful for your words of encouragement, but… But how can I repay you for all you have suffered because of me?”

  “I repeat that you don’t have to thank me.”

  “What’s going to happen now?” She tried to discover his feelings.

  “What’s going to happen now?” He smiled, understanding the meaning behind her question. She must be thinking that he didn’t want to live with her anymore, and she was worried about what would become of her.

  “I think…” she said, hesitating. What did he think of her?

  “I know what is going through your mind. You are wondering how we can go on together. I don’t know what will happen. You have to recover first, to leave the hospital, and then we’ll see what tomorrow will bring—how we can continue and if we can.” His last words made her fearful, and she wanted to stop talking about it, so she remained silent. Jacob, too, was silent.

  The last rays of the sun pierced the window and fell across her bed and her pale but still lovely face. The rays also played with her blue eyes, which glistened with unshed tears. Suddenly a noise was heard in the corridor, a dull noise, the moans of a sick woman who was probably just now being taken to her room.

  “They continually bring in sick and wounded people,” she commented, changing the subject. She wanted Jacob to stay with her. His presence diminished her feeling of loneliness even though she couldn’t determine how he felt about her and what he would do after she recovered and left the hospital. Suddenly she asked, “What is happening to Hannah Rubin?”

  “Did you notice her when she fired at us?” he asked, although he hadn’t wanted to discuss this subject with Mathilda.

  “It was so sudden that I didn’t even have time to draw away from her. I just saw the gun in her hand. Only now do I realize she wanted to kill me, to take revenge. How great is her strength after all she’s experienced,” said Mathilda, and there was a tone of understanding in her voice.

  “Yes, her will to revenge herself for all the suffering that your countrymen caused her is ve
ry strong!”

  “I can understand her,” Mathilda said, without reacting to Jacob’s words about the Germans. “What will happen to her?”

  “I am going to try and defend her, because I can imagine what terrible suffering she experienced. She probably won’t want me to defend her, but I’m not going to let her refuse. I’ll ask the court to give me the task. My parents and my friends and all the rest of the people will probably now call me a pacifist and abnormal, but maybe others, when they hear my defense, will understand. Misunderstanding is the cause of most of the trouble in this world.”

  Before Mathilda could respond, Nancy the nurse entered and asked Jacob to leave the room.

  “She must rest quietly. You’ll have plenty of time to talk. I know she’s your wife and you want to be with her, but she must rest to recover and leave the hospital.”

  “Yes, Nurse, I know. I’ll leave at once. She still has a fever and must rest.”

  Jacob left the room. He didn’t hear Mathilda cry after him, “Please come back! I beg you, please come and visit me!”

  “He’ll be here!” The nurse calmed her with a big smile. “You have to lie here quietly if you want to get well.”

  The nurse saw that Mathilda was nervous and excited. When she took her temperature, it had risen to 100 degrees, so she brought a tranquilizer and injected it. Then she left the room. Mathilda sank into a deep sleep filled with nightmares of the past. Now she fled Russia… And now she jumped from the train… And landed with her parachute in the forest, covered in perspiration and fear. Ahh, that’s her… Mathilda saw Hannah holding the gun. She wanted to run away, but she couldn’t move; she wanted to scream, but her throat was too dry. She opened her eyes and saw she was lying in a hospital bed under a white sheet. It was so quiet. She remembered that Jacob had been to see her. He sat by her bed and talked to her. Oh, she was so lonely! She wanted to sit up and call Jacob to come back. Suddenly she heard the nurse’s voice. “Your fever is high again. You mustn’t get so excited or talk so much. You’ve got to rest! You hear?”