Offering her the shower first, he watched her walk into the bathroom still laughing at Chelsea’s horrified face when Trevor and Shay had stood up on the edge of the pool channeling their inner Guns and Roses, performing to most of the resort. To their credit, they hadn’t been half bad, even earning a standing ovation from some. Emptying his pockets at the dresser, he inspected the damage of red skin hiding under his natural tan. Catching a glimpse of Liv through the mirror, he shamelessly watched her undress through the crack of the door. Peeling her bathing suit off her dewy skin, she exposed small parts of her body when he craved to see every part. Stealing another look, her fingertips tested the temperature of the water as he watched in agony, wishing he could explore that body like it was the first time all over again. Cursing to himself, he gripped the dresser hanging his head. His hard-on growing inside his suit had him convinced that she was in fact, trying to kill him. How was he supposed to get through the night with her inspiring visions of getting her under him if he didn’t even trust himself to get through the next two minutes? It wasn’t enough that kissing her could have completely complicated things between them even further, but for more reasons than he could immediately mention, sex with her, was completely out of the question. It would do nothing in his efforts to keep things between them easy and civil. He was no good for her. Period. Why couldn’t he get that through his thick skull?
Dropping to the floor, he opted for pushups to relieve his throbbing. Not an easy endeavor when all his blood flow was aiming south; and he hoped. Hoped like hell that he had enough integrity to keep it together and keep his hands off his wife.
* * *
Lying down on the luxuriously thick comforter while Jax cleaned up, Alivia closed her eyes a moment against the terrible night’s sleep the night prior. What she hadn’t expected was to fall asleep. What she also hadn’t expected when she woke up, was to find Jax in nothing more than his underwear passed out peacefully beside her. Glancing at the balcony doors across the room at the sun setting, she knew they had to be somewhere, doing something, sometime soon, according to her crazy schedule, yet she still couldn’t take her eyes off of the beautiful man sound asleep beside her. Her heart growing heavy, she watched the slow rise and fall of his body, once again admiring the same considerable back that she had rubbed lotion on all day. And the same one that almost had her on her knees nearly begging for him. Seeing Shannon put her hands on him, rubbing his body, her man’s body, had her thoroughly ticked off. Silly, she knew, but she didn’t have the same confidence she once had when other women threw themselves at him. He had always reassured her when they were together that he was devoted to her and only her, and she wondered if he still felt the same way now.
Circling her eyes around his bicep that was nothing short of a piece of artwork, she wondered if he had been faithful while they were separated; the thought of another woman with him, under him, breaking her heart. Mentally tracing the outline of every muscle flexing, even in his sleep, she stuffed her hands underneath the covers. She didn’t trust herself not to touch him. To feel him intimately again. Her eyes lingering on his beautiful face, she smiled gently.
He was magnificent.
She had seen pictures of his parents once, the few that he had actually kept and although his father was a handsome man and his mother had been exquisite, Jax was a creation all of his own. His mouth twitching, it was all she could do not to inch forward and kiss the curve of his lips, showing him with her mouth just how much she had missed him. How much she still loved him. And how hard she was praying that he wouldn’t leave again.
“Stop watching me,” he murmured, his voice sleepy and rough.
His eyes still closed, a small grin graced his face against the pillow and she couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Watching his dimples dip above his carved jaw, he opened one lazy eye and she swore her heart had stopped beating. She loved this man so much and for a split second she was almost capable of forgetting the past year.
“Sorry,” she smiled, studying his heavy green eyes. Capable of forgetting the loneliness and the confusion. “Old habits die hard.”
His smile disappearing, she watched him across the pillows. He hadn’t liked that comment, the tight line of his mouth giving him away. Jumping at the loud knock on the door they watched each other another moment. Rolling out of the bed, he headed for the door treating her to nothing but muscle and bronzed skin. Standing outside dressed and ready to go, Chelsea and Trevor stepped inside looking around curiously at the messy bed and Jax in nothing but tight boxers. Her cheeks flushed at even the thought of her and Jax having sex, regardless of the fact that the image had been replaying in her mind all day. Promising to be ready to go in ten minutes, she darted into the bathroom to brush her teeth, sneaking a peek at Jax as he threw on grey shorts that hugged his ass sinfully and a blue shirt, all set to go.
Typical man.
Mulling over her outfit choices, she knew she should have chosen a simple black mini skirt, but for some crazy reason she didn’t want to question, she really wanted to grab Jax’s attention. Convinced she hadn’t completely slept off all the alcohol, liquid courage stepped in giving her the extra push she needed as she slipped on her skin tight hot pink open back dress and black heels. Opting for little makeup, her face already sun kissed from earlier, she applied some lip gloss and grabbed her purse off the bed.
Just breathe.
Opening the bedroom door, she stepped down onto the marble floor as Jax pushed away from the balcony railing, his eyes studying her from head to toe.
“Hot mama!” Chelsea mouthed quietly trying to hang up the phone with her chatty soon to be mother-in-law. She felt silly standing there as Jax watched her across the room. She didn’t know why his responsiveness was unnerving her now, it was exactly what she had wanted when she slipped on the dress. Perhaps it was the fact that her body had felt like it was on fire under his gaze all day or maybe she was just simply playing with fire, but either way, she knew that look in his eyes. And it was dangerous.
“Ready?” she asked, starting for the door wanting to leave before she lost all her nerve.
“Absolutely!” Trevor yelled, clapping his hands and reaching for Chelsea as they walked towards the door. Trevor was hanging tough, but she wasn’t sure how much longer the poor bachelor was going to last. Holding the heavy door open as they left, Jax allowed her to go first, before taking a hold of her arm, stopping her.
“If your intentions on wearing that dress was to see if I noticed,” he whispered beside her ear, sending shivers down her neck, “then know that you have my full attention, Mrs. Monaghan.”
* * *
Suggesting that they venture out of the resort to find a local dive bar to wreak a little havoc in, Jax was desperate to walk off the painful stiffness that he had been blessed with throughout dinner. He had barely been able to keep himself in check, finding any reason to be close to Liv while she pointed to interesting food on the menu and insisted he try some of her dessert. He enjoyed watching her face light up as the luau dancers paraded around the table with torches causing her to lean into him when they blew fire. The touching and laughing, both intentional and unintentional had been hitting him. Hard.
After following her lead earlier and taking a nap, he had opened his eyes seeing her gorgeous smile inches from his face reminding him what it was like to wake up next to her again. When she had mentioned “old habits dying hard,” it had pissed him off. It still pissed him off. He didn’t want that habit to end, certainly didn’t want to stop waking up next to her, the realization of that happening knocking the wind out of his lungs. He was headed down a slippery slope and if he allowed himself, he would cave and forget all the reasons he had ever left her in the first place. But she already knew his reasoning for leaving and she didn’t seem to see the urgency in his motives. Hadn’t said she agreed with him either. Did she not see what he saw?
Finally settling on the biggest dump they could find, he held the door for his friends
as they walked into the saloon more reminiscent of an old barn than an actual roadhouse. Appropriately named, “The Salt Licker” they were greeted by a crowd of locals downing shots of Jameson and draining the taps of Blue Ribbon, whistling along with a few middle-aged women singing about their countrymen doing them dirty.
Ordering a round of drinks they settled into a few high tops closely squeezed together.
“Truth or Dare?” Shay yelled over the authentic music getting Liv’s attention.
Looking up from her glass, he wasn’t all that surprised that she had switched to water. His sweet wife had never been one to hold her liquor for long, too much of a control freak to let anything fog her senses. Shooting a look to Chelsea and Shannon as Charlotte whispered something in her ear, he watched the sneaky grin cross her gorgeous face.
“Dare.”
Nope, his wife had never been one to drink like a fish, but she never backed down from a dare.
“Ballsy tonight aren’t we, boss lady?” Shay teased, crossing his arms across his chest. Although mildly juvenile, playing a healthy round of good old truth or dare when they all went out had quickly become a favorite pastime.
“That’s Mrs. Boss lady to you,” she smirked, sucking on a piece of ice waiting for her challenge; and he was pretty fucking sure that he’d never been so jealous of a piece of frozen water in all his life.
“Any ideas?” Shay asked.
Shaking his head, Jax bowed out. He was already in enough trouble with “Mrs. Boss Lady,” he was sitting this one out.
“I got one,” Trevor said, lowering his voice.
Agreeing, Shay laughed, “Alright, get up in front of this bar full of these cowhands and start singing a song.”
Rolling her eyes, Liv looked mildly bored at the challenge checking her phone.
“By Pitbull.”
Liv’s head shot up from her phone, the color draining from her pretty little face. He figured it would be difficult enough to get these people to listen to a country pop song, let alone a Spanish singer yelling out random verses like “Miami” and “309”. Recovering quickly, Liv slid off the bar stool signaling for the girls to follow her. Keeping his eyes set on the pink dress weaving through the crowd of basic flannel and denim, he watched as heads turned from men and women no doubt wondering if the four of them were somehow lost.
“This is gonna be good,” Shay snickered taking a quick shot.
The music started, as Pitbull filled the smoky room as bar patrons silently stared at the girls bouncing around singing about “yelling timber” and he couldn’t control his laughter.
“It almost seems cruel,” Shay laughed, taking another shot.
“So wrong,” Myles agreed, painfully shaking his head.
Jax wasn’t at all surprised when Liv led them from the small worn stage to the long oak bar as all four women began dancing coyote ugly style on the table top finally getting a rise out of the crowd. God bless them, they were all beautiful, but only Chelsea and Charlotte could actually carry a tune, which even then was giving them a lot of credit. And although his wife was nearly tone deaf, what she lacked for in vocals she more than made up for in dancing.
The woman knew how to move.
His eyes steady on her body, an overwhelming part of him just wanted her off that bar while the entire saloon erupted in whistles and catcalls. He knew it was all in good fun, but even if he wanted to drag her off that wooden bar top, he couldn’t move. She was too fascinating.
And that fucking dress.
After a much appreciated performance gaining them all a free round of drinks, Shannon had ruthlessly chatted his ear off; which was fine, but when her hands began doing the rambling for her, he could feel Liv’s irritation growing from two tables over. Catching him off guard, Shannon squeezed his groin as he switched his beer into his other hand moving her away. Without warning, Liv slid into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. Inhaling the soft coconut in her perfume, he contemplated how much trouble he would be in if he just placed his lips on the hollow of her neck, almost hoping for a punishment.
Taking the hint for the second time that day, Shannon stomped off finding Shay who was more than happy to give her the attention she desired.
“Want to get out of here?” she asked against his ear, her delicate breath firing up his body.
“Absolutely.”
Taking care of the tab, he followed Liv out of the bar not bothering to say goodbye to anyone because they were all too busy dancing. Apparently the natives really dug Pitbull’s music. Walking out into the humid midnight air, Liv moved her hand quietly into his, pulling him towards the back of the saloon. Hopping over a small tidal wall, he helped her down as they walked through the white sand towards the water’s edge. The sounds of the crowd and music disappearing over the resilient crashing of the waves. He had no idea why she brought him here, but having her all to himself was a gift. Maybe now that she was more comfortable she’d be more open to his apology? Or maybe this was another terrible idea. The breeze was thick offering some reprieve from the muggy night as he watched her stop at the tip of the water, putting her feet in gently. He needed something, anything to know where her head was. He couldn’t take this push and pull nightmare they were both living anymore. Looking up at him, she looked vulnerable and he was all but prepared to drop to his knees and beg for forgiveness. Yet, he desperately wanted her to blame him too. To be so angry causing her to push him away so that he would have no choice but to keep distance between them, achieving what he had set out to do a year ago. Her hair bouncing around her face, she looked conflicted, the emotions dancing across her face. She was holding back, he could feel it as she shivered, wrapping her arms around herself, the heavy chill blowing harder off the water. Instinctively he wrapped her into his arms, warming her up. Resting his chin on her head gently, they stared out at the ocean in silence. Having her in his arms made him feel whole again.
This is where this woman belongs.
If only he could convince himself of that. Turning around in his arms, she studied him a second.
“You need to know that you weren’t the cause of my breakdown,” she said over the loud breeze, the rough waves crashing against the pillars.
“Liv,”
“-No,” she shot back quickly grabbing the ends of her hair blowing in both of their faces. He hadn’t known what she was going to say, but looking down into her pained eyes, he didn’t know how to answer her either. He had been the reason. The pressures of his life had fallen onto his family and had nearly taken her from him.
Permanently.
“Jax, I threw myself into work,” she pressed, searching his face as if looking for an indication that he agreed with her.
But he didn’t.
“I drove myself into the ground because I panicked,” she continued, placing her hands on his shoulders. He needed to be careful or he was going to crack. Months and months spent holding it together was going to shatter into a pair of desperate blue eyes.
“Yes, it was rough dealing with my father and the media from the rumors, but none of that was your fault.”
Moving her delicately chilled hands up to his face, she forced him to look at her. “Why you just up and left like that, I don’t think I’ll ever understand,” she whispered, not taking her eyes off of him.
“I’m sorry, Liv,” he whispered. “I-“
Her lips crushing against his, she cut him off like a blow to the head. Grabbing her hips without thinking twice, he pulled her against him, relishing the feel of her collapsing against him. Bringing their mouths closer, he devoured her honeyed lips, both warm and feeling like home. Stroking his tongue in perfect unison with hers, it felt like the first time kissing her all over again, yet somehow more risky. So much more at stake. For as intoxicating as she was, he wasn’t good for her. This wasn’t good for her. But how could it not be when it felt so fucking right? He could kiss this mouth every second of every day for the rest of his life if she’d let him, her small whim
pers only encouraging him.
Running her hands through his hair, her mouth dipped to his neck.
He was weak.
An incredibly weak fucking man for this woman and he was damn tired of enduring the torture without her. But was falling back into bed with her and promising her things he wasn’t completely sure he could deliver, the best idea?
The urgency and vulnerability in her kiss gave him his answer as he pulled her tighter against him.
Maybe.
Maybe he could do better by her.
This time.
Because he would rather have both his legs broken than be forced to go another minute without this.
Without her.
* * *
Wrapping her arms around Jax tighter, Alivia held onto him for support, fairly certain her body was going to give out at any moment. Melting into him as his strong mouth ruthlessly kissed her, she had no idea what had gotten into her. Maybe it was feeling his touch all day or maybe it was the tequila, or possibly the guilt she felt about his rationale for leaving, but whatever it was, it felt damn good to be back in his arms again. Kissing her like a man taking his first sip of water after being lost in the desert, she knew they hadn’t solved much, but she was so tired of fighting it. She would find out the answers later, for now, she just wanted to enjoy his hands on her, his fingers gripping her back and his lips on her mouth. And what amazing lips they were.
False Start (Mavericks #1) Page 18