Their lips meeting stronger than she intended, a quiet moan escaped her mouth and she swore she was coming undone. The urgency in his kiss and the idea that he had planned all of this for her was overwhelming. Giving her hands permission to roam his back, she slipped her cool palms inside his jacket feeling the heat of his body between his dress shirt and wool jacket.
Groaning against her lips, he paused their kiss. “You’re killing me, Star,” he complained. “I’m not going to make it through dinner.”
“Well, would that be such a bad thing?” she asked, taking in his now pained, but beautiful face. The lights above highlighting the wide set of his jaw.
“Usually, no. But I was thinking that you’d be dessert tonight.” He winked, placing a small kiss on her nose.
“But I’m a firm believer in having dessert first, it’s the best part of the meal,” she grinned. She wanted him. Now. “So why wait?”
Watching his face shift from lust to promise, he brushed a small piece of hair off her cheek. “Because I promise you darling, it will be so much sweeter if you do.”
Ever the gentleman that he was, he pulled out her chair, chuckling. Sitting down she immediately ran her finger along the base of the empty glass flute, smiling to herself.
“These are the champagne flutes from our wedding,” she said, admiring the beautiful stemware.
“Yes,” he smiled shyly filling her glass with Monet. “I searched for those suckers all damn day.”
Filling his glass, he set the champagne bottle aside, the flute so small and dainty in his large hands.
“A toast,” he ordered, looking across the table at her, the flickering candles picking up flecks inside his dark green eyes. “To a new ending.”
His eyes didn’t leave hers as he tapped her glass lightly, taking a sip. A new ending. She liked that as she finally allowed the cool liquid to run down her throat. Because the only ending she wanted to anything in life was one with Jax by her side.
Filling her glass with more champagne, she moaned in appreciation taking another sip. “This is incredible.”
“Wait until you see what’s for dinner,” he said, getting up from the table. He was so excited. And absolutely adorable.
Kissing her hand, he disappeared inside. Watching him go, she could hardly contain her drool. She would have thought that after six years with the man now getting ready to serve her dinner, that she would have gotten used to the inherit sex and charm that rolled off of him, but no. He was still as sexy, maybe even sexier, than the day she had met him. Leaning back in her chair, she looked up at the string of lights shining brightly against the black backdrop of the sky. Closing her eyes, she silently prayed that it would always be like this with him. That they could move forward freely and easily and create that new ending. The same one they had just toasted to.
* * *
Fighting the urge to unbutton his pants like it was Thanksgiving dinner, Jax sat back in his chair listening to Liv talk animatedly about all the plans for the draft party and the little surprises she had in store for Chelsea’s wedding. She was happy and relaxed, he could see it and he couldn’t have been more pleased that she had enjoyed everything so far.
“Do you want to come with me?”
Shaking his head from the trace of just watching her, he looked back at her as she took another sip of champagne.
“I’m sorry, what was the question?” he asked, resting his arms on the table. “I was too busy watching you.”
“I asked if you wanted to come with me to scout out the entertainment company we’re looking to hire for the draft party?” she asked, her cheeks a shade pinker. “Should be fun.”
The way she was looking at him right now, he’d do anything under the sun for her.
“I’m there,” he said, draining the last of his champagne. “Maybe we can make it a group thing? All of us go out and blow off some steam.”
“Well, that’s a great idea, Captain,” she smiled, reaching across the table for his hand. “I know my team could use a little bit of a break.”
Looking down at their fingers intertwined, he was still trying to process the past two weeks and how everything went from complete shit to almost perfect.
Picking up a rose petal off the table with her other hand, Liv rubbed it between her fingers. “Thank you for this, Jax,” she said looking across the table. “For all of this.”
She hasn’t seen anything yet.
Winking, he stood up from the table, walking across the deck. Smiling, he turned on his iPod. “It’s not over just yet.”
The melody of a guitar filled the night air, replacing the chirping of crickets and insects with the instrumental hums of their wedding song. Cheesy, he knew, but bringing Liv to her feet and taking her into his arms, he didn’t care. Smiling shyly, she looked up at him, her round eyes bright. He loved those eyes. And they were truly the window to her soul, always a telltale sign of what she was feeling in that exact moment. Right now he was pleased to see that they were filled with joy.
“May I have this dance Mrs. Monaghan?”
“Was that even a question?” she teased.
“Not really, no.”
Resting her head on his chest, he smiled into the top of her head. He had never been a fan of dancing, had only ever did it to make her happy, but in his moment he couldn’t think of one thing he would rather being doing and just like the song singing around them, he could not ask for more.
A tear falling on his hand, he moved back searching Liv’s face, her eyes as shiny as glass. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“I just never thought we would do this again,” she whispered, almost as if reading his mind. Another tear escaping her eye, it ran down her cheek leaving a small stream of wetness in its wake. Shaking her head, she was trying hard to contain them, of that he could see, looking more scared than he was going to allow.
“I know,” he exhaled, cupping his hands around her face. Removing the tears with his thumb, he wanted to erase all the pain he had caused. He knew it wasn’t realistic, but he would do his damndest until his last breath to make sure she was happy again. No more tears.
“I don’t think my brain has fully caught up to how quickly everything has happened,” he admitted, moving her chin up towards him. “But what I do know is that my heart is still aching for you. I want you back, Liv. All of you.”
Kissing her salty lips from the tears, he wanted her forgiveness, wanted her trust, and wanted all of her love again. He didn’t deserve it, but damn it, he needed it so he could take care of her. The way he was supposed to the first time.
“I love you,” he whispered, between her full lips. He wanted her to feel his sincerity. To feel his love. And more than anything, he wanted her to say it back.
* * *
Alivia felt like royalty dancing under the long stream of lights surrounded by flowers and candles. And if it weren’t for her grasping onto Jax’s broad back for support, she would have been convinced that it was all a dream. The way he was kissing her with such perseverance and desperation had her heart pounding all kinds of crazy against the inside of her chest. She knew he loved her. He wouldn’t have left her if it hadn’t been for him thinking he was protecting her and wouldn’t be standing here in the middle of this amazing evening he had planned for her if he didn’t. But hearing him say it out loud again, had her speechless. Running her hands through his hair, she pulled him closer, standing on the balls of her feet, matching his urgency. She wanted him to know that she too, wanted all of him back.
That she needed all of him back.
She often believed that she wasn’t worthy of him. That an amazing and talented man such as him deserved so much more than a weak wife with unattainable expectations of herself, but the assurance of hearing that he still loved her was more than she could have hoped for. Crouching down, he gripped his hands on either side of her hips, throwing her over his shoulder before she even had a chance to process what he was doing. Letting out a startled squeal,
she let her arms dangle down his back, squeezing his round ass through his wool pants. Laughing, she slapped his butt as he moved toward the back door and through the kitchen.
“Caveman much?”
“Damn it woman, I can’t take anymore,” he insisted, effortlessly walking up the stairs.
Feeling his big hands run up her bare legs past the hem of her skirt with each step he took, had her wild. Reaching the top step, he busted through the double doors to their bedroom making quick strides across the large room. Releasing her from his shoulder, she fell back lightly against the pile of pillows covering their bed, her eyes taking a moment to adjust. Looking around her she saw the same bouquets, candles, and rose petals that decorated the kitchen and back deck also covering nearly every inch of their bedroom.
It was breathtaking.
Taking off his suit jacket at the bottom of the bed, he threw it on the chair beside him as he undid his tie. She wasn’t sure if it was his eyes boring into hers or how sexy he looked loosening that tie, but it was reminding her of how anxious she had been to get him naked earlier. Throwing the blue tie on top of the jacket, he unbuttoned the cuffs of his sleeves, his eyes never leaving hers. Rolling up his sleeves in slow movements, he treated her to his huge forearms, looking like a man preparing to get dirty and put in some hard work. Clenching to calm parts of her that now physically hurt, she licked her lips watching him, calling to him with her body. Groaning, he moved on top of her burying his face into the crook of her neck, biting her gently. Wrapping her arms around his neck, he continued to suck the smooth spot of her neck as she arched herself against the strong weight of him. Cupping her ass, he pushed his hard length against her, subsiding some of the pressure below her pelvis. Even through layers of clothing, she could feel how ready he was; his kisses powerful, his touch thrilling as he slowly traveled down her neck.
The conundrum with Jax had always been where to touch him first; wanting to feel every part of him all at once. She loved to run her hands over his enormous back feeling every hard earned muscle tighten under her fingertips. She needed to grip onto his giant shoulders for support as he pressed down on her body, teasing her. And she craved to outline each oval ripple of his abdomen with her tongue, all before feeling his solid, round ass clench as he drove into her. Feeling him tug at her blouse, he pulled it out of her skirt as she began unbuttoning his shirt to let her exploring begin. Sitting up, she let him slowly remove her top, causing her body to break out in goosebumps with each brush of his fingertips before tossing it aside. Her hands frantically moving down his white dress shirt, she quickly undid each button. Grabbing her wrists, he stopped them in the middle of his firm stomach.
“We have all night, Star,” he whispered, the candlelight glowing across the side of his determined face. Easing her onto her back, he pinned her hands softly above her head. “I’m going to take my time with you tonight.”
Running deliberate kisses from her lips, down her chin, and past her neck, he took her breast into his free hand, teasing the swell around her bra. He knew her breasts were her most sensitive spot, yet he continued to torture her. But it was alright, she would get him back. Like he said, they had all night. Arching her back, she pushed her body into his as he released her hands, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra. Throwing the purple material behind her, hitting the wall it disappeared behind the bed. Taking her hard nipple into his mouth, he bit gently, making love to each of them with his mouth. He was destroying her. And for as much as she appreciated him making love to her body and taking his time, she wasn’t sure how much more she could endure.
Traveling his lips across her chest and down her belly, he stopped at the top of her skirt, before realizing that it was too tight to just slip down her legs. Moving to unzip it, he stopped her. Biting the small zipper on the side of her hip, he unzipped the smooth material with his teeth slowly, sliding the skirt down her long legs, as he took her underwear with it. Sitting back on his haunches, she watched his dark eyes study her entire body realizing that there was no going back now. That if she gave herself over to him and made love to him, than that meant she forgave him. The night they had spent together in Clearwater and every time after that had just been sex spiked with heavy emotions and pent up frustration. But he had said that he loved her and between the beautiful night he had planned and the love she was seeing in his eyes right now, she knew if she did give herself to him completely, than it meant she needed to give her heart over completely as well.
Jax’s lips just below her bellybutton brought her back into the moment, as she stirred her hands lightly through his hair. After having twins and gaining over sixty pounds, she was still a bit self-conscious of her naked body, especially in comparison to his professionally trained physique. Her once flat and naturally toned belly was a little squishier now, her previous narrow hips, a bit wider. Feeling her legs shift over his shoulders in one movement, his mouth was on her before she was even able to see him disappear between her legs. Her eyes rolling in the back of her head, his mouth came over her, relentlessly teasing and deliberately slow.
“Jax,” she breathed, biting back from the leisurely sucking with that glorious tongue of his. “I want you to make love to me. Right now.”
Pausing, he moved up between her now burning legs, ache and coolness replacing his tongue. He was quiet a moment as she stared back at him, unsure if he was going to answer.
“Is that right?” he finally asked, grinning back at her. The sound of his pants zipper cut through the silence and she was surprised he was actually listening to her instead of taking total control like he usually did. Focusing on her steady breathing she watched him strip down to nothing. She wanted to rediscover him again. Wanted him to remind her what it was like to make love to him. And she didn’t want to wait another moment longer. Without a chance to prepare, he plunged into her, huge and hot filling her all at once. It had always been a snug fit with Jax, as she hissed against the carnal force closing her eyes, loving how slowly he opened her with every measured thrust.
Grabbing onto his biceps, she welcomed the strength and power behind each drive as he picked up his pace.
“Open your eyes,” he demanded, his breath jagged and she knew he was starting to find his own pleasure. “I want you to see what you do to me.”
Fluttering her eyes open, she slowed her rhythm, allowing him to set the pace. Looking down at her, his eyes a hundred shades of green, the light from the candles shined on his dimples as she relished in the fullness inside of her. Bringing his lips down to hers, she kissed him with all of her soul feeling like it was the first time all over again and she couldn’t help but remember their toast from dinner.
A new ending.
Maybe this was the beginning of that new ending because what she was feeling in that moment had nothing to do with lust or sexual chemistry or pent up emotions and frustrations. No, this was love. And she felt like she was falling in love all over again. All of the confusion, anger and hurt being washed away with each kiss, each thrust, and each smile. It was exhilarating. And terrifying.
Picking up his pace, Jax’s breathing grew heavier and she knew he was on the brink. She had been on the edge the second she walked into the door and saw him and she was relieved to finally be able to let go. To dwell in the powerful and unexplainable things that he did to her inside and out. Meeting his thrusts, she squeezed tighter, her mind and body giving in as she rode out the shock inside her body as he pushed into her harder two more times, yelling out, finding his own release.
His body slamming against her, he groaned into her neck as she fought for her own breath.
“Holy shit, Star.”
“Yeah. Holy shit.”
* * *
Jax hadn’t thought it was possible to be so weak from sex, but sex with Liv took him to new planes of consciousness. Both having put everything they had into what just happened, his pulse finally returned to normal as he ran his fingers through Liv’s hair as she lay across his chest, her bre
athing evening out as well. To say the night had been an epic success would be an understatement and he was thoroughly pleased about that.
“I forgive you,” Liv’s coarse voice cut quietly through the comfortable silence not moving from his chest. He could feel her heart pounding against his body as he paused his hands in her hair.
“What did you say?” he asked, wanting to make sure he had heard her correctly.
“I said I forgive you.” She sat up holding the covers over her chest. “I understand why you did what you did and although I don’t agree with it,” she cleared her throat looking at him. “I guess I appreciate it,” she shook her head shyly. “In some odd way.”
Watching her search for the words she wanted to say, he just wanted to hold her. None of this bullshit mattered. Not anymore. The worst was behind them and they were looking to the future. They were stronger now. But he knew she needed to get this out. She needed to speak her peace.
“I love you and I am so proud of the life you have made and all the hard work and dedication you have put in to your career. I could never want any of that to go away,” she urged grabbing his hands. “You have to believe that, Jax.”
Looking down nervously at their hands in her lap, she continued. “I just tried to take on too much, all at the same time, and honestly,” she trailed off, shaking off the tears. “I had all this guilt with my father because I hate him.” She looked at him and he knew that it destroyed her to say that. His wife was the most accepting, giving person he knew, she wasn’t hateful.
“I hate him for leaving,” she said swatting away a tear. “I hate him for coming back and making me promises he knew he couldn’t keep and then dying on me.” She breathed back. “And I hate him for not telling me where to find my sister.”
Not looking at him, she wiped her cheeks, the tears beginning to fall making his heart ache. This woman had no idea what she did to him.
“I mean, I have a sister that I don’t even know how to find.” Her voice broke and he could see the pain. “I had more on my plate than I could handle and instead of taking a step back and asking for help, I was too prideful.”
False Start (Mavericks #1) Page 23