by L. A. Casey
“‘Cause you move like a ninja.”
Keela chuckled, and when I turned to face her, my smile vanished when I saw her eyes were red and swollen.
“What’s wrong?”
She blinked. “Nothin’, why?”
I lifted my hands to her face and gently brushed my fingers under her eyes.
“You were crying.”
Keela waved me off. “I just had a bad dream.”
“About what?”
She looked away from me. “Those noodles smell good.”
I turned her head back in my direction and frowned down at her. I hate seeing her upset in any way, and knowing something made her cry, even if it was a dream, made my stomach roil.
“Alec, I’m fine, honey.”
“Then tell me what made you cry.”
She swallowed. “It’s just ... that ... that nightmare I used to have, remember?”
My entire body tensed, and my heart rate pick up its pace. She hadn’t had that nightmare in years and knowing that those images were once again in her beautiful mind cut me to the bone. She only had that nightmare because of me. Everything about it was my fault.
“Kitten.”
“I’m fine.”
She didn’t move a muscle.
“Keela.”
She closed her eyes. “It was ... I saw them ... touchin’ ye’ again.”
Sickness filled my gut, and my heart just about shattered. I tightened my hold on my wife.
“I have never been touched until you first lay your hands and lips on my body. I have never been touched in any way that matters until there was you. You’re the only person on this Earth to own me mind, body, and soul.”
Keela began to cry.
“I know,” she sniffled. “I know this. I know ye’ were forced into what happened. Me mind just likes to torture me. I’m sorry.”
It had been a long time since we spoke about our past, mainly because we’d moved beyond it and started a new life together. I knew my wife had accepted what had happened, but knowing it still hurt her, hurt me.
“You saved me.” I said, brushing loose strands of hair behind her ear. “You gave me my life, my babies, and my happiness.”
She looked up at me, and her beauty stunned me. She had more laughing lines around her eyes, but her energy for life shone brighter than ever within them. We were in our forties now but being with her still made me feel twenty-eight. She was my rock, my heart, and there was nothing on this planet that I wouldn’t do for her.
“I wouldn’t change anythin’ about what happened,” Keela said, surprising me. “Gettin’ through that got us to today. I love our life together, I love our babies, and I love you so much it sometimes doesn’t feel real that I am this happy. I don’t know why I had that stupid dream, but it means nothin’. It hasn’t meant anythin’ for a very long time. All that matters is you, Alec. You’re amazin’ the way ye’ are, and I would never change anythin’ that made ye’ the man and father ye’ are today. You’re my perfect, ye’ always have been.”
I kissed her the second she finished speaking, and we only broke apart when cheering and fake heaving filled the room as Alfie and Miller came downstairs to eat their noodles. Keela smiled up at me and pecked my lips once more before she turned to the boys and settled them at the table. I watched her as I leaned against the counter, and as per usual, I silently thanked God for blessing me with a woman who gave my life meaning.
My heart was full and happy, but I remembered a time when it wasn’t. Things weren’t always so perfect for me or my brothers ... but I had a secret that only one brother and one woman knew, and if I had my way, it’d stay that way. There weren’t a lot of things I was able to protect my brothers or my wife from in the past, but some secrets were better left unspoken. I’d do anything for my wife and family, and keeping things from her that could never be changed was one of them.
CHAPTER TWO
Fifteen years old ...
When I woke up that morning, I was on cloud nine. I had finally lost my virginity ... well, when it came to fucking a guy, at least. Like my older brothers, I had pussy on demand whenever I wanted it. Gang bunnies always hung around the compound and were more than eager to fuck anyone who would let them. I let them fuck me a lot, and they let me fuck them a lot ... but I frequently got an itch that no pussy could scratch. I wasn’t exactly sure when I realised I was bisexual, but when I started to like girls in a sexual way, I started to like guys in the same way, too. I just never acted on it because of the homophobes I lived with.
That and I was too terrified to tell my brothers the truth about my sexuality in case they shut me out. Those four were my reason for living, so I could never take the chance and tell them because the risk of losing them was too high. I hated that I thought they would react badly to me liking guys as much as I liked girls when my mind and heart told me they wouldn’t give a shit, but the fear of them possibly reacting badly had me keeping it to myself.
I hated keeping secrets.
I entered my family’s wing of the compound, and when I entered out kitchen, I found my mom sitting at the dining table.
“Hi, Mom.”
Mom glanced up at me. “You’re so pretty, baby boy.”
I smiled at her, but it didn’t come from my heart. I didn’t love this woman, and she didn’t love me. I had known from a young age that Ryder was my mom and dad rolled into a big brother, and I accepted that. I just wished I didn’t have to see my parents and pretend we were anything other than co-workers because that was all they were. Being forced to be around them all the time and pretend I liked them left a sour taste in my mouth.
“Do you have yourself a girlfriend yet, Alec baby?”
She never called just by my name, everything she labelled me with had to be accompanied by the word baby, and it ground my gears.
I scratched my neck. “No, Mom, I haven’t found a girl to take home to you yet.”
Not that I’d ever put a girl through the pain of meeting a bitch like you.
She was too immersed in her phone to hear my reply, and she didn’t care enough to pretend otherwise. I turned and made myself some cereal, ignoring some of my dad’s men when they strolled into the kitchen. They greeted me, and I nodded at them in return. Corbin, my dad’s main head of security, leaned down and kissed my mom on the neck, making her giggle. I gritted my teeth. It was no secret my mom had different lovers, and my dad had many of his own, too. They had an open marriage, and I think it was the only reason they managed to remain together. They fucked other people, then they eventually always came back to one another. The only people they loved were one another, but it wasn’t real love. It couldn’t be.
If I loved a woman or a man, I’d never share them with anyone else, and if they wanted someone other than me, then they never loved me in the first place. That was what I believed after growing up and watching my father allow other men to be intimate with his wife.
“Alec?”
I looked at Corbin when he addressed me, and said, “Yeah?”
“Do you mind if I steal your mom for a while?”
My stomach churned in disgusted. I absentmindedly lifted my hand to the rosary beads that I wore around my neck. I wasn’t a very religious person, but my beads relax me whenever I touched them.
“I don’t mind.” I turned back to my cereal.
I heard them leave the room, and I shook my head when the sound of a hand slapping skin sent a shiver of repulsion up my spine. I knew he had slapped her ass in anticipation of what they were about to do. My mom was beautiful; she had long dark brown hair, bright blue eyes, and thanks to her plastic surgeon, she had a stunning face and body, but that beauty was only skin deep. I think Corbin knew that as well, but he didn’t care about her heart and what was inside it. He just wanted what was between her thighs. It was all any of the men she played with wanted, and she was more than willing to give it up if it made her their focus for a while.
I sat at the now vacant dining tabl
e with my cereal, and I had just finished it when my dad suddenly stormed onto the room. He looked angry, and when his cool, grey eyes landed on me, I could have sworn I saw them twist in rage. My heart stopped, and fear wrapped around me like a blanket. I knew he was going to beat on me ... I knew it in my heart.
“I didn’t do anything.” I said as I jumped to my feet and tried to run out of the room, but he was bigger and faster than me. He caught me by my hair and slammed me to the ground. I couldn’t cry out or make any sound other than a groan of pain. It was like a scream was clogged in my throat and couldn’t escape.
“Dad,” I rasped when I rolled onto my back. “What’d I do?”
“You’re a faggot!”
I widened my eyes just as hit boot made contact with my groin and blinding pain attacked my nerves. I cupped my crotch, curled up, and writhed silently in pain. I had never experienced a sensation so agonising as it consumed my body. I felt hot tears sting at the corners of my eyes before they fell in big, fat droplets. I couldn’t move, the searing hot agony that spread outward from my groin seemed to paralyse my muscles.
“A security camera tagged you fucking one of runners after a product drop.”
He was circling me now, like a shark stalking its prey. I cried harder when he kicked the base of my spine. I had never been in so much physical pain in my life, but it was nothing compared to the hurt that spread throughout my heart. I knew my dad held no love for me or my brothers, but being on the receiving end of his cruelty hurt me in more ways than one.
“You’re a fucking faggot!” Dad spat before he rounded on me and kicked my stomach. “Do you think you can fuck guys within the compound, and it wouldn’t get back to me?”
I turned my head to the side and vomited at the contact.
“Dad,” I choked. “Please—”
He leaned down on one knee next to me and raised his hand. A punch to my face cut me off, and this time, an audible cry escaped me.
“Oh, so now you’re gonna fucking cry!” Dad cruelly taunted. “You can’t take a whooping like a man, so you have to cry like the little bitch you are?”
I gritted my teeth and forced myself not to make a sound. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed my tears to go away. I refused to show him just how much he broke me down. I could never let him know just how badly his words cut me.
“I can take it.”
Dad grunted a laugh and hit me again. That punch to the face sent me spiralling into darkness, and I welcomed it. I suddenly felt no more pain as numbness consumed me. Nothing had ever felt better ... until the agony returned. I felt hands on my shoulder, and when they shook me, pain shot up my spine, and caused me to groan.
“Alec?” I heard a sharp intake of breath. “Alec, who did this to you?”
I opened my eyes, and for a second, I jolted with fear because I thought my dad was still hovering over me, but when I focused my eyes, I realised it was Ryder. Fear, worry, and anger shone in his eyes. He turned his head and called for someone. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them next, Kane was in my face.
“Are you okay, Alec?”
I tried to smile to assure him I was okay, but a wince was all I could muster. I wasn’t okay, my body was screaming that I wasn’t, but for my brothers, especially my younger brothers, I had to hold it together.
“Alec,” Ryder’s voice repeated firmly. “Who did this to you?”
I lifted one eye, and said, “Dad.”
Ryder’s eyes flashed with anger.
“Don’t ... don’t go to him about it,” I pleaded as fear filled me. “He’ll just come back and beat me again for needing you to defend me.”
“You’re fifteen,” Ryder scowled. “He shouldn’t be hitting on you like this. Your entire face is swollen, and I think your ribs may be cracked.”
The pain when I inhaled and exhaled told me my brother’s theory was mostly correct.
“I’ll be fine,” I said through gritted teeth as the pain throbbed away. “Just get me to my room, and I’ll be fine.”
The next ten minutes involved me gritting my teeth to cope with the pain as my brothers helped me get to my bedroom. When I finally lay down on my bed, tears were falling down my face. Before I could reach up and wipe them away, Kane did it for me, careful not to press too hard on my swollen face. I felt my shoes being pulled off and then my T-shirt and jeans. I opened my eyes and realised that Ryder had cut my clothes from my body with scissors, so he could see the damage.
“I’ll kill him.”
Panic surged through me.
“No, don’t,” I begged. “Ry, you know going against him will only make him hurt you and me. Please.”
Ryder struggled to remain calm. I saw him flex his fingers before his balled his hands into fists. His body trembled, and I knew anger roared through him for what had happened to me.
“Tell me why he did this to you.”
I closed my eyes. “I can’t.”
My words barely a whisper.
“Why, Alec?” Ryder and Kane said in unison.
“Because you’ll hate me,” I said, hating when tears stung my eyes. “You’ll disown me.”
“Alec,” Ryder said, his face pale. “Nothing you could ever do would make us reject you. Do you hear me? You’re our brother, and we love you.”
My tears fell. They slid down my temple and blended into my hairline.
“I ... I got caught having sex on camera,” I began, closing my eyes to give me the courage to voice what needed to be said. “With ... with a guy.”
Things were silent but only for a moment.
“Okay,” Ryder said tentatively. “What else happened for Dad to hurt you so bad?”
I opened my eyes. “That was the reason he attacked me.”
Kane leaned forward. “Are you telling me Dad beat you bloody because you had sex with a guy? Are you kidding me?”
I shook my head and winced. Everywhere fucking hurt.
“Do you think I’m disgusting?”
Ryder and Kane shared a look, then looked back at me with raised brows.
“Because you like guys?” Kane asked. “Alec, I know lots of gay guys. Why would you think something so normal would be wrong?”
My heart slammed into my chest as warmth filled me.
“I ... I was scared you wouldn’t think that.”
“Being gay is on the same wavelength as being straight. It’s not a problem.”
I looked at Kane. “I’m not gay. I’m bisexual. I like both.”
“I always knew you liked both genders,” Ryder commented and surprised the hell out of me. “Your face is expressive when you’re around people you’re attracted to, little brother. I just waited until you wanted to tell us before I mentioned anything.”
I felt my eyes widen. I had no idea Ryder knew I was bisexual. I looked back and forth between my brothers, and there was no anger or disgust in their eyes, just concern. They really didn’t feel any type of way about me not being straight. They just accepted it and moved right along to the actual problem—me being hurt. I wanted to sob my heart out. All this time I had been so scared of them reacting like my dad did, and instead, they were supportive and understanding like I knew they would be deep down.
“You guys don’t know how relieved I am,” I said. “After what Dad did to me, I feared the worst.”
Ryder set his jaw. “Forget about him, he’s a piece of shit. I’m going to get the doctor to come and look at you.”
When he left the room, I looked at Kane, and said, “Do I look as bad as I feel?”
He nodded. “Worse. You look uglier than usual.”
When I laughed, I winced in pain, but at that moment I didn’t care. My brothers knew me, the real me, and loved me all the same. I didn’t need anyone as long as I had them. Ryder was right when he said, ‘Fuck dad.’ Everyone else who stood against us could get fucked too. We needed no else. I needed no one else.
TRIGGER WARNING:
The following chapter contains details of rape
and attempted suicide. Please skip chapter three of Alec’s part in BROTHERS if you’re are not comfortable with reading the subject matter.
CHAPTER THREE
Twenty-two years old ...
It was only a date. I could handle a simple fucking date.
I shook my head as I stared at myself in the full-length mirror in my bedroom. Tonight was my first night as Marco’s hired out escort to a big client, and my stomach had been sick all day about it. I was a confident guy, I knew what I looked like, and I knew how easily I could make people laugh and smile when I wanted to. I rarely got nervous or had any self-doubt, but tonight, I was filled with both. It had been a year to the day since my parents died, and I still felt only relief to have them out of my life. I knew that was horrible of me, but that was just the way I felt. I hated my parents, and I was pretty sure that before they died, they hated me and my brothers too.
Their death hurt Damien, my youngest brother, the most, and like a ripple effect, their deaths caused the death of another at the hand of my little brother. Being an escort was all part of a deal my brothers struck. Marco didn’t have to think twice about how he would make me pay off Damien’s life debt; he knew from the jump what he wanted me to do, and I didn’t give it much thought until now.
“Are you nervous?”
I jumped when Ryder spoke. I lifted my head, and through the mirror I saw that he was leaning against my doorway, his arms folded over his chest. I smiled for his sake because he suddenly looked at lot older than his twenty-five years, and I knew it was because of the deal we made with Marco. He was the head of our family now, officially at least. Ryder had always been the head of our family; our parents just never realised it.
“Nah,” I said, uncaring. “I’ve been on dozens of dates before for Marco in the past year. I’ve got this.”
Ryder didn’t move a muscle.
“I’m fine,” I pressed. “Don’t worry about me.”
He snorted. “Easier said than done. I always worry about you guys.”
“Well, you don’t have to. We have these jobs to protect Damien, and once we meet Marco’s quota, we’ll be free of him and this shitty life forever.”