by L. A. Casey
“That’s what I keep telling myself.” Ryder sighed.
He entered the room and came to my side, looking into the mirror with me.
“It’s weird that we all look so much alike, but none of us are a pretty as you.”
I grinned. “God didn’t realise what he was doing by making me this sexy. I’m sure he made the four of you so ugly to balance out my beauty.”
Ryder laughed and slugged me in the shoulder.
“Asshole.”
I snickered as we left my bedroom and headed down the stairs to the foyer. I could hear the twins before I could see them as well as Kane snapping at them to stop fighting, and it made me snort.
“You’re the daddy,” I said to Ryder. “Go break them up.”
He rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched as we entered the living room and found Kane between our twin brothers as they tried to fight on another. I moved to Dominic’s side and hooked my arm around his neck. I knew he could break out of my hold if he wanted, but he’d have to hurt me to do that. He struggled a little but sighed loudly and gave up, which made me chuckle. I looked over at Damien and saw both Ryder and Kane had him while Ryder was in his face, talking harshly.
“What happened this time?” I asked Dominic as I released him. “And don’t lie.”
He brushed his arms and grunted. “That dickhead has been looking for a fight all day. He’s been in my face every chance he gets, and it’s pissing me the fuck off.”
“Come do something about it then!” Damien hollered from the other side of the room.
I grabbed Dominic when he tried to grant his twin’s request.
“Shut it!” Ryder snapped at Damien. “What the hell is your deal today?”
“This isn’t just today,” Dominic bellowed. “He’s been like this since Mom and Dad died, since he killed Trent!”
Things were silent for a moment, then Damien shrugged out of our brothers’ hold, storming out of the room and then the house.
“He’s angry about all of this happening to us,” Dominic said, his tone defeated. “He won’t say it, but I feel it whenever he looks at me. He wants me to hit him because beating himself up isn’t enough.”
Ryder placed his hands on his hips, then turned and wordlessly followed Damien out of the house.
“Dominic,” Kane said, gaining his attention. “Come and train with me. It’ll make you feel better.”
It would make him feel better, but Kane had used every free moment he had to help Dominic train. His job was no joke, and he had to be on point constantly or he could be physically hurt. He was only fifteen, so he had to take everything regarding his fighting technique seriously, and Kane knew that, which was why he was the one to help him perfect it.
Dominic looked at me with a raised brow, so I said, “I’ve got a date. Go with him.”
He nodded and left the room with Kane. I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. We were only a year into these damn jobs and already they were putting a huge strain on us. I looked at the doorway when a throat was cleared and found Jenner, one of Marco’s men, in the doorway.
“I’m to bring you to the pleasure room.”
I pulled a face. “Why?”
“That’s where your date is.” Jenner shrugged. “It’s just a location, nothing more.”
I gathered my bearings and nodded. I left the wing of the compound that housed my family, crossed the courtyard, and descended the stairs with Jenner that led to the underground pleasure room. It was where parties were held, ones that ended in an orgy in one way or the other. The journey to the room was quick, and Jenner filled me in on the man who paid for my company this evening. When I entered the room and saw a stout, balding man leaning against the wall across the room with a drinking glass in his hand, I put my game face on.
“Hello,” I said, forcing a smile. “I’m Alec ... I’m going to be your dat—”
“Plaything,” the man cut me off. “You’re going to be my plaything this evening.”
My steps sauntered as I crossed the room, and my smile fell.
“I’m sorry?”
“Come in.” The man waved. “I only have thirty minutes with you, and I intend to make every single one of them count.”
The door behind me suddenly closed, and the sound of its finality made me feel somewhat caged. I turned from the door and looked at the stout man.
“Sir,” I said, unsure of myself. “I was informed we were going on a date.”
“Well, you were informed wrong.”
I froze.
“I’ve already paid my half for my time with you, so hurry up and get over here.”
I turned, and without a word, I walked towards the door but was horrified to find it locked. I yanked on the handle, and when it became apparent the door was locked, I felt sick.
“Get on with it, Alec,” Jenner’s voice hollered from outside. “Marco’s already been paid. He told me to remind me of your family’s deal with him in case you want to leave.”
Damien.
I thumped on the door. “I was told it was a date, Jen!”
“Look.” Jenner sighed. “The quicker you fuck the creep, the quicker you can leave.”
Fuck him?
“I’m not fucking anyone, Jenner!”
Laughter flowed from behind me. “You’re right. You won’t be.”
I spun around and found a second man, taller than the stout man, but fatter and uglier.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“I went half with him,” he jabbed his finger at the stout man, “to avail of your services.”
To avail of my services?
“There has to be some mistake,” I said as politely as I could. “I’m not ... I’m not a prostitute.”
“Right now, you are.”
I stared at the stout man, and sickness swirled within me.
“What’s your name?”
“Carl,” the stout man replied as he jammed his thumb at the other man, and said, “This is Lewis.”
When they looked at me expectantly, I felt tears burn at the back of my eyes. They ... they both expected me to give my body to them, and so did Marco, it seemed. I was about to turn and demand Jenner let me out of the room, but Damien’s face flashed across my mind, and I knew I couldn’t leave here without him being hurt in some way.
I ... I had to do what these men wanted. I watched as they began to strip out of the crisp suits they wore, and my stomach roiled when I saw their erections. I damn near pissed myself when Hector retrieved a whip of some sort from a bag on the floor. I jumped when he cracked it.
“Strip,” he ordered. “Get on the foot of the bed, turn your back to us, sit back on your heels, and place your hands on your thighs.”
Robotically, I did as asked, and when I was in position, I had never felt more vulnerable in my life.
Don’t cry.
“Please,” I whispered, my hands trembling on my thighs. “Please don’t make me do this. I ... I’m begging you.”
Hector cracked his whip inches away from me, and the sound was so loud, it drew a genuine gasp from me. My reaction caused the man to moan in ... satisfaction. I jerked my gaze over my shoulder and found him standing a few yards away from me with one hand on his whip. And the other stroking his cock. I stared between his thighs, his oddly shaped cock had hardened enough to the point where I could see it visibly throb.
I turned my gaze back to the mattress, and tears stung at my eyes. Something inside me broke at that moment. I realised that my pleading and my begging was turning him on and only adding fuel to the fire that burned within him. These men ... they were going to hurt me in a way I didn’t think I’d ever recover from ... and to protect my little brother, I had to let them.
The whip was cracked again, and the sound was, once more, deafening.
“On your hands and knees with them spread apart as wide as you can so I can see your asshole without touching you.”
My stomach churned as Carl spoke, and in fear of throwing up, I
didn’t speak, I only acted. I followed his orders, ignoring a single tear as it slid down my cheek. My body was shaking with fear, and it tensed of its own accord when the man placed his hand on my behind. Each second was agony as I waited, dreaded, to see what he would do next.
When I felt his wet finger touch me, and rub whatever liquid coated his skin, over me, my heart dropped. I knew what he was preparing for, and it killed me.
“Please,” I whispered once last time. “Don’t do this.”
I didn’t know what the man was doing because I was too afraid to look over my shoulder to find out, but when I heard him moan, I knew it didn’t bode well for me.
“Leave me alone,” I choked. “Please.”
“Beg us not to, pretty boy,” he rasped around another groan as the mattress under me dipped. “Beg us.”
A second later, he took a piece of me that I knew I would never be able to get back. I thought of stand-up comedy through the burning pain in my behind. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought joy and laughter instead of the large, sweaty man who was touching me, hurting me. I thought of my favourite films, and music when a hot hand wrapped around my soft penis and squeezed it to the point of excruciating pain. I pretended I was kicking back and shooting the shit with my brothers instead of focusing on the tongue that licked my bare back, and the teeth that bit into my trembling flesh. I thought of everything that ever brought a smile to my face, and when it was over, I prayed to God that I would forget this day and everything attached to it, but I knew I would never forget.
This was a scar no else but me would be able to see. This was a shame no one else but me could carry. This was a nightmare I knew I would never be able to awaken from. This was the end of my life as I knew it, and the start of a new existence I never wanted.
When I left the room, I was fully clothed, but I still felt naked. Jenner was leaning against the wall outside the room and looked up when he heard me. He shook my head as he looked me up and down, and said, “I’d never love my brother enough to let creeps fuck me.”
I didn’t reply to him, and he said nothing further. It was dark when I made it back up to the courtyard. I had been in that room for hours, a lot longer than I was told the date would be, and wasn’t sure what time it was. I only knew it was late. I was entirely numb as I walked to our family’s wing of the compound, and when I entered my home, I was glad to see everything was in darkness and silent. I stood in the entryway for a few seconds before I realised I was crying. I wiped my face and walked up the stairs, heading down the hallway to my bedroom. I didn’t look at any of my brothers’ rooms as I passed them by. I didn’t want to think of them right now.
When I was inside my bedroom, I closed the room my behind me and stood still for a minute or two. I reached up to my neck and touched my rosary beads, but for the first time in my life they didn’t make me feel better. I pulled them off of my neck, and wrapped them around my hand before hurling them across the room, ridding myself of them.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I stared at the rope I stole from Dominic’s room weeks before. I knew he planned to hang a damn clown from my ceiling to get back at me for stealing a girl he wanted to fuck. Before I could think better of it, I picked it up and threw it over the wooden beams that zigzagged across the ceiling. I tied a knot with the ends and pulled on it as hard as I could. The wood creaked a tiny bit, but other than that, it was solid.
I knew it would support my weight without breaking.
I realised then what I was going to do, and before I could think better of it, I pulled over the chair from my desk, stood on it, put the rope around my neck, and kicked the chair away. Pain and pressure were all I felt, but I could still hear the men’s laughter, see their faces, and feel their hands on me. I wanted it all to go away. I wanted everything to go dark and silent.
Black dots spotted my visions, and I couldn’t hear anything other than the strangled sounds I made. I thought I saw Damien’s white hair and that I could hear his voice, and then suddenly, I was on the floor, and he was over me. I couldn’t focus on anything other than sucking in huge gulps of air. When I turned my wild eyes onto Damien, I found that he was crying, shaking, and looked both terrified and relieved at the same time. I tried to say his name, but it hurt. The pain around my neck was immense, and it struck me at that moment what just happened. I had hanged myself, attempted to take my own life, and my baby brother somehow cut me down.
“Alec,” he sobbed. “I have to get Ryder.”
I panicked and latched onto him, shaking my head.
“No,” I rasped. “Please.”
The pain when I spoke was unbelievable. My voice was little more than a husky whisper, but I could hear my desperation in my words, so I knew Damien could too.
“Why?” he choked. “Why did you do this? God, I was about to go back to bed instead of coming in to check on you. I heard you cry downstairs while I was in the kitchen getting some snacks. I almost didn’t save you in time.”
I swallowed, and my entire body jolted as agony tore across my throat.
“Two men,” I choked. “They raped me, and I had to let them do it. I had to.”
“What?’ Damien asked, horror in his tone. “Alec, what?”
“I don’t want to be here anymore.” I looked at him. “I want to die.”
“No,” Damien said, his grip on my arm tightening. “I’m not going to let you!”
I did something I have never done in front of him. I cried, and he cried with me as he pulled me onto his legs. He sat on the floor, holding me like a baby, and neither of us cared. He rocked us from side to side and told me how much he loved me and how everything would be okay.
“Is that the date Marco set you up on?”
I jerked my head in a nod, and he was silent for a long while.
“Alec,” he sniffled. “You’re not going to let those fucking monsters ruin you.”
“They’ve already ruined me,” I choked. “I’m not ... I’m not me anymore.”
“You’re a better you because you’re stronger than your hurt,” Damien replied. “Look at me.”
I did.
“You’re still my brother, and the fucking nicest dude I know. That has not changed and will never change.”
I didn’t understand how he could think that, but I saw in his eyes that he believed it, and that made me break down completely.
“You can’t tell the others,” I pleaded, ignoring the pain in my throat. “Ryder will blame himself, and Dominic and Kane will want revenge, and they could get hurt. We can’t let that happen.”
I could see Damien was torn about what to do.
“Damien, please. I ... I don’t want them to know.”
It took a few minutes, but he eventually nodded, and my body practically deflated with relief.
“Does it hurt?” he asked, looking at my neck.
I nodded. “I’ll see the doctor tomorrow.”
“The others will see your neck and know something happened, and your voice ... it’s not the same, man.”
“We’ll pretend I have the flu or something. I can stay in bed for a week with that, and I’ll just cover up my neck until everything is healed.”
Damien helped me to my feet, then helped me into my bed. I didn’t bother removing my clothing. I just sat and watched Damien discard the rope I used to try to take my life. I couldn’t wrap my head around what just happened. Deciding to take my life was a split-second decision. I never thought someone could decide on something so devastating so quickly, but I was wrong. I was surprised when Damien crawled into my bed next to me.
“You ... you’re going to stay with me?”
“Yeah, bro,” Damien answered. “I love you. I’m not letting you go through this on your own.”
I cried again, and I worried I would never stop. I felt broken, no longer like myself, and I knew Damien could sense it.
“I’m so sorry.”
“For what?” I asked as I lay down and closed my eyes.
&n
bsp; “For everything,” Damien answered as I slowly fell into darkness. “I’m sorry that you and the others are hurting because of me ... It’s all because of me.”
“It’s because of Marco,” I replied. “None of this is your fault.”
Marco ... he was responsible for everything. Had I successfully taken my own life tonight, it would have been because of what he gave others permission to do to me. Everything, in one way or the other, came down to it being his fault. I hated him. I hated him with every ounce of energy I had, and it still didn’t feel like enough. He turned me into a toy for people to play with, a toy that sick bastards used and abused all because he wanted their money.
I was hurting, and I thought that I would always hurt in some shape or form because of what had happened to me, but I’d be damned if I’d let Marco take my mind and heart from me when he already had control of my life. I didn’t care what he threw my way. I’d take it on the chin and keep moving forward. I reminded myself that working for him wouldn’t last forever, and I swore that when that time was up, I’d get my revenge on him. When I had the chance ... I’d kill the bastard.
CHAPTER FOUR
Twenty-eight years old ...
“I feel lower than low,” I said to Kane as I stared down at Branna’s friend sitting on the kerb of the parking lot and groaning as she held her face. “She was jumped because of me.”
Inside the Playhouse nightclub celebrating Bronagh’s twenty-first birthday, we had been having a decent night ... apart from Bronagh accidentally getting involved in a cage fight, of course. That aside, things were moving along just fine ... until a woman I’d previously hooked up got mad it wasn’t going to be repeated, and she took it out on Aideen, who just happened to be the woman sat next to me.
Kane rolled his eyes. “You can control what other people choose to do now, huh?”
“Don’t be a smartass,” I scowled. “You know what I mean; that chick jumped her because of me.”
“She’s fine,” Kane said, glancing down at Aideen. “Her friend will be here soon, and she’ll be home and tucked in bed before she knows it.”