by Nicole Hite
I just needed to hear his voice or see his words. It wasn’t exactly keeping my distance, but friends still text one another, so I wasn’t exactly breaking any laws.
Me: Hey
It was a simple text, but what the hell. I wasn’t sure what to type to be honest. Almost immediately, Lee responds.
Lee: I was wondering when I was going to hear from you.
Me: Why didn’t you text me then?
Lee: I was giving you your space, plus you said you wanted to be friends.
Me: That doesn’t mean ignore me, asshole.
Lee: Ah, there’s the Kat I’ve been missing so much.
Me: Whatever. So what’s new?
Lee: Not much, working, paying bills, eating for one. It’s depressing really. Seems my friend doesn’t want to hang out.
Me: I never said that. Why would you assume that?
Lee: You never texted or called. I think that’s evidence alone.
Me: What, are we on C.S.I.?
Lee: HA, only if you plan to kill me.
Me: Feed you to your uncle’s alligators?
I had to laugh. Even I thought I was being witty.
Lee: So, why did you text me?
Me: I may or may not have missed hearing from you.
Lee: You missed hearing from me or you missed me?
Me: Both, and besides, you said you would help me with my bucket list. Mardi Gras is just around the corner.
Lee: How do you plan to get on a float though?
Me: Don’t you worry about that. I have a plan.
Lee: Can we hang out and check off more of these wishes this weekend?
My heart crushed a little to know our meetings wouldn’t be considered dates anymore. It made me incredibly sad, when I know damn well it shouldn’t
Me: I was thinking a carriage ride, beignets and a stroll down Bourbon Street, or is that too much?
Lee: Never. I think it sounds amazing, my friend.
His sarcastic response only made me want to disinvite him on my quest. Sadly, I cared too much.
Me: Come get me around seven?
Lee: Scared to pick me up in that car of yours?
Me: Didn’t your mother ever tell you to never answer a question with a question?
Lee: Like you just did?
Me: Touché. See you around seven.
Even though Lee and I decided to go the friend’s route, I still felt a twinge of nervousness when he came to pick me up. I had worn my favorite skinny jeans, white t-shirt, brown suede jacket and my hair tied in a knot on my head. Although we were playing this friends game, something I clearly wanted, I still felt the need to tease Lee with my sexuality. Sadly, I needed the reassurance that I was still desirable.
My plunging V-neck tee showed just the right amount of cleavage whilst the knot in my hair said, “I care, but I don’t.” I kept my makeup simple with slight blush, mascara and a dabble of peach lip gloss. I strategically wore my knee high boots as a protective measure. The amount of time it would have taken me to get them off and then naked, would be enough time to slap some sense into me.
Lee was nothing if not punctual. At precisely seven, he was on my doorstep, knocking away. As I opened the door, I wasn’t positive it was Lee. Before me was, hands down, the…weirdest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen.
“Are those bacon roses?” I covered my mouth laughing hysterically.
Peaking around the stems was Lee and his burly smile.
“Friends don’t get real roses, they get funny, delicious roses,” he stated as he took a giant bite out of one of the buds.
Throwing caution to the wind, I dove in as well. They were the yummiest roses I had ever eaten.
“I’m convinced that bacon is its own food group,” I mumbled as I chomped away.
“And that’s a problem how…”
“Trust me, it’s not a problem at all.”
“Friend score 1,” he winked at me.
He took great humor in our friend’s compromise. He would probably rub this in for a good while. Somehow, I didn’t mind as much. It meant he was trying desperately to change my mind, which was oddly appealing.
“I do love bacon, and breakfast for that matter,” I snickered.
“I know,” he smiled brightly without showing teeth.
“How?” I looked at him speculatively as I rested my hand on my hip and cocked my head to the side.
“You savagely attacked the stack of pancakes and bacon when I took you out on our first da…”
“…date,” I finished. “It’s okay to bring it up. I’m not fragile.”
“Maybe I am,” he spoke honestly.
The awkward tension simmered in the air like crispy bacon until I finally spoke up.
“Well we have a situation here.”
“Huh?” he probed.
“Yeah. I’m not sure if I should put these in water, the oven or refrigerator.”
“I’d say, plastic wrap and fridge,” he chuckled, slowly regaining the lighthearted banter we had going on earlier.
“Sounds good to me, or we can just sit here and eat them whole?”
“They would ruin your appetite for beignets, and we can’t have that.”
“I like your thinking, Daniels,” I elbowed his shoulder, ready for an interesting night.
We finally made our way down to Bourbon Street just in time to catch a last second carriage in a wave of five. The carriage had a white horse, every little girls dream.
“I always wanted a pony as a little girl,” I squealed as I squeezed Lee’s hand. I was wide eyed in anticipation.
“Mission. Accomplished. Pony delivered,” Lee said proudly.
“You gotta help me get in.”
The great thing about Lee, he got me. I didn’t need to explain to him why. He knew. He comprehended my limitations, even when to push or let up. This was one of those tasks where I couldn’t fudge my way through it.
“Gladly. Your chariot awaits, my dear.”
He let me grasp the handle as I pulled with as much strength as I could. The remaining assistance came from a nice push on the behind
“That’s not exactly the assistance I needed, Daniels,” I chuckled nearly losing my grip all together.
“Hush your mouth, Dove. Take the help any way you can.”
I couldn’t see his face, but I could tell he was grinning his ass off.
“I think you just wanted to get your hands on my ass.”
Giving me the final push, “And?”
I gave him a WTF as I turned and pushed him off the step. Watching him stumble back was all it took before I curled over in a fit of laughter. With one quick step on the ladder, he was in the carriage and up in my face.
“Watch yourself, Dove,” he sneered. “You’ll get yours…when the timing is right.”
“Watching away. Bring it.”
“Sit down and shut up,” he said with a playful tone.
“Yes. Sir.”
I saluted him in a mocking manner as I made myself comfortable.
The carriage was a white buggy with what I learned had vis-à-vis seats. Come to find out, it means face-to-face. The plush, velvety, green fabric allowed for a squishy cushion.
“Monsieur Daniels, il y a des couvertures disponibles. Il n’y a pas d’autres réserves par votre demande,” the driver proceeded to speak to Lee.
“Je vous remercie, monsieur,” he replied.
“Um, you’re familiar with French?” I questioned.
“Oui. Et vous?”
I think he asked if I did too, but I wasn’t sure. Better to play it safe.
“Je parle très peu.”
It was true, I knew very little. Not enough to carry on a conversation and definitely not enough to decipher what the hell he just said to the driver.
“What did the driver say to you?”
“He said, ‘There are blankets available and no other guests per my request.”
“You called ahead?”
“Oui.”
I didn’t know what to say to Lee’s obvious attempt to win me over. Things like this didn’t happen in real life. Things like this happen to girls in chick-flicks, or in the era of Dean Martin. It was so perfectly calculated; I could feel myself wanted to ring out my praises in harmony as we twirled around lampposts.
We sat enjoying the ride, when the chill bit our noses a little too hard. Lee leaned forward, gingerly lifting the seat in front of us to expose a secret compartment where the driver had stashed extra blankets.
Masterful!
Lee fluffed out the giant tartan blanket, draping it across my lap.
“You must be cold,” I stated.
“Ugh, naw, enjoy,” he said as he let out a giant shiver.
“You are incredibly stubborn,” I said as I scooted toward him. Draping the blanket around our laps, I curled into Lee’s side. Resting my head on his chest, I looked up to meet his eyes.
“Don’t get any ideas, Daniels,” although a part of me wishes he would.
Lee wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into his side.
“Never, Dove,” he said, giving me a sneaky wink. “So how is it?”
“How is what?”
“Your carriage ride?”
“Little bumpy, but worth it,” I grinned.
“Okay, okay. I’d say we had another successful bucket list checked off. Would you agree?”
“Abso-freaking-lutely. Thank you, Lee.”
“For what, Kit-Kat?
“For doing this with me. As much as I would like to think Jojo would like to help me, I don’t think she understands the magnitude of the situation.”
“Understandable.”
“The thing is you do understand. And she tries, God knows she tries. She just doesn’t get it. Does that make sense?”
“You need to give her some credit though. Yes, she doesn’t get it, but you can’t get mad that she doesn’t. Perhaps you just need to have a one-on-one with her.”
“Sometimes I feel she is walking on eggshells around me.”
“Maybe that’s the way she deals, Kat. If the roles were reversed, would you know what to say or do?”
“I would probably cry every time I saw her,” I said meekly.
“Exactly. She’s doing the best she can, just like you are. Some people may never understand how you feel, but it’s up to you to articulate those thoughts, feelings, and actions so they can. Until then, they will continue to tip-toe. Show them you are okay.”
“This whole, Confucius thing you got going on here, is rather annoying,” I growled in a joking manner.
“Confucius say, pretty girl enjoys sarcastic man,” he chuckled as he rested his chin on my head.
“I think Confucius also say, ‘sarcastic man with head up ass, can’t see for shit.’”
An hour went by quickly as we enjoyed the ride and conversation more than actually taking in the scenery. The more I got to know the real Lee, the more I liked being around an individual who didn’t see me as a crippling mess. There was also something extremely soothing about his demeanor; not an evil bone in his body.
Without pause, Lee climbed down from the white chariot, extending his hand for me to accept. Gladly, I placed my petite hand into his as I descended the ladder. My feet hit the concrete, but my hand didn’t move from Lee’s. Instead, I squeezed it tighter.
We made our way to Café De Monde, fingers laced between each other’s. It felt natural, good, comforting even. His strides were deliberate and allowing me to keep up. A sudden breeze kicked up sending reminisces of crinkled leaves, drifted down the wet streets and into a nearby gutter.
Parking ourselves in a nearby wrought iron table and chairs, Lee brought us two hot chocolates and two beignets. Staring at the smoldering liquid, there inside the mug was whipped cream, cinnamon sprinkles and marshmallows. Looking at Lee, his was topped with the same frothy goodness.
“What, did Jojo tell you how to get on my good side?” I questioned raising the mug with both hands. Taking in the warm aroma of chocolate and cinnamon instantly warmed my chilly fingers.
“I’m not following,” he genuinely looked confused.
“Oh come on. The cocoa?” I arched an eyebrow.
“Do you not like it, because I can get you something else? This is just the way I like mine – I thought you might like it,” he looked somewhat dejected.
“Huh, wow. No, it’s perfect. This is actually how I take mine too.”
“Oh. Ok,” he was stunned and yet proud of himself.
I took a huge bite of my beignet, moaning in delight.
“These are amazing. Looks like you are two for two tonight,” I grinned.
“That’s three for three…if we’re keeping count.”
“Three?”
“Pony. Cocoa, and Beignet.”
“Ahh yes, my pony!” I chuckled as I swallowed the sugary goodness.
Before I had time to react, Lee reached across the table, sweeping his thumb across my bottom lip covered in powdered sugar. He lifted the powdered covered thumb and sucked the sweet dust from his perfect lips. Those damn perfect lips.
“Mmm, so sweet,” he moaned.
All at once, I felt a shooting current race straight from my heart to every extremity in my body. With each touch and gesture, Lee was putting plans in motion, destined for me to fail his friends test. He was going to break me, and I didn’t exactly mind. There was a little part of me that wished I wasn’t the one to cave though.
Clearing my voice, “Tell me about your family. What are they like?”
A little thrown from my abrupt mood change, Lee straightened his back a little to sit upright.
“Not much to tell really. Mom left when we were kids and dad needed help around the shop. Gage wasn’t going to help, so being the older brother, I stepped up.”
“When did your mother leave?” I asked sympathetically.
“About twenty years or so…”
“You were just a kid,” I muttered.
“Yeah, well, someone needed to keep the roof over the house for us.”
“I wanted kids,” I blurted without thinking. “You’re going to think I’m crazy when I tell you my secret.”
“I won’t judge; you should know that by now. At least I hope you would.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this. I was in the process of adopting. I bet that sounds pretty crazy, right –Single, thirty something woman trying to adopt.”
“I don’t think it’s crazy at all. I think it’s amazing. Why did you say you were trying to adopt?”
“Well, as soon as an adoption agency receives the official doctor’s documentation proving terminal illness, well, the offer is off the table. Most birth moms and agencies want to know the adoptive mother is capable of caring for an infant. Plus, it was just me. The child would more than likely been thrown into the foster system. It wouldn’t be fair nor right.
I’m not even sure I would be able to do it by myself had it actually gone through. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially a child who is losing a parent. It’s hard enough for me to cope; I would destroy their already fragile lives.”
“That must have been devastating news.”
“I would have been an amazing mother. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.”
“You would have been an amazing mother,” he gave me a sympathetic grin.
“So this is pretty awkward, and I understand its terrible timing. Since we are spilling secrets, it’s only fair you should know mine. I have a five-year-old – Jackson. Does that totally freak you out now?”
“I’m not going to lie; I wasn’t expecting that at all.”
“I was going to wait to tell you, but I didn’t think it was right to keep it from you. I was hoping you would fall madly in love with me and it wouldn’t have been a big deal,” he tried to grin. Reaching for my hands, strangely, I gave them to him. The visible sigh that escaped his lips could have been felt from miles away. The weight and burden he had been holding in
must have been weighing him down by the way his chest rose and fell as he exhaled.
A million questions and feelings bombarded me all at once. I wasn’t sure how to process this. Where was the mother? Where was Jackson now? Who was watching him? Would he have beautiful brown eyes like his dad? Would he like me? How would I fit into their lives?
Instead, I deflected, “So you were just being modest when you saw my car broken down when we met?”
“Partly, but I wanted to talk to you, you just happened to have issues I could fix,” he winked.
“Your family seems really great though. Sounds like you care a lot about your dad and brother. Must have been hard for him when your mom left.”
“It wasn’t all that bad. I saw how much he grieved when she left and couldn’t bear to see the business crumble because I couldn’t step up and be responsible. Gage was just a baby and annoying as all hell.”
“That’s how kids are at that age. You can’t blame him,” I laughed.
“What annoys you then?” he grinned.
“When people find out about the disease, the first thing they usually say is, “Gosh, your’re so young,” as if I was completely in the dark before and it hadn’t occurred to me.”
“I can see that being frustrating.”
“Yet, that is so tiny in comparison to bigger problems in the world.
“You know what, let’s get out of here before the rain downpours. We still have one more task to do!”
Lee’s break in conversation was much needed. I was drawn to Lee and not just in a sexual manner. He had so many likable qualities, trying this friends thing was excruciating. As we made our way out of the café, Lee grabbed my hand again, clutching on as if to say, ‘thank you for understanding.’