Paper Cranes

by Nicole Hite

  Lee stood to take the podium ready to talk about some sort of topic I couldn’t register. Visions of the past, our relationship, memories and the countless paper cranes whirled in my head like Dorothy stuck inside a tornado. Before I knew it, tears started to build behind me eyes. I tried desperately to keep them at bay as Lee spoke, but it was too much.

  Lifting his head from the podium, he stopped mid-sentence staring into my red rimmed eyes. He glared at me, seeing the pain and hurt, as I dabbed the corners of my eyes. He dipped his head, furrowing his brow as if he and he alone were the cause of my pain. But it wasn’t just him, it was me too. I was just as much to blame for getting to this atrocious place we were in right now.

  “You know, four months ago, I stopped to help this young lady with car problems,” he began.

  My ears instantly perked up.

  “Ha,” he chuckled under his breath, “she was stubborn, hard headed and completely untrusting and rightfully so. You see, earlier that day, she had been diagnosed with ALS. You all remember what it felt like to first be told about the disease, right?”

  The group echoed, yes.

  “She was a tough cookie alright, spitfire. Looking back on it now, she was so strong. Hell, she still is the strongest woman I’ve ever met.”

  Under the tears, I let out a silent giggle.

  “She took a picture of my I.D. that night before she even let me help her. Come hell or high water she was going to cover her ass,” he laughed. “She even got mad at me because I didn’t kiss her right away, but I wanted it to be perfect just like her. You know what she did once I kissed her?”

  “What?” the group asked.

  “She told me she wanted to be friends.”

  “Eww, burn!” Kenny chirped.

  “I look back on it now and I’m so thankful she did that though. She wasn’t just the girl I was trying to obtain, but the best friend I hadn’t known I was looking for. I fell fast and hard for her, through horrible dancing, swimming with pigs, and even seeing her sick as a dog. It didn’t matter to me. She was and will always be beautiful, kind, strong, adventurous and so many more adjectives.”

  “Don’t get me wrong though. Oh, and I tried to get her to be my girl, desperately.”

  “Yeah you did,” I said from my seat.

  All eyes quickly turned to me, as everyone stared at me in shock. Lee stood upright from his podium, locking eyes with just me now.

  “He was a giant pain in my ass. He refused to allow me to blame the disease for any and all my problems.”

  “ALS is not an excuse to give up,” he said bluntly. “See, she may tell you she walked away from us, but that’s not true.”

  “Lee…”

  “Let me finish, Dove. I said yes to absolutely everything she wanted because it made her happy and that’s all I ever wanted. I let her walk out of my life with my heart in her hands. I didn’t fight as hard as I could for her. For once I should have said no to her wishes. So here I am Dove.

  No, you are not allowed to walk away from us. No, you are not allowed to push me away. No, you are not allowed to give up. No, you are not allowed to throw away everything we built together. No, you are not allowed to tell me you don’t love me as much as I love you.

  You told me once that you loved me so much it made your heart want to burst. You asked me to hold your hand through this, especially if I truly cared. Well here I am, baby. You asked me to entrust your whole heart, so here I am asking for the same.”

  Lee was speaking from the heart; in a place that had seen the darkest of days. He walked around his podium, now coming straight at me. I stood, now standing in the middle aisle as he come closer and closer to me.

  The walls began to fade as the group melted away, leaving only Lee and I. I had tunnel vision for him and only him.

  “What we have is real. It’s raw, and it’s tangible. I’m completely in love with you, Dove. I knew the second our lips touched that night you, all but threatened me,” he grinned.

  I chuckled as the tears began to pour down my face.

  “Is it going to suck, fuck yes? Is it going to be rough, absolutely? Am I going to be completely devastated at the end, you bet your sweet ass. But here’s the thing, Dove, I get to decide that, not you. I am choosing you. I choose to be here. I choose to be your backbone. I choose to love you from today, tomorrow and eternity.”

  “What if I don’t want you to make that sacrifice?” I let the tears fall.

  “It’s not up to you. I would rather have a broken heart towards the end, knowing I loved you with all of my being then to have a broken heart because you turned me away. This thing you’re doing right now isn’t working for me. I don’t just want you for a short time, I want you forever. I want to be with you until your last breath, so when you do leave me, you’ll know how completely in love I was with you.”

  “What about Jackson? I can’t do that to him,” I asked as he finally made his way in front of me.

  “You are the closest thing to a mother that he has. I know he loves you as much as I do, plus he is my son, so don’t ever doubt his love as well. He may be five, but he isn’t stupid. He knows what it feels like to care about someone, and he knows what it’s like to lose someone. Before you, he only knew how to love my dad and myself. Once you left, it tore him to pieces. You know he wanted to change Daisy’s name to Kat? How silly is that?”

  “That’s because you have a bright kid there,” I sniffled.

  “We do. Jackson is just as much your child as he is mine. He may not be blood to you, but he doesn’t see those differences. He sees that someone he cares about has left him with no reason. I’m not saying these things to persuade you to come back; I say them because there is a family that loves you very much and wants you back.

  Jackson doesn’t care if you have ALS, all he sees is the love and support you’ve given him. He sees the girl that watches his favorite movies with him. The girl that took him to the pound, and adopted a dog for him. The girl that kissed his boo boos to make them all better. Let us make it all better for you, Dove.

  Bending down on one knee, Lee took my hand. Kathryn Eileen Dove, I’m not asking you to marry me…not yet at least…but I’m just asking to let us be a part of your life. You are my best friend, and a day without seeing your face is a day I never want to have. I want to wake up to this smile, I want to see you and my son playing in our backyard, I want to be your eternity. I want to grow old with you.”

  “But…”

  “I. Want. To. Grow. Old. With. You. If that means a day older, a week older or even years, I want to grow old with you.”

  Standing, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a crane. He really did keep them on him all the time.

  “Anybody got a pen?” he asked the group, snapping me out of my daze.

  “In my backpack,” Chris cooed.

  Retrieving the crane, Lee scribbled on the wings…

  You are loved.

  I was done for.

  “It was never a matter of if I loved you, it was how much was enough. Was my love strong enough for the both of us?”

  “It only had to be enough for you. My love was never going anywhere; it was always there. It still isn’t going anywhere. So what do you say, Dove? You wanna grow old with me?”

  “Go on, Kat! Say yes!” Barbara yelled from the front of the room.

  “Better take it now, because the next time I ask you, I’m putting a ring on that beautiful finger of yours and you can’t say no!” he chuckled.

  “Mr. Daniels, you put up a good argument,” I said trying to clear my voice, “Yes. I would like to grow old with you.”

  The room erupted into cheers as Lee pulled me into his arms. Brushing away the remaining tears form my eyes, he gracefully pressed his lips to mine. He didn’t need to make it convoluted or staged to appease the audience; he simply kissed me like it was a first again. Pure, simple and sweet, just the way I liked it.

  “I missed you, Lee,” I said, dragging my lips across h
is lips to his ear.

  “Probably not as much as I’ve missed you,” he squeezed, “I know someone else who has missed you an awful lot.”

  “Jackson,” I smiled wildly into his cheek.

  “Wanna get out of here and go see him?”

  “Yes, yes I do,” I started to get misty again.

  “Where is he?” I asked concerned.

  “His Nana and Pop’s house.”

  “Oh,” I exclaimed.

  “Why? Is that a problem?”

  “Well, Nana Betty isn’t really a Kat fan. In fact, she told me to stay away from you and Jackson.”

  “She did what?” Lee looked furious.

  “That’s kind of what started all of this. She asked me to stay away, for Jackson’s sake.”

  “Well, this is going to be an interesting conversation,” he said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me toward the door.

  “Class dismissed!” he crowed as we ran.

  We pulled up to Betty and Ed’s house around six p.m., ready to stake our claim. My hands shook as I folded them in my lap.

  “What if they retaliate and take Jackson away from you?” I said frightened.

  “Let me worry about that, Dove, okay?” he slipped a hand into mine.

  Lee exited the truck, walking to my side. Opening the door for me, he took my hand and led me to the front steps. The house was a picturesque two-story white colonial with a perfectly manicured lawn, a far cry from Lee’s humble dwellings. Their flaw, it wasn’t comfortable or full of love. Yes, everything was in its place perfectly, but the atmosphere was stale.

  “Lee, Kat, what are you doing here?” Ed stated as he opened the door. “Jackson isn’t supposed to go home for at least another hour.”

  “We came to get him to take him home,” Lee said firmly.

  “We?” Betty stated as she came around the corner to meet Ed.

  “Yes, we,” he affirmed.

  “Perhaps this conversation is best inside, and not on the stoup,” Ed escorted us in.

  Following them into the formal living room, I heard the rubbery squeals from Jackson’s sneakers from down the hall.

  “KAT!!!” he wailed. “KAT. KAT. KAT. KAT! YAH!!”

  Standing from the couch, I raced to Jackson, bending down to give him a huge embrace.

  “I mithed thou Kat,” he lisped.

  “Looks like that’s not the only thing you’re missing these days, buddy! I hope the tooth fairy was generous,” I gave him a wink.

  “Da toof fairy gave me twenty doffers,” he grinned happily.

  “Wow! The tooth fairy must really like you! When I was your age, the tooth fairy could only afford a quarter,” I cocked my head to the side to look at Lee.

  “I think maybe the tooth fairy couldn’t see in the dark. Perhaps it’s time he or she goes to the optometrist?”

  “No way, thad. Dhen how will I earn my mothey?” he tried desperately to articulate.

  “I think we have a little hustler on our hands,” I stated.

  “Hey, bud, can you take Daisy outside while Kat and I speak with Nana and Pop?”

  “Do I geth another dog if I do?” he strategized, looking at me.

  “Nice try, bud, that worked the first time. Not again,” I gave him a wink.

  “THUCKS!” he huffed as he turned to race out the back door.

  “We’re sorry to come over unannounced, it’s just…” I started.

  “Kat, I thought we talked about this? I thought we had an understanding?” Betty interrupted.

  “What are you talking about, Betty?” Ed exclaimed.

  “Yeah, Betty, why don’t you let Ed know what you’re talking about,” Lee seemed irritated.

  “I umm, well I asked Kat to stay away from Jackson,” she looked ashamed.

  “Oh, honey, why on earth would you do such a thing?” Ed asked.

  “I just…” she began to cry, “I just didn’t want Jackson to suffer like we did. I didn’t want her to suffer like Melissa had.”

  “Betty, that wasn’t your decision to make,” Lee spoke surprisingly softly.

  “But he’s my grandson,” her voice escalated.

  “And he’s my son,” Lee raised his as well.

  “What? So when the times get tough, are you going to skip out again? Leave her and Jackson like you did Melissa? I won’t stand for that Lee. I can’t. He is the only thing I have left of my baby girl. I will not let you destroy that.”

  “I have no intention of leaving them, Betty. I’m not the same kid I was when Mel and I were together. It’s because of that boy out there I know without a shadow of doubt in my mind, that I will not leave. Jackson isn’t just my blood, Betty, he is my world. I would die for that boy.”

  “And so would I?” she sighed.

  “I won’t destroy him like I destroyed…”

  “Melissa?” she finished.

  “Yes. I’m ashamed of the boy I was. That’s not the man I want to be ever again. It’s not the type of man I want Jackson to be. I want him to be loving and caring like his Mother. I want him to be compassionate like his Nana, and I want him to be strong like his Pop. I can only do that with your help. Will you help me?”

  “And what if we say no?” Betty muttered.

  “Betty…” Ed said.

  “You don’t want to know the outcome. I would rather us work as a team to raise this boy with as much love, compassion, and strength as we can. If I have to prove to you every day that being with Kat isn’t a mistake, I will. If anything, she encourages me to be a better person daily. That is how I know I will never, and I mean never, leave.”

  There was a moment of silence while Betty tried to gather her thoughts.

  “Kat…” Betty began. “I am truly sorry I asked you to stay away. That wasn’t reasonable of me to give you an ultimatum. I can see how much you love Jackson and Lee, and I can see how much they love you back.”

  “I love them more than life itself, ma’am.”

  “Betty, you can’t deny that Lee has changed by leaps and bounds over the years. Can you honestly say Lee hasn’t been there for Jackson every day the last couple of years?” Ed stated.

  “I suppose not,” she sighed.

  “Then let the man be. This is his life and his child. If I had any qualms, I would be the first to step in. Don’t deny them happiness just because things weren’t different with our daughter.”

  “Fine. I don’t like this, I don’t like it at all, but you have changed, Lee. I can see that. And I love my grandson and would like to continue to be a part of his life.”

  “We need to be a unified front for Jackson, regardless of our differences. It will take time, but we will get there. And I’ll prove to you that I am worthy of your trust and respect,” Lee added.

  Just then, Jackson ran in with Daisy in tow.

  “KAT! Dasthy wanted to thay hi!” he struggled.

  “Well, hello Miss. Daisy,” I said as the pit licked and kissed all over my face. “I missed you sweet girl.”

  Lee knelt down on the carpet with Jackson and I as we played with Daisy.

  “Hey, buddy, I have a question for you,” Lee began.

  “Yeah, Thad?”

  “How would you feel if Kat moved in with us?” he asked.

  “For realths? Like for realths, for realths?” he jumped up with excitement. “YETHH!!!”

  Jackson, Lee, and Daisy all toppled me as we rolled around laughing, as a family.

  This was the biggest step I had ever taken in my life besides school and work. If I was going to undertake this crazy disease, I definitely needed a support system that loved and supported me. And that’s exactly what I got from Lee and Jackson – a family.

  5 Years Later

  At precisely 5:05 a.m. on January 20th, exactly 3 years to the day since I was diagnosed with ALS, Melissa Jean came kicking and screaming into the world. Her pink toes wiggled wildly, while her big brown eyes were transfixed on her daddy. She was demanding, headstrong and daring, just like her father and l
ittle brother. Once we decided on a name, Jackson settled on Lissa as her personal nickname for our sweet miracle angel.

  There was no question as to what the baby’s name would be if she were a girl. Melissa had unknowingly brought Lee and I together, plus she was Jackson’s mother. Regardless of how Lee and she had left one another, we grew to acknowledge and talk more about her, especially for Jackson’s sake. He deserved to know more about his mother, much more than just the stories from his Nana and Pop.

  The more we talked about her, and with Jackson’s grandparents, the stronger the bond became between Lee and them. Lee couldn’t make up for his past behavior concerning their daughter, but he damn sure wasn’t going to let that deter him from being the best father he could be.

  We had zero intentions of having a baby, but I suppose things just happen. I wasn’t worried once I saw the little pink positive, because I knew I had a man and adoptive son who loved me very much. When once I was terrified to bring a child into this world alone, I now had the best backup in the world. That couldn’t be denied.

  Doctors cautioned me on the pregnancy saying, “You may never live long enough to have her,” but I proved them wrong. I was really good at that. If Lee taught me anything, it was to never give up and certainly never to give up hope. Even when things got bad, and they got bad, to always remove that dark, little ALS bubble from my happy place and press forward.

  Lee clutched our little Lissa in one arm while holding Jackson’s now growing fingers. Clutched between Jack’s digits was a beautiful bouquet of calla lilies. Approaching the gravestone, Jackson bent down to wipe away the faded petals, replacing them with the new flowers.

  “Do you want to talk to her,” Lee asked Jackson quietly.

  “No, I just want to make a crane,” his tiny voice said.

  Watching Jackson take a seat by the gravestone, he pulled out a sheet of paper from his backpack and began to create. Jackson poured his heart and soul into each crease and fold, meticulously sticking out his tongue, and squinting his eyes to get the perfect lines.