Romancing the Chef

by Robyn Amos

  Andre rolled his eyes and walked away.

  Cara released a big sigh of relief. “Thank God that loser slithered away. I almost died when I saw him over here talking to you. What did he say?”

  Ronnie waved him off. “Nothing important. You know Andre, he’s full of shitake. Mushrooms, I mean.”

  “I always hated that guy,” Ace said to Ronnie. “Your taste in men has improved a great deal since him.”

  They all shared a laugh, but inside Ronnie felt a niggling of fear.

  She knew that Andre’s words had been intended to make her feel insecure. It had been an old tactic he’d relied on in the past to keep her from leaving him. Even though shesaw through him now, it didn’t keep his words from hurting her.

  People who lost a lot of weight often fluctuated or even gained it all back. She couldn’t promise that she’d never be fat again. Would Ace still want her if she did gain it all back?

  Ace sat in the hotel bar with Marcel and Garett. They’d insisted on buying him a drink, just in case he felt like drowning his sorrows.

  “Honestly, guys, I don’t feel that badly about the loss. Sure, I would have loved that prize money, but I don’t think I stood a chance in the last round. I’m not much of a pastry chef. That area is where Ronnie has always been strong. You saw that cake she made. Mine was okay, but hers was spectacular.”

  Garett curled his upper lip. “You’re just saying that because you love her,” he said in a mocking tone. “I miss the days when you were a hunter and no one woman was enough for you.”

  Marcel clapped Ace on the back. “Sorry, buddy, but Ace has finally come over to my side. Team monogamy. One of these days you’re going to have to join us.”

  Garett crossed his arms. “Never. It’s not going to happen. All the qualities I need to keep me interested don’t exist in one woman. I’m doing them a favor by spreading my love around.”

  Ace shrugged. “Just make sure whatever you’re spreading isn’t contagious.”

  Garett downed the last of his drink and stood up. “All right, you guys don’t appreciate me, but I think I see a sexy Parisian girl in the lobby who might.”

  Marcel stood up next. “Well, brother, we can’t win them all. Tomorrow morning Simone and I are getting on a trainfor Rome, where we’re going to gorge ourselves with pasta for three days. See you back in the Big Apple.”

  They exchanged a handshake and then Ace was alone. Not hearing his name called to win the big check had stung a bit, but he knew just how much that win meant to Ronnie. The look on her face had been worth a hundred thousand dollars.

  Maybe now that the competition was finally behind them, they could focus on their relationship. They’d made fantastic memories in Las Vegas, Kauai and now Paris, but he was anxious to see how they would do once they were back home.

  They were from two different cities, but Manhattan was only a four-hour drive and a sixty-minute flight from Washington, D.C. That was a workable distance until they could figure out something more permanent.

  He didn’t want to pressure her right away. Ronnie knew how he felt about her. That was going to have to be enough for him until she grew confident in her own feelings.

  Ace headed back to his room, looking forward to calling Ronnie when he got there. He hoped she’d want to stay in tonight. While he loved a good party, after all the stress of the last couple of weeks, a more private party was starting to look good to him.

  As he got off the elevator, he saw Ronnie slipping something under his door.

  “Hey, Ronnie. What are you doing? Slipping me a love note?” he asked with a smile.

  She looked up, startled and somber, and instantly Ace’s heart began to sink. Her expression told him that it definitely wasn’t a love note.

  “Oh! I—I tried to call your room, but you weren’t in, so I thought I’d leave a note.”

  Ace steeled himself. “I’m here now. You can tell me what’s on your mind face-to-face.”

  Chewing her lower lip, she stepped back for him to unlock his door, then followed him inside.

  Ace took a seat, realizing he probably wasn’t going to like whatever she was planning to say. “Go ahead. What’s in the note?”

  Ronnie picked it up from the floor. “Do you just want to read it?”

  He shook his head. “No, I’m not going to make it easy for you. I want to hear you say the words.”

  Her brow wrinkled. “What words?”

  “That you’re dumping me. Right? Isn’t that the gist of the note?”

  “I’m not dumping you,” she started, and Ace felt a twinge of hope. “I’m not certain we were ever anything officially anyway.”

  “Really? It has to be official? How much more official does it get than my telling you that I love you, anyway?”

  Ronnie covered her face. “I’m just afraid we’re making a big mess of this. The competition is over. We have to go back to our real lives now. I live in D.C. You live in New York. There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t drag this out.”

  “Drag it out? I thought we cared about each other. You already know that I’m in love with you.” Watching her face, he saw the skepticism pass over it. “Oh, I see what the problem is. You don’t believe that I love you. Listen. I’m thirty-two years old. Don’t you think I know my own mind by now?”

  “It’s not that I don’t think you know your own mind. I’m just not sure you want me. Sure, I’m thin now. But I wasn’t always this way, and I may not always be thin. Will you still love me if I get bigger again?”

  “Of course.”

  She shook her head. “You answered that too quickly. You didn’t even take the time to think about it.”

  “Why do I have to think about it? I love you. It’s not a passing fancy. I’ve known you for years. Do you really think I wasn’t attracted to you when you were heavier?”

  “No, I don’t think you were.”

  “Ronnie, the last time I saw you before this competition, you were in a relationship. I would have tried to date you, but you were never available. It wasn’t your weight that stood in our way.”

  “Look, thanks for trying to make me feel better, but that’s not really what this is about. I’ve got to stop making the same mistakes over and over.”

  “You can’t possibly be comparing my relationship with you to your relationship with Andre. I know I’ve always tried to treat you well. Don’t you trust me?”

  She sighed. “I don’t know if I trust me. I just can’t tell if I’ve finished all the work I need to do on myself. I’m not sure if I’m ready to be in a relationship. I’m still confusing the wrong things with love.”

  “So you do love me? Ronnie, if you love me, I’m not going to just sit here and let you walk out of my life.”

  She froze for a second.

  “I never said I loved you.”

  “Are you saying that you don’t love me?” Ace asked, watching her carefully.

  “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

  He should have been hurt, but in that instant, he knew that she was lying. But if she wasn’t ready to admit that, then he’d just have to wait. If their love was as real as he felt it was, he knew she’d come back to him.

  He’d enter every Food Fight that came up to keep her in his life if he had to. But for now, there was nothing more to say. There was only one thing to do. Let her go.

  Chapter 20

  Ronnie got on the plane to fly home the next day. This time she didn’t have time to focus on her fear of flying—she was too entrenched in her own heartache.

  Saying good-bye to Ace hurt more than anything she’d ever experienced before. But like the burn of a vigorous workout, Ronnie kept telling herself that the pain was good for her.

  Didn’t this almost physical pain in her chest where her heart was supposed to be mean that she was growing? In the past, she’d stayed with men in order to avoid this terrible feeling. The fact that she was willing to suffer like this had to mean that she’d finally started doing wha
t was best for her instead of what felt good.

  In a few days this pain would fade, she told herself.

  In the meantime, she had the glow from a big win to bask in and a huge check burning a hole in her bank account. She could start planning to open another restaurant now. All she had to do was choose a location and a concept.

  But as Ronnie returned home and fit herself back into her old routine, she couldn’t focus on her dream. It was all she’d wanted when she’d started out in the All-Star Food Fight, and now that she’d won the biggest prize of the competition, all she could think about was how lonely she was.

  “Come sit down with me for a minute,” LQ said, pulling her into a booth before Crave opened for dinner one evening.

  Ronnie took in a deep breath. All she could hope was that LQ hadn’t found another job. She didn’t know what she would do without her.

  “What’s on your mind?”

  “The real question of the day is what’s on your mind. You won the Food Fight, but you haven’t been the same since. We were all prepared to handle you if the fame went to your head, but what do we do now that you’ve been in a funk for the last week?”

  Ronnie gasped. She thought she’d been doing a good job of hiding her feelings. “Has everyone noticed?”

  “Of course. It’s all anyone talks about when you leave the room. Is it Ace? I thought you were the one who dumped him. Are you having second thoughts?”

  She shrugged, trying to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. “It’s natural for it to hurt a bit at first. I’ll be fine.”

  LQ made a face at her. “What are you talking about? You dumped him. Why did you do that if you want to be with him?”

  “Because it can’t last. We’re from different cities. We have different priorities. It just won’t work.”

  “Look, I know I was hard on him at first,” LQ said. “But he’s kind of proven to be a deeper guy than we all thought. Aren’t you supposed to wait for it to stop working to decide that it’s not going to work?”

  “That’s been my problem in the past. I wait too long to see that something doesn’t have a future. I’m trying to learn from those mistakes.”

  “You poor mixed-up thing. You’ve been screwed over so many times you don’t know a good man when you find one.”

  “I know Ace is a good man. But that doesn’t mean he’s a good man for me. I don’t know if I’m really his type. There may come a time, down the road, when he might find me disappointing.”

  “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “Some men love women who are thin. He never showed much interest in me when I was heavy. Who knows what would happen if I gain the weight back one day. I don’t plan on it, but it could happen. I don’t want that constantly hanging over my head.”

  “Ronnie, the man told you he’s in love with you. Do you honestly think that can be undone by a couple of pounds? Don’t you think he’s well past that with you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Can you tell me one thing?”

  “What?”

  “Do you love him?”

  Ronnie swallowed hard. She’d gone out of her way not to say the words out loud. If she said them, she’d have to deal with them.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Don’t play coy with me, Ronnie. What’s the truth?”

  Taking a deep breath, she said. “Yes. I love him.”

  “Then you have to take a chance.”

  “Why don’t you let me fix you up with someone,” Garett whispered in Ace’s ear as he filled his table withanother stack of cookbooks. Ace was at a major Manhattan bookstore chain to sign that day.

  “My PDA is full of potential dates for you. All you have to do is tell me what you like. Models, business professionals, a girl-next-door type … just name your poison,” his friend continued.

  Ace shook his head, then signed his cookbook for an elderly woman who claimed she’d prepared every recipe in his last book. As the woman walked away, Ace craned his neck to glare at Garett.

  “I’ve already told you that I don’t want to date anyone in your contact list.”

  “You don’t have to worry. They aren’t all women I’ve dated. Some of them I just got numbers from but never called.”

  Ace rolled his eyes, then put a big smile on his face for a pair of housewives that were giggling as they approached him. Ace signed their books and joked with them a bit, then turned back to Garett.

  “I’m not interested. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  “You’ve got to get back on the horse. It’ll help you forget about Veronica.”

  Ace rubbed his temples. “I don’t want to forget about Ronnie.”

  “It’s over, man. It’s time to move on.”

  “I’m not so convinced about that. But you don’t have to concern yourself with my love life one way or the other. Besides, it works better when you stay out of it.”

  “You say that now, but you’re known as the Sexy Chef. That means you have a reputation to live up to.”

  “You’re the only one who thinks so. I don’t think my career would suffer at all if I were to get married or have a couple of kids.”

  Garett pretended that Ace had just stabbed him in theheart. “Don’t do it. It’s bad enough that you’ve been on this monogamy kick lately. Our friendship will die a quick death if you go ahead and get married.”

  Ace shrugged. “Your day will come. Eventually one of these girls you date is going to get you on the hook. Then there won’t be any turning back.”

  “Stop cursing me. Look how miserable you are. You’d wish that on me?”

  “I may be miserable now. But I honestly believe it’s temporary. Ronnie just needs a little time to realize that she’s ready. I think she’s going to come back to me.”

  Garett paused. “What makes you so sure? What do you know that you’re not telling me?”

  “That’s going to have to remain my secret for now. Maybe when she comes back to me, I’ll let you know.”

  Ronnie was still thinking about LQ’s words when she went to the gym the next morning. She’d never been more confused in her life.

  Of course she had feelings for Ace. But she’d also had feelings for all the other jerks she’d dated in the past. And staying with them until they ruined her life had been her mistake.

  She’d spent so much time distrusting men, it was hard to know when it was the right time to take a chance. Would Ace be like all the rest and break her heart one day?

  “You worked out like a madwoman today,” Cara said, when they sat down together at the Big Squeeze. “What was motivating all that intense energy?”

  Ronnie didn’t feel like talking about it so she tepidly said, “My zeal for good health?”

  Cara scoffed. “You know I’m not going to let you get away with that. Try again.”

  Ronnie shrugged.

  “It’s Ace, isn’t it?” her friend asked. “You’ve been a complete mess ever since you came back from Paris. Maybe you should call him. Talk things out.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Really? You can talk about why the two of you broke up. Didn’t he say or do something to upset you?”

  Up until now, Ronnie had been avoiding this topic with Cara. She’d been front and center to all of Ronnie’s disastrous relationships in the past. All she’d wanted Cara to see this time was how strong she was being, resisting the urge to go back to a dead-end relationship.

  “No, actually he didn’t.”

  Cara’s brow furrowed. “Then why did you break up with him? He seemed perfect for you.”

  Ronnie reared back. “Perfect for me? Weren’t you the one warning me off him when I was in Hawaii?”

  “That was before we found out what was really going on. You two have always been friends, and now the two of you have fallen in love. Sometimes there’s no better way to find your soulmate.”

  “Now you think he’s my soulmate?”

  “He coul
d be. Why not?”

  “Because there’s too much standing between us. There are a lot of obstacles. Maybe we never should have let things leave the neighborhood of friendship in the first place.”

  “Ronnie, is that how you really feel?”

  “The only thing I know is that it wouldn’t hurt to be apart from him now if we’d never gotten started in the first place.”

  “All relationships are a risk. Look, I know better than anyone why you’d be afraid to start over. But just because you’ve been hurt doesn’t mean you can’t find true love. Look at A.J. and me. I was so afraid that all men wouldbe like the ones in my life that did me wrong, that I almost ruined things between us. I really made it hard for him. But he was the right guy so he stuck it out. Maybe Ace is the right guy.”

  Ronnie shook her head. “I’m so confused. I don’t know what the right thing to do is. There are a few things that are still bothering me.”

  “What things?”

  “Maybe they’re my own baggage or maybe they’re real concerns—I don’t know how to find out.”

  “If you care enough about him, you’ll go ahead and take the leap.”

  Ronnie frowned at Cara. “I’m the queen of taking the leap. That’s been my problem, remember? I’ve always given my boyfriends second and third chances to show me that they’re the one. That’s why I don’t know what to do. If I go crawling after Ace, how is that different from all the times when I was a fool for love?”

  “The difference is that Ace hasn’t broken your heart. You’re punishing him for what all the men in your life have done to you in the past. Maybe you’re the one breaking his heart.”

  Ronnie’s body went still. Was it possible that she’d broken his heart? He was the one who had told her he loved her, and she had never really said it in return. Was she the villain here?

  What if she did try to contact Ace and he didn’t want to speak to her? What if she’d hurt him so badly that he’d have nothing to do with her?

  For the first time, Ronnie realized that there were more feelings involved in this relationship than just her own. She’d already hurt Ace. She couldn’t risk hurting him again when she didn’t even know what she really wanted.