Guarding the Broken: (Nothing Left to Lose, Part 1) (Guarded Hearts)

by Kirsty Moseley

  “So, how long have you two been together?” Rosie inquired as we danced.

  Okay, time to remember all the lies we made up. “Just over a year.”

  “Where did you meet?” she asked, seeming genuinely interested.

  “We met at a basketball game,” I lied, shrugging.

  She sighed, stepping closer to me. “He is so damn hot, Anna! Are you in love with him?” she asked, looking at me hopefully. She struck me as a bit of a romantic, the type of person that would cry at soppy movies and enjoyed a good love story.

  My hands were getting sweaty, and my insides starting to tie in knots at the questioning. “Yeah,” I lied, nodding.

  Serena chimed in then. “I’d love him too if he were mine. He’s so damn sweet!” Suddenly her eyes narrowed with interest. “He must have a flaw though; no one can be that perfect.” She pursed her lips, waiting for my answer.

  Flaws. Did Ashton actually have any flaws? I hadn’t seen a single one, apart from… “He snores.” I didn’t class that as a bad thing though, after all, if he didn’t snore I’d probably still be screaming myself awake, haunted by dreams of Carter’s leering face.

  Monica turned her nose up, obviously finally deciding that she didn’t want him now that he was a noisy sleeper. “I hate guys that snore.”

  I smiled weakly, feeling the need to defend him in some way. “Yeah, but he wakes pretty easily, and if I wake him up then he always insists on apologising properly, if you know what I mean.” I waggled my eyebrows suggestively.

  “Oh well then, I’d definitely forgive him,” she replied, laughing and looking at me enviously. Immediately, I wished I hadn’t said my comment. I’d rather she kept her wandering eyes to herself, but stupidly I’d said the wrong thing. Suddenly she nodded behind me. “Speak of the devil.”

  I barely had time to turn and see he was walking up behind me before his arms snaked around my waist. “I figured I could steal one dance before we have to go,” he whispered in my ear. His hot breath blew down my neck, and I shivered as his chest pressed against my back. My hands started to get a little sweaty as the temperature in the already warm room, started to climb. “Oh, and apparently these damn sexy legs are also driving the guys wild, so Peter tells me.”

  I frowned, confused by his statement. I knew Peter was watching, he was standing against the wall at the edge of the dance floor trying – and failing – to fit in. “What are you talking about?” I asked, confused, looking at Ashton over my shoulder.

  He smiled teasingly. “You’ve not noticed?” We swayed to the beat of the song as one of his hands slid down to the outside of my thigh. “Young, impressionable, sex starved, geeky college guys are staring at you as we speak.”

  I frowned, looking around, seeing that he was right. There were guys looking in our direction, some of them looking at me, others looking at the other girls that I was dancing with. I guess a group of girls dancing would normally draw some male attention. I gulped as my back stiffened.

  “It’s fine, don’t worry,” he whispered reassuringly. Sliding his hand back to my waist again, he guided me to turn around to face him. “People just need to know that you have a boyfriend, that’s all. It’s easily sorted.” He pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms around me.

  I nodded, keeping my eyes focussed on him as I looped my arms around his neck. As I looked into his deep green eyes, everything else seemed to fade into insignificance around us. They were beautiful and they trapped me there. He raised his hand and slid it slowly up my back before tangling his fingers into the back of my hair; his other arm wound around my waist and pulled me closer so that there was no gap between us at all.

  I had no idea how long we danced like that for before he finally started to inch his mouth closer to mine, all I knew was that however long it was, it wasn’t long enough. I wanted to live in that moment forever. Holding my breath in anticipation of feeling his soft lips against mine again, I closed the distance between us and then, I was lost.

  When he moaned in the back of his throat, my heart seemed to do a little flip in my chest. His lips parted against mine and then his hot tongue slipped into my mouth, tangling with mine in a tantalising kiss that left me breathless and giddy. With his mouth on mine, I forgot everything else around us and what this kiss was probably for. In that moment, we could have been anywhere, we could have been standing in the middle of a stampede of wild horses, yet I wouldn’t care, so long as he didn’t stop kissing me. His kisses were addictive. My excitement was growing inside me, building like a raging inferno as I pressed my body against his, needing to be closer, to feel more of him, to be devoured and possessed by him.

  But he broke the kiss and put his forehead to mine. A needy whimper left my lips as he breathed heavily and clutched me closer to him. Tilting my head, I captured his lips again, tangling my hands into the back of his hair, needing just a little more of his undivided attention. An involuntary moan escaped my lips as he kissed me back, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth and biting it gently.

  Again he pulled away, shaking his head this time. “Enough now.” His voice was husky and thick with lust as he swallowed and those sultry, heavily-lidded eyes met mine.

  I blinked a couple of times and nodded in agreement, even though every nerve in my body was screaming for the opposite. I laid my head on his shoulder as he continued to dance, swaying to the slow beat of the song that the DJ was blasting out. His ragged breathing slowly returned to normal as I tried desperately to push the lustful thoughts away so that I could calm my jittery body.

  As the song slowly filtered into another, his pace changed seamlessly to compensate. I smiled and looked up at him. “Are you good at everything?” I asked.

  “No, why do you say that?”

  I waved my hand at him as an explanation. “You’re a really good dancer. I’m yet to find one thing you can’t do.”

  He laughed and smiled at me. I tilted my face, rubbing my nose up the edge of his jaw, breathing him in as his hands stroked my back softly. “I would say the same for you, but the only thing I know you’re not good at is letting people in,” he said in my ear.

  I pulled back to look at him. “Hey, I can let people in; I let you in, didn’t I?” I was a little annoyed at his comment.

  He shook his head. “No. You won’t let me in; you barely even want to be my friend because you think I’m going to leave you. You close yourself off from everyone so that you don’t have to feel anything again. You like to be numb,” he said matter-of-factly.

  I stared at him, dumbfounded. How the hell does this boy know so much about me? Oh my God, does my file have my therapy tapes in there or something? Has that bitch of a therapist breached my confidentiality?

  “Have you been listening to my therapy tapes?” I snapped angrily, pushing myself out of his arms.

  He laughed and caught my hands, pulling me closer to him again. “No, Anna. You’re actually pretty easy to figure out most of the time,” he replied, squeezing my hands gently. My body relaxed, and I rolled my eyes at his comment. “Now shut up and dance with me before the bar closes.” He pulled me closer to him again and I laughed, smiling because somehow, he always seemed to make me feel better.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The sun beams down on me as I absentmindedly flip through the pages of a magazine. The strong scent of jasmine drifts up from the bushes that I’d not long planted, a few feet away from the swing chair I’m slouched on. I am just about to take a sip of my coffee when a slam of a door and a girlish giggle come from the house. A smile breaks out on my face as I look up, seeing a beautiful, little girl running towards me. I notice how tall she seems and how the smile on her face melts my heart. Her long, black hair is still damp and flows out behind her as she runs to me.

  “Momma!”

  I put my cup down just in time for her to jump onto my lap, laughing excitedly. “Hey! Did you have a good time? Did you jump in on your own?” I ask, excited to hear about it.

  She nods ent
husiastically. “Yeah, I jumped in loads of times, and I splashed Daddy right in the face,” she chirps, laughing wickedly.

  I grin. “You did? Good girl! Where is Daddy anyway?”

  She shrugs, twirling a lock of my hair around her finger. “He’s putting our swimming stuff in the laundry room.”

  “Hey, Baby Girl.” I look up and my heart speeds at the sight of him walking across the garden to me. He is so handsome that my mouth waters.

  As he gets to me, he bends and plants a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth before using the pad of his thumb to brush a smudge of dirt from my cheek.

  “Hi,” I breathe. It’s almost a sigh of contentment because my whole world is now around me.

  “Missed you,” he whispers, before stealing my coffee cup from the side and downing the contents as he plops himself into the seat next to me and casually slings his arm around my shoulder.

  I jerked awake, gasping, but for once, smiling as I roused from my dream. Ashton sat up quickly from his makeshift bed on the floor. “You okay? Nightmare?” Concern coloured his sleepy voice.

  I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, grateful that he hadn’t turned on the light because my face was sure to be beet red. I had no idea what to say. I’ve just had my first nice dream in three years… And it involved me having his child? Something is seriously wrong with me!

  Horrified, I lay back down. “No, not a nightmare. It’s fine.” A quick check of the clock told me it was almost ten in the morning. We’d not gotten back to the apartment until after one this morning, so I was still tired.

  He didn’t leave it though. Instead, he moved, climbing onto the bed and resting his arm across my stomach. “It wasn’t a nightmare? What’s up then?”

  My embarrassment grew because the object of my desire in my dream was now too close to me as he looked down at me through the semi-darkness. “I was just dreaming. It wasn’t a bad one. Actually, it was the first nice dream I’ve had since… since…” I frowned, not wanting to say his name again.

  “You had a nice dream? That’s great! What was it about?” He sounded ridiculously happy about it.

  I winced, squirming under his scrutiny. You, wasn’t exactly something I could answer. “Um…” I chewed on my lip, and he flopped down next to me, lying on his side and shoving his arm under the pillow as his other arm tightened around me, pulling me closer to his warm body. “I, er, had a little daughter. She was beautiful. It was just nice.”

  A dazzling smile crossed his lips as I spoke. “You did? Did she look just like you? If she did, then she’d have to be the most beautiful, little girl in the world.”

  My heart seemed to clench in my chest at his adorable words. The answer was no though, she hadn’t looked like me, she’d looked like him! “She kinda did,” I answered. The little girl did, in fact, have brown eyes like mine. Needing to make an escape from this awkward conversation before he probed further, I pushed myself up out of bed. “I’m going to make some breakfast. I’m thinking bacon and eggs. Sound good?” I didn’t even wait for an answer before I practically ran from the bedroom, needing a few minutes away from him and the knowledge that I’d had a seriously inappropriate dream about him.

  A little while after we’d eaten, I decided that I’d like to kill some time in the gym. According to the pamphlet about ASU that I’d read, there was a well-stocked gym on campus, so I was eager to check it out. As we pulled up outside and climbed out, another car pulled up next to us.

  I groaned and threw my hands up in exasperation. “I can go on my own, you know!” I snapped, glaring first at Ashton, and then at my two far guards that had obviously followed us here.

  Peter shrugged. “I actually just came to use the gym, I’m off duty. Please direct your glare at these two,” he joked, waving a hand at Ashton and Dean.

  I had to smile at that as I rolled my eyes and stalked into the building, not waiting for them. “You guys think I’m some pathetic wuss that can’t defend herself. I could kick all of your asses,” I muttered, shaking my head. I had no idea why I even needed a far guard; Ashton was surely more than enough to stop people from grabbing my butt or pushing me over into a puddle, which was all that would ever likely happen to me.

  A scoffing noise came from Peter’s direction, so I raised one eyebrow in question. “You think you could kick my ass?” he asked sarcastically, pulling his shoulders back and smirking at me as he opened the door to the gym and nodded for me to go first.

  “Yes,” I answered flatly. He was probably about six foot tall and easily heavier than Ashton because he packed in more muscle, but I was pretty sure I could take him.

  When I stepped into the gym, I sighed happily. It was indeed as well-stocked as the pamphlet had promised. And another benefit it had was that it was empty. Being Sunday lunchtime, most students were probably still in bed, sleeping off the night before.

  Peter scoffed again, following me into the gym and rolling his eyes, before nodding towards the padded mat area off to one side. “Want to try?”

  A grin spread across my face as I nodded slowly. Heck yeah, I want to embarrass you! “Sure.”

  Ashton shook his head quickly, holding his hands up in protest. “That’s not really a good idea, Peter.”

  I frowned angrily, clenching my teeth together. He thinks I’m going to get hurt? Lousy pretend boyfriend! He’s supposed to support me!

  Peter grinned, linking his fingers together, stretching out his arms and cracking his knuckles at the same time. “I won’t hurt her, don’t worry.”

  Ashton snorted. “I wasn’t worried about her. You’re supposed to be on duty tonight, and I don’t think having a broken nose will go down well with the whole blending in thing,” Ashton teased, chuckling. My anger evaporated immediately as I understood his hesitancy, and it wasn’t because he was worried I’d get hurt.

  “You think she could beat me?” Peter asked, clearly shocked.

  Ashton shook his head in response. “I’ve seen her fight, she could definitely beat you, no thinking involved,” he replied rather proudly, smiling over at me.

  Peter just burst out laughing and slapped Dean on the shoulder with the back of his hand. “Can you believe this? As if she’d stand a chance.”

  Dean’s smile was tight as he raised one eyebrow. “I’ve seen and felt her right hook. I wouldn’t recommend you fight her.”

  I grinned happily and walked over to the treadmill. “I’m going to warm up for a while and then if you want, we can spar or something?” I offered, stepping on and turning it onto a slow walk.

  Peter nodded in agreement. “Five minutes and then I’ll wipe that smile off of your face.”

  Ashton didn’t look too pleased as he walked over to the treadmill next to mine. His gaze was firmly locked on the speed control dial on my machine as I cranked it up a little faster. I would imagine he was waiting for me to go full pelt again – that wouldn’t happen though, not if I was going to be sparring.

  After a few minutes Peter called over to me from the weight bench he was at with Dean. “You ready to get your ass kicked, Anna?” he challenged, smirking at me confidently.

  Trying to hide my smugness, I turned off my machine as I nodded over to the mats. “Sure, best of three?” I suggested.

  “Anna, take it easy, okay? No broken bones,” Ashton warned, following me over to the mats too with an apprehensive look on his face.

  “I won’t hurt her!” Peter protested sternly.

  Ashton chuckled wickedly. “I wasn’t talking about her bones.”

  Peter waved a dismissive hand. “Whatever. Best of three. No hitting in the balls, that’s the only rule on my end. Other than that, you can do what you want.”

  I nodded in acknowledgment. “Okay. No taking it easy on me because I’m a girl, that’s my only rule,” I teased. He looked so overconfident; clearly he thought I was some little, delicate doll that couldn’t look after herself. He was in for a shock; this was going to be fun.

  “Right then, fir
st down to the mat,” Ashton said, blowing out a big breath. “No pinning down,” he added seemingly as an afterthought.

  I nodded and waited for Peter to come at me, standing with my hands down at my sides, not even bothering to defend myself. He wasn’t even going to try and hit me, I could tell. He grinned and came towards me, moving to grab me. Casually, I knocked his hand away and moved to the side, smiling. His eyes widened a fraction before he came for me again. This time I ducked out of his way and kicked him in the leg – not too hard, but just hard enough so that he knew I wasn’t playing around.

  “Shit! You actually know how to fight?” he asked, his mouth popping open in shock.

  I nodded, grinning. “Kickboxing or karate?” I changed my stance to show him I knew both.

  His eyes narrowed as his shoulders tensed. “Er, I don’t know that shit, I know how to street fight,” he stated, coming for me again with his fists up to hit me this time. Effortlessly, I moved to the side, hitting him in the stomach and arm, spinning around low on the floor and sweeping his legs out from under him so he landed flat on his back. I smiled triumphantly as I offered my hand down to help him up. “Ouch, damn it! What was that?” he whined, rubbing his stomach.

  “Karate. Want to go for kickboxing now?” I asked hopefully. If he really wanted to fight, that was undoubtedly my favourite.

  “Er, I guess,” he answered, looking a little uncomfortable as he glanced at Dean, who was just watching with a grin on his face.

  I nodded and stood waiting for him to come at me. He seriously tried this time and managed to get a couple of hits in that would have been good if I hadn’t gotten my guard up, but again, I easily put him down on his back.

  “Enough, enough, I believe you. Jeez, you’re a really good fighter,” he admitted, shaking his head and rubbing his leg and arm where I’d hit him.

  “Thanks, want to go again?” I asked hopefully. He shook his head quickly, so I looked at Ashton hopefully. “What about you, Pretty Boy?”

  “You know you can’t beat me,” he replied, grinning cockily at me.