Love Is Mortal

by Caroline Hanson

  “I was trying to be nice to you. But you are not interested in my kindness. I asked you the value of your life, and you had no answer. I have an answer. I need a body. I am inside you now. I will take you over, and if you go willingly, it will not hurt.”

  “Go fuck yourself,” Valerie said, and reached for a golden goblet that was on the table. It disappeared before she could touch it. Fine, no weapon to beat her over the head with? She’d find another way. But then the room shifted again.

  She was outdoors, at that same stupid outcrop of rock over the ocean that Cerdewellyn had taken her to before shoving her into the ocean. “Do you want to go in again? Do you think that Cerdewellyn’s seas still have no life in them after what he has stolen from you and Lucas? You thought you felt monsters before; this time, they will consume you.” Virginia's long hair was caught by the wind blowing out behind her in a long auburn stream, two smudges of pink on her pale cheeks.

  “This is the end of your time, Valerie Dearborn. Choose wisely.” Virginia lifted her hands and shards of rock pushed from the bottom of the ocean, an earthquake shaking her tiny patch of earth. She fell to her knees, sinking her fingers into the ground, and trying not to fall off and into the ocean.

  The cliff crumbled, becoming nothing more than a tiny needle of rock in a vast ocean. As the earth continued to shake, more rocks rose up, making a ring around her, like spokes on a wheel with her in the center. And then people appeared on each cliff. Her father, her mother, Jack, Lucas, Rachel, and on the sixth spoke was Virginia.

  “Choose one, Valerie Dearborn. Choose your savior.”

  They were impossibly close. All she had to do was take one small step from where she was, and she would be safe. The ground began to crumble away, so that reaching anyone would soon become impossible. She had to decide quickly. As the ground sunk in, decaying around her, her island of safety shrinking, Valerie didn’t know what to do.

  “You can trust one of us. The question is who? When everyone you love has failed you, when no one can help you, one of these people can save you. Do you know who that is? I know. Choose and jump or die. Your time in Fey is over.” The ground shook again, rock crumbling, sounding like an avalanche.

  Who would help her? Who could save her? Was it a trick question? The images of everyone she knew, and some that she hated were stationary. Looking at her soullessly and dispassionately.

  Choose?

  Who the fuck was she supposed to choose? Her father who had never cared for her? Her mother who was dead, but had loved her? Jack, her ally who would die for her? Rachel, who….no, she couldn’t think of a reason to choose her. Or Virginia, who clearly wished her harm. And then there was Lucas. And yet none of them was right. She knew that. Her foot slipped and as the earth beneath her crumbled, she jumped.

  Virginia watched as Valerie’s mind collapsed in on itself, praying she would not see out of the trap. And she did not. The moment came where the ground fell away from her, where she had to make a choice, and she did…thinking one of them, the people she loved, could save her.

  Weak girl. None of them could save her. She had needed to be strong enough to save herself.

  They were still in the dungeon. Virginia had taken Valerie nowhere, simply created place after place hoping that she would wander into Virginia’s trap. Valerie’s mind shut down, sending her body into shock. Her heartbeat faltered, stuttering in her chest. She saw the vampire Lucas, who was staring at the ground, look towards Valerie, an expression of horror on his face. Perhaps he heard her dying. He screamed and pulled with all of his strength, futile against the magical bonds.

  The tiny scratch on Valerie’s arm had been her way inside. Now she took over, filling her organs, her mind; taking her over completely. But she couldn’t breathe. Valerie’s heart did not start beating. She couldn’t give up this body. Couldn’t let go of this one chance to be with Cerdewellyn. She tried to gasp, tried to scream. Nothing came from her, from the dead body she was trying to inhabit, only the terrible screaming of the vampire to keep her company.

  And then she heard Cerdewellyn’s voice as he appeared in the dungeon, lured by the screaming vampire. She felt his touch on Valerie's cooling flesh, felt the thrust of his magic as he poured it into Valerie’s body, life cascading through her.

  She breathed deep, the sensation of air in her lungs odd after all this time. She made herself do it again.

  Breathe. And then it became automatic.

  She felt Cerdewellyn’s hand on her cheek, stroking her skin. She opened her eyes and gazed at him, letting him see the love she felt, the joy she felt in knowing that she had done it. Managed to return to him.

  He frowned at her expression, and she tried to speak, but the coordination was hard, and she moaned instead.

  “Cerdewellyn,” she tried to say. Not in the flat American way that Valerie said it, but the proper way, so that it sounded like ker-de-win. His frown deepened, and he put both hands upon her face, stroking her cheeks with his warm fingers.

  “What happened?” he asked, and Lucas answered.

  “Her heart stopped. She should have woken up, but she did not. She is mortal, Cer. You will kill her if you are not careful. You need her.”

  Cerdewellyn scooped her up into his arms, carrying her out of the dungeon. “That would be a shame for you,” he said to Lucas as they left.

  Virginia said his name again, and this time got it right. She wrapped her arms around his neck clumsily and held onto him. She touched the skin of his neck with her nose, inhaling his scent. He smelled of the earth and life, like power and magic. It resonated within her, and she clung to him tightly, kissing his neck as he carried her up the stairs. And between one step and the next, he took her to his chamber, placing her on the bed and backing away from her.

  “Are you well?” he asked her.

  Virginia was thirsty, starving actually, and seeing food in the corner of the room, she stood on her new legs and walked towards it. The girl’s clothes were certainly comfortable. If obscene. Her feet were cushioned in the strange and silent shoes. So silent, she could walk and make not a sound. But she did not like the lack of corset. She felt exposed.

  She drank the water, ate cheese and bread, and after a moment, turned back around, needing to see his face.

  His arms were crossed over his chest, one hand up near his mouth as he looked at her with a careful and closed expression. She took a bite of apple, giving him a slightly wicked smile.

  “What is this?” he said, voice taut. He watched her as though she were a poisonous snake.

  “It is I,” she said, and did not know how to behave all of a sudden. He had been imposing for so long, and yet now she was here. He had never bedded her; they did not have the familiarity of lovers or the comfortableness of equals. She had been a child; he had been her world, and to him, she had been…what? Another queen? And so she did not run to him as she had always thought she would, but stood there waiting, feeling sick and out of sorts.

  “Virginia?” he asked, coming towards her hesitantly. And then she was overcome with emotion. With grief for the loss around them, for the pain that she had felt for all these centuries, and the death that she thought she would never escape. She ran towards him, throwing herself into his arms.

  “They are all gone, Cer. What do we do?” And then she was crying into his hard chest while he held her, his large hand cupping the back of her head. He made shushing noises, spoke to her in the Old Language and promised her…everything. The future, amends, and the only thing that really mattered. That he would never let her go. She couldn’t say how long that went on for. His holding her, her weeping. The joy of their being together again. But finally, she stopped, and he gave her some more food and sat her down at the little table near the window, even though it was dark outside, and there was nothing to see.

  “What is the time, Cer?”

  He sat opposite her and drummed his fingers on the table for a moment. “Time is irrelevant now. My love...” He took a deep br
eath as though trying to find the right words. “I cannot believe that you have come back. I cannot fathom my good fortune, to have lost everything and have my very soul returned to me. But I must know where she is. What happened?”

  “Do you want her back?” Virginia asked, sharpness creeping into her tone.

  He shook his head and spoke softly. “You know me better than that. But it can be difficult to maintain possession of her form. So, how have you done it, so we may ensure she does not return?”

  Virginia flushed, feeling ashamed at her doubt in him. “She is asleep now. I altered her perception of reality, like laying a trap. She is still here, but unaware.”

  “Then the danger is in her waking. Do you know her? Can you see her mind and her memories? Her emotions and wants?”

  Virginia thought of Valerie, the woman’s whole life lying before her. Her childhood, Lucas, her want of another life. “I see it all,” Virginia said. “It is like a series of portraits that run together behind my eyes.”

  He nodded. “Good. Now you must replicate it for her, so that when she wakes, what she sees before her is reality. She cannot question it, do you understand?”

  Virginia nodded. “When she awakes…she did us a great service, Cerdewellyn. I do not want to hurt her.”

  Cerdewellyn reached out, twining his fingers with hers. It made her heart skip a beat. The affectionate look he gave her, the electricity of his touch. “You are tenderhearted, Virginia. It is one of the things I love the most about you. But we do not have the luxury of kindness. You must be wise first, do what is best for you and us. And whether it is ruthless or kind cannot enter into the balance.”

  “Is that hard for you, my love?” she asked, and hoped he would answer her. That their situations had changed enough, he would no longer treat her like a child and shield her. “I am not a child, Cerdewellyn. As you say, I do not have that luxury. There is no time to…wait. Not for anything.” He cast her a look from under his thick, black lashes. A knowing look, one that said he understood what she was saying.

  “You want to be my queen in truth? You want there to be no more prevarications. My mistakes are ever at the front of my mind. Every mistake I have made is based upon my ego and desire for…chivalry. There is no more time for dreaming like a man, for ruling like a king. I must command like a despot for us to survive. You are my right hand. My true destiny, and neither of us must ever look back.”

  In that moment, she would have followed him anywhere, performed any task to be worthy of his love.

  He stood and came towards her, leaning down, kissing her lightly on the lips. She opened to him, letting her lips part, feeling the light lick of his tongue at her lower lip. But then he stopped, kissed her lightly with closed lips and stepped back. “I want you to prepare for her awaking. Make sure your world is complete for her, so that she does not fight you or try to return.” He reached for her hand and kissed the back of it and then turned it over, kissing her palm and then releasing her.

  Virginia lay upon her bed, staring at the faded red canopy above her. The last time she had seen it, the fabric had been new, vibrant and beautiful. This was truly a place that time forgot. She did not blame Cer for their downfall, even though he did. But their extinction would stop here. They would rebuild.

  The monster who had done this to them was downstairs, at their mercy, and he would get none of that from her. He would pay with his flesh and his tears. Pay with his pain and his terror for the things he had done. She did not want to lay here; she wanted to live. To be with Cer, to punish the vampire.

  But first she had to take care of Valerie. The girl who wanted nothing but a normal life. Whatever that meant.

  Virginia did not understand the concept but Valerie’s idea of it was clear. Why not give it to her? Give her that as a gift for losing the game of life. For not being desperate enough to claim her destiny. She closed her eyes. That was exactly what she deserved.

  Chapter 11

  RACHEL OPENED the door for them, and Jack was surprised when it didn’t creak open ominously. This was where Rachel and Marion lived…together. It was a surreal moment to be standing here with her. Bound to her. And to be so blatantly reminded that she had a history with the woman who had ruined his life and taken his parents. What the fuck had he been thinking? Or not thinking, apparently.

  “The apartment is Marion’s. She bought it…before me,” Rachel said, voice trailing off as she looked around. Almost as though she were embarrassed too. And frankly, that was the least she should feel. Crippling remorse. Guilt. Really? Is that who you think she is? Deep down, past the ever-present lust and need for her, did he honestly believe she had remorse for anything? He didn't even know if she could have remorse. Vampires were evil; the earth was round. Those were facts. He had always known that. Lived that. Until now. Which just makes you a fucking idiot.

  Jack stepped over the threshold and looked around. His stomach was filled with acid, and he wanted to leave. Wanted to undo the last few months of his life. Before Nate died, before this Fey crap, before all of this. His life was turned upside down.

  Jack had been ruthlessly in control for years. And now he wasn’t. He was at Rachel’s mercy. Why had he done this? Why had he chosen her? Was this any different than belonging to Marion? He had to trust that it was, and Jack wasn't someone who trusted.

  Even Valerie, the only woman he had been close to since the death of his parents, would say he didn't trust her. It was part of the reason they could never have a relationship. The rules were too well-established between them: he was in charge, he would keep her safe, and he knew what was best. Even though he wanted to change that dynamic and let her in, he hadn't been able to.

  A dark part of him wondered if he had ever really believed he could let Valerie in, be open to loving her and being vulnerable. Perhaps that was why things had never worked between them. Because it would have had to be a conscious decision on his part, and when it came down to it, he just couldn't let down his guard enough to let her be his equal.

  And he was pretty sure that made him a douche.

  Now he was chained to Rachel. Forced to be vulnerable, forced into a position of letting someone into his heart so that they had access to his deepest secrets, maybe even his soul. He didn't know what it said about him that the only woman who could get through to him was a monster.

  At best, she was cold, and at worst, homicidal. His life would have been easier if he had chosen Valerie. For one, it might last longer. It seemed all too likely Rachel would kill him. The only question was whether it would be sooner or later.

  He remembered his papa telling him how he had met his mama. And the look of surprise that had always flashed across his papa’s features when he spoke of falling in love with her. It was something that just happened he said, like seeing a rainbow after a storm. Love was something one couldn’t choose.

  He bit back a laugh. Lust, desire, something had hit him, but he wouldn't call it love. His relationship with her had nothing to do with rainbows. It was more like a meteor slamming into the surface of the earth and causing mass extinctions.

  The few windows were covered and blacked out. She turned on lights as she passed through the living room, going straight to a bedroom with a giant king-size bed dominating the room. The ceiling and walls were covered in mirrors; handcuffs draped casually on a bed post.

  “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” he muttered.

  Rachel ignored him, disappearing into the closet. He followed close behind, desperate to see, wishing he didn't have to. He didn't know what to think, and he encouraged the blankness in his mind, suspecting he was pretty close to losing his shit. She opened drawers and boxes, rifling through things, trying to find the gem. After a few minutes, she stood back up, looking at the ceiling like the answer might be written up there.

  “Fuck.”

  “It’s not here?” he asked, voice sounding surprisingly conversational. As if he weren’t having a crisis on the inside. His hands were sha
king so he crossed his arms. He could smell Marion’s perfume. It was like she had just left this room.

  Eerie and surreal. Jack felt like he might turn around and see her at any moment. The urge to turn around, to know for certain that she wasn't here, just waiting to pounce on him was overwhelming.

  “No, it’s not here. That’s it. There is nowhere else to look.”

  Jack nodded, turning around, half-expecting to see her in the doorway.

  Rachel looked at him sadly. “I’m sorry.”

  “Why?” he asked, voice guttural. Did she know how fucking afraid he was? Could she have any idea just how horrendous it was to be in Marion’s personal space? Would Marion have brought him here if she'd succeeded in abducting him the night she killed his parents? Perhaps he would've died in this room years ago.

  Maybe Rachel would've been the one to kill him. He felt hysterical in that moment. What had he done? Was he really tied to her? Part of him wondered if he should just kill himself, do it to himself; it seemed like the final outcome.

  Rachel's voice eviscerated him, demanding he come back to the present. “I’m sorry because there is no other choice. I thought we could find it on our own. But I can’t. It's not here, and I have nowhere else to look. I have to ask her where it is,” she spoke the words quietly, as if she were a doctor delivering fatal news.

  He leaned back against the wall, using it for support, so he didn't fall down. He heard her wrong. He must have. “Get her out?” he said stupidly.

  Rachel nodded but didn’t move closer to him. Thank God for that.

  He licked his dry lips, his tongue feeling like sandpaper. “You want to get Marion out…of her coffin, so we can ask her where she left her fucking necklace?”

  “If there was any other way, I would take it. I’m sorry, Jack.”