by Mia Carson
“You never told me where we're leaving from or where we're going, you know,” I said, and handed Mom her sandwich. She sat down on the bed.
“We're leaving from New York, so we'll have to drive down. The ship is going to sail down the coast to the Keys and spend a day there, and then it's onwards to the Bahamas for the rest! I think there's a short stop at the Keys on the way back as well, but I would have to double-check.” It did sound like a nice trip.
“Are we taking the same car?” I asked.
“Of course,” Mom replied. “Why wouldn't we?” I shrugged and took a bite of my sandwich before putting my plate on my nightstand.
I turned to my closet to grab a few more things, then to my dresser for my more intimate apparel. I had one bathing suit stuffed in the back of my sock drawer. I couldn't remember the last time I'd worn it. Out of curiosity, I held it up against myself and glanced in the mirror. It looked like it still fit. I'd have to hope that was the case or end up spending a fortune on a new one at the beach. I tossed it onto the bed.
“I just hope you know what you're doing,” I said as I pulled out panties and socks.
“Yes, Mom,” Mom said sarcastically, making me smile and laugh. She knew I meant well, and at least I'd have her around if I needed to escape. I just had to survive the car ride first.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.
Since Evan had the bigger car, he drove out the morning we had to leave to pick Mom and I up, and I could hardly make her sit in the back so I didn't have to be next to Zach. He looked half asleep when he got out of the passenger seat in sweats and a hoodie to ward off the early chill to help Mom and me put our bags in the back. He offered me a little smile that made my throat close up; I somehow managed to return it. I'd dressed for comfort as well. The only difference in our outfits was that I'd put on jeans instead of sweats.
“Hey,” he said softly.
My shoulders stiffened in a reaction I couldn't control. I filled my lungs and slowly exhaled. “Hey.”
“Guess this is actually happening, isn't it?”
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
Zach rubbed the back of his neck and opened his mouth to say something, but he must have thought better of it because his jaw clicked shut. He shoved around one of the suitcases already in the back to make room for Mom's, which was a good deal larger than mine, then stepped back to close the trunk. The four of us piled into the car and we were off.
I turned my phone on and dug my ear buds out of my pocket. It was probably impolite to tune out so quickly, but Evan and Mom were engrossed in each other, and I really didn't have anything to say to Zach. It was bad enough being close to him, like there was an itch under my skin that wouldn't go away. It didn't help that he kept looking at me, either. I didn't hate him or anything, not really. It was just the tension I could feel between us, separating us from our parents and from each other like a heavy curtain.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him shift around and pull up the hood of his pullover to cover his messy hair and most of his face. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his head against the window, then yawned into his shoulder. He looked cramped in the back seat. Two years ago, I would have let him stretch out and put his head in my lap, but that was then. I curled into myself a bit and put on a music playlist to find some kind of distraction. It helped, but I was still aware of Zach next to me. The space of the middle seat between us wasn't quite enough. I sighed and closed my eyes, mirroring his position against the window. I'd have to get used to being around him. Maybe the whole trip would help me jump the final hurdle in the healing process.
I settled in, putting on a good bit of rock and roll to soothe my rattled nerves. Zach was quiet. Over the music in my ears, I could hear the sound of our parents talking and, just barely, the noise of whatever they were listening to on the radio. I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I wished I could, but I was too aware of his presence to relax. I was being silly. It had been two years. It was time to pull myself together. I glanced at Zach, but he hadn't moved an inch. I closed my eyes.
I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up to Mom shaking my shoulder and asking me if I wanted anything from the gas station store. I didn't, but I did want to stretch my legs and use the bathroom. Zach was already awake and rubbing one of his eyes with his fingertips.
“Bathroom?” he asked me. I nodded. “Me, too.” We fell into step together. I hadn't meant for it to happen but it did, and it felt almost natural. His arm brushed against mine as we walked.
Unwillingly, I remembered the warmth of his body next to mine after that night we spent together, the kind that only came from spending hours tucked up in bed sleeping. The comforting, safe, familiar kind. And Zach had been all those things for a while. I shoved my hands into my pockets but didn't move away from him until we split to go into our respective restrooms.
I took care of business and washed my hands, then splashed water on my face to wake myself up. I pulled my hair tie out to fix my ponytail, then stopped. Zach had liked my hair down once. I slipped the tie over my wrist and shook my hair out, not quite sure why I was doing it. I reasoned it was because wearing my hair down kept me warmer. Zach waited for me outside, his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt. He gave me a little smile as I walked over to him.
“You sure you don't want anything to eat or drink?” he asked. “Dad's still in line.”
“I'm sure,” I said. “How long until we get there?”
“Hour and a half.”
“Yeah, I'll pass.”
Zach shrugged and went to join his Dad in the food line while I went back to the car to sit alone until everyone got back. When they did return, Zach had a bottle of soda for me. When I glanced at the label, I realized it was my favorite kind of orange. My chest tightened painfully. I tried to say 'thank you' but nothing came out. Zach settled back in his seat, buckled up, and smiled at me again.
“Figured you could at least use a drink,” he said. I just managed to smile back.
Zach rolled his neck and stretched his arms forward, then sighed and slumped back against the back of his seat, ready to go back to sleep. I opened my soda with a hiss and took a delightful sip, holding back a pleased groan. I was surprised he had remembered that I bought or ordered the same soda whenever we went out. My heart raced in a way that was entirely inappropriate for the current situation.
Zach immediately fell back to sleep, and Mom drifted off, too, but I spent the rest of the trip awake, staring out the window with half-open eyes, skipping distractedly past music tracks on my phone. We stayed on the highway, and over the concrete walls I could sometimes see suburbs in the distance, but mostly it was nothing but trees. It was relaxing, in a way. I almost forgot about Zach until we drove into the city limits and beyond and fought New York traffic on our way to the harbor.
Zach and Mom were awake by then, and I had pulled out my ear buds and sat up straighter to watch. The skyscrapers towered above us. I'd been in New York only once before, and it didn't fail to amaze me.
“Have you ever been here?” I heard myself ask Zach.
“No,” he said. He was all but pressing his nose and hands against the window in an effort to see the tops of the buildings. “I mean, I've been in cities before, but this is just something else, isn't it?”
“Yeah,” I said. “It's kind of funny, huh? It's just got that energy, but on the outside, it's just like any other city.”
“Well, can't judge a book by its cover,” Zach replied.
I turned my head to look at him and blushed when I saw him grinning at me. Softly, I cleared my throat and returned to my own window. The traffic wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be, and soon, I could see ships in the distance. Evan turned the car into a parking garage, following a trail of other cars carrying people who would be joining us on the cruise.
When we were parked, the four of us grabbed our bags from the back and fell in with the crowd of people an
d luggage, making our way to the docks and the ship. It was probably the biggest thing I'd ever seen in my life and looked so fancy on the outside. I could hardly imagine what the inside looked like. It was a luxury cruise liner, after all. People paid good money to be pampered.
Zach and I followed our parents, obedient and silent. Even though we were legal adults, we'd elected to let the actual adults hold our tickets and passports. I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Mom had taken me to the beach on summer vacations, but that was just a drive to the shore. It didn't involve tickets or passports. Hell, I only had a passport to begin with because Mom insisted I have one 'just in case.' I doubted this was the 'just in case' she had been referring to, but it had worked out in the end.
When we reached the ship, I set foot on the boarding ramp with trepidation. It was wide and had rails and small steps to help keep people from slipping, but it rocked with the weight of the people on it, and I didn't feel at all steady. Mom and Evan were ahead of me, already halfway up. I was moving slowly even though I knew people behind me were waiting impatiently. I felt a gentle hand on my back, trying to guide me forward. I turned my head as much as I dared to see Zach giving me a small smile.
“It's okay,” he said. “I won't let you fall.” He was trying to be comforting, and it worked. With his hand on my back, I picked up the pace, walking up the ramp at a speed that resembled normal. I expected to feel the ship rocking beneath my feet, but it was remarkably steady. “We're way up above the water line,” Zach informed me. His hand was still on my back. I wondered why he hadn't taken it away but didn't question it. “And in the middle of the ship. You won't really feel the shift unless you're way down in the bowels or at the stern or the bow.”
“How do you know so much about ships?” I asked.
“I wanted to design them for a while,” Zach replied, “so I read some books. Decided to stick with houses, but it's interesting information to have. Plus, if it makes you feel better...”
He's just being friendly, I told myself, catching up with Mom. Zach dropped his hand from my back. Evan had taken the lead, following the signs posted on the walls we passed to find the way to our cabins. It was a bit cramped inside, but the halls were well lit and had nice carpet that muffled our footfalls. There was enough room to squeeze past people walking in the other direction or trying to get their room keys to work. We were about halfway down the ship's length.
“All right,” Evan announced. “Donna, this is me and you, annnddd,”—he turned around to face the room across the hall—“Zach, this is you and Annie.”
Zach and I froze, staring at our parents in disbelief. I thought I'd be bunking with Mom and Zach with Evan, and he had obviously been thinking the same thing.
“What?” Evan asked. He seemed to find our shock amusing. “This is mainly our vacation, you know.”
“Then why did you bring us?” Zach asked.
“Because we love you,” Evan replied. “Stop whining and take your keys.” He handed Zach and I each a card. We shared a glance. Unease built in my stomach. Two weeks of sharing a room with Zach? I was going to end up going crazy.
Mom squeezed my arm gently. “You only have to stay in there to sleep,” she said, picking up on my discomfort, “and there's a bathroom so you can change in private. Just try to let someone know where you're going if you leave the room, okay? It's a big ship.”
“Yes, Mom,” I said obediently and followed Zach into the room.
It was narrow but nice enough. The bathroom was immediately to our right with a bunk bed directly past that. On the left was a closet with a safe, a dresser and a mirror, and a small TV. Zach threw his bag on the top bunk and picked up the little pamphlet on the dresser top, examining the inside and the back flap. Given little choice, I put my suitcase on the lower bunk and sat. It was very, very quiet. The slight tension in the way Zach held himself was not lost on me. I scuffed my feet against the carpet. Zach put the pamphlet back down, fiddled with the TV—which only had a handful of channels but was better than nothing—then settled on some news network and looked out the little round window at the back of the room.
“Not much of a view,” he said, “at least not right now. I bet it'll be great when we get out to sea, though. Nothing but deep blue water as far as you can see.”
I kicked my heels against the bottom of the bed. “I wonder what we're supposed to do now.”
“Orientation,” Zach said. “Safety drill. After that, I think it's a free-for-all. And the best thing is we can do whatever we want.” He paused. “Probably good if we get some kind of schedule, though. And we should probably eat dinner with our parents tonight.”
“Yeah, probably,” I mumbled. I hadn't exactly had time to research the available entertainment on the cruise ship, but I didn't doubt there would be a plethora of things to distract myself with. “Maybe Evan has something,” I said a minute later. “He has everything else.”
“Yeah, he probably does,” Zach replied. “We have to go with them for orientation, anyway. I think they do it by floor.” He turned from the window and leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. I could feel him looking at me but didn't raise my gaze to return his stare. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him toe the carpet with his shoe. “Wanna go see their room? It's probably nicer.”
“This room's fine,” I mumbled as I stood and let him walk past me before following. I checked that my card was in the pocket of my jeans before I let the door swing shut behind us. “It's just small.”
“Even if you have to share it with me?” Zach asked.
I looked at him. He didn't wait for an answer before knocking on the door to our parents' room. I shoved my hands in my pockets and stared at the wall next to his head. To be honest, I didn't really have an answer for him. I wasn't sure how I felt about sharing the room with him. Like Mom said, we had our own bathroom. It's not like I would have to change in front of him. I wouldn't have to spend any time alone with him in the cabin except when we were sleeping. I didn't know if that bothered me or not. I would probably just have to wait and see and deal with my emotions like the rational adult I liked to think I was.
Mom opened the door and propped it open. There wasn't quite enough room for all four of us inside, but at a glance I could see their room was a tad nicer. They had a double bed, at least. I don't think either Zach or I really wanted to think about what would be happening in that bed, and the look we shared confirmed it. Other than that, and a larger window, it was the same as ours but reversed, with the bathroom on the left and the closet on the right.
Evan ushered Mom out into the hallway a few moments later and paused in the doorway. “So we're scheduled for orientation at two, and we launch at three, which gives us about half an hour to have a look around before we have to get to the top deck. I've already picked up a map, so I say we head upstairs and try to get a feel for everything. Sound good?” A chorus of affirmative grunts met his question. “All right, then.”
He shepherded us into the hall, letting the door to the cabin swing shut behind him, and started off with Mom on his heels, leaving Zach and I to follow again. His arm brushed against mine as we walked, sending tingles up to my shoulder. There wasn't anything I could do to move away, though, not until we were in the tiny elevator and I could squeeze myself into the corner. It was easier to navigate after we got away from the cabins. I let him walk a pace ahead of me and brought up the rear of the party. At least I could take in the sights.
We had a pretty damn good view of Manhattan from the top deck. It was hard not to stop and lean against the railing and look at the city like several people were doing. I obediently kept up with my party instead.
Evan stopped near the boarding ramp, stood as out of the way as he could, and unfolded the map. The rest of us crowded around him to look. I pressed against Mom's shoulder to save having to stand near Zach.
“Okay,” Evan announced. “So we're here.” He touched his finger to our location on
the map. “This floor...pool, dining, another pool...viewing deck...” He moved to the next deck down. “Dining, bar, game room, the big fancy cabins that only rich people can afford...” And the next, and so on. There seemed to be something to do on almost every deck, save the ones that were primarily made up of the guests' cabins. Relief warmed my chest. It was nice to have confirmation that there would be plenty of things to keep me out of the room until exhaustion finally forced me into bed.
Evan checked his watch, and I reached for my phone in my pocket. I knew it wouldn't work on the cruise, but I felt weird not having it on me. Besides, it had all my music, and I was planning on spending a significant amount of time at the pool when we got away from New York and found weather that wasn't too cold for lounging around in a bikini. Mom would probably spend a lot of time there, too, if I remembered our beach vacations correctly. Our hotel had had a nice pool, and while Mom hadn't gone swimming, she'd lounged in a bathing suit with a book in one of the chairs and soaked up some summer sun while I tried to extend how long I could hold my breath.
I wondered how Zach had spent his summers with his dad, and glanced at him. When we had been dating, I had quickly learned that his personal life and memories were touchy topics for him and hadn't pressed. I wondered if he'd be more open about his life now, considering the circumstances.
Mom wanted to see what the pools looked like, so that was where we went. They hadn't been filled up yet, as there was no reason for them to be open when the weather was still so cold, but there was a sign saying they'd be filled and ready when we stopped in the Keys. The one at the back of the ship was pretty impressive in size. It was just a big rectangle, but it was about the size of the pool at the beach hotel Mom and I always stayed at, if not larger. From the look of the map, the pool at the front was about the same. There weren't any chairs set out; they were stacked neatly beneath the balcony of the observation deck above us. On the other side of the pool was a small bar with a menu that said they served snacks—at a very exorbitant price. I almost winced. Hard to expect anything different, but it was a good thing I'd brought some spending money.