The Pull of Destiny

by Hotcheri

  I gave CiCi a look of disbelief and her cheeks flushed. “What? Seriously, CiCi?”

  Shazia shrugged. “Trust me, I’ve been saying the same thing but at the end of the day- Celsi’s life, her decisions.”

  “Well, I know it’s her life and her decisions, but-damn! Where does your aunt think the bruises come from? I mean, she’s got to suspect something!”

  “I told her I walked into a door at Robyn’s house in the dark,” CiCi replied defiantly.

  “What about the other times?”

  I knew this wasn’t the first time Nate had put his hands on CiCi. And to think I had actually fallen for the, ‘he just throws stuff. Not at me, though. Just at the walls,’ line she fed me in Baskin Robbins.

  “The other times- he hits me on my arms, back, my legs...” Her voice trailed off. “I usually cover up so that nobody can see the bruises. That’s why Aunt Kelly doesn’t know. She knows that he sometimes throws things at me- so does Mrs. Williams- but that’s it.”

  I licked my lips. “You should tell her,” I said softly.

  Immediately, CiCi shook her head, stark terror on her face. “Nate would kill me! He says as soon as I tell Aunt Kelly, he’ll kick me out. I don’t have anywhere to go! Our little secret. That’s what he calls it.”

  Our little secret. Wasn’t that what pedophiles told the kids they molested about what they were doing? ‘This is our little secret, no one has to know.’ So, if Nate was beating up CiCi, could he possibly...

  “CiCi, does he- has Nate ever-.” I could feel my cheeks getting red as I tried to ask my question, feeling like a perve for even thinking it, but needing to know regardless. “He’s never made- sexual advances towards you, has he?”

  Shazia's eyes widened to the size of golf balls as she stared apprehensively at CiCi, waiting for her response.

  “No!” CiCi shook her head so fast that her hair whipped across my chin. “No, Luke, he hasn’t. I swear.”

  That was good enough for me and I let out a sigh of relief. “I’m so sorry about this, CiCi,” I said fervently. “I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.”

  CiCi heaved a sad sounding sigh. “It’s okay, Luke. I should’ve listened to you when you wanted to park up a block.”

  “It’s not okay,” I exclaimed. Maybe CiCi had gotten all her anger out ages ago, but she still deserved to have someone who could get angry on her behalf. “He hit you. The douche hit you and you don’t deserve it.”

  “Yeah, I do. I broke his cardinal rule. No boys.” She smiled, a real, genuine smile that made my heart skip a beat. God, I missed that smile. “He’ll have a field day with this one. Probably come through saying ‘I smell Irish Spring. That white boy been here’?”

  Shazia giggled, covering her mouth with her hand at CiCi’s realistic Nate voice.

  “I love that you’re brave,” I said, hugging her. She hugged me back.

  “To make it through the night, I have to be.”

  Shazia tapped her wristwatch. “Luke, we should go. Nate’ll be home soon,” she said, sounding scared.

  I shrugged carelessly, feeling reckless. “Why don’t we wait for him to get here? I think I need to have a man to man talk with him.”

  Or at least, my fists do.

  “Don’t try to be a hero, Luke. Nate’s mean.” Shazia stood, looking at me with her head cocked to one side as I sat on the bed, my arms wrapped around CiCi. An unfathomable expression flitted across her face as she looked at us. I couldn’t be bothered to wonder what she was thinking. Shazia was always giving me unreadable looks.

  “Okay,” I groaned, reluctantly letting go off CiCi and standing up. I shrugged as I pointed to Shazia, who was bending over to pick up her bag. “I would have stayed longer, but- Shaz seems to be impatient.”

  “Thanks for coming, you guys,” CiCi said gratefully, walking over to hug Shazia, then coming to hug me. “And I’m sorry I ruined your t-shirt.”

  I laughed. “I think it used to be white,” I joked, placing a hand on CiCi’s shoulder and drawing her closer. “Are you coming to school tomorrow?”

  CiCi shook her head. “I want my lip to go down a little more,” she said. “Probably on Wednesday.”

  “Meet me at the Empire State Building tomorrow at around 4,” I said impulsively.

  Eyes wide, CiCi asked, “Why?”

  I grinned. “Just because. I don’t know, maybe we can go see a movie after, or just check out the view- whatever you want.”

  Or maybe, just maybe, I’m asking you out on a date. Maybe.

  CiCi gave me a tentative, if slightly watery smile. “Okay. I will.”

  Patting her cheek gently, I whispered, “Take care,” and bent my head to kiss the corner of her mouth softly. All this did was make Shazia stare at me even more and CiCi flush.

  Then the front door opened.

  “Oh, no,” CiCi gasped, hands up to her face. She stood stock still in the middle of her room, shivering. The fear on her face made my heart thump. What would Nate do to her when he found me in his cousin’s room?

  “Oh my God,” Shazia whispered as footsteps came down the hall to CiCi’s room. Nowhere to go, no place to hide. It was time to be a man and defend the girls if I had to.

  The door to CiCi’s room opened as I clenched my fists, not sure what was going to happen. Would Nate come in swinging or-

  “Aunt Kelly?” CiCi’s voice cracked with relief and she put a hand over her heart, almost sagging as a pretty lady with a tired face poked her head around the door.

  “Hi sweetie, how are you feeling?” CiCi’s aunt asked, walking in to the room. She didn’t seem to find it weird that Shazia was fanning herself with one of CiCi’s binders, or that a stranger was standing almost directly in front of the door in a boxing stance. Then again, she hadn’t noticed the fact that her niece had bruises all over her body. I stared at her. She looked so normal. How could she be so blind?

  “I’m better, auntie. My friends from school came to visit me. Shazia bought me some Neosporin.”

  CiCi’s aunt smiled at Shazia, who smiled back. “Hi Shazia. I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?” she asked warmly.

  “I’m good, Mrs. Grant.”

  “And this is my friend Luke,” CiCi continued, pointing to me. “Luke, this is my Aunt Kelly.” She smiled. “Or Mrs. Grant if you nasty.”

  I stuck my hand out automatically. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Grant.”

  Shaking my hand, CiCi’s aunt gave me an evaluating look. “You too, Luke. I’ve heard quite a bit about you. I hope you’re being a better friend to my niece now?”

  I shot CiCi a quick look but she had suddenly become very interested in staring at the threadbare carpet. “Yes, Mrs. Grant. And she’s a very good friend to me too.”

  CiCi’s aunt smiled. “That’s good. Do you guys want anything to eat or drink?”

  “Oh, we were just leaving. Homework and- stuff to do,” Shazia put in.

  And people to avoid, namely Nate.

  “Thanks for visiting Celsi. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

  She left the room and all three of us heaved a collective sigh of relief.

  “I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack,” Shazia admitted, still fanning herself.

  “You guys should really go. If Nate finds you here....”

  CiCi’s voice trailed off as she bit her lip nervously.

  “We’re leaving. Stop biting your lip, though. It looks like it already hurts.” Shazia slung her bag over her shoulder and hugged CiCi. “Call me and Rob later, kay?”

  “Okay, I will. Thanks, Shaz.” She turned to me and hugged me as well. “And you too, Luke. Thanks for following Shazia. I really appreciate it.”

  I closed my eyes, not wanting to let her go as I rubbed her back through her tank top. But I had to.

  As Shazia and I walked down the stairs once we had left CiCi’s apartment, I fished my phone out of my pocket and called Troy to pick us up. I was still boiling over everything. CiCi’s bruises, her c
ousin’s douchebagness, her Aunt Kelly’s blindness- it was all making my head spin.

  “I hate that he does that to her!” Shazia burst out, stamping her foot. “Celsi’s the sweetest person ever! Why does Nate hate her like that?”

  I knew why, but I couldn’t betray CiCi’s trust. No way was I going to tell Shazia that the reason Nate hated his own cousin was because he blamed her for the death of his daughter. Then again, Shazia probably wouldn’t believe me.

  So I just shrugged. “How are you getting home?” I asked her, as two rambunctious little boys ran past us up the staircase.

  “I’ll call a cab.”

  Running a hand through my hair, I shook my head. “I’ll give you a ride, drop you off.”

  “Really?” Shazia smiled at me. I smiled back. “Thanks, Luke.”

  “No problem.”

  We walked in silence for a while. “I’ve never seen Celsi like that before,” Shazia mused, almost to herself. “So down, so ready to give up.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” Sighing, I stuck my hands in my jeans pockets. Seeing CiCi so miserable wasn’t something I wanted to repeat. And it was all because of me. Guilt niggled at my insides.

  “She’s always the one who cheers me up when I’m sad, but I couldn’t even do the same for her.” Shazia threw me a sideways glance. “But you did, Luke. Thanks for following me. I’m glad you were there.”

  I grinned. “You’re welcome. Even though you’re being there cheered her up too.”

  “Okay, fine, it was a good thing we were both there,” Shazia conceded, smirking at me.

  We got in the backseat of the car and Troy started to drive to the El Hamed’s penthouse.

  I was humming along to ‘Seven Nation Army’ on the radio, enjoying the comfortable silence, when Shazia suddenly spoke.

  “How long have you known you’re in love with her?”

  My head snapped around to look at Shazia so quickly I knew I’d definitely pulled a muscle.

  I stared at her as she fixed me with an even look, her brown eyes serious. “What?” I asked, my voice almost a rasp.

  Shazia smiled knowingly. “You heard me. But if you want to pretend that you went temporarily deaf, I’ll repeat myself. How long have you known that you’re in love with Celsi?”

  I opened my mouth to say something along the lines of ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’ but closed it just as quickly. The smug look on Shazia's face was grating, but not as grating as the tiny inkling I was getting that once again, she was spot on.

  Finally, I shook my head, forcing a laugh. “I’m not in love with anyone. What-,” I started.

  Shazia interrupted me.

  “I saw the look on your face when she opened the door and you got a look at her bruises. I saw how happy you looked when she started smiling. I saw how tight you hugged her when we were leaving, like you never wanted to let her go.” Shazia smiled, patting my hand. “I saw the look in your eyes right before you kissed her.”

  “Shazia,” I groaned, leaning my head back against the cool leather seats. This was way too much to deal with right now.

  “Okay. Maybe I took it a little too far with the love thing,” Shazia said, a teasing grin on her face. “I’ll pull it back. Seriously though, do you like Celsi? As in, like her like her, not like her just as a friend?”

  Like her like her? We weren’t back in the third grade, were we?

  I opened my mouth and Shazia waved a finger in the air. “Honest truth, now. I’ll know when you’re lying.”

  So I bit my lip and decided to tell her the honest truth about the feelings that had been building up in me ever since I asked CiCi to the gala. “Maybe,” I said quietly, avoiding Shazia's eyes. “Maybe I do ‘like her like her.’ Happy now?”

  “Don’t put this on me,” Shazia protested, a giddy smile on her face as she clapped her hands together in glee. “I knew that you loved Celsi, I’ve been trying to tell her for the longest time and now I have proof!”

  “I said maybe, Shazia!” I looked at her with unease. “Yo, positively don’t tell CiCi anything about this conversation. It never happened.”

  “But it did happen,” Shazia said primly as the car rolled up to her place.

  She opened the door, trilling, “Thanks,” to Troy, and skipped up the sidewalk, me in hot pursuit. I caught up with her as she walked into the foyer of their expensive building.

  “Shazia, don’t tell her. Please,” I begged, not sure why I was begging. I knew how I felt about CiCi, but I didn’t want her to know yet. Not until I had sorted out all my mixed up and confused feelings towards her. And once I did, I wanted to be the one to tell her.

  “She should know, don’t you think?” Shazia asked, hand on her hip. I nodded.

  “Yeah. I agree. And I’ll tell her, don’t get me wrong. I’ll tell her soon, but for now- can this just be between you and me?”

  Pursing up her lips, Shazia gave me a calculating look. “You don’t like to rush into things, don’t you?”

  “Not without knowing its right.”

  She smiled sweetly at me. “Trust me on this one, Luke. This is as right as it gets.”

  I was starting to think the same way too, but I still didn’t want to jack things up before things even started.

  “Can you promise me not to tell CiCi anything?”

  “Only if you promise me that as soon as you get your act together, you’ll tell her. She deserves to know. With everything that’s going on in her life, this would make my girl so happy.”

  “I’ll tell her. I swear.” Putting a hand over my heart, I quipped, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

  “Okay.” Shazia smiled. “You’re a good guy, Luke.”

  I chuckled at Shazia's earnest face. “And you’re a great girl, Shazia.” I pulled her into a hug. “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight,” she whispered, looking up at me as I let her go.

  I jogged back to the car and closed my eyes, my head pounding like crazy. Too many thoughts to process. But the main one, the main one was admitting to myself that what Shazia had said was true. I didn’t just ‘like like’ CiCi. Somewhere along the line, I had fallen in love with her. And it scared the shit out of me.

  CHAPTER 23

  kiss the girl.

  Luke’s Bucket List: Kiss someone mid-sentence. Make out in an elevator.

  Luke’s Point of View

  If someone had told me that by the end of this eventful day I would a) succeed in knocking two things off my list, b) smear the Astor name (again) and c) get into a fight, I would have laughed in their face.

  However, all those three things actually did happen, and I have Ahmed to blame. Of course, I say blame coz how crazy would I be if I thanked the guy responsible for getting me expelled? But a huge pat on the back was definitely in order for Ahmed because when it came down to it, he was also indirectly responsible for the best part of my day.

  Speaking of which, my day started off, like all my days do recently, with a lecture from my dad. A ‘why didn’t you show up to therapy’ lecture, to be exact.

  He was lying in wait for me when I ambled into the kitchen that morning, trying my best to ignore the throbbing in my head that had kept me awake most of the night. My mouth was dry and the bright light hurt my eyes, but all I could think of was what I could pull today to put a genuine smile on CiCi’s face. Hey, it was better than thinking of why even Robyn’s migraine medicine, undoubtedly the strongest headache medication I’d ever tried, had stopped working for me.

  “I’m getting sick of your stunts, kid,” dad started without warning.

  I almost jumped, bumping my hip into the kitchen table as I jerked around in the direction of his voice. How the hell did he get here so fast? Just a few seconds ago I swear I heard him bellowing on his phone in the parlor. Yet somehow, he was leaning against the stainless steel fridge, his arms folded over his chest and a scowl on his face. Classic ‘time to give Luke a hard time’ stance. What did I do now?

  Oh, righ
t, I missed therapy. Damn big mouthed therapist couldn’t let me skip one session without blabbing to dad...

  “Uh...,” I said warily, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket on the table and preparing to make a speedy exit if things got ugly. It was obvious that things were going to get ugly, since recently I couldn’t deal with dad and have the conversation stay civil, but I figured if he flipped on me, I could probably throw the apple at him and run. Or something.

  “Do you pull shit like this on purpose just to piss me off or are you naturally this messed up?” I bit my lip as he took a step closer, his eyes narrowed. “I just finished talking to Doctor Hayman, and what do you think she said?”

  Great. He was playing 21 questions now.

  I spread my arms, deciding to explain myself or die trying. “Dad, I swear I have a legitimate reason for missing therapy yesterday.”

  Chuckling sarcastically, dad shrugged. “Do tell. One thing you actually know how to do is lie.”

  My fists clenched involuntarily, such was the effort it took not to fling the apple at his annoyingly smirking face.

  “Okay, yesterday I was faced with a dilemma. Go to therapy or go comfort a friend of mine who got- hurt.” I almost sighed as I saw the look of total disinterest on dad’s face. He didn’t care about why I missed therapy. All he wanted to do was shout at me and start his day off right. Still, I persevered till the end. After all, I didn’t have a thing to lose. “What do you think I did?”

  Sneering, dad shrugged. “Tell you the truth, I don’t care what you did about your ‘dilemma’,” he replied, proving me right as he made air quotes with his fingers. “All I know is, once again, your therapist is billing me exorbitant fees for your cancelled sessions and I’ve had it!”

  “Why don’t you just cancel Doctor Hayman and see all the money pile up?” I asked wearily. All he cared about was his money. Didn’t he know that he couldn’t take it with him when he died? “She doesn’t even do anything to help me! All she does is text and play Sudoku for an hour. Your money goes down the drain whether or not I show up at therapy.”