All or Nothing

by Kendall Ryan

  Emmy’s unease was obvious as Henry, her driver, drove us to a seafood restaurant for lunch. But thankfully she respected my privacy and didn’t ask any more questions in his presence. Only when we were seated with glasses of iced tea and a basket of buttery rolls did we pick up our conversation again.

  “So . . .” she prompted. “I thought it was just a one-time thing at our wedding reception . . .”

  I tore into the bread, needing something to distract me. “Yeah, so did I. But we’ve begun meeting up again.”

  “And . . .”

  “And he’s made it very clear that he isn’t looking for a relationship—we’re just having fun and exploring the chemistry between us.”

  She took a sip from her straw. “I think that’s fine as long as you’re on the same page, too.”

  Yeah, that was part of the problem. I was back and forth with our agreement. I let out a soft sigh and Emmy reached across the table and gave my hand a gentle squeeze, recognition passing between us. She knew me well enough to know that it wasn’t an ideal situation. It was also similar to how her relationship with Ben had begun.

  Changing the topic, we chatted about her honeymoon and placed our orders, but all the while the topic of Braydon hung heavily in the air between us.

  “Have you ever been to Braydon’s place?” I asked out of the blue.

  She shook her head. “No, Ben’s only been there a couple of times. He’s pretty private.”

  That definitely fit with what Braydon had told me about himself. Still, I was surprised that even Ben, his best friend, had hardly been to his place. It was strange, given how open he was in other ways.

  Emmy smiled softly and I stole a shrimp from her plate, trying to lighten the mood. “He really is a good guy, Ells. Just be patient with him, okay?”

  I nodded, suddenly feeling irrational and overly emotional. I set the shrimp down uneaten on my plate. “Yeah. I will.” I was powerless to stop this thing developing between me and him. I only wished I knew where it was headed. “Emmy?”

  “Hmm?” She set down the piece of bread she was nibbling on.

  “There’s one thing I don’t understand.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “How did you know about Braydon’s piercing?”

  Her cheeks flamed red and her eyes dropped from mine to the bread on her plate.

  “Em?”

  She refused to look back up, and instead sat silently spinning the large diamond ring on her finger.

  I didn’t know why my question caused her to shut down. I assumed Braydon himself had let it slip, or maybe, worst-case scenario, she’d somehow caught a glimpse of him in the buff during a quick change in between runway shows.

  “Ugh,” Emmy groaned. “Shit. I’ll tell you. Just don’t freak out, okay?”

  Whatever she had to say, it couldn’t be that bad, could it? “Okay,” I agreed.

  “So . . . in Paris, before Ben and I started dating, we were just sort of having this intense sexual affair.”

  “Yes.” I knew that. What did that have to do with Braydon?

  “Well, I met Bray one night at an afterparty where Ben had had too much to drink and he helped me get Ben back up to our hotel room.” She paused, trying to let me catch up.

  “And what, you and Braydon played I’ll show you mine if you show me yours while Ben was passed out drunk?”

  “No. It’s not that simple.”

  “Keep going,” I bit out, my jaw tense.

  “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

  The truth was, I wasn’t sure. “I think I have to.”

  She nodded. “Well, late that night, Fiona called Ben’s phone and Ben, in his drunken state, made some comment to Bray. ‘Don’t tell Emmy about Fiona.’ I asked him about it the following day and he admitted to me that he and Braydon had been intimate with Fiona—that they’d shared her.”

  Whoa. I knew that type of thing went on behind closed doors, but between my own friends? It only demonstrated how very different the world of high fashion was from my own simple life. I couldn’t believe Braydon had gotten it on with that megabitch who ran one of the top modeling agencies—and Emmy’s former boss. In one conversation with Emmy, I was learning more about Braydon’s sexual past than I had in the time I’d spent with him. This wasn’t territory we’d covered.

  “And you know, I was so wrapped up in Ben and I hated his relationship with Fiona.”

  I nodded, fearful of where this was heading.

  “I felt this strange competitiveness with her and I hated that she’d shared an experience with Ben that I hadn’t. I couldn’t have her one-upping me. I decided if she’d had Ben and Braydon together, then I needed to, too.”

  Holy shit! “Emmy . . . what are you saying?” I held my breath.

  “Ben arranged the whole thing. We went out to dinner and then back to his hotel room . . .” She paused. “And . . . I went to bed with both of them.”

  All the air was vacuumed from my lungs and I let out a gasp of surprise. I felt like someone had sucker-punched me in the gut. What the fuck? “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. It was out of character, something I never thought I’d try—and of course I never imagined you’d start dating him.”

  I wasn’t dating him, but I was too stunned to correct her. Nothing about this situation seemed within the realm of anything I’d ever imagined from my conservative best friend and her ultra-possessive husband. “How was Ben possibly okay with that? I can’t imagine him agreeing to share you with another man.”

  “You have to remember, Ben and I weren’t together at that time—not exclusively. And by agreeing to it, he was trying to convince himself that our relationship was just a sensual fling and nothing more. But after that night, everything changed. That night sparked something in him. He realized that he couldn’t share me, that he wanted me for himself. And for that reason alone, I’m glad I went through with it. Not to mention, he trusts Braydon completely. I think that was part of the reason why he allowed it.”

  Wow. There was so much more drama to Ben and Emmy’s relationship than I ever imagined. If they could get their happily ever after, there was hope for all of us.

  “Say something, Ells.” Her eyes were pure agony, lines etched into her forehead like she truly felt horrible she’d slept with Braydon and kept it from me. Good. I wanted to let her suffer for a few seconds more.

  “It’s so weird to think you know how he is in bed.”

  She chewed on her lip. “Yes and no. I’m sure you don’t want to hear all the gory details, but to be honest, I was more focused on Ben during the whole encounter. The sad, haunted look in his eyes is the thing I remember most.”

  That filled me with the tiniest amount of relief.

  “But yes, trust me,” she continued, “I know Braydon is smoking hot and very talented. I knew he’d make some girl very happy someday. I just wasn’t her.”

  I hated that she had firsthand knowledge of just how good he was between the sheets, that she’d seen his sexy piercing. I had to remind myself that they didn’t share the off-the-charts chemistry that he and I did. Their relationship was much more like brother and sister, which made it even weirder. I forced it from my mind. Dwelling on it would amount to nothing good. I could either make it into a big, awkward deal or I could accept that it happened and move on. Man, I needed a glass of wine.

  • • •

  After learning so many new things from Emmy—that she had had a threesome with Ben and Braydon and that he was, indeed, fiercely private—I decided to test Braydon a little that night. I wanted to see if he’d invite me to his apartment. I was sharing my body, my time, and my bed with this man. I needed to know that we were on equal footing. Emmy was convinced he was a good guy. We’d see about that. Plus it’d provide a private place for us to talk—if I was brave enough to ask him about his adventures in Paris with Ben and Emmy. I still hadn’t decided about that.

  I dialed
his number and waited while it rang. Braydon answered on the third ring. “Hey, kitten.”

  “Hi there. Got any plans tonight?” I tried to sound easygoing and light. I didn’t want to seem too demanding or pushy. At least not straightaway. But I was hoping to get my way.

  “If I did, I’d cancel them for a chance to see your sweet ass.”

  He could be so sweet and playful when he wanted to. “Actually, I had something in mind. . . .” I let the rest of my thought go unvoiced—a subtle attempt to entice him.

  “Hmm. I like that. I’ll come over.”

  “No, I haven’t cleaned,” I blurted out, losing some of my nerve.

  “I don’t care about that. I’m not coming over to inspect the vacuum lines in your carpet. I’m coming to see you.”

  “Yes, but I’m sick of my place. I’d rather go out—or really anywhere but here. How about your place?” I needed to take a stand. We’d only ever met up at my apartment. I crossed my index and middle fingers, awaiting his response. He’d either open up and share a piece of himself with me or he’d blow me off. I had to know.

  Braydon was silent for a moment. “I’ll get us a hotel room—downtown if you like.”

  I was completely thrown off by his suggestion. A part of me wanted to argue, but the prospect of not seeing him forced an answer from me before I could think it through. “Sure, why not.”

  “Great. I’ll text you the hotel and room number. Hop in a cab, babe.”

  “See you soon.”

  As soon as I hung up the phone I regretted agreeing to his offer. True, I’d said that I wanted to get out of my apartment, but meeting up at a hotel for sex was worse than being in my own space. And I was left wondering, more than ever, why Braydon wouldn’t let me into his apartment.

  After he texted me the details, I hopped in a cab for the hotel. The bellman pulled open the large glass doors and I entered a decadent lobby with stone floors and crystal chandeliers hanging high above. It made me miss my little apartment and cuddling on my couch with Bray. This made our arrangement feel like something else entirely. I didn’t like it. But I entered the elevator and rode up to the seventh floor, conflicted by my intense desire to see him. When I reached the room and knocked, the door was quickly pulled open.

  Braydon stood before me in jeans, a white T-shirt, and bare feet. “You made it.” He smiled warmly, like this was completely normal. We both had homes in this city. Why were we at a hotel?

  “I’m here,” I said, my voice devoid of all excitement. Though I was happy to see him and his smile, my head was spinning like a record. Heading inside, I realized he’d rented a suite. It seemed a little over the top for just one night, and I suddenly found myself wondering about his income. Ben certainly made a good living modeling. It appeared Braydon did, too. Not that it mattered to me. I was just curious to learn all I could about this man and his life.

  Braydon had set out a bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table. “Would you like a glass?” he asked, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

  “Sure,” I said, trying to sound agreeable. But something about tonight, about being here, felt off. Maybe it was just the sting of rejection that he hadn’t invited me over. Either way, I decided I would let it go for now and try to enjoy the evening. Despite the weirdness, it was clear he wanted to be with me. I didn’t want to overanalyze that aspect of the situation.

  We sat together on the sofa and enjoyed a glass of wine. Braydon filled me in on the photo shoot he’d had earlier with two female models and a live boa constrictor. The women were completely comfortable with the snake and Braydon was the one terrified of the thing, which sent me into a fit of laughter.

  “It was longer than the room we were in. Seriously, it’s not funny, kitten. It wound itself around my thigh and I about pissed myself.”

  “Aw, poor baby. Sounds like a tough job.” I patted his knee. “Do you need me to make it all better?”

  A slow smile curled up his mouth. “That sounds tempting. But not yet. You seem wound up and I need to get you relaxed first.” He grinned.

  I sipped my wine and looked out at the twinkling city lights below, relishing the moment but also feeling totally confused by it. Our encounters always felt more like romance than a casual arrangement, and it was totally confusing my heart. I didn’t want to sit here, drinking wine and watching his gorgeous eyes sparkle while he told me amusing stories, making me fall deeper under his spell. I came into this agreement thinking it’d be more of a wham, bam, thank you ma’am situation. And so far it had been anything but. Real feelings were starting to develop and I had no idea if he felt the same way. His hesitation to bring me to his apartment tonight told me probably not. Some girls might think a hotel room was a special date night, but I wasn’t that delusional. First, this wasn’t a date. It was a private room with a bed where Braydon could fulfill the obligations of the arrangement I was seriously starting to question. Was I insane? Why had I agreed to this?

  Then Braydon changed everything. He looked over at me, his gaze darkening with his desire, and I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. I was addicted to that feeling. This beautiful man wanted me. Me. I would give in to my desires tonight. Even if I woke up confused again in the morning.

  He moved with the stealth of a panther, slowly setting down his wineglass and turning his body to mine. My heart thumped unevenly and my hands clutched the stem of my glass, desperately needing something to hold on to. Braydon’s fingers found mine and he removed the glass from my grasp, setting it with his on the table. “Come here.” Taking my hand, he pulled me from the couch. I rose on shaky legs and stood before him. Seeing him dressed so casually, with his bare feet and playful smirk, made me weak in the knees.

  I allowed Braydon to lead me into the adjoining bedroom. A large bed dressed in white linens beckoned us, but Braydon released my hand and sat down on the edge and hung his head in his hands.

  “Bray?” I carefully stepped closer, wondering what had changed in the course of thirty seconds.

  He lifted his head and the crease I saw in his brow was unexpected. I’d never seen him be anything but cool and easygoing. “Do you even want this?” he asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “This arrangement—is it what you want? I hate thinking I’ve lured you into something against your will.”

  I hadn’t done anything I didn’t want to do. That much was true. I sat down on the edge of the bed beside him and considered how to answer. The truth was I wanted more, but something told me if I pushed him right now, I’d lose him. He was giving me what he was capable of, and he wanted reassurance that I accepted him and all his limitations. He must have picked up on my contemplative mood out in the living room. “Yes, I want this. I want a real relationship someday, but I know you’re not looking for anything steady. I’m not going to let that stop us from hanging out. I like our time together.”

  His eyes lifted to mine and the little crease in his forehead disappeared. “I do, too.”

  “Good.” It felt strange that I was the one reassuring him about this when I myself felt anything but confident. We had an amazing connection that translated into so much more than just sex. Maybe in time he would see that. I just needed to be patient and go with the flow. Two things I wasn’t good at. I scooted a little closer and Braydon brought his hand to my cheek, lovingly stroking my jaw and tucking my hair behind my ear so he could lean down and kiss my neck. His tenderness was unexpected and calmed me instantly. It was crazy how one minute he could rile me up, and then in the next render me speechless.

  His soft kisses and the warmth of his mouth instantly brought me back to the moment. His hot tongue licked my neck and his teeth lightly grazed my collarbone. I smiled, knowing that was a favorite spot of his. Soon his mouth drifted toward mine and we were kissing greedily. I loved the taste of him, and I couldn’t help myself, I crawled into his lap and straddled him, pushing my hips into his groin and rubbing my tongue against hi
s.

  He pulled my shirt over my head and released the clasp of my bra, his warm hands coming up to hold the weight of my breasts as his thumbs grazed the sensitive peaks. The straining bulge in his jeans told me he was enjoying this every bit as much as I was. Our bodies just fit together. From the way our mouths sought each other’s to the way our hips aligned and worked together . . . it was perfection. He was perfection. And I was in much too deep to stop this now.

  After several minutes of his trailing wet kisses all over my breasts, I pushed myself away and crawled from his lap. There was something I wanted to do. I dropped to my knees on the floor in front of him and began working to unbutton his jeans. The dark look in his eyes as he watched me made my breath catch in my throat.

  Finally having freed the button, I pulled down his zipper and tugged the jeans from his hips. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath. I wasn’t sure if it was in anticipation of seeing me tonight, but it was sexy as hell knowing he was bare underneath his denim this entire time. He lifted his hips and the jeans fell down to his knees, freeing him to my kisses. And I didn’t waste any time. I’d thought about doing this many times, and even though his piercing intimidated me, I wanted nothing more than to take him in my mouth and make him lose all control.

  Wrapping both hands around his generous length, I planted my mouth around him, swirling my tongue against his hot flesh and eliciting a soft groan from him. My tongue flickered against the barbell while I looked up and watched his reaction. His fists were clenched into the bedding and his mouth hung open as he watched me work. I felt seductive and beautiful watching him come apart. He cursed under his breath and pushed my hair out of my face, bringing one hand to the back of my neck and guiding me deeper, showing me how to please him.

  “Oh fuck, kitten, that feels incredible.”

  I felt powerful and doubled my efforts. I licked, kissed, sucked, and stroked him to the best of my ability until his breathing was labored and his chest rumbled with a suppressed groan. Freeing himself from my mouth, Braydon lifted me back onto the bed with him. The hungry look in his eyes told me he was ready for more. He made quick work of stripping me of the last of my clothes and laid me down against the pillows. He’d rushed to strip me naked, but now he was slowing down, taking his time and staring at me with a look of adoration.