All or Nothing

by Kendall Ryan

  She pulled a scrap of paper from her purse and scribbled something down on it before thrusting it at me. “My phone number and email. If you ever want to talk.”

  “Thanks.” I tucked the note inside my wallet.

  Emmy approached and offered me her hand. “Ready? The boys are done.”

  I accepted her hand and allowed her to pull me to standing. I hadn’t realized they were already through. Something about meeting Katrina, and the way her eyes had followed Braydon’s every movement, made my scalp tingle. A quick glance back told me my new friend was already gone—without a trace, by the looks of it. Strange. Shaking away the eerie feeling, I followed Emmy. The guys emerged a few minutes later and Braydon’s brows crinkled when he spotted me. He looked agitated.

  “Everything okay?” he asked as he approached.

  “Yes, we came to see you guys. Nice work.”

  The tension in his face fell away just slightly. “Oh. Cool. Sorry.” He scrubbed a hand through his messy hair. “There was just a little issue. Security had to remove someone from the set.” Emmy’s concerned eyes met Ben’s. “Everything’s fine now,” Braydon explained.

  Weird.

  I suddenly felt strange being here. Not only was this the first time I’d been around the three of them since learning about their steamy night in Paris, but Braydon hadn’t invited me here today—Emmy had. And I got the distinct feeling I wasn’t exactly welcome. My plan to push him to talk died when I saw his serious expression. Now was not the time. I shifted my weight, hitching my purse up higher on my shoulder. “Well, I’ve got a lot to do today. I should probably hit it.”

  Emmy shot me a confused glare. “I thought you were free all day?”

  “I’ve got errands to run, I need to go to the store, do laundry, get groceries, return an overdue book to the library. . . .” I stopped myself from spewing any further lies.

  Braydon’s posture relaxed a bit and he leaned down to give me a hug. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

  “Sure,” I murmured, my agitation growing. Braydon wasn’t happy to see me. He didn’t appreciate my effort. He was so confusing, it made my stomach hurt. Coming here had been a bad idea. I turned and fled, heading for the nearest cab or subway station I could find. I just wanted out of there.

  That evening when Braydon texted me, asking to come over, I immediately said yes. I’d let him know what was on my mind when he arrived. I had to, for my sanity’s sake. I couldn’t keep walking around day after day, not knowing. When he arrived at my apartment, bottle of wine in hand, I ushered him inside, my resolve weakening at the sight of this handsome man. He was dressed casually in a pair of dark jeans, a vintage tee, and his beat-up Converse, as he usually was. He looked frickin’ adorable.

  He kissed me briefly then set about opening the wine and pouring us each a glass. I bit my cheek to avoid asking him about the gala or his strange behavior on the set of the photo shoot. Let it go, Ellie. Move on, I begged myself silently. There are more important things to discuss.

  “Here you go, gorgeous.” He handed me a glass of ruby-colored wine. “Shall we sit?” He motioned to the living room and I led the way, nestling into my couch, which was worn in all the right places. Braydon sat down next to me but left enough room between us so that we could carry on a conversation naturally.

  “Listen, I think we need to talk,” I began.

  “Yes, we do,” he agreed, watching me thoughtfully over the rim of his wineglass.

  “Okay, you go first.”

  “Nope. Not yet. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  I chewed on my lower lip. Did I have the courage to do this? Making the split-second decision that I wasn’t yet ready to probe into anything deeper—like where he and I stood—I blurted the first thing that came to mind. “I know about the threesome.”

  Braydon didn’t even blink. “Am I in trouble?”

  I considered it. But it happened before he met me. It’d be completely unfair to be mad at him about something that had happened in his past. “No, you’re not. I was just surprised is all. I wish you had told me.”

  “Emmy told you, I take it?”

  “She knew about your piercing, and when I pressed about how she knew . . . she told me the story.” He nodded, like he understood this wasn’t something that could be kept secret forever. It had to come out eventually. Emmy and I were best friends. “Is it weird for you now? Being around Ben and Emmy?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “Nah. I don’t really think about it. I knew it was a one-time thing. Ben and I had done that type of thing before, and it was never a big deal. It was something we did for fun.”

  He and I had very different ideas of fun. “Is that something you’d want to . . . would you share me with someone?”

  “No.” His voice was firm. “I have no desire to do that again. And I have no interest in sharing your sweet little body with anyone.”

  Satisfied with his answer, I knew I had to let it go. Though I knew the next time we were all together, I would have a hard time not picturing the three of them in compromising positions, wondering about the mechanics of how it all went down. I shook my head, clearing my mind. Braydon had said there was something he wanted to talk to me about, and I still had to work up what I wanted to say about some of our bigger issues. Focus, Ellie. “Okay, now that the weirdness is out of the way . . . what did you want to talk about?”

  He pushed a lock of hair behind my ear and grinned down at me, as if he was proud about how mature I was being about his past. “I’m leaving for Maui next week and I’ll be gone for two weeks.”

  “Oh.” Two whole weeks without any texts and visits from Braydon to look forward to? It hurt more than it should. The wine churned in my stomach.

  “I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’d like you to come with me.”

  “What?” That wasn’t at all what I was expecting. I thought he was going to chastise me for getting too close, for wanting things he’d told me we’d never have. “Ben and Emmy will be there, too. I thought it might be fun.”

  “I can’t. I have to work, Braydon.”

  “I know, but I thought perhaps you could use a vacation. And I thought it’d be nice to have you there.” He smiled at me warmly, making my heart flutter erratically.

  All the things I wanted to say to him about his reluctance to be seen with me went out the window. He was inviting me to Hawaii. That spoke louder than anything, didn’t it?

  “I do have a week of vacation time saved up.” The idea of spending a week in the sun with Braydon, Ben, and Emmy sounded heavenly. “I’ll ask my boss about it tomorrow.”

  “That’s a good girl.” I smiled at the endearment, gazing up at him like a lovesick fool. “I work better when I’m having regular orgasms, so you being there will be very helpful.” He chuckled.

  My stomach dropped, and I let out an exasperated sigh. That was why he invited me? I couldn’t be some kept woman, a mistress hidden away in his hotel room. I had a job, a life, a brain. I was more than just a vagina for him to sink into whenever he pleased. “That’s why you want me there? Newsflash: I’m not just a warm hole to be used for your enjoyment.” I felt like punching him, but I kept my composure.

  “Of course you’re not,” he quickly recovered. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. The truth is, I love hanging out with you. You’re fun as shit, and we have great sex. I know you’re not going to deny that.”

  “Well, no,” I murmured weakly.

  “I’d like you to come on the trip with me because I think it would be good for both of us.”

  “We’ll see.” I wanted to be sure that I was protecting myself and could handle an entire week with him.

  “Well, think about it.” He rose to his feet and, to my complete surprise, left the apartment without saying good-bye. What the hell? His wineglass sat untouched on the coffee table where he’d left it. Was he trying to give me space to think, or was this some kind of test?

  The entire week passed without a sing
le word from Braydon. I hadn’t texted or called him either, but he was the guy, he was supposed to chase me, right? I knew he was leaving for Hawaii in two days—I found out from Emmy. And I hated myself for it, but I went ahead and inquired about the time off with my boss. She’d said it was totally fine and probably long overdue. Which only frustrated me more. I could have the time off if I wanted it. I just didn’t want to give in so easily. Braydon hadn’t clarified if he’d be paying my way, if we’d share a hotel room, or what sort of rules would apply to this part of our arrangement. I had enough money in my savings to cover the flight and hotel, but still—I hated all these questions swirling in my brain. I wished there were a guidebook for this. If you’re invited on vacation to be someone’s fuck buddy, what are the expectations?

  My cell phone rang and I sprinted across my apartment, lunging for it. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Ells,” Emmy said.

  “Oh. Hi.”

  She laughed. “Geez, nice to hear from you, too.”

  “Sorry, I just, thought it might be . . . never mind.”

  “Bray?”

  “Yeah.”

  She sighed. “You guys still aren’t talking?”

  “Nope.”

  She grumbled something unintelligible into the phone. “Sheesh, you two are more stubborn than Ben and I ever were.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I picked at a hangnail on my thumb.

  “It means you both want each other, yet you’re too damn stubborn to admit it and take what you want.”

  “So what should I do?”

  “Suck it up and call him. Tell him you want to go to Hawaii.”

  “I can’t do that, Emmy.”

  “Why the hell not? Are you insane? Piña coladas on the beach . . . warm sand . . . sun . . . me . . . hello? It’s gonna be awesome.”

  I laughed at her enthusiasm. “It does sound nice. Let me think about it.”

  “Don’t think for too long. We leave the day after tomorrow.”

  “Trust me, I’m well aware.” I paced my apartment, trying to figure out what to do. Things between me and Braydon were totally in the gray, but I wanted to go to Hawaii with my best friend and our two men. And I had the time off work. Why the fuck not?

  “I need a bikini wax and a pedicure,” I mumbled into the phone.

  Emmy squealed. “Oh hush. That’s what razors are for, and we’ll get a pedicure together at the hotel. I’m sure there’s a spa nearby.”

  Gosh, her life was easy. “Okay,” I said with a nod. “I better pack then.”

  “Hop to it, girlie!”

  “Will do. And hey, don’t mention anything to Ben or Braydon yet, okay?”

  “Sure thing, babe,” Emmy said, though sounding skeptical.

  As I hung up the phone, a little plan hatched in my head. Surprising Braydon on the airplane . . . initiating our membership into the mile-high club just after ascent. I giggled devilishly and skipped to my bedroom to pack. Maybe I just needed to give him a bit more time to develop the feelings I already had. This was new territory for him, and it was a big step that he’d invited me to travel with him, and I needed to accept the invitation in the spirit it was given. My confidence increased as I gave myself a little pep talk. Things would work themselves out.

  Heaping mountains of clothes on my bed, I had all the major travel groups accounted for: bathing suits, sundresses, shorts, tanks, sandals, a pair of heels, a cocktail dress in case we did anything upscale, and a sweatshirt since it got so cold on planes. After it was all shoved into my largest suitcase, I settled on the couch with my laptop to purchase my airfare. I texted Emmy to find out which flight they were on, and while I waited for her to respond, I emailed my boss, letting her know that I was taking her up on that offer for a week off after all. My stomach was a mess of nervous energy, and I felt like bouncing off the walls of my tiny apartment. I hadn’t felt so happy and alive in a long time. Braydon and the newness of our affair had that effect on me. It certainly was good for the libido. I just hadn’t decided if he was good for the rest of me—namely, my heart.

  My phone chimed a second later and Emmy’s response burst my bubble. Crap. She, Ben, and Braydon were all seated in first class.

  Me: Shit, I can’t afford first class. Looks like I’ll be sitting all by my lonesome.

  Emmy: Oh hush! Tell Braydon and he’ll pay for your ticket. Stop being stubborn, remember??

  I considered her words. But I wasn’t being stubborn. Not this time. This time, I wanted to stand on my own two feet and show him I was committed to being there and taking him up on his offer, despite everything we’d been through over the past week. It wasn’t every day a man invited me to join him on vacation. And I’d all but snubbed him. He’d left quietly without a word. And now it’d been utter silence. I remembered something my mom told me once: Men are more sensitive than you’d think. I wondered if I’d hurt his feelings by refusing his offer. It was a big step for him to invite me to Hawaii. I would make this right. I had to—I needed to see where things were going between us.

  9

  I spotted Ben and Emmy straightaway in first class only a couple rows back from the front. Across the aisle from them was Braydon—with a pretty redhead fawning all over him. My heart pinched painfully in my chest.

  He’d invited someone else?

  I needed off this plane. But I was stuck, with someone in front of me wrestling her luggage into the overhead compartment and a whole line of people behind me waiting to board. I drew a shaky breath and continued forward. It was all I could do.

  He’d said no one else could be inside me, and that he’d refrain, too. Apparently that had gone out the window when a piece of ass came sniffing around. Hot anger burned through me. I wanted to shove the perky little redhead away from him and slug him in the face for good measure. I’d never felt quite so possessive over a man. I wanted to yank that bitch away from him by her hair. Instead, I took a calming breath and cleared my throat.

  Braydon’s eyes snapped up to mine. “Kitten?”

  I smirked. Busted, buddy.

  His mouth curled up in a smile. Not the least bit distraught about being discovered with his new little toy. What an ass.

  “I was going to surprise you.” I looked down at the dirty, multicolored carpeting, unable to meet his brilliant blue eyes.

  “You sure did.” He stood and came closer to where I was wedged between the aisle and his row of seats.

  “I can see that. I didn’t know you’d have someone else with you.” My eyes landed on the redhead who stood just two feet away, watching us with a pout.

  “Oh, Megan? No, she’s the photographer’s assistant. She just spotted me. We didn’t know we were on the same flight.”

  Oh. “Hi,” I offered, feeling stupid.

  “Hi!” She beamed, grinning at me. “I better get back to my seat.” She turned and headed for the rear of the plane, waiting in the queue of people as they inched their way back.

  I said hi to Ben and Emmy, still feeling strange for showing up on the flight out of the blue like this. But I was so thoroughly rattled at thinking Braydon had invited someone else, I felt like I was floating above my body, witnessing everything through a thick haze.

  “Come here, girly.” Braydon opened his arms and pulled me into a massive hug.

  I staggered against his chest, inhaling his unique scent—soap and masculine goodness. Relief washed over me that he hadn’t invited someone to replace me. God, my nerves were shot already. I took a step back, needing some space. “You sure you want me here?”

  “She’s a groupie, nothing more. I invited you, didn’t I?”

  “Yes,” I murmured.

  “Then get your hot ass over here.” He tugged me down to his lap and caged me in with his arms around my waist. “There, that’s better.” He pressed his mouth to my neck and gave me a gentle bite.

  I yelped softly.

  Emmy shot me a glare. “You two better behave on this flight.”

  Braydon
’s smile turned serious. “She’s right, we better buckle up.” He fixed the seat belt around us both.

  “Braydon,” I laughed, trying to maneuver myself out of his lap. “We can’t share a seat.” As much as I wanted to.

  “Fine.” He pouted. He pressed the call button in the panel above us and a flight attendant appeared a moment later. Braydon explained that I’d surprised him on the flight but had secured a seat in coach. He turned his pretty blue eyes at her and asked if it was possible to bump me up to first class. She scurried off to check the status of the flight to see if it was full. There was no one in the seat next to him for the time being, but that could change since people were still filtering onto the plane. She returned a moment later with a new ticket for me, indicating my new seat, next to Braydon. Wow, being ridiculously good-looking had its perks. I moved from his lap and settled in. I’d never flown first class before and I was more than a little excited. This was old hat for him, Ben, and Emmy, but I found it all incredibly exciting. I was practically bouncing in the seat with excitement. I was really doing it. And I felt nearly delirious about spending a week in Hawaii with Braydon.

  I buckled myself into the plush leather seat for the eleven-hour flight while the attendant delivered us the drink of our choice and a mixed tin of salted almonds. I could get used to this lifestyle.

  “I would have bought you a ticket if I’d known you were coming,” Braydon said, nuzzling into my neck again.

  “Then I couldn’t have surprised you.”

  “Thank you for that.” He smiled at me sincerely and my world was complete. God, that dimple of his would be the death of me.

  Once we landed in Hawaii, our foursome was bubbling with energy, despite the overly long flight. We were giddy and ready to enjoy a fruity cocktail and feel the ocean breeze caress our skin. Ben had arranged ahead of time for a car and driver, so we followed the uniformed driver holding a sign that read “Mr. Shaw.” Braydon couldn’t keep his hands off me in the car. Ben sat in the front seat with the driver, which left me wedged in the middle seat between Braydon and Emmy. Braydon’s lips hovered behind my ear.

  “I’m so glad you decided to come.”