by Daris Howard
Again, John seemed surprised that a new recruit could be so effective. Jacob was satisfied with her vigorous use of the skills he had taught her, but disapproved of her irresponsible aggressiveness that left openings for John to score points. He knew she was letting her emotions rule too much of her assault.
John's experience began to show as he stayed calm through her barrage, and then gradually started driving her back. He drove her to the wall, and just at the point Jacob felt the match should be called in John's favor, Marie lashed out with her back foot, catching John in the shin. John dropped his guard, and Marie swept his sword from his hand.
John knelt down to rub his leg. "That was not a very fair and gentlemanly thing to do."
Jacob found himself grinning at John's distress. "You weren't fighting a man." Then he turned and motioned to Marie to remove her mask. "Princess?"
John stood and bowed, embarrassed. "Your Highness, I didn't know."
Jacob patted him on the shoulder. "Nor did we want you to. We didn't want you to hold back."
Marie had a silly grin on her face. "I guess I am doing quite well on my training, considering I won."
Jacob frowned at her. "Your win is questionable. Except for the kick to the shins, John was in the lead. And that can be a good lesson to you, John, to never trust your opponent."
John nodded. "Yes, sir."
Marie scowled. "I could have won anyway."
Jacob shook his head. "You are learning fast, but you are sloppy, and you are trying to read his head movement too much. Your foot work, excepting your ability to kick someone in the shins, is clumsy. You've still have much to learn."
Jacob recognized the all-too-familiar fire in Marie's eyes. She raised her sword. "I think I could take you."
Jacob sighed. "Your Highness this is not..."
"If you're so all fired smart, defend yourself," she said.
Jacob looked at John, who was grinning profusely. He looked back at Marie. "All right. Put on your mask."
Marie glared at him. "Only if you do."
"I don't need..."
She waved her sword menacingly. "I want to be able to hit you and teach you a lesson."
Jacob rolled his eyes, but bowed. "As you wish, Your Highness."
John, who had an uncontrollable smirk on his face, handed Jacob the vest and the helmet. Jacob frowned, but put them on.
He turned to face Marie. They touched swords. Immediately she attacked. He was ready for her and swivelled his wrist in an arc, sending her sword skidding across the floor.
She picked it up and breathed deeply, as if to control her emotions. Jacob could imagine the glare behind her mask as she said, "Try that again."
She lunged at him again, though more cautiously than before. He blocked her sword and slapped her hard with the back of his. He knew it had to sting, but she didn't make a sound except for a grunt. Again and again she would attack, only to have him block her sword and slap her with the back of his. He started backing her to the wall. She lashed out with her foot, but he moved quickly, and she stumbled. The stumble was enough for her to loosen her grip on her sword, and he again sent it skidding across the floor.
She never went after it, but stood, and he knew the challenge was over. He removed his helmet, and she did likewise. She seemed embarrassed and looked down. He smiled at her. "You have nothing to be ashamed of, Your Highness. You have learned faster and better than anyone I have trained, and in a much shorter time. We'll just keep working."
She lifted her eyes to meet his smile and returned it with one of her own. Jacob then turned to John, who had a repressed grin on his face, and handed the gear back to him. "That will be all, Lieutenant."
John took the gear, saluted, and turned to leave. Jacob called after him. "And, Lieutenant, none of this is to leave this room. Understood?"
"Absolutely, Sir."
He grinned again, saluted one more time, and headed out the door. Jacob's eyes turned from John to Marie. Her rugged clothes and demeanor made him think of her Princess Ball and the need to have her ready. She seemed to sense his concern.
She looked at him questioningly. "Captain, you are worried."
He tried to smile at her, but it was eating at him. "Your ability to defend yourself this well in this short of time is commendable. There is still more to learn, but it is commendable. And you have been true to your word in at least attempting to study philosophy and appreciate the arts. But it is what I haven't taught you that worries me."
"What is that?" she asked.
Jacob paused. He had not wanted to bring up the subject, but he knew he had to. "Your Princess Ball is just over a month away, and I still haven't taught you the most important requirement for that night."
"Which is?"
"To dance," he answered.
Something told him it wasn't her reaction that he was most afraid of, but something in his own heart. He wasn't sure what it was or why his spirit trembled at the thought of dancing with her. It was a strange feeling - almost an excited, yet frightening feeling. He figured he knew what her reaction would be, and though somewhat correct, she wasn't as adamant against it as he had expected.
She just rolled her eyes. "Here we go again. I'm supposed to learn to dance."
Jacob nodded. "Yes."
"Dancing is so ridiculous. What is the purpose of it?"
Jacob found himself flustered and without words. He had never thought of it before. He had known he enjoyed it, but what was the purpose? His brain reeled, and his voice sounded slightly hoarse as he spoke, still groping for words. "The purpose? It is such a magnificent feeling to be swirling around the room together."
Marie sounded unconvinced. "Why?"
Jacob struggled bravely to put his thoughts together. "Why? Why, because you are moving in unison, very much united, like one, not two. God said that a man and a woman should be as one. It has only been while dancing that I have understood that in some small way. If you've never felt that exquisite feeling, it is almost impossible to describe."
He had no sooner said it than he thought it sounded really stupid. But to his surprise, Marie held her arms out to him and said, "You've convinced me. Show me."
He was so surprised by this that he didn't even move until she impatiently raised her eyebrows. He finally nodded. "All right."
He tried to show her the actions as he explained them. "First, the man comes up to the woman and he bows. She, in turn, curtsies graciously."
He approached her and bowed. She frowned. "Curtsying is the most ridiculous tradition."
Jacob sighed heavily. "Humor me. Besides, curtsying is a woman's way of saying yes without speaking." She nodded, so he started over. "He bows," he said, bowing to her, "and she curtsies."
She curtsied, and he thought it did look ridiculous to have someone dressed as a boy doing a curtsy, but he didn't say so, choosing instead to continue. He smiled and held out his hand. "The man then puts out his hand to her, and she accepts by placing hers in his."
She looked at him sideways as he continued to hold out his hand, and cautiously she placed her hand in his. He smiled and continued. "The man then leads the woman gracefully out to the dance floor."
They walked together out onto the middle of the open space. He thought that Marie was anything but graceful. Perhaps it partially had to do with her clothes. The flow of a dress, in many ways, seems to add to the elegance of a woman. The grace of a woman and the grace of a man are very different things. He tried to concentrate. When they reached the middle of the floor he pulled her to face him. "Now, the first..."
She interrupted him defiantly. "You don't need to tell me. I have been taught how to dance. I have just never wanted to, so I have done what I needed to do to avoid it."
Jacob nodded graciously. "All right. Let's try."
He hummed a song for them, and they started to dance - stiffly at first. It was obvious that Marie had had training, but she seemed to be lacking in confidence and practice. Soon, however, they were glidi
ng uncomfortably around the floor. At least, Jacob was uncomfortable; Marie seemed to be enjoying it. He tried to tell himself the discomfort he felt was due to the way she was dressed, and, indeed, that was a lot of it, but that nagging feeling that kept its constant grip on his heart was stronger than ever. It made him so ill at ease that he stopped.
Marie looked right into his eyes. "What is it? Why did you stop?"
Jacob was at a loss to totally explain, so, before he had even thought, he said the part he did understand. "I'm sorry, Your Highness. I have never danced with a woman that was not wearing a dress."
He had no sooner said it than the look on her face made him wish he had not been so brash. He could see her swallow hard and try to act as if nothing was wrong, though her eyes told a different story. She faked a smile. "That bothers you?"
Jacob again found himself without words, and, again, he found himself speaking without thinking. "I feel like I am dancing with one of my men."
Even though he didn't mean for it to come out quite the way it had, her angry reaction surprised him.
"How dare you infer I am a man!"
"I'm sorry, Your Highness."
Jacob found himself trying to calm her and couldn't figure out how to do so. In an instant, her whole demeanor changed from one of anger to one Jacob had never seen in her before. He could see tears in her eyes and hear them in her voice.
"You really feel like you are dancing with a man?" she asked.
Jacob had never seen Marie cry before, and he was unsure how to handle this. He also knew he was not about to try to answer that question directly and hoped to change things back. He bowed. "I'm sorry, Your Highness. I will continue."
He put his arms out to her, but she pulled away, and her voice trembled with emotion. "I don't feel like it any more."
Jacob could feel his anxiety rising. He could not understand how she had become so offended. She often went around bragging she was as good as any man and saying she wished she had been born one. He tried to change the subject.
"I'm sorry, Your Highness. We can work on your sword fighting skills if you prefer."
Marie backed farther away from him, blinking back the tears that were fully in the rim of her eyes now. "I'm not feeling well. I'd like to take the rest of the day off."
Jacob nodded. "As you wish."
He bowed and left her. He, too, wasn't feeling well. His emotions were in a quandary. He had truthfully felt like he was dancing with a man, but there was more to it. He didn't want to analyze his feeling too much for fear of what they might mean. But the tears in her eyes and the sound of her voice ate at him.
They probably would have eaten at him more had he seen her after he left. She stepped into dance position and started whirling alone around the room. If he had seen her come to a stop and then look regretfully down at her clothes, he might have guessed there was more to her feelings than he understood. But he would have known that was the case if he had seen her reach up and touch the cap on her head, then cover her mouth and run from the room sobbing. He may have known more if had seen it, but he didn't. But Lord High Chamberlain did, and he knew a change was coming over the princess.
Chapter 24
It All Starts To Become Clear
Jacob dropped down on a bench in the courtyard to think. His heart was locked in a battle with itself. He had hurt Marie's feelings even though he hadn't meant to. It was the first time he had ever seen her that way, and it cut at him. He had been strong with her many times, even to the point of reprimand, and never felt guilty about it. Why did he feel so now, especially when what he said was true?
As he sat there pondering the events of the day, John and Edward stopped by.
Edward spoke humorously to him, not sensing the intensity of his emotions. "What's wrong, Jacob? Having trouble with your little protégée?"
Jacob forced a smile. "Yes." He paused a moment and then could not hold the smile any longer. "I think I hurt her feelings."
Edward pretended surprise. "The little tyrant has feelings?"
Jacob suddenly felt an uncharacteristic anger swell in him. "Edward, I want you to stop with the derogatory remarks about her."
John's and Edward's eyes widened as they looked at each other. John spoke for them. "Are you feeling sorry for her?"
"Yes and no," Jacob answered. "I don't think I have ever thought about her having feelings before."
Jacob had no sooner said it than he felt ashamed of himself. What he had just said was the truth, but he was perplexed that he had felt that way. He, of course, knew she had feelings, but he had never thought of her as having deep emotions - the kind a person often sees in a woman. He had gotten so used to telling himself she was so much like a man that he had convinced himself of it.
"What happened?" John asked
Jacob described how he had talked to her about learning to dance for the Princess Ball.
Edward spoke sarcastically. "I bet she was excited about that."
Jacob told them how surprised he was that she agreed. John and Edward were surprised, too. Jacob described how they started to dance. He didn't go into detail about how he had felt, but just said he finally quit. He told them that when she asked why, he told her he felt like he was dancing with another man. Neither John nor Edward seemed surprised at that. Everyone knew how she said she'd like to be a man. However, they were surprised when he told them how hurt she seemed.
John suggested that maybe a little humility would be good for her. Jacob shook his head. "Since it happened I've done a lot of thinking about her life. Her father died when she was young, and her mother loves her and has tried to give her everything - everything, that is, except what she needed most - her time."
They all sat there quietly as if the reality of it was new to each of them. Jacob finally continued. "I sense something in her that I don't understand. It's as if there are emotions hidden deep inside that she is afraid to embrace. She is afraid to have her heart tromped on. There is a goodness in her that I glimpse now and then."
Edward tried to ease the seriousness of the moment by joking. "When she's not kicking you in the shins?"
Jacob saw John smile and knew the morning's events were obviously fresh on his mind. Jacob tried to join in the merriment, but he didn't feel like smiling. He patted Edward on the shoulder. "Actually, that hasn't happened in a long time."
As they continued to visit, Jacob didn't feel any better. Through the evening, and for much of the night, he was haunted by having hurt her. That was the last thing he wanted to do.
He also felt badly that for so long he had thought of her as an assignment. He no longer thought of her that way. She was his friend, and he wouldn't hurt her for anything.
By the next morning he had decided he had to apologize somehow. He didn't know how to approach it, but he thought that if they spent most of the day in the solitude of the gardens he could find a way.
He sat on the table trying to read as he waited for her. He hadn't seen her since they had separated, and he was sure she was avoiding him. He didn't want her to avoid him. As he sat there looking at the book in his hands, he wasn't even trying to read. He was trying to think of how he could tell her he was sorry without making things worse. He had never felt such a need to do so before.
He was so deep in thought that he didn't hear her enter, nor did she bounce into the room as usual, but came in quietly so that she was almost right behind him when she cleared her throat. He stood and turned to face her.
He could scarcely take in what he saw. There she stood before him in an elegant gown that skimmed around the edges of her delicate shoulders. The dress was a beautiful white with red ribbons and red roses cascading around its full skirt. Lace trim added to its delicacy. Her ebony hair hung loose past her shoulders to the middle of her back. Jacob couldn't believe her hair was so long, and he had no idea it was so beautiful. It was curled around her face with little tufts of ringlets that hung down over her forehead, highlighting her fawn-like eyes.
She smiled an impish smile. "I see I must teach you how to treat books."
He swallowed hard trying to get air to his paralyzed lungs. He reached down and picked up the book in an effort to regain his composure. He tried to speak. Nothing but useless babbling came out. "I, uh..."
Marie seemed to relish his confusion. Her smile was beautiful and disarming. "Do I look like a woman now, Captain?"
Once again he thought of his actions from the previous day, and shame flooded over him, washing away his confusion and putting humility in its place. He bowed. "I beg your forgiveness, Your Highness. You are most beautiful."
He continued to stare at her in disbelief, unsure what to do next. She raised her eyebrows. "Well?"
He looked at her, questioningly. "Well, what?"
She held out her arms. "Aren't you going to ask me to dance?"
Jacob nodded, stepped up to her, bowed, and offered her his hand. "May I have this dance, Your Highness?"
She curtsied graciously. "I would be honored."
He escorted her to the middle of the floor, and they began to dance. She hummed the song for them to dance to this time. As they moved about the floor, her smile triggered the feelings again that had nagged at him for months setting off an explosion in his heart and his head. He could no longer ignore it nor be confused by it, but instead it was loud and clear. He knew he had been falling in love with her all along.
He could feel his heart trying to smother the life out of him. He could not fall in love with her. He was a soldier, and she was the princess. He pleaded with his heart to put these feelings aside, but his heart only responded by making them more intense. The more he looked into her eyes and sensed the goodness of her heart, the more he was drawn to her. They danced until his breath was coming in short gasps and the room began to swirl around him, and he was afraid he would pass out.