She’d expected to feel the same distaste she’d felt the other times she’d been kissed. Instead, she found herself longing for him to kiss her again.
Embarrassment flooded through her. What did it mean? What kind of woman was she? Was this how the scarlet ladies in the brothels felt when a man touched them?
Never before had she ever had such a reaction to a kiss … to any man. And if she was being completely honest with herself, she was both frightened and intrigued.
She met his gaze, noticing how his eyes seemed to be darker than before. And he was looking at her strangely, as if he’d noticed the same strange sensations. She wanted to ask him, but that would be highly improper. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him, and she wondered if he could see into her mind, if he knew the confusing questions spinning in her brain.
The preacher’s wife bustled forward and hugged her. “Congratulations, dear,” she gushed. “I hope you’ll both be very happy.”
Rose pasted a smile on her face. “Thank you,” she said, her voice barely audible.
The preacher shook Charlie’s hand, a grin splitting his lips. “I never thought I’d live to see the day you got married,” he said, slapping Charlie on the back and giving him a wink. “Couldn’t wait, huh?”
Charlie met his gaze. “That’s right.” He tucked Rose’s hand into his bent elbow and covered it with his.
“So the … other … is off then,” the preacher said.
Charlie nodded.
The two men shared a knowing look that had Rose wondering if there was something going on she wasn’t aware of.
“Thanks again … for everything,” Charlie said to the preacher, then turned and led her down the short aisle to the door.
“I hope it all works out,” she heard the preacher call out behind her as Charlie opened the door and they stepped outside.
* * *
“Will we go to your ranch tonight?” Rose asked as Charlie helped her into the buggy outside the church.
“Not unless you really want to,” he replied. “I’d like us to have at least one night alone, to get to know each other a little better, before we have to deal with the rest of the family. I thought we’d stay at the hotel tonight.”
Rose’s heartbeat skittered behind her ribs. He’d mentioned in the advertisement that he didn’t want a marriage of convenience, but did he really plan to exercise his marital rights the first night?
She sucked in a calming breath. Perhaps he was being honest, that he only wanted them to learn more about each other, and he would give her time to get used to the idea of what was expected of her as his wife. He seemed to be a considerate man, so perhaps he’d understand if she was hesitant to … She didn’t even know the right word for what she’d heard would happen on a woman’s wedding night.
But she didn’t really know what he was planning to do to her, and she was too afraid to ask.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, a frown creasing his brows as he slid an arm around her shoulder.
She tried to smile. “Nothing.”
His brows lifted. “Really? Then why are you trembling?”
“I …” How could she tell him how terrified she was of what he might do to her?
“Are you cold?” he asked.
“No. Not at all …”
His eyes twinkled as he looked down at her. “You’re not regretting marrying me already, are you? I figured it would take at least a few hours.”
“No.”
“Hungry?”
Her stomach was tied in so many knots she doubted she could eat anything, but at least it would give her more time before they went to the room in the hotel.
“Yes,” she said, hoping her response was enough to stop his questions. “I haven’t eaten anything since early this morning.”
His smile faded. “We should have had a meal before we went to see the preacher, but you said you weren’t hungry …”
“It’s fine,” she insisted. “But I am hungry now.” She didn’t know how she’d manage to swallow a meal, but she’d do her best.
A few minutes later, he stopped the buggy in front of the hotel and set the brake. He climbed out, then reached up to help her down. As he lifted her down, her body slid against the hard wall of his chest. Her breath caught in her throat. Time seemed to stand still, their bodies touching, his face so close to hers.
She wondered for a moment if he was going to kiss her again, realizing that she wanted him to. She wanted to see if she would feel the same way she had in the church when his lips had brushed against hers.
But he didn’t. Instead, he gazed at her for a moment before he released her. His voice cracked when he cupped her elbow and led her up the two stairs to the frosted glass doors. “We’d better hurry or we won’t get a table. This is the best place in all of Cedar Valley to eat.”
A man Rose assumed was the proprietor of the hotel scurried across the lobby to meet them. Dressed in a black frock coat, white shirt and black cravat, his wiry frame reminded her of a penguin she’d seen in a book once. His face beamed, and he dabbed at his balding head with a lace-trimmed handkerchief. “Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Halstead. And congratulations.” Directing his gaze to Charlie, he added, “I apologize I wasn’t here to greet you when you arrived earlier.”
Mrs. Halstead. The title sounded strange to her ears, yet she found the thought pleasant.
“I keep telling you to call me Charlie, Mr. Mason,” Charlie told him. “And this is my wife, Rose.”
Wife. She was Charlie’s wife now. Emotions warred with each other inside her. Excitement. Fear. Anticipation. The sensation made her a little light-headed.
Mr. Mason bowed slightly. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma’am.”
“And yours,” Rose replied.
“Do you have an empty table in the dining room?” Charlie asked. “I’m starving.”
“Of course. I saved the best table for you both, hoping you’d decide to have supper here. Come right this way.”
Picking up two menus and hugging them to his chest, the man led them through the lobby to a large room. Weaving through tables covered with white tablecloths and decorated with a candle in a crystal holder in the center of each, he paused at a table in the corner flanked by two long windows looking out onto the street. “I thought you might like a little privacy with your new bride,” he whispered to Charlie, although his voice was loud enough that Rose heard every word.
He walked away, promising to return to take their orders in a few minutes.
Charlie held a blue upholstered chair for Rose to sit, then took the seat opposite her. “They serve the best steak in the state here.”
Rose opened the menu and began to read, doing her best to delay making conversation. She’d never been at a loss for words before, and normally, she enjoyed meeting new people and learning about them. But her mind was filled with thoughts of the night looming in front of her, a night spent in a hotel room – in a bed – with Charlie, making it impossible to even think about anything else.
* * *
Something had spooked Rose. Charlie slid a glance at her over the top of the menu he didn’t need to read. Her brow was creased in a frown, and her eyes held a look of … What was it? Fear? Was she scared of him?
If he wasn’t so surprised, he would have laughed. He’d been a lot of things to more than his fair share of women over the years, but as far as he could remember, he’d never given any one of them a reason to be afraid of him.
She hadn’t seemed worried before the wedding, and had even seemed to be anxious to get married. So whatever he’d done to scare her, he’d done it between the church and the hotel. As he pretended to study the menu, he went over everything that had happened since the “I do’s.” Damned if he couldn’t think of one thing he could have said or done to make her so fidgety.
“Rose?”
Startled, she practically jumped out of the chair. Her eyes flew open, meeting his, the greenish-gold in her irises bright. “Yes?”
He’d been planning to ask her why she was as skittish as a newborn colt, but seeing the nervous expression on her face, he decided it would be better to wait until they were alone. Then he’d prod until she admitted the problem. He wasn’t about to start a marriage with secrets between them.
Just then, a waiter hurried over to their table.
Forcing a smile to his lips, Charlie asked, “Have you decided what you’d like to eat?”
“Oh … uh … a sandwich perhaps? Roast beef?”
Charlie closed the menu and set it aside. “The lady will have a roast beef sandwich. I’ll have the steak.”
“Excellent choices,” the waiter said, then hurried away.
Charlie saw Rose’s eyes following the waiter until he disappeared. Then she lowered her gaze to the napkin folded beside her plate.
He had no idea how to deal with a woman who seemed to be wishing she was anywhere else but with him. Maybe if he could get her talking about something, anything … Maybe it was as good a time as any to clear up any misunderstandings.
“Rose?”
She looked up at him and for less than a second, he thought he saw panic in her eyes before it disappeared just as quickly. “Yes?”
“I think in order to have a good marriage, honesty is important. So, I think now is a good time to get everything out into the open.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m going to be completely honest with you. I don’t want to be married. Never have wanted to be married, and never will be happy being married.” At the shock that appeared on her face, he regretted his bluntness. “I don’t want to hurt you, and I suppose I should have said something before, but to be honest, I was thinking so much about getting the wedding done that I plain forgot.”
“I see.”
“I think it’s best to make my position clear enough that you won’t expect anything from me other than security.”
“Then why … why did you place the advertisement?”
He was about to hurt her even more, and regret filled him. There was no way to tell her the truth without causing her hurt. “My father gave me an ultimatum – either be married before my birthday or he would write me out of his will. My parents practically arranged a marriage for me and Eugenie Apsley, the bank owner’s daughter. I refused to marry her, so I had to find another wife before the deadline.”
“I understand.”
She was silent for what seemed like hours, but was likely less than a minute. “May I ask why you didn’t marry another local woman?”
“The Bar-H is the largest and most successful cattle ranch in the area. I figured that since I had to tie myself down to the same woman for the rest of my life, I wanted one who was more interested in me than in the advantages that came with the title of Mrs. Charlie Halstead. I’m sorry, Rose,” he went on. “I’m sure you were looking forward to us falling in love and living happily ever after, but that isn’t going to happen.” He hated to see the hurt in her eyes, but he wouldn’t allow himself to love any woman.
Again, silence loomed over them. Finally, Rose unfolded her napkin and spread it across her lap. “I admit, I may have fantasized once or twice about meeting a man who would sweep me off my feet, but those were childish dreams.”
“So, now that you know my reasons for advertising for a bride, why don’t you tell me why you responded?”
A strange expression flitted across her face and she avoided his gaze. Finally, she answered. “I chose to become a mail-order bride because I had no other choice. It was either that or sell myself.”
Sell herself? Was she really talking about becoming a soiled dove? “You mean …”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. I had no other means of supporting myself. Several of the ladies I worked with in the factory left Massachusetts to marry, and at first, I was hesitant. After the fire at the factory, I was sure I’d be able to find another position. But work is hard to find for a woman. My savings were running out, so I had to make a decision. Marriage – even to a stranger - was the only choice I had.”
“Why didn’t you go home?”
A bittersweet smile lifted her lips. “Don’t you know you can never go home again?”
He didn’t know that, and until his father had threatened to let Edward have the ranch after his death, he couldn’t imagine a time when he wouldn’t be able to travel the world and still be welcome at the Bar-H when he came home.
He gazed at Rose, taking in her creamy skin, her full lips, her luxurious hair. He couldn’t imagine her working in a brothel, letting men kiss her, run their hands over her, and abuse her the way he knew some men did.
It looked as if marriage was the lesser of two evils for both of them. And as long as Rose didn’t expect more from him than he was capable or willing to give, everything would work out.
* * *
Rose swallowed the last bite of her sandwich, then dabbed her mouth with the linen napkin.
She’d been surprised that Charlie had been so open about his reasons for marrying, but she appreciated his honesty, although she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed.
She’d hoped for a marriage like Gillian and Willow had – a marriage that had developed into a strong a lasting love. But it seemed that was not to be for her and Charlie.
Thankfully, their meals had arrived almost immediately, and they had eaten in silence until coffee was served.
“So, Rose,” Charlie said, setting his cup in the saucer beside his elbow, “you said in your letter that you grew up on a farm and that you loved horses. I expect you’re a good rider then.”
She nodded. “I’ve been riding since I was a little girl. My mother was quite sickly most of the time. I did have a governess, and she was happy to leave me to my own devices if I got my lessons done quickly. So I hurried through them, then escaped to the stables. At first, the stable hands shooed me away, but I kept coming back. They told me I had to clean the stalls if I wanted to ride. I think they said that, hoping I’d go away. But I didn’t.”
A smile crept across his face. “I’ve never known anyone not to complain about shoveling manure.”
“It’s all part of caring for your horse, isn’t it?”
“That’s true.”
“Eventually, they assumed I wasn’t giving up, so they taught me how to groom the horses, how and when to feed them, and how to care for their hooves. I even helped to deliver a foal once.” She let out a tiny laugh. “Of course, I didn’t tell anyone. My parents and my governess would have been mortified.”
Charlie gazed at her, noticing how her eyes sparkled when she talked about the horses, how her face seemed brighter, more alive.
“I always made certain I was back in my room before Papa came home, though,” she continued.
“Your mother didn’t mind?”
She chuckled, and Charlie saw her relax, even if it was only a little. “She didn’t know. Neither my governess nor I was foolish enough to tell her what was going on. She would have been incensed that I was consorting with stable hands. But it was perfect. My governess had time for herself and I spent time with the horses, where I was happy. I’ve missed it.”
“So that’s why you chose me?”
She nodded and smiled. “Once I made up my mind to become a mail order bride, it didn’t take long before I decided to write to you. I enjoy working with animals, so it only made sense to marry a man with a ranch.”
“I suppose so.” He drained his coffee and set the cup back on the saucer. “Looks like the dining room is about to close. We’re the last ones here.”
Rose glanced around, noticing the room had emptied. “Oh …”
“Well, we can’t spend the night here,” he said with a laugh. “Are you ready to go upstairs?”
Chapter 3
A few minutes later, Charlie unlocked the door and, with his hand on the small of Rose’s back, ushered her inside their hotel room and closed the door behind them.
A bureau sat again
st one wall, an overstuffed armchair in one corner and a small writing desk and hardback chair beneath the window looking out to the street below. But she couldn’t take her eyes off the bed in the center of the room.
As they’d left the dining room, panic had consumed her. All the way up the stairs, her legs had quivered so badly she was sure they’d buckle under her and she’d topple all the way to the bottom.
Even now, her whole body quaked, and she forced herself to take deep breaths to deal with the dizziness swirling in her brain.
Charlie perched on the edge of the bed. “Come here,” he said, patting the quilt beside him. “Come and sit by me.”
On trembling knees, she crossed to the bed and sat down, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Reaching over, he dislodged one hand and took it in his, staring down at it as his thumb grazed her skin.
“Now,” he said, “tell me what’s been bothering you since we left the church. It looked like you were relaxing a little while we talked about the ranch, but as soon as we got up to come upstairs, you looked like you were heading to your execution.”
“Nothing,” she replied, her voice squeaking past the dryness in her throat.
He peered into her eyes, his brows raised. “We both know that’s a fib. And if you don’t tell me what I did to upset you, I can’t fix it.”
“Oh … no … you didn’t do anything …”
“Well, if that’s so, then what’s the matter?”
How could she tell him how terrified she was?
“We’re married now, and we’re going to be married for a long time, God willing. Like I said before, I expect honesty. There’s no point in starting out being dishonest or not being able to talk to each other.”
He was right. She knew that. To have the kind of marriage she wanted, they had to be open with each other, share their hopes, and dreams … and fears. She couldn’t be completely honest, though, at least not yet, not about her past, because if she was, he’d look at her with the same contempt and disgust her friends had back east.
Rose: Bride of Colorado (American Mail-Order Bride 38) Page 3